Make Peace With It Or Make A Change 196

0:01 Today, on Share the Struggle Podcast, we get down to business and back to basics, with a loud, proud American update and a personal conversation on our upper limits as we challenge ourselves to make peace with our problems or make change. Let me tell you something Everybody struggles. The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it. The choice is completely yours. Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life. If you find strength in the struggle and this podcast is for you Do you have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations?

0:51 Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you. When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense. Most disagreements, they stem from our own insecurities. You are right where you need to be. Don't take on what is mine. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. What it do, what it do, hot diggity.

1:33 Damn. Am I so excited to be back with you? Oh, it's true, it's damn true. I miss you, boo. Episode 196. And I'll be back with your weekly fix of this podcast, sponsored by Loud, proud American, but precisely named, beautifully named, perfectly named Share the struggle. Because everybody struggles, brother, everybody struggles, boys and girls. The difference is some of us go through it and some of us grow through it, and for those of us that are brave enough to share what we grow through, we can all grow.

2:14 You hear me, you feel me, I'm a little fired up. I just broke into a Kit Kat before this started, although they are not a sponsor of the show. We just got some Easter candy laying around here. Yeah, yeah, we're grown-ass adults, but there is Easter candy around and I'm one of those people in life that doesn't throw things away Like I will eat my entire plate unless I'm going to throw up and shit my pants. I'm going to eat what's in front of me. I'm not going to get rid of it. Okay, if there's food in the house, I'm going to get through it. That's just how it is. Whether I'm trying to lose weight and I'm on a diet, if something's in the house, I will.

2:56 I will be true to my diet once I consume everything in the house. Man, there's starving kids in Socko. You hear me, I can't let this happen, not on my watch. So I'm pounding my way through some Easter candy Fresh off the gym. I'm still pounding my way through Easter candy. It is what it is y'all. Episode 196 back again with your weekly fix. All my day ones. Get your fingers up, get your ones up. Thank you to each and every one of you that has been listening on since day one. I appreciate and thank every single one of you. If this is new to you, then welcome to the podcast Share the Struggle.

3:37 You can find all things podcast related over to wwwsharethesrugglepodcastcom. Feel free to hit subscribe. Grow the tribe on all major podcast providers, even Amazon. You can ask Alexa to play Share the Struggle Podcast and that old girl will get it done for you. You hear me. So thank you to each and every one of you. I appreciate you and I'm excited to share with you a few things today. I appreciate you and I'm excited to share with you a few things today. And first up on our docket today is a little Loud Proud American business update. As things are moving and shaking and fastly approaching us, I must declare that Loud Proud American is on our way to our first event of the 2024 Roadshow, commonly known as the Loud Proud American event schedule.

4:28 That's right, boys and girls, chipmunks and squirrels Loud Proud American hitting the road for the first event of the year. The wifey and I are headed out to Mohegan Sun in Connecticut. Mohegan Sun in Connecticut so we're heading out to Mohegan Sun for the New England Tattoo Expo. I think this is year four or five for the expo and the wife and I are heading out to be a vendor at this event for the first time. Now this is a little bit of a full circle moment for us in the business because when I first started Loud Proud American and I was looking at events to target when I was looking at things to do, the first one on our list was to do this tattoo expo at Mohegan.

5:23 It was the first year they were bringing it to Mohegan and I really wanted to be a part of it and I thought it was a great starting point for us and it was one of those reality moments. It was one of those times where you had to bite the bullet and accept reality that you just weren't ready to make something happen to this big of a scale, because I was doing everything I could to get things ready to rock and roll and it just wasn't going the right way. I was screwing things up, learning the process, I was messing things up, I was having a hard time getting my hands on things. It was all sorts of things. You know. One of those scenarios and my quest for perfection was, uh, certainly holding me back and that could quite possibly be a topic of conversation for some episodes moving forward.

6:15 But this was one of those times where the wife had to swoop in as a voice of reason and say, listen, reality is you're not going to be ready to do this event as a business, but nothing says we can't go down there and just see what it's like and get an understanding of this type of event. So we went with some great friends of ours Ed and Mel. Ed owns Main Street Barbershop here in Kennebunk and we headed down there and had a great time. And I'm thankful that we did, because I put this huge level of importance on getting to this show and it was a little demotivating to go there and not be set up as a business.

6:56 But we were able to kind of check things out and realize, yeah, we weren't ready and B this might not be as big of an event as we would want to be a part of. So there's a lot of things going on. It was a great opportunity. It was a lot of fun. We met some ink masters. Chris Nunez signed one of my hats and wished me luck on the business, and it was a really good time, but it just didn't line up. So you fast forward all these years later and our first event of 2024 is going back to this event that we wanted to make our first event. So I didn't even realize this full circle moment was happening until I was pushing record on this episode because I'm gearing up, getting ready to go.

7:41 But I forgot that whole part of this, the whole part of the puzzle that this was what I identified as my first event and it might have taken me a few years, but we're going to give it a run, so I'm excited to give it a shot. This event has 450 different tattoo studios that are set up doing on-site tattoos, doing on-site tattoos, and then the overall attendance of the event kind of varies quite a bit, because when you're talking about Mohegan Sun, this thing has I don't know if you guys ever been to the Mohegan Sun, it's my favorite casino but 40,000 people a day roll through Mohegan Sun.

8:21 I don't know if you realize that 40,000 people a day. Obviously all those people that are rolling through Mohegan aren't all going to this tattoo convention, but it should still be a good turnout for us and a good opportunity for us. This is the furthest south we've gone for the business Up until this point. I think the furthest south we went was New Hampshire, so we're stretching zip codes a little bit here. So we're stretching zip codes a little bit here, so we're excited about that. That's another challenge for the business because, as y'all know, I sold the ambulance, the Loud Proud American Express. I did purchase a school bus but that is not currently ready. I'm still working on the funds for that project, so the bus isn't actually ready to rock and roll and Old Red, my pickup truck's not really going to handle this journey.

9:07 So I'm actually using my dad's old truck, single cab Chevy pick-me-up truck with a cap on the back that we're going to kind of freight up and get ready to rock and roll. This is also another challenge for us because this will only be my second event that I've ever done indoors and traditionally I would still bring one of my canopies, one of my tents, I would set it up and strap all of my grid wall to it. And so the first event I'm going without a tent because I don't think this arrangement is going to work for one. So we're building everything from ground zero here. The wife and my mother and I actually took a bunch of grid wall out, set it up in the driveway and we're kind of navigating a small space how we can make something work.

9:52 So we have a 10 foot space, no tent, making a back wall to grid wall. So we kind of worked on that scenario. We decided we wanted to have a backdrop of shirts. So in our redneck ways, the wife found some parts from a dog kennel yes, one of the big dog kennels, like an outdoor chain link kennel scenario. I took some bars from that, some leftover beams from my house, the ceiling of my house from years ago and, uh, you know, just some tools of the trade and I got after it and made this backdrop for t-shirts, which I'll be posting some photos.

10:35 I'm sure I'm a little nervous, making sure this doesn't tip over on somebody while they're getting a tattoo. That'll add a level of a butt pucker to the situation. Getting a tattoo that'll add a level of butt pucker to the situation. Butt pucker that's a technical term, a redneck term, that's nerves, that's anxiety, that's worry, right there. What's the level of butt pucker. Butt pucker is when you're clenching your butt cheeks together. You're puckering your butthole from pooping yourself. Okay is about as PC as I can make this explanation, because you're worried about something going wrong. Right, can you imagine having this stand that you made out of steel and wood tip over on somebody getting a tattoo, possibly from a celebrity tattoo artist?

11:20 That's a level of butt pucker, right there y'all. Okay, so I'll have my cheeks clenched. America, man, I've lost it. I've lost the whole show. But I guarantee you, at some point today you're going to have this moment that comes in your day where you're going to be like, oh, and you're just going to be holding on and you're just going to be just counting. You're just going to be counting the level of pucker thinking oh man, this is a bad scenario. My butthole is puckering, whether it's in traffic and somebody cuts you off, or you run a red light, or you drink some expired milk, I don't know. Man, there's going to be a time today and you're going to laugh and you're going to say that was a six and a half on the butt pucker scale.

12:06 Right there, you hear me. Well, do with that whatever you see fit, but the point I'm trying to make here. Okay is that I've been working on this display. It was kind of fun. I actually used a bunch of my dad's old tools and was banging around in his workshop making a mess and a bunch of rackets, so I kind of felt like we reconnected on this project. So I'm excited to bring this with me. I'm going to be taking my dad's truck and, uh, freighting it down and figuring it out. Uh, today and tomorrow actually which I shouldn't say today and tomorrow, because I'm recording on a tuesday this is dropping on wednesday, so when you hear this, I'll be packing the truck, getting ready, because on Thursday, after I bring my mother to work and pick her up and I think it's out of work we're going to be heading to Connecticut and then we have a short window on Friday morning to get set up.

12:58 Event starts Friday late afternoon, evening runs late into the night and then the event goes Saturday and Sunday. So we're excited about this man. It's a whole new demographic for us, it's a whole new opportunity for us, it's the first event of the year for us and there's so many firsts right, it's just so many firsts. First time in a state, first time indoors without a tent, first, first, first, first time indoors without a tent First, first first. And we're just hoping that this is the first of many great things to come If this event goes well for us. We do it twice a year and we can go back. This is a demographic that I really want to have success with.

13:43 If you guys have been listening to the podcast for a while, a couple years ago we did our first tattoo event and I really wanted it to work for us and it was an absolute flop. By the time you factored in the cost on everything and, um, you know just our hours and all that it was. It wasn't a good. It was a great experience, but it wasn't a good business choice. So, um, we're throwing caution to the wind here and trying this because I'm really steadfast and determined that this could work, and a lot of times when you go to an event, you're really held captive by that area, and what I mean by that is to kind of draw a comparison on these two tattoo conventions. The first one we went to was in New Hampshire and Manchester, and you're basically tied to the residents in that city or surrounding cities that are willing to drive.

14:27 When you go into a Mohegan. You're not just confined to the people that live in Connecticut, it's all over the place, 40,000 people a day. So I think that's going to be a much wider demographic for us. So I'm pretty excited. There's a lot of ebbs and flows and challenges that comes and goes with this event, because you're trying to get an idea of like, how much inventory do I bring, what's the right mix of things to bring and how much can I afford to bring Because I'm very limited on space. So a lot of challenges there. But I'm super excited about this event being our first event. I look forward to coming back next week and giving you guys a recap on just how sweet it is.

15:08 I'm hoping it was sweet and you know, little cliffhanger, little spoiler, little teaser, just a little teaser. I'm gonna tease you and tell you I've got some more tattoo industry announcements coming to the podcast that maybe I'll share next week. Maybe next week will be a big week and I'll share that announcement with you, because there's another tattoo event to come for Loud Proud American in 2024 and I'm looking to share some more Gotcha. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, welcome back y'all.

16:20 Thank you, jeff Foran and the Gut Truckers, for that musical interlude, that little gut check, that opportunity for us to recalibrate, to refocus and recommit in a new direction. And today's direction is all about making peace or making a change. I mentioned to you guys last week I'm on a new book at the gym and that book that I'm listening to is the Mountain Is you by Brianna West, and I'm still early in the book. But there was a few lines today that really hit me and one of those has really motivated this entire episode of the podcast, and that is make peace or make change, and it really comes down to how we see and handle our problems.

17:05 But it's the theme for today's episode. I'm going to share some of the things that I have been learning through this book and kind of relate them to myself and hopefully to each and every one of you, that we can all learn a little something from this book, from this message, from this episode that can hopefully truly make a difference on our day and our lives. So that's where we're headed today and our lives. So that's where we're headed today. As we talk about make peace or make change and we start to think about our problems, we often think about our complaints. Right, we complain about so many things in this life. We're all so quick to issue blame and to throw down complaint, whether it's filling our social media timelines, whether it's texting somebody in an event session, or the nightly sit on the couch and just the unwind process, the certificate and other, where you just kind of could fall into the pitfalls of a bitching, moaning situation Szechuan, where you just kind of complain about your day as opposed to recapping your day and highlighting your day.

18:16 You more or less spend time thinking about the complaints of your day. We are so quick to throw blame and to complain, but we don't lean into the root of the complaint. Because oftentimes if we really truly dig into and dive into the complaint, if we take that complaint and we just dig into the root of that complaint, then there's probably some ownership for ourselves. Now, I'm not saying this is every situation. Right, there's a lot of excuse, my French. How do I say fucked up stuff in this world today? Right, there's a lot of excuse, my French. How do I say fucked up stuff in this world today? Right, let's all take our left hand and place it on the Cabela's catalog and put our eyes to the sky and give the truth from you, me, this guy right here, and say we ain't taking blame for a bunch of the craziness happening in this world.

19:09 Nor am I at any way shape or form assuming that any of us should. What I'm saying is there's a lot of things that happen day to day that we complain about, that we probably truly, if we dig down into it and we lean into the complaint, we can identify that there's probably a root that might be connected to us right. Far too often there's something in our complaints that we can take ownership for, that we can say you know what? This might be a little bit me, because maybe you're complaining about somebody at work, because maybe you're jealous that that co-worker at work. When you dig right down to it, they get praised that much more than you, they get recognized that much more than you.

19:53 They get the kudos and the cards and the balloons and you just don't get them. So when you're shitting on somebody over, you know how they look, how they act, the way they speak. When, ultimately, it might be a little bit of jealousy in you, because you're just in the back of your mind, a little bit jealous that they're always getting're just in the back of your mind a little bit jealous, that they're always getting recognized, they're always getting praised in front of the team and you wish just for a minute that maybe you got a little bit of that praise. You see, as we take this onion of complaint and we start to peel back the layers of the onion, and we take that complaint and we realize that maybe we need to lean into it. We got to peel it back a little bit and dig out the root of this complaint and as we start to identify the things we complain about, we take some ownership in those things.

20:42 We start to identify some problems. So problems that we're having with this person, with this issue, with this situation, and those problems as we continue to peel back layers, they're often not actually problems but they're actually symptoms. So if we have a problem with somebody we're complaining let's stay on this topic of a co-worker situation because it's probably the easiest. So let's come up with a name. We're going to come up with a name that everybody could have a little fun with. All right, let's think about with a name. We're going to come up with a name that everybody could have a little fun with. All right, let's think about it. Oh man, let's keep the theme going. This will fit in. Well, let's go with Becky Brown Nose, right, because we've all worked with that brown noser before.

21:26 It's just going to be so far up your boss's ass that it's kind of hard to separate the two. So we're going to go with Becky Brown N knows. So as we start to think about these things here's our complaint we're complaining about Becky Brown knows. Okay, as we start to peel back the complaints on Becky Brown knows, we know she has a lot of faults. But as we start to start to, you know, peel the onion a little bit, we realize that some of the reasons why we complain about Becky Brown knows is that she's always getting praised in front of the group. She's always getting recognized as the hero on the team. So we're identifying that as the problem. Here's my problem. Here she's always getting recognized and let's just say she's not always doing the work. Maybe the rest of us are working our ass off, but all Becky Brown knows is getting all the appreciation right, she's getting all the recognition for it.

22:15 So as we take that problem, we can now say that sometimes that problem is actually a symptom and that that symptom is the real reason for the complaint. So if we start to talk about Becky Brown knows, sucking up, kissing ass, and I'm just going to be having this complaint about her kissing ass, that's what I'm going to complain about as I start to dig into that complaint a little bit. The real reason for the complaint isn't because she's kissing ass, it's because she's always getting recognized, she's always getting accolades, she's always getting the promotions and the recognition. So that's my actual problem. So here's the reason for the complaint.

22:55 It's not how she acts towards the boss, it's the fact that I have a little bit of a problem with her recognition. And then, as I start to realize that problem, there's actually the symptom. So here's the symptom. The symptom in all this is that, yes, I'm upset, she's being recognized. Why am I upset? She's being recognized Because I'm working my ass off and I'm not being appreciated. I'm not being recognized, I'm not getting the pay raises, I'm not getting the card in the balloon in front of the rest of the office. We're starting to really get to the symptom here. This now the whole thing I'm complaining about is her personality and how she kisses ass, but in all actuality that's got nothing to do with the situation.

23:36 The symptom in all this is I'm not being recognized. The symptom in this is that I'm not being appreciated. The symptom here is I want to be appreciated. And we can really start to core in on this and you can start to identify the way you were raised and the way you were brought up. And if your dad was a complete dick bag and he never acknowledged you for shit, your mother ranked out the siblings and you finished third to your other two sisters. You never got appreciated. You were raised in a household that lacked appreciation so you spent your whole life seeking appreciation. You've spent this entire time growing up. In school you wanted the recognition. You were a star athlete because you wanted the trophy.

24:18 You needed the appreciation because you weren't getting it at home. Now you're here and your first job and old Becky Brown knows is getting all the accolades and you're busting your ass and you feel like you're really putting it in but you're not getting appreciated. You understand that complaint, those problems. It comes back to the symptoms. If you were raised in a way where you were starved for appreciation and now you're in a situation where you're not getting appreciated, your complaint is on Becky. Your problem isn't Becky. The more that we can dig into this and we can use this whole method into all of our problems and all of our complaints.

24:58 I should say we can identify the root cause. We can realize that oftentimes our complaints, when we lean into them, we have some ownership and there are problems. And so many times our problems are not problems at all but actually symptoms as to how we were raised, how we are wired. They often go back to trust issues. They go back to self-confidence issues. How many times have we been in a relationship where you had a bad relationship, maybe somebody cheated on you or they betrayed your trust, and then you roll into your next relationship and you take that bit of baggage with you and you portray and project your trust issues onto your new partner and you start blaming them for fights and you start complaining about them to your best friends and saying that I just can't trust him.

25:48 He's out too late, he's always on his phone. I can't trust him. Here's the problem. I can't trust him. He's out too late, he's always on his phone. I can't trust him. Here's the problem. I can't trust him. He's not trustworthy. But that actually isn't the problem. The symptom is you. The problem here, the real, true problem, when we start to peel it back and we get to the symptoms, is you have a trust issue. Someone betrayed your trust. You've been programmed to not trust Just because this dude is working too much and he's on his phone. Maybe the connection is he's a believer and achiever and he wants to achieve and he believes in bigger and better for both of you. But you can't trust him because you have a trust issue with you. That's your symptom, that's not his problem, that's not your complaint and that's not the reason to blame somebody.

26:31 Identify your responsibility. When I said to you make peace or make change. This is where we're headed. You either make peace with the way you're feeling about Becky Brown knows, or you're a new boyfriend, or you make change. You make peace with it, you accept it. Here's the deal. Becky's going to kiss ass all the way till Sunday. She's a true brown noser. I'm going to keep on doing what I'm doing. Things are going to stay the same. I'm going to make peace. I'm going to make peace with the fact that she's going to get recognized and my whole quest for appreciation and recognition. I'm just going to make peace with it.

27:12 Right, or you got your new dreamy McDream sandwich of a boyfriend and you're just going to make peace with the fact that he's always on his phone, he's always working and you're always going to battle this issue that every one of your relationships you've been in. You have this issue. You're just going to make peace with it and you're going to sweep it under the rug the moment you make the decision to make peace with these problems. That's your choice, that's your power, that's your decision. But, like all decisions, it is an incision, it is final. It means to cut off. You make the decision to make peace, then drop it. I don't want to hear the complaint about Becky Brown knows again.

27:53 I don't want to hear you blaming, freaking Danny McDream McMuffin over here, your new dreamy McBoyfriend. I don't want to hear you blaming him for cheating because you've made peace on your trust issues. You understand you make peace or you make change. If you want to make peace, you're accepting that reality and you're moving forward. Status quo, the way things are, but you're going to drop the blame, you're going to drop the complaint, you're going to put that shit behind you. Make your peace or make your change. If you want to make your change and we get back to Becky. What can you do to rise above? What can you do to get your appreciation? What can you do to rise above?

28:35 What can you do to get your appreciation? What can you do to realize maybe you don't need the appreciation, when you realize that I don't give two shits about the plaque and the award. What I truly appreciate is that self-love and respect. It's having my friends and loved ones appreciate me for who I am, and maybe this job or this career isn't for me because I don't feel appreciated. I'm going to make a change and get out of this situation. I'm going to apply myself to a new job, to a new career where I am appreciated. I'm not going to sit here and make peace with the situation. I'm not going to sit here and pretend it's not happening. I'm going to make a change, the decision, the incision to cut myself off from this business, from this company, and do something bigger and better for myself.

29:18 When it comes down to old McDreamy, mcdream pants over here, chicken McNuggets, when you're thinking about your relationship and you realize that you value your new relationship so much that you don't want to lose it, you don't want to abuse it and you don't want to take the unnecessary baggage from a previous relationship that you're no longer in and allow it to compromise, to ruin and to destroy the new relationship that you're so thankful to be in. You need to make a change. You need to make a change in your trust issues. You need to start having uncomfortable conversations. You need to start having uncomfortable conversations. You need to be transparent with your new McDream muffin over there and have those conversations.

29:59 This is what I'm struggling with. I'm not bringing this to our new relationship, but here's where it is. Let's have these uncomfortable conversations. This is what happened to me. What can we do together to be better together? It's a couples therapy If you start to think about learning to communicate better, to have those uncomfortable conversations and open lines of communication. What else is there that is more of a symptom to this trust issue If you think about the trust situation you had in your previous relationship, did they cheat on you? When they cheated on you? Did that leave you feeling like you just weren't good enough? Did they cheat on you when they cheated on you? Did that leave you feeling like you just weren't good enough? Did it leave you feeling like you weren't attractive enough?

30:39 What is it that you can do to make yourself feel better. What can you do to have more self-confidence? Is it going to the gym? Is it going tanning? Is it a new outfit? Is it a new hairdo? What is it that you can do for you to give you some self-confidence? Because I guarantee you, if you're having trust issues with somebody else a lot of times that really has a symptom of self-confidence. It goes back to you not being confident in you. It goes back to you doubting you. These symptoms have layers, they have roots, they are part of us. They go back many, many years. It's the foundation of us. A trust issue can start from never feeling confident, from being bullied in school, from never believing you were beautiful to not thinking you were attractive, to maybe finding some dick bag along the way that talked shit to you and made you feel useless and unworthy.

31:32 And here you are now struggling with these trust issues that ultimately are a symptom of your self-confidence. Now's the time for Stella to get her to groove back and to get her confidence. Make a change. I can tell you right now, making a change is far more difficult than making peace, but it can make a bigger difficult than making peace, but it can make a bigger, brighter, better you. Making change is the best version of you, I promise you. When we think about making peace or making change, they both have benefits, albeit one has a much greater benefit than the other, but that greater benefit also comes with a much greater level of effort and sacrifice.

32:13 You see, when you vow to yourself that you're going to make change, when you are going to make change, when you're going to better you, these symptoms, these complaints, these problems, these roots, they're often a fundamental wiring of you. So for you to make this change, it is going to cost you your old life. You understand the new you, the 2.0 version of you, the better version of you, the person that you want to be, the person that you believe you will be, your new life. It will cost you your old life. Trust me when I say this the moment that you make a major decision in your life to bet on yourself, to believe in yourself, to better yourself, when you make that final decision and when you go all in on your wishes, you are going to lose that circle that's around you.

33:16 I'm telling you there are so many people in your life that are in your life because your habits, your routines, your ruts and what's holding you back y'all have in common. You understand, so many people are in your life right now because they're comfortable in your life and oftentimes they hold you down in life. There's an analogy that I've shared on this podcast a million times, but for the potential opportunity right now that someone's listening to this message for the first time, I want to share with you a story about a fisherman out getting crabs. And I'm not talking about sexual escapades in Old Orchard Beach or Ocean City.

34:00 I'm talking about a dude actually catching crabs. Okay, the ones you eat, not the ones above your feet, below your waist, you understand? Oh, my god, I can't even try to be positive without being a bit stupid. That's a redneck in me. There's this old story that I have said many times, many ways on this podcast, and it's probably been a different way every single time, because you can make it up right, you can make it an old wise tale, you can make it a story, a joke, whatever you want to do, but the premise is true because the meaning behind this is true. So let's just set the scene, y'all.

34:40 Okay, let's just think about this old timer out catching crabs. He's trying to get a little dinner for the wife. He wants to bring some crabs home and he's out there catching crabs and he's got this big bucket with him. Right, he's got this, let's say, a 10 gallon bucket and he's throwing crabs in there and there's no lid on the bucket. And he's out there and he's catching crabs and throwing them in. One crab, two crabs, shoot crab. How do you do crab. He's throwing them all in there. And his grandson comes up and says says Papa, all them crabs are going to get out of the bucket.

35:21 And he looks down at him and says no boy, they'll be fine. And he throws another crab in there One crab, two crab, shoot crab. Shoe crab, more crab, four crab throws them in there. Papa, you got so many crabs in there. There's one trying to get out. He's gonna get out of the bucket, you're gonna lose him. Grandma's gonna be mad. And he looks over at the young boy and says maybe now is a good time for you to learn a lesson, son. You see that crab trying to get away. Yeah, pop-pop, I see him. Right before that crab gets out of that bucket. I'll bet you two whole dollars. One of those other crab friends in there are going to pull him back in the bucket.

36:04 Sure enough that crab. He's stepping on all of his buddies and he's reaching for the top and just before he gets his little clipper, his little crab claw, off to the top of that bucket to pull himself out, another crab one of his buddies old crusty crab grabs onto the back of him and pulls him right in. That is a lesson. There's no roof on this bucket of life that you and I live in. There's no roof holding you back and me back. But your crusty friends could be holding you back. Trust me when I tell you the moment that you start to believe and achieve bigger and better for you, there's going to be some of your friends that want to pull you back.

36:45 There's going to be some of your friends that are going to result to the blame game, the complain game, and they're going to make you their problem because they don't want to see you be better than them, because they're comfortable the way they are and they enjoy you being comfortable with them. The moment you decide that you're not going to go on the nightly burn cruise, the moment you decide you're not going to make all these other bad decisions in life, the moment you decide you're not going to sit around and talk shit about everybody else in life, the moment you decide you're going to get up before noontime on Saturday and do something with yourself. When you start doing these things to better yourself, to build self-confidence, to gain trust, to love yourself, to apply yourself to a new, bigger, better, brighter you, it's going to cost you, because your new life is going to cost you your old life.

37:39 And one of the biggest things, the easiest things to recognize that it's going to cost you, is some of those people that are around you. You will be surprised by the family and friends that you might lose in this quest to be the better you, in this hopes and dreams to live a new life for you. But I got to tell you the people that are meant for you. You will meet them on the other side, because if it's some of those friends that are with you, that believe in you, that want the true best for you because all your friends tell you they do right All your friends, all your fellow crabs are going to tell you they want the best for you. But the ones that truly do, the ones that are meant for you, they'll be on the other side with you because they'll be pulling themselves along.

38:25 They'll be there. You'll be surprised by a bunch of the crabs that you leave behind. Those ones that are left behind. They're not meant for you, and there's new friends out there for you. There's new inspirations out there for you, those people that are meant for you. They'll be on the other side with you. When the new you arrives, you will lose all that is attached to the person that you no longer are. You understand All those things that used to be you. They will be left behind you because they are not the new you. I heard a line in this book today that really hit home for me, and I think it's going to connect these stories quite well, and that line is we are not wired to be happy.

39:10 We are wired to be comfortable. Brianna went on to talk about a term called upper limit. Have y'all heard of upper limits? This was new to me. I'm going to share it with all of you. Maybe it's new to some of you. Upper limit is a term that was coined by Gay Hendricks, and he has a whole book around this that I'm going to look into myself. But upper limit In each area of our lives there is a perceived cap we have placed on how much career success, wealth, happiness, love and more that we will allow ourselves to have Upper limit.

39:54 We all have an upper limit. That upper limit is a perceived cap. It is the lid on the bucket of our lives. We've placed that lid on our buckets. That lid is the cap. It is the cap on how much we are allowed to have how much career success, how much wealth, how much happiness, how much love. We put the upper limit on our lives. We put the caps on our buckets. We will not allow ourselves to achieve more. We will not allow ourselves to achieve more. That is because we are wired for comfort. We are not wired for happiness.

40:38 We have this perceived level on our life, this upper limit, because if we can get to this point of whatever that comfortable salary is for you, whatever that goal is for you, for that car you want to drive the relationship you want to have the life you want to live, you set the limit. You set the limit and when you get there and you're comfortable, you're happy because you're wired for comfort. What if on the other side of that upper limit is more than you can imagine? What if on the other side of that limit that you've placed, what if we take the lid off of the bucket? There's more wealth than we can imagine, there's more happiness than we can imagine, because there's more in this world for us than we have actually seen for us.

41:31 It's crazy to think about people, and I'm not saying that there's these certain things, these tangible things in life that make us happy. I'm not saying that, hey, this level of salary that you're having right now, that has you comfortable. I'm not saying, on the other side of that, income is an extra special layer of happiness. I'm not saying that because I can truly tell you, if you think money is what's going to make you happy, then all the money in the world isn't truly going to make you happy. If you think that new car and the new house is the key to happiness, honey, I got to tell you something that ain't just it. That's an ingredient to your happiness.

42:12 There's a problem there that we're not accepting. There's a symptom there that we're not diagnosing because we haven't made the change. What I'm telling you about this upper limit, what I'm telling you about this lid on the bucket, is we are not achieving beyond our lid, beyond our limits because we are comfortable, and we will sabotage ourself from chasing what is beyond our comfort zone. We will sabotage ourself from getting uncomfortable. We're going to get to this level of comfort where, just on the other side of that, could be twofold, tenfold, in return for all the things you have in your life, all these glorious, amazing things that are happening to you and for you.

43:00 You could double down on them, you could triple down on them, but you won't. But you won't because you're wired for comfort and you have made the decision, the unconscious decision, that we are not getting out of our comfort zone. We are not risking it for the biscuit, we're not chasing that dream we might have. We're not believing and achieving bigger and better for us because we've reached a level of comfort that is just fine for us. At that point you subconsciously start to self-sabotage, you start to talk yourself out of taking chances, out of living your purpose, out of doing the things that you've always wanted to do To live the life you've always wanted to live.

43:47 You must sacrifice the life you have built. You're going to leave things and people behind you as you chase all the things that you want for you. We must explore our outer limits. We must beat our upper limits and explore our outer limits. There is no perceived cap on what you and I can believe and achieve. It is time for us to cut away with the self-sabotage. It is time for us to not have to make peace but to make change, because I believe that you can live the life you've always wanted to live. You need to understand and recognize and prepare yourself for battle with the internal you, with the mental side of you that just wants to be comfortable, that wants to protect your heart from heartbreak, that wants to prevent you from risk and challenges.

44:41 That would enjoy it that much more if you sat on your couch just a little bit longer, because we are comfortable. This life there's opportunity for comforts, but in this life it is short, but it can be glorious. And the glorious side of this life living our purpose, fulfilling our dreams is outside of our comfort zones. It's outside of our comfort zones, it's out of our upper limit, it's beyond our cap, but it's out there for each and every one of us to choose, to chase, to win, to conquer and to live our dreams.

45:25 Before I go today, I want to make one thing extremely clear today I am not living above my upper limit. I have realized and acknowledged that I have set limits on my life. I am realizing and acknowledging that I need to make a change in my life. I have chosen to not make peace, but to make a change, and I challenge each and every one of you to make change, because I know that if we all make change, we are meant for each other and we will be on the other side waiting for each other.

46:14 Thank you for supporting my American dream. Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage. That's it and that's all, biggie Smalls. If you're a Loud, proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook at loud, proud american for the face page, as my mama calls it. If you're a fan of the graham cracker, you want to find me on instagram.

46:56 Or all the kids are tickety talking on the tiktok you can find me on both of those at loud, underscore, proud, underscore American. A big old thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song to this year's podcast. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can track down the Gut Truckers on Facebook Just search Gut Truckers.

47:50 Give them, motherfuckers a like too. I truly thank you for supporting my American dream. Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.