Journeys in Commerce and the Solace in Mourning 193

Today's Share the Shruggle podcast, is a well-rounded episode, a full circle of emotions filled with positive updates, a sad realization and some heartbreaking news. So if you are ready for all that, I'll be waiting for you. On the other side of this intro, let me tell you something. Everybody struggles. The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it. The choice is completely yours. Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life. If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you. You have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations. Challenge you, humble you and they build you. When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense. Most disagreements, they stem from our own insecurities. You are right where you need to be.

Hot diggity damn.

Am I so excited to be back with you Episode 193. That means 193 consecutive weeks of you and me. How beautiful it is. If you're asking me, can't you?

see. Can't you see Episode?

193. Welcome back y'all. I appreciate you for tuning in, for listening. I can't thank you enough. If you're out there as a day one. That's one of my OGs. My originals put your ones up. Welcome back to the podcast. I appreciate you.

Thank you for tuning in, participating, being a part of this podcast, a key contributor to this show and a big supporter of my life, don't you know? To all of you that are just getting started on this journey, welcome. If this is your first episode. I hope to hear from you after today's show. I hope you got something to say about today Little thoughts and insights, tips, tricks, recommendations, how do you do's reviews, you know, whatever you want to do, I look forward to hearing from you. Speaking of Share the Struggle podcast, spotify does this thing called Wrapped and I'm way late on this. It usually happens, I want to say, after the first of the year. Right, and you probably have seen them fill up your timelines and all your social media feeds because people are sharing their Spotify lists, you know their top artists and podcasts, or doing what I'm about to do and just look at me, look at my numbers, I don't really try to focus on the overall number.

I try to focus on the growth of the show, the meaning of the show, and that's what we're going to try to hit here, because I think it's cool to share with you guys some of these factoids, because you're listening, you're participating, you're the ones pushing and driving the show, so I want you to know, thank you. So let's get into some of these podcast results from Spotify that we received to start the year. First and foremost, let's just put it out there that Share the Struggle podcast actually produced 2.8 thousand minutes of episodes of this amazing awesomeness, 2.8 thousand minutes that we shared together. Do you guys believe that? Isn't that out of control? I think it is. What is? They gave me 2.8 thousand minutes. That's like what? 47 hours or so, just shy of 50 hours of content. Does that sound right Over like a full weeks worth of work? 2.8 thousand minutes were created for Share the Struggle podcast.

We saw an uptick of 56% growth in streams. So 56% growth in streams and 43% uptick in followers. So give yourself a round of applause. It's a kudos, some snaps and claps.

Oh, here they are. Here's my snaps, and oh, here's the claps. Oh, hercules, hercules, look at them clapping. Oh yeah, that's so. Oh, that's okay, I'm gonna snap in, or I need to keep on snapping. I'm gonna snap, I'm gonna snap a vein and then I'm gonna clap this boot against your ass. Okay.

All right, sorry, eddie Murphy. So some fun factoids there. Let's have a little questionnaire, part of the podcast which you might be saying how does the questionnaire work? Because you're asking a question and we might be answering, but you're not hearing the answer there, dipshit. So this isn't really working. But this actually is gonna work. Let me show you this. Can you guys guess what the number one episode was of last year? Could you? Can you guess? Can you guess? Well, I have the answer, because you guys listened and the number one episode for 2023 was episode 140. So we're on episode 193 now. So Spotify's number one episode for share the circle podcast was episode 140. Healthy relationships require trust and communication.

Now, two things go into this. First, I would look at it and say and I wanted to do my research, so I went back and checked this episode dropped on March 15th of 2023. So nearly a year ago which puts the pressure on this episode being one of our number one episodes of the year, because, I mean, it's a good week for it. Right, it's a good week for it. So if you go all the way back to March 15th 2023, episode 140 drops. That seems to be the number one streamed episode on Spotify. My first assumption is well, it probably should be, because that means if it dropped in March, it had nearly a year of opportunity for y'all to listen, because a lot of people don't listen on schedule. I mean we dropped the podcast on winning Wednesdays on a weekly Wednesday episodic podcast, so not everybody's on our schedule y'all. Some people binge the show. I hear from people that you know they get a month or two behind and then they just crush all of our episodes in a day or so. Some people are, week to week, just putting their feet on the street as soon as they hear the podcast. So everybody listens a little bit differently. But if you dropped an episode in March, then I've had great opportunity for that to get some good listens. Right, because it's accumulated over the course of the year. And what also makes me question is did I just put out a bunch of crap in January? Was my January episodes that bad? Now, if I was doing more research, the real reason that this episode might be our number one streamed episode is it's probably my co-host, because my wife was on this episode and I think what y'all are trying to tell me is you've appreciate my wife being on the show a heck of a lot more than you do me. I don't know, so you be the judge.

America, my fellow listeners, go back, listen to episode 140 for March 15th of 2023 and tell me do you think that was the best episode of 2023? If not, share with me your favorite episode of 2023. Or maybe Spotify's right. An episode 140 just stands the test of time and there's some critical, pivotal, valuable information hidden in episode 140. Either way, I'm proud of all of our episodes because we did this together. Yeah, there's so much satisfaction in the time we spend together.

Am I right? All right, here's the meat and potatoes. This is what everybody loves to show about their shows, and that is kind of like where you ranked in the minds, hearts and thoughts of your listeners. So Spotify breaks down how many people you were their top 10 podcasts, how many people you were their top five, and if you had anybody that identified you as their number one podcast. Now, this isn't something that you can go on there and just vote on. These are your listening habits. So whatever podcast you listen to. So if you're like the rest of America and you listen to Joe Rogan or something, then that's going to dominate your listening, or if you listen to these podcasts that drop daily episodes. It's hard for a weekly episode podcast to compete with a daily episode podcast because they're spending that much more time listening to them. But it's a fun exercise here and it's a factual exercise because it comes off of your actual listening habits. So it breaks down your top podcast. So if you're somebody that jams podcasts all the time, you can actually look in at your wrapped from 2023. That's a wrap. Y'all Yo B. That's a wrap. Wrap it up B.

Anyways, I'm losing my mind here. You can see your stats. You can see where I share the struggle rank for you who you might listen to more or maybe were your favorite. You can look at all those things favorite artists, all that good stuff. So top 10 podcasts for 40 of you. For 40 of you beautiful, loud, proud Americans you just happened to be tuned in week to week. For 40 of you. I this here. Our podcast share the struggle podcast was your top 10 podcast. We broke the top 10 for 40 podcast listeners in 2023. So to the 40, I thank you and I gotta be honest, you're always a 10 in my eyes. Okay, you're just a, you're a teen.

A real nice 10.

Now for 32, for 32 beautiful, proud, voluptuous, loud, proud Americans. Share the struggle podcast finished in your top five. So we were in the top five of podcasts for 32 people in the country. So to the 32 of you, I thank you, I appreciate you. You already know I love you. So drummer role here, please. In the words of Clark Rizwall, Did I do that Okay? Jemarole from Christmas vacation did share the struggle. Podcast reach number one for any of you podcasts peeps out there.

That one was kind of like Chobaca, wasn't it? That probably sounds like absolute clap in your radio, doesn't it? You're like that's about enough of that tubby, I've had enough. Okay, yeah, go play somewhere else with your sounds and noises. Maybe next you'll explore your belly button. I'm proud of you.

Well, there was a question there, it wasn't there. Did share the struggle podcast finish first. Will read the number one podcast for any of our listeners on the. It is, of course, yes, for 14 of you. 14 people through this beautiful, vast, fantastic country of ours listened to share the struggle podcast more than anything else on their Spotify account. Man, 14 people really, really love us and to those 14 people you betcher, beautiful ass that I love you. 14 people has loud, proud Americans, beautiful, precisely perfectly properly named podcast share the struggle as their main squeeze, their number one, full of fun. Their heart throb, their favorite podcast, share the struggle. I could probably name half of the 14 based off of the amount of conversations and questions that I get after episodes. So I know who a lot of you are and I love it and appreciate you. Either way, to anybody out there, it's all y'all listeners. I appreciate you for continuing to listen, to help us grow to share the show.

Without you, I'm not standing here doing this. I'm certainly not putting 2.8 thousand minutes on the table over the course of a year If I'm not hearing from all of you. So I really just wanted to take that opportunity to say I appreciate you. It's not about me coming on here and trying to gloat over numbers, it's all fun and games. It's really about being grateful and showing gratitude to each and every one of you that soon is in each week, because it is a commitment. This is a commitment, and to listen to this hillbilly from week to week, I can't tell you what it means to me. So, man, I'm proud and I'm excited.

Speaking of proud and excited, I wanted to share some insights with you, some product updates with you, some you know, up and coming. What do you do? Who do you do with all of you? Does that make any sense at all? Does anybody else feel like maybe I've spent too much time with Dr Seuss? I don't know. There's a lot of rhyme and Simon going on here and it's probably caffeine related. What I'm trying to get to here, folks, is the season's coming hard and fast, so I'll proud American. The tour of 2024 is about to hit the door. Okay, see that more rhyme. And, simon, what an idiot I am sometimes. As we prepare and plan for 2024,. I want to share some awesome things with you guys and give you a little sneak peek as to what might be coming down the pike here.

So over the weekend I was actually able to attend a conference or an expo I'm not really sure what they actually call this thing, but it is an event that is held just for retailers. It gives an opportunity to businesses like myself to set up and to showcase our goods to potential buyers that are wholesale buyers. So if you want to open yourself up for wholesale accounts, if you're looking to sell your merchandise and get it into storefronts, then this is a great opportunity. Now, I was not set up as a vendor because I have not made a decision on being a wholesaler, which is part of the reason why I wanted to go to this show, because I wanted to look and learn a little bit more about the possible opportunity for a proud American to wholesale. So I wanted to get there and get some information, do my research and then really just kind of get some facts that I could spend some time digging into and deciding if wholesales might be an avenue for me to take next year. It's also, on the flip side, a great opportunity for me to find potential businesses that I can partner up with and then maybe I can be the wholesaler for them so I could purchase their goods at wholesale and then resell them. Obviously, the key ingredient to that is being made in America. It is about finding other businesses that believe in an American made product.

This was a fun event. I got to go see Matt and Sarah from Ledgeway Farm. They were set up. They're set up Always looks great, they're always busy, they're always making things happen, always a great inspiration for a loud, proud American. So it was nice to go there and see them and see them in action. And it's different because normally when I go to an event like when they're set up at an event I am as well, so it's different to be on the sidelines when they're working. So that was kind of cool to see because normally we're both just focused on our own goals all the time when we're at those types of events.

So that was kind of cool to see and they were some of the folks that were really actually put this on my radar and pushed us into going there, saying that you should at least attend and do your research, and they were absolutely right, because, coming out of this event, I have some, some information that I'm going to dig into when it comes to wholesale, but I also was able to find a business that I think we're going to partner up with. So I found some product offerings that aren't currently offered for loud, proud American because I don't have the means or ability to make these products. But I found somebody that has a business in Maine that also believes in Made in America products and it looks like there's a few things we're going to be able to add to our product offerings. So hopefully, over the course of the next month or so, we might be able to partner up and bring to you guys a few new exciting things that we haven't currently offered. So, looking forward to the potential of that, I talked with a lot of apparel vendors and it's kind of interesting because some of them really believe in what we're doing and they thanked us for what we're doing.

But the bulk of the apparel vendors are really standoffish. When they realize that you're an apparel brand yourself, they believe that there's not really an opportunity for us to talk anymore once you kind of get that out there and you can see them not believe in an American mission or to completely downplay it. I had one guy tell me that he doesn't think the quality exists in American products versus the overseas products. He had mentioned that these products that he's getting from overseas, that he's been working with for 30 years, is a much softer, higher quality cotton. And I said I think you're just comparing the wrong brands here. Some people are stuck on that cardboard feeling 10 ounce, 8 ounce cotton t-shirt. They want that heavyweight t-shirt. But if you're looking for something soft, which is what I sell, then maybe you're just not looking at the right brands.

I actually ran into another company which was kind of funny. They had a bunch of designs and apparel set up and they kind of asked me what I do and I said you know, I'm an apparel brand. I travel around to fairs and festivals but as we grow I'm looking to partner up with some other businesses so I don't have to make all the product on my own. And he started to pitch me on what they offered and I kind of went into this little uncaugnito Our badges on that we are wearing, and it was my wife, my mother and I. They said LPA as opposed to saying Laos, proud American, just to avoid some of the questioning. And if people were there that knew of the business, I'd rather just kind of keep that on the back burner and just be open to the experience and the information and not really be given the cold shoulder, knowing that these people are going to assume we're competition. But in actuality I'm actually looking to partner up with some of them and, yes, am I also looking to get what your, what your pricing would be for wholesale? Yeah, absolutely am. But if you're willing to give it to everybody else it isn't a brand, then why would you not be willing to give it to the brand? So you know, we just kind of decided to go a little more under the cover when it comes to how we presented ourselves. But, based on probing, I would give them the honest answer. If you were going to have that conversation with me, then I would have it with you.

So this gentleman here I start having this conversation and he says to me well, what is it that you do? Like I don't understand it. You go from fairs and festivals and like what's, like LPA, like what's? What's the meaning Like, what's the reason? And I said well, the meaning and the reason is that we're an American brand and we believe in American manufacturing and American jobs and all of our products are made in America. That's all we we carry and offer. And he almost rolled his eyes at me and he said so, everything you do is American made. And I was like, yeah, and I said so, do you have any American made offerings?

And he turned around and looked at the guy that he works for or works with, and he kind of shook his head and he said, instead of you know, kind of complimenting what we were doing, he started to take the other avenue of like. Well, why would you only buy American Like? Why wouldn't you offer you know something, something different? And I said that's the whole mission of the brand is that there's too many businesses that don't solely offer an American made product. And that's what we want to do. We believe in supporting our own and growing our own.

And to kind of please the conversation a little bit more, I said, well, do you guys offer any kind of contract printing Like? Would you print for somebody? And he checked with his business partner and he said yeah, if you wanted to ship us the stuff then we would print on it. The guy that prints for us is in Las Vegas. So, as you know, me paying for product to get shipped to me and then shipping it to Las Vegas and having them print it to then pay them to ship it back to Maine doesn't make a lot of sense.

So, instead of just being civil and parting ways here, he kind of took it upon himself to argue with me a little bit more. And he looked at my hat at the time and I was actually wearing one of our hats and he was like well, you don't get your hats here. So and I said, actually I do. This hat that I'm wearing is manufactured right in New Jersey and then it's printed here in Maine.

And he said, well, I worked for Harley Davidson, I was a reseller for Harley Davidson for many years and that American made stuff just doesn't work. The margins aren't there, the cost isn't there, it just doesn't work. And I said, oh, that's interesting. You, you worked for Harley Davidson. And he says, oh well, I was actually one of the. I forgot what they call this company and I can't. I don't understand why I'm forgetting this right now, but one of the approved like resellers, harley has this list of vendors that, as a dealership, you can buy from and they can like, they can co-brand them, merch, they can put a Harley Davidson logo on it for you. So he's like. You know, I'm one of their authorized resellers where I used to be and I said, oh, that's great, that Harley Davidson dealership that you see on the way in here. I used to be a partner at that dealership. What reseller did you work for? And he said you used to work over there. And I said, yeah, 10 years. And he said I worked for bravado and your dealership never did any business with me. And I said that's kind of interesting that you work for bravado and we never did any business with you. Because you ever heard of Chris Ellis and shout out to my man, chris if he's listening a great personal friend of mine, chris was the rep for bravado. I met Chris and then we had a fantastic relationship and always have and always will. So he says, oh, yeah, I know Chris. He took over my territory and I said, oh, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, chris has become one of my best friends. I did a ton of business with Chris. Actually, chris came to my wedding we're great friends and I put him right in his freaking place Don't, don't shoot a messenger, don't talk shit to a business, to a brand that has a mission, that has a belief, that has a reason.

Like, what is wrong with you, dude? I mean, there's nothing to gain here If you realize that there's no opportunity for the two of us to do business. You don't gain anything by shitting on my business. And you also don't really realize who it is that you're talking to. If you just think that I'm Joe Schmo, without a clue, we're trying to figure out my life and you're going to get your rocks off by shitting on me, that doesn't make a lot of sense. And you kind of caught yourself in a trap when, all of a sudden, you started to peacock around and fluff up your feathers and realize that, no, we actually do know some of the same people and I actually do have a bit of a clue as to what I'm doing here. And he's like oh wow, I mean, you guys did a lot of business in bravado.

After I left and I said yeah, man, sometimes it's not the product, sometimes it's the person. And everybody has your guy right. Everybody has that relationship. Everybody has that one person they just click with and he's like you know. You're absolutely right. Basically, sir, what I just said to you is we might have bought from you if we actually liked you, and clearly this is how you're treating somebody off the street. Your sales pitch to our dealership couldn't have been that much better and clearly we liked Mr Ellis a heck of a lot more than we did you, and that's a little fun fact. That's a little tidbit of information for anybody out there looking to sell anything.

People buy from people they like. It's the truth, it's always been the truth, it'll always be the truth. So help me God. People buy from people they like. That fact will never change. There's a bunch of statistics and sales and there's a bunch of research and sales and, like any other industry in this freaking country, we all do our research. But there's one fact that never changes All things created equal, people would rather buy from somebody they like. All things not created equal people would still rather buy from somebody they like. What that means to everybody is if apples are apples and oranges or oranges, if you come to me and you like me and I give you the same damn price as Johnny Dickbag down the street, and his price is the same as mine and my price is the same as his. But you, like me, you are going to buy from me. The other side of that coin is all things not created equal. You still want to buy from me. So if Johnny Bagadicks gives you a shitty level of service but his price is cheaper than mine, two things happen. Number one the urge is still there that you still want to buy from me, and there's a real good chance that if that difference isn't a far greater difference, you're still going to buy from me, but if the difference is a greater difference, you're still going to give the opportunity to me.

I didn't think this story was going to come up, but this is something that just has kind of happened in the past couple of days here, and that's that I have a tire guy here. He's the owner of Necessary Tires in County Bunkers, named Bobby Great guy. I haven't bought tires from anybody other than Bobby over the course of the past 15 or 20 years of my life, and I buy a lot of freaking tires. Man, I buy a lot of tires. Today we're getting four tires installed on my wife's car because she badly needs them. I need at least two tires on the Dodge Challenger Shocker. I need two tires on my dad's truck. I need five tires for our horse trailer. I need six tires for my school bus. Last year I put four tires on our actually our camper. At the end of the year Before that I put, you know, four tires on the ambulance.

So the point is I'm always buying tires and I always buy them from the same guy and my wife has actually really found a comfort level in a Cooper tire and a Mastercraft tire. So Cooper owns Mastercraft and a few years ago my wife had this older Ford Escape and it was an absolute turret in the snow and we went and got her new tires from Bobby and he recommended Mastercraft. So we put these tires on and she loved them and she has fond memories of that car going through every snowstorm possible. So she gets rid of that car, upgrades to something newer and smarter and more sexy and it sucks in the snow. So she's disappointed but in her mind she always remembers those Mastercrafts.

So when I went to shop around and find these tires with Bobby and I said you know, let's go with these Mastercrafts. He doesn't really carry them anymore. But the truth is that if that's where her confidence is, if that's what her preference is, I'm not going to change that. Because if you believe so strongly in a certain product that it did something for you, it provided safety for you. If I change that for you, even if I got a far superior tire that costs three times as much, you're still going to remember, oh faithful, that you feel like was a better product, so we're not going to change him.

So as they started looking around, he found these tires and they just it just sounded a lot more expensive to me and we found that a big box store was going to do them for a significant, significant difference. And I called. I called Bobby back and said hey man, I actually spoke with his wife. I said I've never bought tires from anybody other than you guys over the past 15 or 20 years. I don't want to be the guy that complains about price. I know this isn't one of your everyday suppliers anymore, but I'd rather not give my money to somebody else. This is the price that I'm getting. And they worked with their supplier and got back to me and I'm bringing the wife's car over this afternoon to get four tires on.

So it wasn't about me trying to beat them up on price. It was about is there a way that we can figure this out, to make this work, because I'd rather give you the money, because you're who I like, you're who I trust and you're who I have a relationship with Is there any way we can make this work? And there's far more jobs coming down the line. That's what it's about, man. People buy from people that they like, from people that they trust. That's the reason why Laodeproth American really values and has the philosophy of a face-to-face relationship.

I'd rather be in a relationship sale situation. The more that I try to sell online, I just get mixed results. The more we invest in different products and avenues, I get mixed results. But when we get face-to-face and we have a conversation and we get to know each other, we have the best results, and that's the reason why we're always on the road trying to make things happen. Now, speaking of the road, I was planning on sharing with you guys some of the events we're starting to book for 2024, to share a little bit more of the Laodeproth American tour, but looking at the clock, I'm thinking I'm going to save that for next week. So tune in next week and I'm going to share some information about Laodeproth American all across this great nation and get checked. Laodeproth American is a lifestyle brand dedicated and determined to represent the American spirit with an unrelenting commitment to provide made in the USA products.

If you would like to join the 2% of Americans that buy American and support American, head on over to wwwaustraliacom. Together, we can bring back American manufacturing. Alright, alright, alright, Okay y'all. I want to share something with you.

I want to open up the rest of this podcast as a true, transparent confessional from me to you, and I'm going to be sharing with you guys some of the things that I've been doing for the past few weeks. I'm going to share a sad realization that I recently had and I'm going to share some heartbreaking news that I received this week, and this is going to be a bit of an emotional journey for me, a spiritual journey for me, because I have a couple of quotes I'm going to share with you. What the rest is just a raw, real, transparent response to what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. So bear with me on this, and I hope that somewhere in all of this we can find some true value in insight and inspiration from this. So if you guys have been listening for a while or you just happen to know me, you'll understand that my brain works in different ways, that I'm always seeking out inspiration. I'm always motivated and inspired by things that happen around me, that happen to me, and I'm always looking for Stories. I'm always looking for great stories and I'm always looking for big successes. So I find myself listening to a lot of audible books. I find myself researching things on YouTube, listening to motivational videos and speeches, I love documentaries and I'm a huge sports fanatic. So if you can add those things together, it really begins to pique my interest.

And a guilty pleasure for me is that I've been a wrestling fan since birth. I've been, you know, watching wrestling since I was a wee little lad. I actually remember my dad, my mom and dad, bringing me to our local Civic Center when I was just a little boy and I remember Talking up a storm like I remember just being so excited About going to a wrestling match. I can remember we didn't have the best seats but we could see it when you needed to see and where I was sitting. I couldn't tell you where I was sitting, but I can remember their view and I can remember my dad walking up the stairs holding a couple of drinks at some popcorn. I can remember how young he looked and how young my mother was, and I can't remember all the matches that night, but I remember talking through just about all of them because I was so excited Until Hulk Hogan came out. And Hulk Hogan was my, my hero when I was a kid and it's sad now to realize he was actually a bit of a douchebag, but I Remember Hulk Hogan was my hero and at this time I was Hogan and Sid Justice and I think this was right before, like, sid turned on Hogan, or shortly thereafter. I can remember part of it. I remember Sid Justice being there. I remember Hogan being there, maybe Roddy Piper, but I talked all night. I was so excited until Hulk Hogan came out. I didn't say a word. My eyes were as wide as half dollars and my mouth just hung open and I just stared and Dreamed and was in shock of his presence and of the moment. And I can't tell you my age and I can't tell you much more about that night. But for some reason I remember my dad that night and for some reason I remember my mother and I remember how small and young I was. I Remember how excited I was and I also remember not saying a word.

Life is crazy because the stories that we've told our entire life often find new meaning as we travel through this life. Because Telling that story from being a child and how excited I was to telling that story in my 20s and 30s, to telling that story a few months after my father passes, those stories all have a different presentation and they all have a much different meaning because for the first 40 years of my life, or 30 years of that story, harvard along that's been Hulk Hogan was my hero. Hogan was my hero in that story and that's what I remembered in that story. I remembered Hogan and the fact that when the immortal Hulk Hogan showed up, I was this Lost and wonder little boy that couldn't speak. As I tell the story now, my dad was the hero, because now I think more about what my dad looked like. I think more about how it felt to experience those moments with my dad. I think more about what the moment must have been like for my dad, as a father, to bring his son to this experience, to see him See his hero for the first time in person. I think about how excited my dad had to be in that moment.

When I tell that story now and I think about that story now, I think about the fact that my dad didn't realize that in that moment for me, I thought I was seeing my hero for the first time. But I was actually Experiencing this with my hero like every other time, because my dad has always been my hero. And as I look back on it now, as I said in that speech that I gave the day that that we laid my father to rest and I wrote that speech called hero shit, because bringing your son to that event, sharing that experience, that again is what I would classify as hero shit, because that's what it takes to be a great dad, that's what it takes to be a great mentor, that's what it takes to be a hero is those Experiences and those opportunities. The story that I just told is just one example of what I've been thinking about and what I've been feeling in my life as of late. It's just one moment in time that I want to share with you about today's show, because these memories that we make, these stories that we tell, they often change, like the meaning behind them changes, the importance of the memory changes. Those things all changes as life happens, as we experience life, as we go through things, as we grow through things, they have new meaning. Like I said on this story about my dad is, this was always a story about Hulk Hogan. For the bulk of my life it's been a story about Hulk Hogan. Over the past couple of months, that same story, that same experience as a story about my dad, and I didn't plan on sharing that story with you at all today.

I was actually trying to tell you that while in my office and working on a project, I was pressing some apparel and I was getting some work done. I often tune into different documentaries and motivational speeches and I listened to books All those things that I've always told you. Well, last week in the office, one of the things I found myself watching while pressing away on some apparel was a wrestling documentary on John earthquake tenta. If you're a wrestling fan and you think back to the early days or my early days, I should say you think about earthquake, one of the biggest dudes you've ever seen in your life, and maybe you thought of earthquake and like typhoon and all those crazy other big dude gimmicks they had back in the day. This documentary was really cool. I never thought I wanted to learn so much about earthquake. I never thought there was such a story to him.

But, like everybody, everybody has a story and it's important to share those stories, and here's was actually a pretty powerful story. In a nutshell, he was a sumo wrestler that wanted to make it as a professional wrestler. He met his wife and helped raise her kid. They eventually had their own kids. He worked his ass off and rose his way all the way to the top in WWE. Like most success stories in this country, there was ups and downs and he'd reach the pinnacle of his career and it came crashing down almost as quickly. And it talks about him trying to get back in the ring and suffering all these cheesy gimmicks and all these things he had to battle through.

Everybody talked about how much of a family man he was and his kids talked about. You know, he was always gone from home. The moment he was home, all he cared about was his kids and making memories and doing things with them, which this wasn't in the documentary. But I heard a powerful quote on being a father seeing sour on the subject right now and that video this gentleman was saying 30 years from now, 40 years from now, the only ones that are ever going to remember that you worked late every night for your job are your kids. Think about that. Let that set in for a minute. The only ones that are ever going to remember that you worked late are your kids, because in 30 years, 40 years, those managers come and go, your career comes and goes. Those things all change, dreams change, things happen and all the sacrifices that you made for somebody else's business or your own. The only ones that really remember that are your kids. So that's a little side note there.

But listening to all the family members his kids, his daughters, his son, his wife I'll talk about him. But how much of a family man he was. All the other wrestlers that he used to wrestle with talk about how much of a family man that he was, and they talk about him falling on hard times. He ended up getting a job in the mall I think he was selling suits at a big and tall event ended up taking a job as a truck driver and he was driving cross country and started getting these pains and he figured out what the pain was, or he was trying to determine what the pain was, and he didn't have time to go to the doctor because he was just trying to make money for the family and he just kept driving and driving. Eventually he got to the point where it hurts so bad he had to say something. And when he does, they determine that he has cancer and it's so far advanced they can't do anything about it. So they tell this heartbreaking story about him and how this cancer overtakes him. He fights it and tries to beat it and defeats it for a little bit and then it comes back and it overtakes him and they lose him and I listened to all of his family members talk about saying goodbye to their dad.

I listened to his son talk about being in the room with him waiting for him to take his last breath and I broke down. I'm in my office trying to make t-shirts and I'm balling my eyes out and randomly, at this particular time, my wife texts me and she's home. She's upstairs working on a project and she messages me next door in the office and says what's up to how you're doing over there? And I said well, I'm watching a wrestling documentary and I just realized that I've not gotten over my dad dying and I haven't even started to mourn. I said I realized that I've been so focused on everybody else that I haven't processed that my dad just died. I haven't accepted that my dad just died. I apparently have been living in denial.

Yes, I realized all of that watching a wrestling documentary, because when I heard them talking about those moments, talking about sitting around waiting for their dad to die, it crushed me and I cried my eyes out and I sat there and I realized that I've been stuck. I realized that I've been running in the mud, I've been running in quicksand. My feet are moving and my mind is moving and I'm trying to succeed, but I'm just spinning my wheels. I've realized that every day that I get up with that to-do list, every day I try to tackle that list, I get lost. Every time I convince myself of my direction, that I set my compass on that direction. Shortly thereafter I'm lost, realizing that my biggest belief system, the biggest source of confidence in my life, isn't here.

You take for granted the gifts that they give you, and when I say gifts I don't mean tangible things. I mean, like, the important things, the emotional things, the spiritual things, the mental things, the important things. When I told you that I was going to have this transparent conversation with you, that I was just going to turn this microphone on and just tell you what I'm feeling and what I'm thinking and this is it I'm standing in my kitchen crying my eyes out because I haven't accepted that my dad is dead. I'm nearly 42 years old and I can't man up enough to accept the reality of the situation. I guess you can say the defining action of being a man, the want and desire to be the man of the family has prevented me from accepting, understanding and processing what's happening, because I somehow, some way along the way, told myself you don't have time to grieve. You are the man of this family and you have a role and a responsibility. You have traditions, you have obligations to uphold, you have obstacles to encounter, to get over.

I haven't mourned because I didn't put me mourning on the list of priorities and I don't know how we mourn. There's no time frame, there's no guideline on how somebody mourns. But what I can tell you is I haven't accepted it. What I can tell you is that my number one responsibility in this process is to allow my mother to mourn, to allow my mother to grieve, not myself. I've made the decision and the choice that I wanted my wife to grieve and I wanted my wife to process these things and to handle it, because it's hard for her too. I somehow made this manly decision inside of me that I don't need to share how I'm feeling, but I don't need to share how I'm feeling with my mother or my wife, because there's enough on their shoulders and I'm the one to bear the burden. I'm the one to take the struggle and that's what I've done.

I refuse to really talk about how I feel. There's certain times when it's obvious that I'm so far in the dumps that I'll share with my wife how I'm feeling. There's been some dark, desperate conversations about my business and my life, because there's an obligation to be the provider. There's an obligation to be the one that carries on for this family, that provides and protects for this family, and that sometimes you tell yourself, chasing this dream is selfish. When I'm vulnerable enough to share those things with my wife, then I tend to break down. But those times don't happen. Often.

I swallow those times. I swallow those emotions and I've realized that as they come up, as they boil over, I decide to swallow them and pass them over. I decide that I don't have time for this. But the ironic thing is I don't know the best way to grieve. But if I had acknowledged some of this stuff and tried to process this and to figure these things out and analyze these things and share these things and I'm thinking them that I'm feeling maybe I'd be further along. Maybe I'd be over some of this right now.

And I'm not saying you ever get over this, but what I'm saying is, if every day I write the same things on my to-do list and I try to tackle that list and half way through the day I find myself just blank, lost, emotionless, I'm not helping that list and I realize that I've lost such a large portion of me that it's been hard to be me. It's been hard to be myself. As much as I motivate myself and as much as I try to get things rolling, I often chase them to a point where I lose focus and I lose attention and I lose the willingness to fight, because I feel like my willingness to fight has been taken from me and I'm not here to say whoa is me, because I'm thankful for everything that I have and everything that I had and those experiences and the time that I had. That's not the point. But I guess I just realized watching a freaking documentary that you haven't accepted what's happened in your life. You just decided, if you can run as fast as you can, back into the routine of your life, you just get on with your life, and that's not really it. I need to make a new life and part of making a new life is getting over the reality of the fact that you have to let go of your old one, and I guess that's what I've had a hard time doing is getting over the old one because you feel guilty. When you get over your old life, you feel like you're doing a disservice to the people you care about when you're leaving them behind you. You feel like you're leaving that person behind you. There's a real balancing act between the fear of leaving my father and his memory behind me, behind me, or the possibility of being paralyzed by his memory. It's a it's a difficult balancing act. I must say myself. There's no normal amount of time for grief, and I do truly feel that that grief is a lifelong journey, that it's something that we just have to learn to live with, to deal with. It kind of becomes part of our fiber, the fabric that makes us.

I actually found this quote that I printed and held on to, and instead the reality is you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss of a loved one. You will learn to live with it, you will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole, but you will never be the same again. Nor should you be the same, nor should you want to. I cling to that quote and I grab strength from that quote because it helps me to understand that I'm shedding the old me, that I shouldn't be the same and I have every right and reason to not be the same. And I should be proud to not be the same because what I've gone through, what I've grown through, has hardened me, it's conditioned me, it's molded me, it's changed me and I truly hope it's bettered me.

As painful as it is in life, we can't go through these painful experiences and not grow. We can't go through these painful experiences and expect ourselves to not come out a better person. We are hardened by the fire. You understand when we go through tough times we come out tougher people, better people, stronger people. The reality is you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss of a loved one. You will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole, but you will never be the same again, nor should you be the same, nor should you want to be.

Realizing and understanding that it's okay to not be the same and then realizing that I don't want to be the same has been one of the biggest helps for me in this time, because I felt guilty for realizing I'm not the same, like I felt guilty, trying to accept that my life's not the same and it's never gonna be the same. I felt guilty like I was letting go of something, someone, those lines. You will never be the same again, nor should you be the same, nor should you want to. There's a layer of resiliency and courage that is built in going through those things, any difficult things. This speech goes to anything that you might be going through, these tragic, difficult times that you try to get through. We should rejoice in the fact that we will never be the same and that we never want to be the same, because that means we're getting better. That means that we're better people with a better understanding. I saw this quote from Maya Angelou and she said disbelief becomes my close companion and anger follows in its wake.

I answer the heroic question death, where is thy sting With it?

It's here in my heart and my mind and my memories. Death's sting. It's certainly in my heart and in my mind and my memories If I think about that little story I told you as a little boy, that memory, that story that I've been sharing for 30 years. It feels different, it hits different. It is different because that memory holds my father's death. That memory is in my mind, holding my father's death and it's in my heart holding my father's death. That's a sting. That's the sting of death that I just can't shake. And all those good memories, they also hurt. I know there's a great benefit in sharing all those stories and all those memories and they make us smile.

But when you find yourself alone and you realize that you haven't accepted it and you come to the understanding that you really haven't grieved, there's that sting Becomes my close companion, disbelief becomes my close companion and anger follows in its wake. When you don't believe it, when you live in disbelief and you don't accept the reality of what's happening as you try to accept it, anger follows. When you live with disbelief, when you don't believe it, when I'm over there making shirts and I don't believe it and I realize for that moment that I haven't believed it, that I've been living in disbelief, that disbelief was followed by anger and an all too familiar sting. I also feel incredibly emotional today and sad today, and for another reason because I got a message that someone really close to me, someone that I consider a brother, that has become a brother to me, that I look up to, someone that's accepted me. I've told you, if you've listened to the podcast before, if you've been along this journey for the 190 plus episodes, you know that what's left of siblings to me have disowned me and I have a brother that's disowned me and I have a brother that's disowned me and I have a brother that's disowned me and I have a brother that's disowned me. And the two brothers that I had relationships with have passed on and the only other brother that I have a relationship with has been in prison for I don't know 15 years. I should say, had two sisters that have disowned me, outcasted me, but not lance.

Brotherhood isn't always by blood. Our paths were made to cross and by chance our relationship happened and I can't put into words what he means to me and what our relationship means. I got a message that Lance's father had an unfortunate ATV accident and he wasn't going to make it. I have met Lance's dad only once. I met Butch once and his personality and charisma was bigger than him. He lit up a room and was a fun, loving guy and left a great impression on the short visit that I did have, but I know he was a great man based off of the, the son that he raised.

When I received that text, I bawled my eyes out because I know that my sting is his sting.

This belief becomes my close companion and anger follows in its wake.

I answer the heroic question death, where is thy sting With it?

It's here in my heart and mind and memories, that sting that I just can't shake, knowing that someone I love so much has to bear that sting, that all too familiar sting. It got me Knowing the effect that this experience has had on my life and the fact that I get up every day feeling like I'm stuck in the mud. I hurt from my brother, lance. Everybody's situation is different, everybody's story is unique. Every circumstance is certainly your own. His story and mine are very different and I'm not here to share his story because I don't have the right to do so. But there's an all too familiar pain that we're both experiencing, that we both have to endure, and it's the same pain that so many of you listening have experienced. And if you haven't, you can listen and know and guarantee that someday you too will experience this, knowing how much I'm struggling getting that message about somebody that I care for so much, when I heard from him that he was waiting for his father to take his last breath, watching his hero slip away it fucked me up.

And I didn't realize how bad it was going to. I went over to my mother's and as soon as I walked upstairs she said what's wrong? What's wrong? And she hugged me and I explained what her heart broke for him and his family. Because we know all too well we're not alone. We are not alone Because, as I've said many times and I just said before, everybody listening has experienced this level of pain or you are about to, someday, some way in your life, going to experience this pain. It's inevitable, people, this is what we signed up for, this is what we're here for, this is what we have to endure. This is just the facts of life.

Since the death of my father, one of the things that I find myself doing, one of the things that I find myself needing to do, is to have a greater spiritual connection. I find myself needing to learn more about why I'm here, what I'm supposed to do here, what my purpose is. I find myself wanting to learn more about my Lord and Savior, because I know that if I fulfill my purpose, I know if I live the right way and I explore my faith. I hope and pray that someday, doing those things, that will all be together again that the friends that you've held dearly to in your heart and your thoughts and your minds that you've lost, that you've had to say goodbye to those family members that have meant so much to you, that molded you, that shaped you, that had to say goodbye to you because that you've never got to say goodbye to. If we pray enough and we live in a certain way, that us too someday will be together. My wife and my mother believe in a lot of different signs and just angel numbers and visions and all these things. They both feel that they've had these experiences and my father has come to them.

My father came to me once in a dream since he's passed and he was yelling at me. He was screaming at me and he just kept saying what the fuck do you want me to tell you? And I couldn't tell if my dad's yelling at me about this because he's saying the fuck do you want me to tell you? Man, like, is he here to say like, how many ways do I have to show you that the decisions you made in the end are okay? Or is he here saying I'm tired of watching you be stuck in the mud? What do I have to tell you if you did not be stuck in the mud. I Don't know what he was trying to tell me, but I can tell you it's scared the shit out of me and it woke me up.

I Know, along the way my brother Lance is, is Gonna get signs. He's going to have feelings, he's maybe gonna have dreams or visions and these things you're gonna happen to him to show him that that butch is okay, that he's where he needs to be and there's never gonna be justification for what happens right. There's never gonna be those things. But if you can Find a sense of peace then it can help you to To press on. And I know those things are gonna happen for him. But it Just pains me so much to think about his next few days and what's ahead of him and what follows those days.

And it's hard to be somebody to give these great encouraging words of advice when I've always kept the philosophy in life that if I'm gonna take, if I'm gonna take advice from somebody, then I'm gonna consider the source that if someone's gonna give me life advice, they better be living a great life. If someone's gonna be giving me marriage advice, it better be a beautiful marriage. If somebody's gonna give me business advice, they better have a very successful business. If you're gonna give me financial advice, you better be living high on the horse. So when I'm struggling with my own grief, with my own process, I Feel guilty trying to hand out positive advice, because you have to consider the source, and this source is experience, its sting and Realizing that I haven't accepted everything, that I've been living with too much disbelief. Every day is a different day, every Course of emotion can provoke a different reaction, and I'm not here telling you that I live every day paralyzed. I'm just telling you that I realized I was spinning my wheels and it's time to dig in my heels and to figure everything out, to accept it, to grieve, to do whatever it is I have to do to process my new life.

I Found a powerful message that I'm gonna hold on to, and that is that grief can be a burden but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place. There's a double meaning in this quote for me. When I look at this quote, grief can be a burden but also an anchor. You get used to the weight and how it holds you in place. There's two ways to look at this. I Feel like over the past few months that grief has certainly been an anchor and that anchor has absolutely 100% held me in place. It completely describes everything that I've been thinking and feeling, because I'm thinking a thousand miles a minute and I'm striving and I'm trying, but I just don't seem to be that productive, successful force that I always try to be. You see, the best of intentions often get beat by a broken heart. But as I read this quote, grief can be a burden but also an anchor, and you get used to the weight, how it holds you in place. This quote also Inspires me. It motivates me Because when I look at this quote and when I analyze it, one line really sticks out to me you get used to the weight. When I get used to the weight, no matter how heavy the burden, when I get used to the weight, I can move freely. When I get used to the weight, I can do all I want to do.

I've always been taught in life that when you get comfortable from those uncomfortable situations, the moment that the Uncomfortable becomes comfortable, you advanced, you grow, you expand. When you're a kid growing up and you're hitting the gym and you're trying to make the starting team. The more weight you push, as difficult as it is in the beginning, you get used to the weight. And when I get used to the weight, I can add more weight. And the more weight you add, the more conditioned you get, the stronger you get. Before you know it, you make that team, you get used to the weight, how it holds you in place. The moment you establish a Comfortable routine, a comfortable feeling with that weight, with that anchor, that anchor of burden. Once I'm comfortable with the weight, I can move about the place, I can advance myself and my situation. I could take more risks, I can add more weight. The line in here that finishes this whole thing is how it holds you in place.

For me, what I've been processing and how I've been Dealing with the burden of the anchor, it's been holding me in place. The moment I get comfortable with the weight, it's gonna ground me in my place. Because when I get comfortable carrying the burden, when I get comfortable with how it feels, how that anchor feels, when I become comfortable with the weight and how it holds me in place, it's not going to keep me From moving forward. What it's going to do is hold me grounded to my roots. It's gonna hold me grounded to my memories. It's gonna remind me of who I am and where I came from. It's gonna remind me this burden that I can feel, how I hold it, how it feels to me, how I move about the room with its weight. I'm grounded to the memory. I'm grounded to the life I used to live. It keeps me grounded but it won't prevent me from advancing. When I get used to this weight and I'm grounded to my memories, when I'm comfortable with the life I used to live and I accept the one that I'm building, that anchor isn't gonna weigh me down. Grief can be a burden, but it doesn't have to be. You know what's crazy.

As I was Scrambling to write down some quotes and put down some notes, I have a stack of these inspirational quotes that are on calendar pages. My wife Often buys me these motivational calendars and I tend to lose track of actually pulling the page from dates. And then there's some of them that I really enjoy and I'll stick them to my cork board for a while. But the backside of them has a spot for notes and I'll always stack them up and eventually I'll run out of scrap paper and I'll digging some of these notes, and what's kind of funny is I was writing the opening lines for today's show and put it on the back of my calendar. You know, taraway, whatever you call this notepad, this comes from Saturday, august 6th of 2022. Okay, how random is that? So this random piece of paper that I decided to write my notes on the backside of it when I flipped it over Saturday, august 6th 2022.

The inspirational quote is there are two ways of meeting difficulties you alter the difficulties or you alter yourself to meet them. I thought that was kind of fitting for today's message, ironically, as I'm writing on scrap paper, because I Can't alter the difficulty, nobody can. When there's a difficulty in life Tragedy or a great loss in life that it's final, it's fatal, there's, there's no altering that difficulty, but you can alter yourself to meet the difficulty. Part of altering yourself to meeting the difficulty is to learn how to grieve, to admit when you need help, to share what you're feeling, to understand that Grief is a lifetime thing, that grief will always last forever. It's something that you learn to live with and the moment you start to realize that you will never be the same again nor should you want to be the same Starts to fuel your motivation when you realize that grief can be a burden but it doesn't have to be, when you understand that grief is an anchor. But the moment you get used to that weight, the moment you get comfortable with that weight, how it holds you in place, you can flip that switch to understand that it can ground you in that place and the moment you're comfortable with that weight, you can move about any place. Yes, I'm certain that the sting of death will always be in your heart and your mind and your memories. Sometimes, when you're sharing those memories, when your mind is telling you it's time to share that memory, to tell that story. There's gonna be those days when it hurts your heart and it tears you apart, but there's gonna be a lot of days when your mind tells you, let's share that memory, and it fills your heart with that positive memory, with that beautiful message.

There certainly is no timetable on grief. There's no, no pamphlet that we can hand out that tells you this is the prototype, this is how you get over this, that's just how you get on from this. There is nothing that truly tells you the 1000% truth. This is what to do. Everybody's different, we all grieve differently, but we all need to know there's many people here. You just have to be willing to ask for the help, to tell them how you're feeling.

One of the harder lessons that I'm Learning as of late is to get over the disbelief, because that disbelief can become a close companion and Anger follows in its wake. I've been dealing with the disbelief. I've been processing the anger, realizing it, knowing it, understanding it Not allowing myself to continue to be paralyzed by it are my next steps. And Seeing how y'all been tuning in for a hundred and ninety something weeks, I'm sure that along the road, along this broken road, I'm gonna share more times, in more ways and more days that a song, a lyric, a message, a wrestling documentary, something hits me and and Sets me back or pushes me forward, and it provokes an emotion that I feel is necessary to share. And We'll be right back here doing it all over again.

But until then, the most important thing that I have to say today is Lance, I love you, I Feel for you, I'm hurt for you, I'm gonna pray for you and I'm always gonna love you, brother, and anybody else that's listening, that believes in Higher power, that has that spiritual connection that follows their faith. If you could pray for Lance and his family in this time, I would greatly appreciate it, because I know so many of you did that for me and it helped me and it continued to help me. So if you see it fit to do so, then I absolutely greatly appreciate you and I want you to know that that's. I wish I had the golden ticket man. I wish I had the unwritten secret to tell you what you're about to go through and to share with you tips, tricks and techniques to pack up and to move on.

But the truth is that I don't have the answers and I'm struggling myself. But as we said many times, many ways, there's strength and the struggle, and if we are willing to share our Struggle, then we too shall find the strength and we shall give that strength to others. So much like I did here today, turning on this microphone, sharing this raw, transparent response to life. I encourage you to do the same thing with those around you, to be honest with yourself and To allow yourself to to grieve, to process. I Know you're gonna have the tendency to want to be the man that Picks up the pieces for everybody, and that's certainly okay to do over the next few days, but don't lose sight of what's important to you and the things that you need to do for you, and whatever it is, in any way, any day, any time. I'm here in any way for you. I love it, brother, and Everybody listening. Thank you for supporting my American dream, yeah go wash.

That's it and that's all biggie Smalls.

If you're a loud proud American and you find yourself just wanting more.

Find me on YouTube and Facebook at loud, proud American, for the face page, as my mama calls it. If you're a fan of the Graham cracker, want to find me on Instagram. I'm gonna go and get a little bit of a look at the video. I'm gonna go and get a little bit of a look at the video. I'm gonna go and get a little bit of a look at the video, as my mama calls it. If you're a fan of the Graham cracker, want to find me on Instagram. Or all the kids I've tickety talking on the tiktok. You can find me on both of those at loud, underscore, proud, underscore, american. I'm a big old. Thank you to the boys from the gut truckers for the background beats and the theme song To this year podcast. If you are enjoying what you're hearing. You can track down the gut truckers on Facebook. Just search gut truckers. Give them motherfuckers. I like to. I truly thank you for supporting my American dream. Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.