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Embarking on life's journey often brings unexpected turns and heartfelt revelations, as beautifully captured in our latest podcast episode. My wife and I, open up about the raw complexities of navigating grief, the enchantment of spiritual connections, and the pure joy of new beginnings. A surprise road trip to Syracuse became a testament to the power of showing up for friends in mourning, and underscore our unbreakable bonds.
The episode takes a tender turn, exploring the mysteries of the afterlife through personal stories of signs and dreams that suggest our loved ones never truly leave us. We ponder the meaning behind recurring numbers and dreams imbued with messages from beyond. As we weave through these narratives, we invite you on a journey that promises to touch your soul and offer a sense of comfort in the belief that we're guided by those who have passed on.
Culminating in a heartwarming announcement, and a legacy honoring my father's memory. The revelation, wrapped in a mix of elation and nostalgia, is a testament to the cycle of life and the enduring impact of those we cherish. Join us as we celebrate these intimate moments, navigating through laughter and tears, and reinforcing the belief that we're all part of a larger tapestry, connected by love, loss, and the timeless dance of existence.
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00:01 - Share the Struggle
06:49 - Surprise Visit to Syracuse
19:29 - Connecting Through Shared Struggles
29:40 - Connecting With Spiritual Signs
39:22 - Messages of Hope and Connection
43:51 - Surprise Announcement on Podcast
Today's opener is a bit different than the previous 193 episodes, because today I'm going to set the bait and make you wait. So get ready for a special guest and a major announcement. Let me tell you something Everybody struggles. The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it. The choice is completely yours. Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life.
If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you. Do you have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations?
Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you, when you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense Most disagreements.
They stem from our own insecurities.
You are right where you need to be. I'm asking way too much. Share the struggle. Yeah, good work over there. We got to get our harmonies down. We got to maybe key it in. Share the struggle. That's it. Now we're talking. We were really just sharing the struggle. You have your microphone off, don't you Damn it? Turn it on. Talk to me again. Talk to me again. Talk to me, Goose Share the struggle.
And the first struggle of the day is you didn't have your microphone on when we started the show. My bad, I got a feeling people could possibly hear you on my microphone.
That is not nice.
Did you just call me a loud mouth? The hint might have been made. I'll leave it and let the people judge. If they can hear you, open the show, then use a bit loud. If they can't hear you, then the beginning of the show is going to be rather awkward.
Listen. I have been told I'm a loud mouth my entire life, so I don't need the listeners to tell me.
I do believe you've probably been told that you're a loud, proud American. You know what?
I mean, that's accurate.
Yeah Well, if y'all haven't figured it out by now, I am joined today by my lovely, beautiful, fabulous wife, the co-host for today's show.
That's me.
That's you. You are joining me today on episode. Do you know what episode number we're at? Did you hear me say it? I didn't Shows how much you listen to me.
I couldn't hear you. I don't have my headphones on or my microphone on.
Episode 194.
Seriously.
Yeah, and. I hope you all are looking for more because we got at least 6 more in us. We got at least hit to 200 before they take us off the air they're not taking us off you're right over my dead body people complaining about us yet, so we'll be alright. Episode 194 share the struggle podcast. Are you going to say it or am I?
You got it.
Nope.
I don't know what you want me to say.
I have my fucking one up over here.
Put your ones up. My day one listeners.
We have to get on the same page.
Listen y'all In my defense. I asked before we even hit go on this, do you have any show notes?
Do you have any?
cards. No, I don't. Are you ready? So he didn't prep me.
I don't need to prep you for sitting across from you with my number one finger up in the air.
This is real raw You're getting us.
I'm over here acknowledging the podcast and the listeners, the day ones out there.
We love you.
We do. You're damn right, we do.
Reign it in Barbie. They want to hear us talk.
We are talking. Actually, we're just bullshitting. A lot of people could call this arguing, but this is how we communicate.
This is our communication. This is core communication.
This is core communication, episode 101, chapter 7.
Getting uncomfortable with having uncomfortable conversations. This is our key factor.
This would be chapter 11 in the communication book Get it Pancrepsy. Anyways, welcome to the podcast, episode 194. Don't forget, find all things podcast related over to wwwsharethestrugglepodcastcom. Why? Because we built that freaking website and we pay for it each month, so somebody better look at it. That's why I say it every week.
Uncle Mike said he looked at it today. Who did Uncle Mike.
Oh, he did.
Yeah, he said I was just on there, remember, he told you about his he saw your YouTube. No, he said, I was just on your website. I saw you're doing YouTube things and stuff too Huh.
All right, look at us, we're taking off, baby, we're taking off. Speaking of taking off, we are taking right off the tracks because we've already lost sight of today's show and the way things are supposed to go. Well, this is why I'm not allowed to have a guest every week, I think, because just these things happen. You know what I mean.
Yeah, this is accurate, Well when you come in with show notes and you actually have guests on like just your wife. It's just your wife. You actually tend to stay on track, but me well we're just over here shadowboxing.
Starting to feel like notes are against my religion. Like organization might not be my thing. That's probably why he just rambles all the time. Well, we've clearly lost the audience. So as we prepare to figure out our life, I think we need to do it.
You mean like it on the radio?
I the people are into it, nobody wants to get you all right, all all right, all right. That was a nice little quickie right there, quick little break in the action. I had to go and call an audible right there. I had to go Omaha and get ourselves a gut check because we needed to gather ourselves and get this show back on track. You with me, gotcha? Okay, good, because you have your phone in your hand, so I was really questioning whether you were with me or not.
I was actually texting a picture behind the scenes to one of our day one listeners.
A day one.
We were currently recording Jen Barnes. This is coming to you.
I will let it slide knowing that the selfie was for Jen Barnes Barnes and I know she's listening on a winning Wednesday as this episode drops, but I refuse to let you distract me any further. We need to get this show on the road and, speaking of Jen Barnes and this show on the road, I think this is a perfect segue to give our listeners a little insight, a little update on what we've been up to and just what we've been doing. So last week's podcast was definitely a heartfelt podcast.
I think it was a bit of a tearjerker I know it was for me personally and I've heard from many of you that felt the same way that last week was an emotional episode and I think some of the rawness and the realness that really uh, provoked that uh emotion is those conversations that we had last week with lance and jen and, as we said on last week's show, lance suddenly tragically lost his father and we were really holding a tight lip secret last week when I recorded the episode of the podcast because we were already planning on driving out to Syracuse.
But I did not want to say that on the podcast because we were holding out that if there was any potential opportunity or ability for us to be a surprise, to put a smile on Lance's face and to put a smile on the face of all of our other friends and family that's out in New York.
We were just going to kind of stay tight-lipped on our plan but the moment we heard the news we knew we were going to be headed to Syracuse because, first and foremost, that's just what family does and that's what family did because they've already done that for us. After my dad's service, I believe that I turned the same microphone on and stood in my kitchen and cried about my friends from New York that we consider family, that put their lives on hold to drive, you know, to make a 12 hour round trip to be at my dad's service. So, knowing that they did that, obviously we were going to do the same thing and I think they expected we were going to do the same thing. But it's one of those things when you hope for something, it's all good and great, but when it actually happens, I think it's that much more special. Like when they came to us, we kind of half expected it was a possibility, but when it actually happened it was just like wow, this is truly amazing, and I think that's how it went for them as well.
So- yeah, because the only one that knew was Jen.
Right.
She was keeping the secret for us.
And it was a lot of driving because we had to turn things around pretty quick.
So it was 12 hours and 24.
Yeah, basically right, we uh, on that wednesday we brought my uh, my mom, to work around 5, 36 o'clock and then am am picked you up at 12 45, put my mom up at one, dropped her off at home so she could take care of the animals for us.
And hit the road for 145?.
Yeah, we were on the turnpike at 145. So we got to Syracuse.
745, 8 o'clock we still saw Syracuse. Yeah, about 745.
We ran in crazy weather snow sleet craziness.
We do have a cool time lapse. We do have to post that together.
I haven't put that together because I think we possibly are still trying to get caught up on our sleep. Yeah, I don't think it's really settled in yet here, but so it was a smooth road trip regardless of the weather.
It was still the Thank you to Bobby yeah shout out to Necessary Auto with my four new shoes on my car.
She drove like a top car she drove like a top.
Yeah, we put four brand new tires on tuesday to leave on wednesday, because we wouldn't have made it I mean in your podcast. Yeah, we listened oh good, so that that needed to happen. But um, on the ride down there, I think that we we had a nice little trip, very nice little trip just spend some time together, just the two of.
Just the two of us. Just the two of us.
We can make it if we try. Woo, get it, get it Beyonce.
You and.
I.
Whoa, yeah, I've been Well done, I've been practicing them lows, baby. Practicing them lows, el Varo.
Okay and moving on.
Oh sorry, I was getting into my lows oh, real, okay, and moving on.
Oh sorry, I was getting into my lows, we noticed You're about to drop a low. That was the Oak.
Ridge Boys. When I was in Florida, I actually heard the.
Oak Ridge Boys do that song. Oh my God, here we go again.
Squirrel, yeah, so we drove down. Yeah, so we get there. We go to surprise them at a restaurant there's like 30 of us for dinner. There's a whole mess of people right, it's a hoot nanny, all hoot nanny of folk.
He didn't expect anything, because there was that many people there. It wasn't like they had a table for 12, but then they were like oh, keep these two open chairs. They had to pull a table over for us. Good point, oh over for us and it was like so it was oh yeah, oh, jen and I, we had this, so much so that jen was like yeah hey, lance is driving my car, do not text me whatever you do he's by the door, don't come in yeah, we had like play by.
Play it was, it was absolutely perfect. And then you came up with an absolutely amazing idea thank you to sneak in and tell him, and so I had let Jen know before we had gotten in there which go ahead, take it away.
So I only had one encounter with Butch and I mentioned it last week you did. His personality, I think, was bigger than him. He was full of life and energy.
It was such a great night, though, like I felt like we knew him forever, which is the same sense with everybody that we've met from New York to be honest, Absolutely yeah.
So one of the sayings he had that I learned that day, that I've always heard from the folks from New York ever since, is the line first one today, yep. When you see him with a beer in his hand, no matter when you see him with it, no matter what number it is, first one today, yep.
He can spin it in any way, shape or form. That's his first one today.
So we hadn't seen Lance. He didn't know we were going to be there. Jen queued us up, handed us his beer right at the bar and then I kind of put my head down and I think I was pretty incognito. I mean it was like I went from a big tree to a small bush just trying to get through the crowd.
I do have the video. The crowd I do have the video. Oh, you do, yeah, are you kidding. Did you just underestimate me? I'm disappointed.
Well, anyways, I approached Lance from the back.
Coming in your rear.
Coming in your rear over, and I sneaked the beard over his shoulder, put it in front of him as if I was a finely crafted, delicate waiter, and I whispered in his ears first one today.
Sweet nothings.
And I mean I don't know if it was my sensual voice or my bear claws that were dropping the beer, but I think one of those things must have connected. And he turned around and saw it was me.
I don't know if it was the tattoos on your arm that might have been like a hmm winner winner chicken dinner, I think it was.
I'm going to go with synchronized heartbeat, you know.
That's probably it, you're correct.
This is something that brothers share. You know what I mean. It is what it is Is that?
like when too many females get in the same room and everyone's on their period at the same time. They're all synchronized periods.
No, that's just crazy it happens, happens.
Ask any crew of women.
Yeah well, I know what happens anyway, their menstruation attracts bears. What is that? 40 year old virgin or something see how quickly we can get off topic here we both had a nice moment. We had a great moment talking about lance, and then you're gonna come in here with menstruation. That's the end of this discussion Period. Huh, I have. It's been a long time since I've been able to use a good period.
Joke, man that was good.
I don't mean to pull the plug on this one, but Like a tampon Bingo, you complete me, I'm done. I'm glad we've been able to add some humor to this, because this is what this is about right.
We've been on an emotional roller coaster. We need to laugh, and I know the ones listening that really need to hear this message, that know how much we care about them. They need to laugh too. So that's the whole point behind all this, because this is some serious stuff, it's emotional stuff, but I just want to put a smile on their face, so that's why we're doing it.
But even during the healing process, you have to remember to smile, you have to remember to enjoy the little things in life, because that's what they would want us to do.
Yeah, and it ain't easy to do. It is hard as hell.
H-E-double hockey sticks.
Yeah, and I've been in a very big rut myself. That's been really affecting a lot of things that I like to do and want to do and I'm just trying to shake myself out of that. And being around them, I think, was helpful and sharing these, these emotions and, obviously, having this podcast and sharing these stories and feelings I think that it's the reason why this podcast is named share the struggle, because we just come on here, we're transparent and we say things that are happening as they're happening and then the hope is that number one we can grow from them and that other people that are listening can learn from them and grow too. So that's really what it is, man.
There's always strength in our stories. If you just think about it, like how many times just in the last, I don't know, let's throw it out there year, have you and I just turned the microphone on after a death in the family? It's been way too much, way too many, but that's how real, raw and transparent we are with our listeners. It's just how we operate, that's how we heal, that's how we move forward.
Going through this as we're pushing 200 episodes. I've had an episode dedicated to the death of my brother where I read through his entire service. I had an episode for my grandfather and I read through his service my grandmother. We had an episode fresh off the heels of losing your meme.
Your brother, my brother.
Dennis as well, mutual friends that we've lost along the way. A couple of suicide episodes that we had to have about friends that we lost. There's too much of it. And then you find ourselves last week talking about Lance and his dad and your dad.
We literally recorded the service for my dad and played it on here and we've had the just raw response to life all along the way, and that's why I truly feel that, even if this podcast had to stop in the future, I would do everything I can to keep all of our episodes live, like just to keep them available, because I think there's strength here, I think that there's, there's lessons here, and that's what it's about?
I mean you wouldn't come on here and just um bear your emotions to the world and be as uh, upfront and emotional about it. So that's why we do it, and there's a cat behind my computer right now that's attacking me and all my cables I can tell you right now, like you make a valid point about just keeping your um, your episodes live.
Um, Jen texted me earlier and told me that she was listening to your podcast from last week and it's helping me listen to him talk about grief. Um, and we never lose the memories, but we change to accept it. She said, wow, that's really powerful. So she's the one that's experiencing the loss as well right now and it's very close to her. So I mean even just hearing from Jen that she's dealing with this right now.
This is as raw and real as possible for her Right.
Absolutely now and your last episode as raw and real as possible for her right. Absolutely, and what you're, what you're preaching, is what she's dealing with and how she's trying to get over everything that's happening right now and find the new norm, like we had to do yeah and yeah.
And we're still doing it because I haven't established a norm and and I think that there's also a point where we all need to know that there's there's strength in sharing our struggles. And I'm not trying to harp on the name of the show to be some creative ego trip here. I'm actually stating the fact that if Jen's reaching out to you and sharing with you what she's struggling with, and that something that I said last week is making a difference and those conversations that we're having amongst each other is making a difference in me, that's how this works, absolutely that's how this works. The messages I've had with Lance and the conversations with Lance, where he's struggling and sharing insights and it's helping me heal. At the same time, we need to realize this we can all help each other. We just have to be willing enough to help, to listen and to share, and I don't care what it is.
At some point today we're all gonna struggle with something. It's not gonna be as heavy or, thankfully, hopefully, I pray for you today that's not as heavy as what Lance and Jen are dealing with right now, but you're all going to struggle and when you have a willingness to learn and to listen, I think that that's where the healing comes, no matter what that difficulty is in life. So that's what I really truly love about the podcast is those things and the relationships that have been made because of that. But speaking of Jen, if we're going to fast forward a little bit the actual day of the service, when we went to the service, it was a phenomenal service and I just want to give Jen a real shout out here because she did an amazing job on the eulogy for Butch.
The real MVP right there I felt like it really made us connect with him personally. We learned more about him and I can tell you that when I was actually texting back and forth with Jen the night before we left to go on the road trip that she was running around doing so much I know she was being Susie Homemaker. She was fixing things. She was in the Lancer's toolbox and getting things done. She was getting the house ready to host all the friends and family after the service.
She was fixing toilets, for God's sakes. I was trying to keep that on the DL.
No, she was proud, she fixed the damn toilet. She's fixing toilets, she's making slideshows, she's fixing toilets. For God's sakes. I was trying to keep that on the.
DL. No, she was proud. She fixed the damn toilet. She's fixing toilets, she's making slideshows, she's writing eulogies, she's cleaning house. Oh my God, I told you she's the real MVP, and she's planning our secret arrival all at the same time, you know.
Mm-hmm.
So, lance, don't fuck that one up there, buddy. You know you got that figured out. You did well, my friend. You did real well, lad, but Jen, you did an amazing job on the eulogy and on the slideshow. I think that really helped all of us connect with Butch, and I also want to say that the reverend that presided over the service was phenomenal.
He got me choked up. He got emotional and it choked me up.
Both of them had me crying, and what I will say is that I've unfortunately been to a lot of services and not everybody connects with the person that's passed, and what I mean by that is like these preachers that come in and do all these services. God bless them and you thank them for their service, but some of them have done hundreds and thousands of these. If you have someone that's been, you know, in the church for 50 years, they probably could have done a thousand funerals by that time.
You know, Some of them have done easily hundreds, and for him to be as emotional and connected, it was truly moving. And I know he said he had lost his wife like 10 months previously and, yeah, it was emotional. Was it was emotional? It really, had really really hit home. He did a great job of making things, uh, spiritual and personal all at the same time and uh, yeah, it was. It was a great service.
After the service, we were fortunate enough to spend some quality time with everybody. We went back to the Lancer for in got to spend some time with Lance, our brother from another mother and our entire crew from New York. It was great to see everybody. Kevin, we didn't get to see Amy this trip. She was out of town, but we really got to catch up with everybody. Kevin and Kip and Shelly and Mikey Brown and Joe Mero, and you know I could go on for days with everybody we got to see, but it was great to have the opportunity to connect with everybody. And then it seems like just as quickly as we were there, we were back on the road and headed home and we got home. What day was that?
Thursday, probably, like 9 o'clock or so so you know you log 12 hours of driving in the in two days.
Basically seems like you know 24 hours just about, but didn't feel like that no, and it never feels like that with them that's the great thing is, I don't feel bad about that amount of driving, even if it's for a day or two, because I feel like we get so much time, so much emotion or so much energy into whatever time we do have that it feels like a full weekend. You know what I mean. Like a weekend feels like a week. A day feels like a weekend. So overall I just think the whole trip was absolutely worth it.
Absolutely, of course. Any time spent with them is worth it.
Yeah, so it was a great experience and it's tough because it's such a difficult experience. We talk about it all the time, right? Nobody gets together enough in this world. We only, unfortunately, get to see some of the people we care about most when difficult things happen, when it's tragic times, when it's tough times, it's either a holiday or a horrible day and people tend to be together.
But as these things are happening and I think about, you know, last week's episode and talking about Butch and thinking about my dad and connecting the dots on all these things I just have really been spending a lot of my time, you know, thinking about Lance and Jen and their family and friends, trying to pack up the pieces and kind of press on and to find a new norm. And I find myself, trying to gather myself and to find my new norm, that I feel like I still haven't settled into the way my new life is you know, and while doing all this, you spend a lot of time thinking about my dad, and you know last week's show just kind of talking about him.
I had mentioned that you and my mom seem to have all these experiences with him.
Oh, yeah, all the time.
I don't get any of that.
I just told you last night that I had one two nights ago.
Yeah, scared me out to death I literally had one where he was yelling and screaming at me and um other than that, I had. I had the eagle experience that we talked about and um, I guess most recently when I was heading to florida, when I got on the airplane and we were ready to take off, I put my earbuds in. If you have your earbuds synced to your phone, it'll often go to your music selection, right, whatever you have or whatever you've been listening to.
That's so funny that you say that Sometimes it'll start a book. I listen to my AirPods every single day and that's never happened to me.
I don't know what it is, but these Beats headphones you gave me. They don't go to the chapter in the book I'm listening to. They don't go to like the podcast I'm on. It just randomly pulls music out of my phone and it's never like a Spotify channel or anything. It's like legitimately what's downloaded on my phone.
I think that's a sign.
Well, when I got on the plane and I put my headphones in, it just plays automatically. You don't get to push anything. And the Creedence Clearwater song that I played at my dad's service in his slideshow started playing as we were getting ready to take off and it just hit me, you know, and I felt like my dad was there, and then I was all emotional the whole flight.
Damn it dad.
What's that? Damn it, dad. And then when I was flying home, I put my headphones back in to get started on a book after I was chatting with my neighbor. To get started on a book after I was chatting with my neighbor and it actually started from the exact same song, but not in the beginning. It started towards the end where there's a lyric in the song. I'd have to look it up because off the top of my head I'm having a hard time remembering, but it's got that old travel in bone and I'm heading home. So it talks about, like, traveling and heading home.
Doesn't it say something about missing home? Yeah, I'll have to look it up in a second.
But, as I'm telling the story, I can't think of the line. I've sang the song a million times, but the fact that it started right from that spot in the song and I'm traveling and I'm headed home it was definitely was choking me up. And the ironic thing is it's not the last song downloaded on my phone, because there's multiple other songs after that. So it's random that that is where it started. But all that aside, I don't have all of the of the signs and things that you guys have. Maybe I have a few of those, but I definitely don't have the visions and the dreams that you and my mother have. I said last week that you definitely have those. A few weeks ago we talked about on the podcast. I had mentioned that you know you had had one that really impacted you and I think that as we try to connect last week's episode and this week's message and seeing how you're here on the show with me today, I was wondering if maybe you would share a little bit about that dream that you had.
I would love to, but I'm already emotional and I haven't even started telling the story.
Well, you're going to need to figure that part out.
We've talked about it in the past. I have really found myself more in tune with the spiritual side of things ever since my mom, grandma, has passed away, and so I think we've talked about it before. You have to be open to the messages and you have to be willing to accept them and receive them. And the more you acknowledge them and recognize them, the more you'll see them. So you'll see sequence of numbers and you'll see, maybe hear a song or any of those sort of things. But it's the moment that you acknowledge them and it just has to be like okay, I hear you.
And it doesn't have to be out loud. You just, you know, do it to yourself, and I know we've talked about this before, but the acknowledgement goes a long way, so I have. I see multiple, you know numbers, angel numbers. You know 111, 444. We see all the time and anytime you see those, it's always encouraged to look them up if you continue to see them, because you have to stop and think what's going on in that moment and why you needed to see that message. That's always important. So I tell you that story so that we can talk about the signs that we've where I find myself in tune with your dad. So, um, I I don't know the exact timeframe, but it was after your dad had passed away, um, and after the service, um, I had been dead asleep. Uh, I don't know. Every every night I kept waking up at about, you know, three in the morning, every morning.
It was a consistent time. Was it like three, 33 or something?
I remember you looked up like the numbers behind it and stuff too.
But you it was every night the exact same time That.46. Is that what it was?
Mm-hmm. 3.46.
You woke up every single morning at the same time, and I remember when I would get up I'd get the play-by-play of like this is when I woke up. This is what I did, and once I woke up, I just laid here and I couldn't sleep and I watched three episodes of Kids Baking Championship and I watched Iron Chef championship and I watched Iron Chef and I finally went to sleep right before my freaking alarm went off. That was like the, you know, the continued theme of your, your sleep for I don't know a week or at least.
So three, 40s, three, 46 angel number is a powerful reminder to trust the journey and trust that the universe has your back. See what I mean? You have to look them up, you have to. I continuously kept seeing it, you have to know. All right, there's a reason for it. You have to stay strong, you have to keep moving and that's what my spirit guides, my angels, are telling me.
So this was no other night. I had woken up out of a dead sleep. The only difference is this time I woke up crying, completely, just bawling my eyes out for no apparent reason. I didn't remember. When you wake up suddenly, like that, you don't remember your dream until you stop and kind of like, all right, what the heck is happening, I'm awake, what's going on? And it was a quick, short dream, um, and I remember that. Um, I remember seeing your dad in my dream and he came to me and he grabbed my stomach and he kissed my stomach.
Super weird, very weird. But if you recall the times when we were talking about your dad at the end of his life, he was talking about a grandchild wanting a grandchild. We've talked about that. We don't know how to make grandchildren according to him and this sort of thing. And so it was, uh, really weird, it didn't it just set set me, set me back a little bit. I was like, wait a minute, like what, what is this? What is happening? Um, and, as usual, I just sat there and laid there for, you know, a couple of hours before I fell back to sleep and didn't think anything of it. Didn't think anything of it.
Um, I think that was the same night that I had a dream that my dad came to me and he was in my face yelling at me like what do you want me to tell you? And uh, I woke up crying for a different reason.
And and um reason and and um, you know, I sit back and try to think about, like, you know, what was he trying to tell me? You know what I mean. Like, is he wondering why I'm not moving forward, why I'm lost? Like I didn't, you know, you, just like you said, you think about all those things and what the message is supposed to be. And, um, when you woke up and you started telling me that you had had this dream, I was like, wait a minute, I had this dream and mine was way shittier, you know. But like, because I was so clouded by, like, what my experience was, it didn't all resonate with me as to what your dream was until like a day or two later.
And then you know, like we're talking about it, like you're telling me again and I'm like wait a minute. He came to you and kissed your belly Like it was um, you know it was.
And to me, the way that I like interpret um, that dream, like you know, the next day and the couple of days later is that, um, and a couple days later is that, whatever we decide, whenever we decide to have a baby, he's there to protect us, he's there to guide us. That's almost just like a unification, like I've got you. It's a blessing.
Yeah, it's one of those things where we've been talking about trying and know, having those conversations about when to try and to plan these things out. So it was kind of like this is him blessing us on this journey, that this is what we, you know, this is okay, or this is going to work out, or this is what you should be doing, type of scenario.
Yeah, it's almost like he's giving us the blessing that it's okay to move forward, it's okay for this to happen, even though he's not here to be a part of it.
Another layer of this, as we're talking about it, is when you had that reading from Cato. When you had that, that reading from from Kato, and there was one like we, we did we play one on here.
We went through the whole, I know we went through the whole detail on it. Yeah, we did the play by play. Yeah, so let them listen.
Previous to that, there was another time when you thought she might've been talking to you, because she was talking about somebody that had just passed on and like a baby or something. What was that? How did that one go?
Yeah, so, um, I listened to Kato every single, every single day, um I at lunchtime, and um, she always will say um, if you can resonate with anything that I'm saying, even if it's the readings, for you to please take this as a sign and a symbol that your loved ones are coming forward.
And Teresa Caputo has said the exact same thing when we've seen her live what twice now loved one and she was talking to this girl and usually, like I have my headphones in and I'm working and I don't usually watch her she's usually live on TikTok, so I don't need to watch but it caught me by surprise because she was talking about things that were really resonating with me. So she had just lost a loved one who was her father-in-law, and she had mentioned leukemia. And I was like whoa, okay, hold. And she had mentioned that this gentleman had brought this baby forward to this lady and she was like wait a minute, what? What? Like? Are you serious? Like this doesn't even make any sense.
And so there were just so many factors, um, and I don't remember if it Kato's um was before the dream or after, but I know it was like either the day before or the day after, like it was like they were coincide with one another, um, so it was just so eyeopening that I literally stopped what I was doing, like I stopped working at that point, Like I was like tuned in, um and basically, um, she had acknowledged the fact that, uh, this gentleman had passed on um, met the baby, brought the baby to said lady that she was reading for, to said lady that she was reading for, and it was just so beautiful just to know that. I mean they say, unfortunately, you lose one to gain one, and in her situation that was exactly the case. And so to have that dream I think it was the next day, because to have those things, those two things go coincide with one another I was like, okay, hold on a second here yeah this is definitely him coming forward.
kato, I had already talked to kato with your dad and now he's coming forward to Kato again, breaking this down. That it's okay. It's okay for you guys to make the decision at some point to move forward to have a baby. I will be there, I'll guide you, I'll, I'll keep, keep you safe and that's the strength that I got from that message. Without Cato saying hey, ali, I'm going to talk to you about pops.
Yeah, it's Ali, I'm going to talk to you about Pops. Yeah, it's a lot right and you know there's a lot of strength there for us moving forward, you know, and a lot of like I don't know. It just gives you some courage and some confidence. I guess you would say, like I don't know it just gives you some courage and some confidence.
I guess you would say and these are things that these same things you know, or similar things, are going to happen for Lance and Jen and they're going to happen for anybody else that's listening that has lost someone. You know, if you're open to those things, then you know they'll come to you and I think that that's half of it. You know, and I know that, like the spiritual searching that you've done, like the reiki and all those things, I think it's helped to open you up for those things, um, but I really wanted you to share some of that because I also think it gives some hope for people that are listening, that I really feel like it gives a real big dose of hope for all of us that have lost somebody that we really care about. Because if you can have these connections and these things can happen, I think this is one more layer of fate. It's one more layer of belief that we should all have that someday, someway, we'll be together again.
Absolutely and that someday, someway in every day, that they're still here for you and that they're looking over you, that there's truth to this, that they're guiding your path, they're lighting your way, they're pulling for you each and every day and when you can have these little glimmers of hopium, these doses of hopium that come along, that show you that, no, they're still here for you, man, and they can still communicate with you in certain ways, and that by doing this, they're telling you that things are okay, that you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, and that someday, some way, we can be together again.
And that's what I like to take from this, and that's what everybody needs to take from this, because I don't care if something just happened to you or it's about to happen to you. You're going to experience this level of loss if you haven't already. It is what it is. This is the life we signed up for, right? There's no guarantee on you and me. You're going to endure these levels of loss, and the only thing that gets me through this is the firm belief that someday, some way, I will be with my dad again and that everybody needs to think and feel the same way.
Absolutely.
Now to connect another story about my dad. What is the date? Now? It's almost April, it's the end of March, so January 9th was my dad's birthday and we had an episode on here where we talked about my dad's birthday and I believe I share with everybody that we went to my dad's favorite restaurant for dinner and we kind of talked about that and I also said that on my dad's favorite restaurant for dinner and you know, we kind of talked about that and I also said that on my dad's birthday there was another extremely important, powerful message that came to us, that happened for us, that we really wanted to share, like we really wanted to share it for my dad's birthday and the recap on his episode, but we just couldn't because the time wasn't right. And, um, I feel like tonight, more so than ever, the time is right and it's important for us to share a little bit about that, um, that day and that message and what happened. Do you want to shed a little light on that?
I had, uh, a nice wrapped up present on the counter. Um, one last thing from uh your dad that I wanted to present to you. Um, and so we were all running around trying to get uh last minute things done before we had to head out. You know, dogs needed to be fed, horse needed to be taken care of, and uh. So you come up the stairs and you're like running around like I gotta get changed, I gotta do this, I gotta do that. And here's this present me and this present standing uh side by side, just just waiting for you to slow down for a minute.
I didn't even see it and then you had finally, uh, noticed it and I was like you're like what's this? And I was like it's a present and you're like no presents.
I was your, that was your response no presents no presents, it's not my birthday, it's my dad's and he ain't here to celebrate it and I said, well, your dad wants you to have this, so what was in that? Uh, gift bag yeah, yeah, it was a familiar gift bag because I think I'm one of the best gift bag buyers in the country you do love your gift bags.
If I took my gift bags and then framed them, you guys would think I have the most majestic Christmas art this side of the North fucking Pole you talk about that every year. It's true, it's true. So I'm trying to get ready to leave and we're bringing my mom to my dad's favorite restaurant for his birthday, and here's this gift bag and I assume you're re-gifting because it's a bag I've already purchased. It's a lovely bag, so I know it was mine.
In case anyone was wondering, it was a red barn covered in snow.
Yeah.
Beautiful gift bag.
So you said this is for you, and I said no, I had no gifts for me. I had no more gifts and you were extremely annoyed by it.
Because I just wanted you to open up the bag.
I said it's not my birthday, it's my dad's and he's not here to celebrate this. And you were persistent that I needed to open it.
Right then, and there, just the two of us.
I reached in there and I pulled out one of my own designs. For a minute you would think you just gave me something that I made.
That's cute, yeah, in your own Christmas bag.
So I bought the bag and I made the gift.
Yes.
Except this is a gift that I couldn't wear.
It's not going to fit you.
No, it's hard to believe this gift would have ever fit me.
This is true.
Because the gift that was in the bag was one of my onesies, and it was followed by a very small pair of leather cowboy boots and a pregnancy stick.
That's correct. And a note.
That pregnancy stick wasn't a fresh, unused one. Someone had already filled this one out.
Yeah, I had definitely taken care of that.
Somebody had already aced this test. Mm-hmm had already aced this test On the first, on my dad's first birthday, his first heavenly birthday. His first birthday, his first heavenly birthday In my nearly 42 years on this earth, the first ever time that I've had to celebrate my dad's birthday without him. I've never missed one single birthday with my dad 41 years. The first birthday that I don't get to spend with my dad, I find out that I'm going to be a dad.
I couldn't have picked a better day to share that moment with you, and that was why I felt it was so important for you to open that bag right then and there. I know how much your dad wanted this. Sometimes I wonder if he wanted it more than we did, so I felt it was very appropriate for me to do it on his birthday.
We obviously went over and gave the same experience for my mom. She bawled her eyes out too, and the three of us got in the car and drove to dinner. Like my dad was there with us, and we shared all of those emotions together. And I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that there's a also an incredible sense of guilt, that, um, we're having this like the. The one thing my dad wanted, like all my adult life, was for me to give him a grandkid, and and we heard every single day, multiple times a day when he was in the hospital, how he wanted a grandson, and the fact that just a few weeks after he's gone, I'm finding out that I want to be a dad, and if I have the opportunity to tell my dad on his birthday that we were finally making him a grandfather, it would have been one of the best days of his life.
One of the best days of his life. Knowing that this happened a very short time after his passing has, uh, been very bittersweet.
Very hard yeah.
I can tell you that, uh, knowing that has kept me from being as excited as I should be, but I just keep telling myself that this is the way it's meant to be and this is clearly part of his plan. And all of a sudden, those messages from a medium and a dream from my dad kissing your belly all those things tend to make a heck of a lot more sense than they did a few weeks ago.
Yeah, for sure.
So we wanted to share the news with all y'all on the podcast as soon as it happened, but it definitely was too early to do so.
Yeah.
We've crossed the super scary time of pregnancy, we're allowed to start saying some of these things, mm-hmm. We're allowed to start saying some of these things. To really kind of connect the dots on today's message, I think one of the most fortunate things that we were able to do was when we traveled to Syracuse to be with our extended family. In Syracuse, we had the opportunity to tell all of them in a surprising way that we're going to be parents, and I think it was just a really special opportunity to just sprinkle on another dose of hopium on a difficult day you know, absolutely.
Oh boy, know, absolutely oh boy. With that said, um, as everything in my mind is swirling and twirling over here as I'm trying to figure things out, we have been doing our best over the past week or so, or whatever it's been, to let as many people as we possibly can know that we're, you know, some of the people in our lives that are special. We've been trying to reach out and to find time and opportunity to connect with so many people, but it's just not all possible. And with that said, I wanted to tell all my podcast peeps, before we went official with this, before we go public, before we go public trading here, we open the stock market up and let the wide world web know and everybody else know we're on here telling our podcast peeps.
That we're going to be parents.
Pray for us.
Holy shit.
Holy fucking shit. Raise the Tylenol, you serious Clark.
There's a heart attack my friend.
Yeah, we'll take as many prayers as possible. But, all jokes aside, I really truly wanted to come on here and share all of this with the podcast peeps that are out there, because you guys mean so much to us, whether you're just tuning in and you're just starting to listen or you've been here for the previous 193. You mean so much to me and to you and, like you said, this has been therapy for us. We've shared so much on here and we've had to share some difficult, dark topics and discussions on here.
We've shared good topics, bad topics, exciting topics, and we couldn't have thought of a better way to tell you guys.
We had to do it this way. We had to this way I felt like if a bunch of you saw this hit your timeline on social media, you would have felt shafted, because we're in this life together. Our relationship means a lot more than you seeing a photo on a timeline saying that we're expecting Y'all mean too much to us.
Absolutely.
So, with that said, we're sharing all this with you before it goes everywhere else. So if you could do us the favor, if you want to reach out, that's tremendous and we love you for it. Just don't post it on our social media timeline yeah, don't post it yet.
We're going to make a post this weekend.
Yeah, our plan is to have a post this weekend that'll come out, but, um, we're still actually officially trying to contact some friends and family that we know. Aren't, you know podcast listeners, or we think if they are and they found out.
We're still trying, we have a little try it man, it's, it's tough, and it is tough.
you know, sometimes you reach out to somebody and it's like you can only reach out so many times you can, and then you have to just move on you know there's been awkward attempts to talk to some people, but also it's tough to do some of this and text messages and you're like well, you know, I know we're not going to have the time and opportunity for us to all be face to face, and some of those loyal listeners out there that I would have texted you, I actually feel like you would enjoy it a hell of a lot more. Hearing the story just the way you heard it today, like this, is a lot more exciting and fun than if you got a text message from me saying diapers are pricey. You know what I'm saying, yeah, which that's coming there's going to be a live sale.
You ain't kidding, coming soon, but I just wanted to take the time and I know you wanted to take the time to come on here and to share with everybody this milestone moment that's happening to us, for us, and uh it's. We're gonna need all y'all's help. How many episodes have we had where we said it takes a village?
Yeah.
Y'all, we need that village. I need the villages ASAP.
Well, we can't just tell them that we're expecting, we have to tell them the details.
I'll let you take it, because I've been teared up so much over here I'm stuffalophagus.
So at this current moment, um as we are um recording, we are 15 and a half weeks um, so we will be due as it stands in the books, september 15th is the due date, and mama and baby are doing great. We are wonderful, just craving potatoes. Send all the potatoes. Mashed potatoes, crinkle fry, cut potatoes, all the potatoes.
Did you say mashed potatoes or Matt's potatoes? Has Matt been making you fucking potatoes?
No, not Matt. All right, who the fuck is Matt? You know? Just kidding, I'm just kidding Matt, I love you. There's only one Matt in my life. Who the?
fuck is Matt. You know, there's only Just kidding, I'm just kidding.
There's only really one, matt, I love you. There's only one.
Matt in my life. I'm just kidding, is it Rug?
No, I'm just kidding.
Matt oh boy.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding no Mashed potatoes, but we are doing wonderful, wonderful. Uh, short appointments mean healthy mom, healthy baby, so we do go in next month, on the 26th, which is what day, it's what?
it's part of the nfl draft day yep, uh, we do a anatomy scan and also a gender reveal. Um, so daddy over here wants to do a skeet shoot, so we will go ahead and do a skeet shoot for the gender reveal. So stay tuned for that video. Um, probably the 26th, because I can't wait any longer. It's 30 days from today when we're recording short.
Yeah, you're right, you're right they better be short days.
Yeah, um, other than that, things are wonderful. I have to say I am rather blessed when it comes to first trimester and, so far, second trimester. I am in a just hope and pray that that's what keeps happening.
To toss a few more factoids information in there. No, I did not get the opportunity to try. That never happened. I feel robbed of a month or two month long experience where we were trying like banshees. That did not happen.
Nope. This is another reason why we think this is all your dad's plan.
Because this happened outside of the practice window, that we had assigned for this situation and according to, as you were telling me, the math, the way the hospital masks things out. I think there's another important detail you could share.
Yes, laying your dad to rest and speaking about us not knowing how to have a baby and not knowing if we were ever going to have a baby, but needless did we say we were pregnant according to the textbook. But yeah, this has definitely been. Your dad has been involved in so many signs and symptoms. Symptoms I doubt it.
But, signs yes.
At the early ultrasound, we did have the ability to see the baby and also had the ability for them to check the heartbeat, and I just wanted to share with you that as well. We were talking about angel numbers earlier and the heartbeat came back as 112 on the early anatomy scan. Or detection, excuse me, um, or detection, excuse me, uh, detection scan and 112, um, came up twice as a baby's heartbeat. And if you know in the medical field, um, or if you take your own heart rate, you're never going to get the same heart rate two times in a row. It's not going to happen. It's just not how your body functions. Um, however, our little friend here, uh, mr man, that's what we're calling him.
Okay, I didn't know that that's new to me. Yeah, I just made that up because I didn't know really where to go.
We're hoping for a boy. In case anyone was wondering uh, we got 112 and if you look up the angel number for 112, it's a sign of divine love, protection and guidance from angels. Oh really Pops.
Yeah.
Really Okay. Focus on your spiritual growth and trust in the divine timing of the universe.
Oh that right, there is your uh indication that you were not practicing nothing because your dad had this whole timeline planned out yeah, certainly it wasn't my timeline, because it squeezed in like about a week in between two of our biggest events of the year. So yeah, very big events actually it's all meant to be so that's right, that's right man, what a what an episode. I got a feeling this is gonna be a powerful one for so many because I'm ready to shit my pants.
It's not on the couch, well hey, if the kid can do it, oh my god, oh boy, I don't know what else to say. I've run the full gamut of emotions on this episode today and I'm spent and you look like you're spent over there too.
I'm over here growing a baby. It's a lot of work.
All right. Well, I mean, if you could only look as peaceful as these two dogs lounging Gremlins. I got a cat over here, a spread eagle. I've got a dog with three pillows and another dog with a full arm's rest, and an Afghan. Life is tough.
And I'm about to take a nap. What time is it I take a nap about this time?
It's like 9.30 and I got to edit this podcast and get it up. I mean, you know, I got no problem getting it up.
Hey-oh, oh man, that's how we got in this position.
Yeah, on that note, I better get back to work.
So thank you for supporting our America, Our babies.
Okay, all right, dream. Yeah, that sounds good. Wash your fucking hands, you oldie savage. You ain't touching my kid unless you wash your hands.
Your germs are too big.
Okay, well, I'll wash them off before you touch that baby. You wash your hands before you touch that baby. That's it and that's all Biggie Smalls. If you're a loud, proud american and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on youtube and facebook at loud, proud american for the face page, as mama calls it. If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker, you want to find me on Instagram. Or all the kids are tickety-talking on the TikTok. You can find me on both of those at loud, underscore, proud, underscore, american. A big old thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song to this year's podcast. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can track down the Gut Truckers on Facebook. Just search Gut Truckers. Give them motherfuckers. I like to. I truly thank you for supporting my American dream. Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.
