Who Are You Without Your Old Labels

Comfort Zone And Struggle Setup

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Over the past 300 plus episodes of Shea Other Struggle podcast, one of the most talked about topics is getting out of your comfort zone. Today will be the latest addition to getting uncomfortable, as I am joined by my wife Allie, as she shares how leaning into her faith pushed her out of her comfort zone and into a first-time experience. Let me tell you something. Everybody struggles. The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it. The choice is completely yours. Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life. If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you. Have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations. Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you, and build you. What it would do. Almighty. Am I so excited to be back with you? Oh, it is true. It is damn true. Why? Because I love you. That's why. Episode 303 in this week it isn't just me. I am joined by my beautiful blushing bride, Mid Yon, scrolling on her phone. Trust me, folks, she's way more excited than I just described. But the tendency of the podcast on a Tuesday night always just seems to be that little Paisley wants to stay up. And uh we end up in the wee hours of the evening. But uh here we are yet again. The commitment is real. That's why we are 303 consecutive weeks in on this little rodeo. And uh yeah, I want to welcome my beautiful bride to today's episode of the podcast. Welcome, dear.

SPEAKER_04 2:30

Hey y'all.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

What's going on over there? How's how's things? How's your how's uh how's your day and stuff?

SPEAKER_06 2:37

Listen, I'm doom scrolling, shopping for things I don't need.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Well, that's what doom scrolling will get you.

SPEAKER_06 2:44

My birthday's coming, so I'm just preparing for things you don't need?

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Preparing for things you don't need?

SPEAKER_05 2:52

No, preparing for my birthday for the things that I need that I don't need.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Ah.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

Alright.

SPEAKER_04 2:59

Like a brand new saddle.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_05 3:02

Listen, don't even get me started.

Discovering The Women’s Conference

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Yeah. Amen, sister. Well, you had a couple back-to-back shows. You took a week off. I went solo last week. We're back here again this week. There's a few things, there's a few shows lined up for topics and things for you to actually discuss, things to go over. And uh, we actually had some intentions of maybe doing this one over the weekend while it was um a little more fresh and it just kind of happened. But um you've teed off on some experiences lately, and I think that they're important to to discuss. And over the past few weeks, when you were on here, you mentioned you know leaning into your faith and uh you know just kind of exploring that a bit more. We made the commitment on the show of baptisms, you're really um letting your your your faith blossom and grow over the past few weeks of the show, and in the quest to understand more and to lean more into your faith, you also put yourself um directly out of your comfort zone and into a situation that you have never been into before. So if you wouldn't mind just kind of uh telling the folks what you did on Saturday that uh took you off the couch and put you a little more connected to your to your faith. If you want to go ahead and share that.

SPEAKER_06 4:25

Well, I think what I first had to do is kind of back up a little bit before Saturday happened. Um, we had been uh attending church um Easter uh Good Friday. We did Easter.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

We talked about that, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 4:41

But while we were there, um I had discovered there being like a poster of an upcoming event um called a women's conference. And I was like, hmm, that seems interesting. Um didn't know what it was about, didn't know what it was for. All I knew is that the church was putting it on. So I started to do some research on it, and if y'all know me, or maybe you don't, my phone browser has like 45 tabs open that I'm doing like 45 different things. And one of those things was the event that I sat on on an open tab for weeks. Alright. Just sitting there.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Just pondering.

SPEAKER_06 5:26

Do I do it? Do I not do it? What it's about. I kept going back to the page to be like, maybe they added some more information. Kept checking my email, like maybe they give some more tidbits about like what this is about. Oh no. Oh no. Women's conference, very minimal, very minimal information. However, one thing that they offered was Chick-fil-A, and I said, Well, sister.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_06 5:52

All right.

SPEAKER_00 5:52

That makes sense.

SPEAKER_06 5:54

Feed me the gospel and give me Chick-fil-A, feed me the gospel and some fried chicken.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

You know what I mean? I'm from the South. Coming right up. My heart is you, me, Jesus, and sweet tea.

SPEAKER_07 6:08

That's all I need. That's all I need.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Speaking of sweet tea, is there still some homemade sweet tea in the fridge?

SPEAKER_07 6:15

There might be.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

If I drank that right now, I'd probably keep me up.

SPEAKER_07 6:18

Probably.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

I shouldn't have interjected myself. But when we started thinking of our t-shirt slogans, I got a little carried away. Anyways, proceed. So you got these tabs all open. Oh, yeah. You're exploring, you're thinking about joining this conference.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

For the people that have been to a women's conference, they might know what they're going to, but to someone that's never been, very few details, there's a lot to be questioned.

SPEAKER_05 6:43

Yep. And I questioned. Let me just tell you.

SPEAKER_00 6:47

You're a questioner of questions. You know what I mean? You're like a question mark.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_06 6:53

So I'll just give you like a little snippet.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Okay. Okay. Peeling back layer one of the onion.

SPEAKER_06 7:01

Yes. I literally got an email and it says. Um I just get to it.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

I don't get emails from church. You get emails from church on the regular?

SPEAKER_07 7:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

You must be closer to God than me. You must be ahead of me in line. I don't want to get none of that service, man.

SPEAKER_05 7:22

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

Um suspense is just okay.

SPEAKER_06 7:33

So, sorry, I had to find the email.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

Alright.

SPEAKER_06 7:38

In this little email, it just gives like a little rundown. Hey, be there. Doors open at 8 a.m. Be prepared.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Women shall gather. Gospel shall be spoken.

SPEAKER_06 7:50

Check-fil-a will be eaten.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

That's pretty much it. Yes. Okay. Chickens will be consumed. There was a poultry sacrifice. That's what happened. Some chickens were sacrificed.

SPEAKER_05 8:04

Um we knew that's all that was in that's legitimately it.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Is there anything else in there?

SPEAKER_06 8:12

Uh there I'm getting to it. I'm getting to it. But there was limited information. All right. So this is the detail descriptions that I actually got. And it says join us on Saturday, May 2nd, Women's Conference. New song, his name. There will be powerful worship, teaching, and time for fellowship. Everyone is welcome. This year we welcome guest speaker Esther Fleece Allen, an accomplished mom-wife author whose heart is to lead women towards discovering their true identity in Christ.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Okay, so now you've established there will be an author. So there's going to be a guest speaker. Other than that, you don't know, and the hours are like this is a full day scenario.

SPEAKER_06 9:01

Uh yeah, 8 a.m. to 3.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

Okay. All right. So you're sitting on this because you're not knowing what to expect.

SPEAKER_06 9:07

I have no idea. Number one, I don't know what I'm getting into. Number two, I don't have a single clue who Esther is either.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

Yeah. Or anybody that's going to be there. Just you're not going with friends or anything like that. What gave you the push or the confidence to say, okay, I'm doing this? Other than the Chick-fil-A. I got nothing. You don't even know why? Okay. I was you're just giggling your pants off.

SPEAKER_06 9:40

Because I don't know. Like I don't have an answer. Like it was like I sat on this post. I followed the Facebook page for long enough. I get the constant emails. Hey, don't forget. Hey, here's the um the news feed. Hey, women's conferences this you know, this weekend. And so I was like.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Something spoke to you. And I said, You had to be there.

SPEAKER_06 10:03

We're signing up. Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

That's it. Then I guess we know where the communication came from.

SPEAKER_06 10:07

I think it was the Chick-fil-A.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

I was gonna give credit somewhere else where it should be. Don't tell me I want to hear me, but what I want to hear it. I'm just gonna say that you went to a conference. I'm assuming God told you to be there. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Of course.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

So um set the scene for us. I know the night before you were like, I don't know what to do. Should I bring my Bible? Should I? I was like, listen, you're the bag that you carry with you. I could put two bowling balls in. That is not what you said. And I only remember what I said, and a loaf of bread, and um people still wouldn't know you brought something with you. So I think you have room just to act prepared. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 10:43

You told me that I was probably carrying around Trent in my Yeah, but that's not appropriate.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

He's just he's a shorter individual. He would he would he would have fit. He would fit in the bag. And I forgot I said that. Lord, I apologize. I forgot I said that.

SPEAKER_05 10:58

But uh take care of the pygmy goats in Tennessee.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

So you bring Bible, you bring large luggage.

SPEAKER_06 11:06

Um everything but the kitchen sink is what my grandma would say.

Walking In Alone And Connecting

SPEAKER_00 11:10

So set the scene for me. You get up first thing in the morning, you roll at the conference, you leave me and the baby to fend for ourselves, and you roll out. No clue, not knowing what to expect. Um, set the scene for me. What it was like, you roll in there. I got a picture from you when you rolled in.

SPEAKER_06 11:27

Mm-hmm. Yeah, so um I left here like 720 or so. Okay. AM queued up my Duncan app and I had some free points. Thank you, Duncan. Got myself a large iced coffee at an espresso shot because I didn't know what I was getting myself into.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 11:47

Yeah, it was free. Free.com.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

You were really setting the scene.

SPEAKER_06 11:50

Mm-hmm. Common coffee. Coffee was great. Okay, I don't need any of that.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

You know what I mean? Let's just get to what happened when you got there.

SPEAKER_06 11:58

Sorry, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 11:59

Pulled in. There's a lot of things.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

I don't want to know how much gas was in the vehicle. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 12:03

Oh, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Temperature, ambient temp, what channel the radio was on. I don't need any of that. I just want to know you rolled into church. What was it like? Hold on. I shouldn't have said nothing.

SPEAKER_06 12:13

If you're from New England, you know you're gonna have a good day if your Dunkin' Coffin is raised.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

You literally just said Dunkin' Coffin.

SPEAKER_06 12:23

I did.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

Like we were all gonna die in a Dunkin' Donuts cup.

SPEAKER_06 12:27

I probably will.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 12:29

If your Dunkin' Coffee is made properly.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

Because it's very rare.

SPEAKER_06 12:35

It is very rare.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

It's very rare. Yes.

SPEAKER_06 12:36

And you know what Dunkins to go to to make sure that that happens.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

Yeah. Alright, so that's taken care of. You get to church.

SPEAKER_06 12:42

I get to church. Hallelujah. I pull up and there's a line of people out the door.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

Yeah, there was a massive line. That's the photo I got. I got a big old line.

SPEAKER_06 12:54

There's never even a line to get into church.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 12:58

Like, so what I'm gathering, like I park and I'm like assessing the situation. Like, number one, it's sprinkling out. So I'm like, all right, maybe the doors haven't opened. Even though it's like after eight o'clock and they said that the doors were gonna be open and you had to be in the venue by like 8 20 because we're gonna get started promptly at 8 20. So I'm like, okay. They're like light breakfast is gonna be served. So I'm like, well, great, it's super late. Whatever, I got my coffee. Not gonna get any breakfast, no big deal. I don't eat anyway. So I get out of my car, grab my luggage tote, my Bible's in it, and where did it go? Where did it go? I walk up, stand in line, and I'm like, I'm immediately like comfortable but uncomfortable at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

That nervous energy. Like, do I start talking or am I gonna grab my pants? That kind of nervousness?

SPEAKER_06 13:54

No, it was weird. Like it was like calm, like I was okay where I was at, like I knew like I was supposed to be where I was at. But at the same time, I was like, I don't know what to expect right now. So like I don't know. It was it was like just an uncertainty, like not anxious, not nervous, just uncertainty.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Anxiety for the unknown. But I wouldn't put it as like anxiety because normally I'll just stop making references to what I my opinions, I'll just hold my opinions because they have not been correct.

SPEAKER_06 14:26

Well, I'm just I'm just trying to paint the picture, like because like sometimes like when people have like anxiety, like you get like a tight stomach, you feel kind of off, and and I didn't feel that way, like I felt very at peace and very comfortable, but I just didn't know anybody. So like I was open-minded, but kind of like shy, I guess, is the way to like put it. So um I'm standing in line, and the line starts to move a little bit here and there, and um there's like a group of younger women behind me, some my age, and then some not, they clearly came together. Okay, and I kind of overhear them talking about um their church and like where they're from, and I'm like, hmm, that's interesting. They're not from this church. Like, so what I'm gathering is like this is like open to anyone, like you don't have to be from East Point Church.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

I think we're starting to realize too the size of our church. I think it's be it makes it it lends itself to like a uh a big venue for these type of events.

SPEAKER_06 15:38

Oh, yeah, you can have birthday parties there, you can have events.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yeah, but I just mean like Good Friday. There was three churches involved in our Good Friday celebration. So I just think it's you know, it's kind of like the safe zone for all of that.

SPEAKER_06 15:49

For sure. Um, so I like overhear them talking about you know what to expect, like you know, what's going on, and one girl was like, Yeah, I've never done this before. And I was just like turned around and I was like, Yeah, I'm new too. Like I just stirred up conversation. Like I was like, I don't know what to expect either.

SPEAKER_00 16:09

And I think most people in line were together in groups, you were one of the more of one of the few solo people, you think?

SPEAKER_06 16:15

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could definitely see that like it was like a collab, like lots of people. But the girl was super sweet. She um she was like, You're welcome to sit with us, like if you'd like.

SPEAKER_02 16:25

That's nice.

SPEAKER_06 16:25

Um, do you go to this church? And I was like, I actually do go to this church. I'm I'm new here. Um, but you know, I thought this would be an opportunity to kind of branch out and get to know more people. Um, and then there was a girl in front of me um that I gathered was by their by herself, just as I was. Um, and her name was Emma. She's super sweet. Um, her and I um started talking and uh come to find out she actually is volunteering and doing um the children's ministry um in the younger group. So she'll actually be one of Paisley's uh teachers at some point, which is super awesome. Um so her and I just kind of made small talk and um connected with one another um as we're you know getting up to the line. Um, you know, we just kind of stuck with one another. Um, because everybody else had their group and we didn't. And she was like, Yeah, my mom signed me up for this. I don't know what it entails. And I was like, Me neither, sis. Like, me neither, but I'm here for it. I'm here for all of it. So um you go in, you get a little name badge. Um, if you're from that church, you just go up to the kiosk and you like type your name in, your last war of your phone number, you get your name badge, just like we get with for for Paisley when she goes to children's ministry. Um, and then you had to go get your Chick-fil-A sticker. Very important. Um, so you had to go over and get your color-coded sticker based on what you ordered.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

Wow, fancy.

SPEAKER_06 17:58

Yes, I had a yellow sticker because I got the chicken sandwich.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 18:04

Um, so then thereafter we walked to Emma and I walked over to um get in line for breakfast, and there was this lady standing there, and she was handing out little notebooks. Um, and they were these brown notebooks, just a standard, like almost like recycled paper kind of but they took like these little flower stickers and like stuck them on the front and was like, Oh, let's make these fancy. And it was just like one flower, like smack dab on the front. And I was just like, I don't like this one.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

You would.

SPEAKER_06 18:42

So by the time I got up to like the table, there was like a a box of them. Like the lady was just like walking down the line, and she was like, Here you need a notebook, here you need a notebook. Like and I mean, honestly, like not for nothing. The little tiny notebook is it's a pocket notebook and it probably has like 30 pages in it. Like it's nothing like fancy or anything. And um, so I like happened to like look over, and there was one in the stack that was just one red rose, and I was like, I need that one. Like I grabbed that one, and um I think it's important to also uh remind everybody that the reason why my journey started was because my mom took her own life. Um that's where all of this kind of came to. I wore for women's conference the red pants that I bought for her service.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

Right. Did you did you know that going into it that you did that or did you realize it or no?

Ruth And Rewriting Your Labels

SPEAKER_06 19:38

Actually, I um I tried those pants on like a couple of weeks ago and they didn't fit. And I pulled out a sweater that I was like, ooh, I wanna wear this. Like, I wonder if these red pants I was like, no, I'm gonna wear these red pants. Like I didn't even like think about it. Like I didn't even think about two weeks ago they didn't fit me. But I'd been going to the gym, so I was like, I'm gonna wear these red pants. And like walking around, just getting my breakfast and just getting signed in, like two older women came over to me and was like, You inspired me. And I was like, Inspired you, like I just got here. What do you I haven't even said anything? And uh they were like, No, I have red pants in the back of my closet and I haven't worn them once. And I was like, Sister, you put them on tomorrow. You wear those red pants, like get them. But to connect the two, my mom's um had a rose tattoo on her chest. Right. And um on her one year, I just got her some red roses, red and yellow roses. Um, so that was like a another reason that I grabbed the red rose. I was like, you know what? Full round and circle here. Um so then thereafter, we just kind of went into the conference um venue, and there was a couple of announcements. Um, housekeeping is what they call them. And then Ashley uh Keenan's wife, the pastor, pastor's wife, got up there and kind of made an advantage.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

The lady that prayed over you. People that have been listening over the past few weeks in your episodes. Uh some people might be new to today's show, but not understand or hear that. Um, if you go back to like the Good Friday episode, Easter episodes, um, then you would hear that story. But that I just wanted to throw that in for people that are just kind of tuning in. So Ashley is the um the pastor's wife.

SPEAKER_06 21:22

Correct. Yeah. So she got up and kind of made an announcement and was like, you know, sharing her story on um getting to where she is today, like how she has gained um strength and leaning towards God, and how she got to the church and kind of shared her story there. Um, and then they brought up um Esther, the author. Um, and she just kind of went into scripture. So most of the conference was focused on uh the book of Ruth and um how in that there were three women that made Three completely different um decisions um on life. Uh they were three widows, and they all kind of had different plans in life. Um and so during these sessions, we basically all took time to kind of figure out which one you resemble and the labels that you may carry with yourself um every day. Um, and a lot of what they talked about, uh Esther talked about specifically was your label should never define who you are. Um so like for me, I should never be the daughter of an addict.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

Right.

SPEAKER_06 22:53

Um I should never be an abused daughter. Um, I should never be unworthy because those are the things that I felt and still kind of feel healing from. So those labels, they're they're telling you, and and during the conference we had the opportunity to write all these things down. Like you you write these labels and then you rewrite your name. So like you're leaving those things behind, you're closing those doors and you're starting new. And it's okay to to live those, but don't let them live you is what we what we really focused on. Um, and like how do you rewrite your labels? How do you forgive yourself for carrying those labels on for so long?

SPEAKER_01 23:48

Right.

SPEAKER_06 23:49

Um, and it's common. People do it all the time. Like, um a lot of people will carry shame, guilt, um, unworthiness a lot and never let go um because they don't know how.

SPEAKER_01 24:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:07

And a lot of like what what you learn in like following God is like you can enjoy being comfortable with those things. And I don't and I don't think enjoy is the word. It's you can live life comfortable wearing those labels because you're not comfortable becoming uncomfortable to start something new, to feel free.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

Right.

SPEAKER_06 24:36

Um and I think that for me really resonated because that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to heal all of the hurt, the pain, um, the trauma in order to be the best wife and be the best mother that I can be. And it's not easy. It's not easy to do that because I always wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm always like, how can I help? How can I help? How can I help, even though I can't help myself?

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Right.

SPEAKER_06 25:05

So, you know, um, Esther was a fantastic, fantastic woman. Um, I felt myself um resonating with her like a lot um during this time. Um Esther wrote two books, and um in her books, she talks a lot about being an orphan and not being worthy, um, her parents abandoning her, not being there for her, and she had families take her in that didn't know her story and didn't care to know her story because they wanted to love her for who she was. And with that, she leaned into God and found a family within the church, and those people uh basically like helped her go to prom, um, helped her buy her wedding dress because those people are family to her.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

That makes sense. She's not from around here either, right?

SPEAKER_06 26:09

No, she's from Michigan, um, and she got up there and just shared her story with everyone, was was so vulnerable and talked about like going on uh trial against her parents.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_06 26:31

And she got up there and showed this tiny little teddy bear, and it was like, this is all I have left of my childhood.

SPEAKER_02 26:41

Wow.

SPEAKER_06 26:42

It was this tiny little teddy bear that she remembered getting up on like trial and was just barked at by the judge, by the lawyers. Do you remember this? Do you remember that? And she's like, I don't remember any of that. I don't remember any of my childhood because of the trauma. And we talked about that on your last couple of episodes. You asked me about a memory, and I don't have one because of that.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

That really kind of connects for you, you know, in a major, in a major way.

SPEAKER_06 27:16

Yeah. And one thing that uh Esther said during her her um explanation about going on trial to the judge, Esther said that she like broke down on the stand and was like so uncomfortable. And she said, um the judge looked at her and just said, like, get your life together. Oh, nice, pack it up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

Like what was she on trial? What was the trial even for?

SPEAKER_06 27:46

Did they her parents like neglecting her and abusing her?

SPEAKER_00 27:51

And and and the judge is like, suck it up.

SPEAKER_06 27:54

Yeah, because she was crying. Because the lawyer, her dad's lawyer brought her Bible. Like it was her journal, but it was her Bible, like her holy grail is the way that she like her everything. She's a child, yeah, like maybe 10 years old.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

Wow. In court against your parents.

SPEAKER_06 28:19

His her dad's lawyer brought that up and was like, Are you sure you want to do this? And she felt so betrayed by her own parents that she just broke down.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 28:31

And she swore that she would never write again.

SPEAKER_00 28:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_06 28:36

Never. And here she is now.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

It's a pretty traumatizing experience.

SPEAKER_06 28:40

Here she is now writing two absolutely phenomenal books. Like, absolutely phenomenal. Because she didn't let those labels live her life. Yeah. She said, I have to rewrite the story.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

I don't know if you have them looked up or whatever. If you uh I don't know if you have, I think your books are in your office, but if you have the like her last name as well in her in her books um to reference them. If not, I I'll get them from you later and put them in the show notes in case anybody is looking for links to purchase those or to hear her story and and and support her, that would also be uh be pretty helpful.

SPEAKER_06 29:23

So the first book that she talked about and shared with us um is your new name.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 29:31

What we're talking about this whole entire um time is not letting those names, labels, write your story, define you. Um and I felt that that was important because I have lived with hurt guilt my entire life. Yeah. And just never let them go. Like even with all the healing I've done, I just never felt enough, never felt worthy because that's how I grew up. Right. Um, so that book in particular, I was like, you know what, I I should probably get that one um for her because she was um selling the books there. Um but the one that she brought up, the second book that she talked about, um, I was like, hands down, if they run out of the no name your your new name book, okay, fine. Like, no big deal. The second one, I was like, I'll go on Amazon and I will find it. Like, I need this book. Um, because it's called No More Faking Fine. And I was like, whoa, whoa. Like that, even just saying it out loud, you're like, okay, that still right now, like thinking about it and thinking about her like getting out there and talking about it, um, was just so moving. Because for the longest time, uh, I'm always asked, are you okay? Do you need anything? And I was like, I'm always, I'm a fine, I'm always fine, I'll be fine. It is what it is, you know?

SPEAKER_00 31:12

And you got that from my dad.

Retiring “I’m Fine” For Real Talk

SPEAKER_06 31:16

Yeah, but the way that she explained it is exactly what I've learned to do. Right. Um you swallow your pride, you swallow your pain, you just stomach it. You don't want to bother anybody else. Everybody's got their life going on. There's no need to put your burden on anyone else. And I've always just done that. Just even before hearing it from your dad, like it's just what I did. Yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_00 31:58

Um I'm gonna interject here on on this to say this because we've talked about this, and anybody that's listening, if it at all helps them through this and those feelings, like I'm fine, and I and I'm not gonna put my burden on somebody else, and they have enough stuff going on. If you have somebody else in your life that deeply cares about you, it's one of the worst things you can do to them.

SPEAKER_02 32:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:25

Because then it is the fear of the unknown. So to the person in your life, the people in your life that care about you, when your response is always everything's fine, eventually they get a complex and they start to feel, well, I must not be doing something, I must be upsetting you somehow, I must have said something. And then what happens when you're in a relationship and the two of you don't communicate through this, you can form resentment for each other. Because the person that says they're fine doesn't want to hear you ask a million times. You know, they like I already told you I'm fine, leave me alone. And the person that doesn't get an answer isn't gonna stop asking until they get an answer, and ultimately the answer becomes, now we're in a fight for no reason. So, like I want you to hear those things too, to in an effort to help you to understand, like, because I I've seen you do that, and you know that the frustration that happens on on my end, and hopefully other people that are listening to the to this show would be able to understand because I think you come from a place of I don't want to be a burden, I don't want to bother somebody, I don't want to put my weight, the weight of what I have to go through on somebody because you're already dealing with things. So people that think the same way as you for them to hear on the other side, it does way more damage than good to the person that truly cares about you. Yeah, for sure. Like I want that to be known so that some people that are listening that haven't had the conversations that you and me have had can realize, like, wow, uh I never thought about it this way. But it would be less weight to just say the truth to somebody than it is to just not acknowledge it because you feel like you're a burden, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 34:14

Yeah. And so after Esther talked about her book and what it meant, we all broke off into what what they call small groups. Um, and we kind of dug in a little bit deeper on being fine and what that looks like. How many of us just say, I'm fine, I'm it's not that big of a deal, I'll handle it. Um and what we all collaboratively came up with was the fact that even though the words I'm fine come out, what people don't understand is that it feels icky. Like there's no other word to describe it. It when we say that, we know in our heart we're not fine, but you go back to being that burden. You're already doing X, Y, and Z, you're already busy, you're being torn away, doing this, that, and the third. I don't want to put anything else on them, so I'm fine. But realistically, like we're crumbling. You know what I mean? That's just what we all kind of collaboratively came up with in our small groups, is that even though we say that because we don't want to be a burden, like it's not what we mean, right? But that person's already going through too much as well. So, like, why put something else on them? So then by the end of it, we were like, all right, what other ways can you communicate to somebody that you're not okay, but now's not the time? Like, if you're so we used it as an example, most of us are are married or we're with somebody, and so they said, like, all right, if your spouse comes to you and you're just dealing with a lot, but you know that your spouse is also dealing with a lot, had a bad day at work, what have you, how do they break it down for you? How can they help you? And removing the words I'm fine from your vocabulary altogether. Like, I'm not fine, I'm really hurting right now, but now's not the time because we're both in two different areas. We're both hurting, you're we're both struggling with something. So we just kind of like bounce some ideas off of one another, and it was like really eye-opening just to see that like I'm not the only one that says that I'm not the only one that feels that way, but you know, I used to hear it from your dad all the time. I'm fine, I'm fine.

SPEAKER_00 37:34

Well, my dad was always I'm okay, everything's gonna be okay. Yeah, it was just yeah, his motto.

SPEAKER_02 37:39

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_06 37:41

Yeah, so um, after that, I did get Chick-fil-A for lunch, in case anyone was wondering. I know that was important. I don't want to get any messages on if I ate my chicken sandwich. Um, so then we went back to um the group, whole group, and Esther continued to talk about her story, um, shared some stories about her family. Um, I had the opportunity to get to know Emma more, the girl from um from Lyme.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

What do you mean, what have you?

SPEAKER_06 38:17

Yeah. And what I find interesting, and I'm not gonna share her story, it's not my place to share, but what I can tell you is that God's timing is is pretty important.

SPEAKER_00 38:31

Yeah, your your experiences and play as a great resource for her.

Testimony, Timing, And New Community

SPEAKER_06 38:38

Absolutely, her and her family, absolutely, 100%. And um, we did all spend some time kind of sharing our testimony, and um what I can tell you is that by the end of me sharing my testimony, um Emma and her mom gave me a great big hug and said, Wow, I can relate to you.

SPEAKER_02 39:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 39:01

Um, and so I said to them, I said, I would love to continue this friendship if you need anything. Um, I'm here. Um, and we just connected and we uh swapped information and I have been talking to her mom since I left. Uh her mom attended the conference too. I missed that portion. We we met up with her mom. Um and so just God's timing is impeccable.

SPEAKER_01 39:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 39:28

And I was meant to get into line when I did and stand directly next to Emma. I hold my own.

SPEAKER_00 39:36

Doesn't it feel fulfilling to know that your heartache, your recent struggle, this quest that you've been on is a source of strength and can be uplifting for somebody else.

SPEAKER_03 39:54

Yeah, it's crazy. It's really crazy.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

I think that with our show and doing this for 300 plus episodes, we always come on here when we have a conversation like this or a deep episode and say that, like, and the reason for the whole name of the podcast is because strength does come from your struggle. We're all going through something, we're all growing through something. You've been bold enough, courageous enough, and transparent enough to share some pretty deep things over the course of this past year. And in doing so, it's made an impact on others that are listening, and now you're taking a more active role, embracing your faith and opening yourself up. Um, much like if you think about Esther and what she's doing, right? And traveling the country and doing those things. So oftentimes, like I feel like our lessons in life aren't just our lessons, right? For sure. Like our lesson in life might also be the opportunity to educate somebody else. So I think that you know, we have to think about that. We went through the fire for more than just yourself, you know.

SPEAKER_06 41:07

Yeah, for sure, for sure. Um Esther actually said our struggle with God's story. And that resonated. Yeah. Like full circle, what we're talking about right now. My struggles are not good. My struggles have been the ones that would put a grown man down, but my struggle brought me to the person I am today, and my strength also got me closer to God, got me closer in this journey. And I as hard as it sounds, well, as bad as this will sound to some people knowing my history, I wouldn't change it for the world.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

Right.

SPEAKER_06 42:17

Because who would I be today? Would I want to go through all the things that I went through again? Absolutely not. Maybe with some of the knowledge I have today, but I wouldn't be the person I am today.

SPEAKER_00 42:29

You wouldn't have the knowledge of today if you didn't have the experience of yesterday either, you know. So they kind of go hand in hand.

SPEAKER_05 42:35

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 42:36

Is there a um do you feel like there's a version of yourself that God is asking you to let go of?

SPEAKER_05 42:46

Oh, for sure. For sure. Yeah, 100%. And I am in the process of letting that go.

SPEAKER_06 42:54

I think that has in my journey and healing, God wants me to let go of all the hurt, all the pain of my childhood and live my adult life happy, free, and with God.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 43:17

Absolutely, absolutely. He wants me to let it all go. Because there's no need to hold on to it anymore. Those are labels, those are names that I no longer need to live that I need to let go of. I don't need to let them live me anymore. But I didn't know anything else because it was comfortable.

SPEAKER_00 43:36

Right.

SPEAKER_06 43:37

But now my new labels are wife, my new labels are mom, daughter in law, like so many other things to be happy and proud of that I don't need to be all of the old labels.

SPEAKER_02 43:59

Right.

SPEAKER_06 44:00

And I don't even want I don't I don't wanna bring I don't wanna even talk about 'em. I wanna let 'em go. I wanna leave 'em there. And I felt like I left a lot of them in the venue. Like following the end of the service, I I took notes and I, you know, opened my Bible in my own church for the first time ever and just felt like this is right where I need to be. I've you know, we sang worship songs and prayed together and released things that are no longer serving us and just felt such a weight lifted off of my shoulders. Like I was meant to be there to share my testimony with the women in the room and to be a good better person leaving there. And and I will say, like, leaving there I felt like I had done that.

The Two Lists That Rewrite You

SPEAKER_00 45:05

Yeah. You know, it's a pretty incredible feeling. I mean, yeah, I've never experienced that. I'm just listening to like your description of it, and I just keep thinking about all the years that we've experienced together leading up to this point, and what you would have given years ago at any point in your life for that ability. Right? Yeah, how many different things you've tried, and you think about anybody out there, right, that thinks about similar experiences going through life, like counseling, you know, medications, therapies, relationships, all those things, you know, you think about all of that, and what you were able to let go of that release, that renewed new you that you received didn't come from a prescription, didn't come from therapy, came from God, and it came from an experience. Yeah. And to think, you know, to sit back for me just hearing you say those things, because you've spent our relationship trying to get to this point. You know what I mean? Yeah. So for that to come from from this experience is uh is is really pretty incredible and it's pretty um it's pretty eye-opening. And I hope those people that are listening that you know, as you share these things, it's all we can hope for on a on a show like this is that maybe it inspires somebody to uh try something, you know what I mean? To um to embrace the faith and to try something and to get uncomfortable and put themselves in a situation where you knew very little about what was going on, but you knew that uh you needed to be there, you know.

SPEAKER_05 46:46

And I didn't know anybody. So I was going into this conference by myself.

SPEAKER_00 46:53

Is there one thing as we think about like all you experienced and and the impact it's had on you, and and you start thinking about you know, putting yourself into this conference scenario and going by yourself? Is there one thing that you hope that any women that are listening today would take away from today's conversation? Is there one thing you would hope that, you know, after coming from this women's conference, that if there's there's another lady listening today, that there's something she would take? What's the one thing you hope that someone would take from this? From your message, from this conversation, from your experience?

SPEAKER_06 47:36

I think going back to what we initially talked about, don't let those labels live your life. There's no need for it. Break free of those labels. Umledge them, understand that they were your past, they were your hurt, they were your downfalls, I guess you could look at them, but don't let them live your life. I did that for far too many years, and that's not fair to me either. And if you can catch it before too long goes by, then you have plenty of life to live. But just remember that they're just labels. And if you're not sure what those labels are, do yourself a favor and just take a piece of paper out and write down all of the things that you find yourself talking badly like those about yourself, those inner conversations you have with yourself, the things you sabotage yourself with. Absolutely. That makes sense. I think self-sabotage. And then after you write that entire list, what I want you to do is turn the page over and write all the good things.

SPEAKER_00 48:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 48:55

What are you?

SPEAKER_00 48:56

Who when you say the good things, are you talking about what are the good things that you say to yourself? When you say are are other people or are things that you actually believe about yourself? I think a lot of people struggle with finding the positives. I'm willing to bet that most everybody's pages are gonna be pretty heavy on the negative side. You know what I mean? I know mine would be. Yeah. So I can imagine. So, like, what are some of those things when you say, you know, write the positives? Are those like affirmations you're telling yourself? Are there things that you believe, you feel? What are they?

SPEAKER_06 49:24

It honestly, that list is yours. Those are that list is going to be an open-ended list that I never want you to stop filling. You are worthy. You are a mom. You're a great mom.

SPEAKER_00 49:40

Well, I'm not, actually.

SPEAKER_06 49:42

You're a daughter, you're a mother-in-law, whatever the case may be, you're a great granddaughter. All those things that you wear proudly. If your job is something that you wear proudly, like that's what you are. Be proud of it. If you're a wife, wear it proudly. But it's also an open list. So at any time you can add something to it. Let's say yesterday I didn't feel beautiful, but today I did. I'm writing that on my list today. And I'm going to use that as a reminder that maybe it was on that other list at one point. But I'm not gonna let that live my life. I'm gonna use that list and move forward because today is a new day and let that list rewrite your story. I would say it's not as beautiful as not, it could be any any kind of way. Um that list is not necessarily going to be affirmations. It's not gonna be that sort of thing. It's gonna be your titles. Like for me, one of the big things for me is you're not enough. That's something that always hit me for both of my parents, it's always how they made me feel, and I live with that. I've gone to Reiki and it's been and done soul retreats where it has been written on the walls from past history because that is what has stayed with me forever. You're not enough. You're not worthy. So one of the biggest things that I wrote as my new label is worthy. I am enough. I am worthy. I am a proud wife, I am a proud mom because no one is ever gonna take those things from me. And the only way that I am going to become better at those things and wearing those proudly is continuing to follow the path of God and letting Him take me further down that path of being worthy and being enough and holding those and never tiptoeing back or never turning that page or looking in that rear view mirror because moving forward is all that this journey is about letting go and moving forward.

SPEAKER_00 52:40

That's great advice. I think I'm just sitting back and listening to you, and I think about like the labels that you mentioned on that negative side. In your case, most of those were given to you, right? They were projected onto you. In other people's case, like if I think about my side, my myself, I give my labels to myself. Very common. So I think there's two sides to this, you know. Um, did you grew up in a household that created and forced those labels, ingrained those labels on you? Um I didn't grow up in that household. I gave them labels to myself through years of experience of my own, you know. So I just wanted to share my part of it, not to take away from like, you know, like the the women's day and everything that it is. And I think it's fitting, actually, if you think about this. We're recording this episode on the eve of Mother's Day, right? So um pretty cool that we actually have a powerful women's episode on you know coming up on Mother's Day. I should have answered, entered into this conversation with that and didn't think about it, but I guess it's just it's just fitting. But I wanted to share my side of it because I think there's people out there that are also like me that are like, well, I'm the shit talker, right? I projected this stuff on myself. Like I didn't have somebody um, you know, abusing me, neglecting me, ingraining these things in me other than me. You know? Um I think it's hard to rewrite what it's hard on both cases, right? Because it's hard to change your mind and rewrite what you tell yourself and to change those conversations, but it's also got to be extremely hard and difficult when you've had people reinforcing those things by saying those things to you. So uh they're both really difficult, but I think it's a great exercise to look at it and think about it the way that that you are.

SPEAKER_06 54:38

So and a lot of people in the conference did share their side um on, you know, one of the biggest things collaboratively that everybody said and brought up, and why I brought I'm not beautiful is because that was one of the things that a lot of people brought up, and they project those things on themselves. I'm not beautiful, I'm not enough uh to fit in the box.

SPEAKER_00 55:01

Um I told myself I was fat since I was like exactly.

SPEAKER_06 55:04

That was a very, very big common thing that people brought up. Um and that's kind of a different, a different line, yeah, is how they look at it. Um, those labels are more or less those ones in particular, you're trying to fit in. You don't fit in, so you think you're I don't fit in my pants.

SPEAKER_00 55:29

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 55:30

So that's I mean, there were just different ways that they like broke down the labels and naming, renaming yourself. Um, I'm really interested to kind of dive into Esther's books and kind of get a better picture. Yeah. I bought both of them and had the opportunity to have her sign both of them for me, which was absolutely amazing. Um, and I not only got them for myself, but I thought that they would be great books for you. Yeah. You to also read because they're not just from women's confidence. Yeah, right.

Choosing Baptism And Trusting The Path

SPEAKER_00 56:02

Practices are for everybody. And yeah. You know, that's what I think is great about this, is we went into this with a heavy uh female focus as it should be. But these practices and concepts and conversations and the things we say and do to each ourselves and the way we've all been raised, it doesn't matter, you know, how you were born. Like we all we all put ourselves through these things. So I think that that's um that's pretty great. So yeah. Um, I had a different list of questions here, but I think that just opening the dialogue and having the conversation that we did was probably more productive than actually having um the con the the the question and answer kind of portion of it. So um we're really closing in about an hour here of our conversation. Is there anything that you feel like you definitely want to add before we um wrap up our Mother's Day tribute show? Okay.

SPEAKER_05 56:54

Um, yeah, I just wanted to touch on my last episode.

SPEAKER_06 56:58

Um, I kind of threw it out there to the wind that I was ready to be baptized. And closing uh women's conference, I felt held to the fire. I felt more determined. Um, I felt like I was there in order to test my faith. Like, is this really what you want? And I think that that going back to your question, I think that is the reason why I actually signed up.

SPEAKER_00 57:37

It wasn't me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 57:39

I think I think it was God coming forward to the world.

SPEAKER_00 57:42

That makes you really hold on a second.

SPEAKER_06 57:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:45

I heard what you said. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 57:48

Bet let's do it. Because when Esther was signing my book, she said to me, like I was telling her a little bit about um, you know, why I was there, my testimony, slight little testimony. Um and I told her how I was ready to be baptized, and she says, Bet girl, let's do it. Yeah, let's do it today, right now.

SPEAKER_00 58:13

Yeah. And I was like, Which would have been a pretty powerful thing.

SPEAKER_06 58:16

It would have.

SPEAKER_00 58:17

But obviously, we all want to be I was ready, but I wasn't ready to do it alone.

SPEAKER_06 58:23

And I was already there alone.

SPEAKER_01 58:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 58:28

As powerful as it would have been to be there surrounded by all these women, um, I'm sure it would have been an amazing thing. Weirdly, nobody got baptized.

SPEAKER_00 58:37

Yeah, it's surprising.

SPEAKER_06 58:38

It was so surprising to me, too. Um, but I did just want to touch on because we did have a few people reach out and ask if I was serious about it.

SPEAKER_01 58:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 58:48

And that they wanted to attend. And I'm happy to share that I am going to be baptized on May 31st by the one and only pastor and his wife.

SPEAKER_00 59:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 59:03

I can't even believe it. I can't even believe it.

SPEAKER_00 59:06

It's incredible how this has um really come together. And um, obviously, we're not gonna share too much about it, but um pretty uh pretty powerful. And um I want to share something with you because like we've if people have been listening over the past few months about um us going to church and everything, and you were church shopping, trying to find the right one. And um on the day that you laid your mother to rest, we laid in bed that night watching YouTube videos.

SPEAKER_06 59:38

October 18th.

SPEAKER_00 59:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 59:40

October 19th, we went for the first time.

SPEAKER_00 59:43

Yeah, so we watched videos and I watched Keenan speak. And um, I have to be moved by somebody. I have to be um I'm very distracted, yeah, right? And I still struggle with it for sure. Um, like I have a lot of um ADD, OCD tendencies when I'm in large groups or in any group, really, but everybody by myself. I can I can be busy by myself. But uh we listen to your podcast, yeah. So my whole life I've been drawn to powerful speakers and to leadership, and um the moment that I saw him on YouTube, I knew that he was the person for me that would resonate with me, that would uh land for me. And um I've been blown away by every one of his um uh sermons that we've been able to be a part of. And um it was kind of um it was kind of cool because I haven't had nearly the experiences that you've had at the church. Um the Friday for I think it was a good Friday, we were in a whole different seat scenario as we were talking about, and it was the night I struggled the most because I brought a little one. But before the ceremony walked by, Keegan actually was walking by, turned around, stopped, gave me a handshake, and said, Like, good to see you. And we'd never spoken before, you know. And you said, Well, you're kind of an unmistakable individual to see.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:07

Yeah, and um and he probably just like picks out the big guy in the crowd.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:13

Yeah, so um, it's one of those things too where you're if you're somebody like me that I'm really motivated and moved by speakers, and then I can put those individuals that have a positive impact on me um through their words and their actions, I put them on a pedestal, like they become celebrities for me. Okay, yeah. So as people um as I've grown up, as a kid, athletes, and I still really have high respect for athletes, but as a kid, like athletes are my role models, right? And um, and then celebrities, you go through that phase, and and people, a lot of people still put celebrities on their pedestal and they put them in high regard for me. Someone that moves me, someone that motivates me, someone that brings that like in evokes emotion. I put them on a pedestal, and they to me, they're up there as celebrities, yeah, right? For sure. And then if you have somebody that can also move you spiritually, then I put them on a whole different, different platform, right? Um, so I think about some of these people that um I've spent hours listening to on YouTube, right? Or in audiobooks and things like that. And I could listen to Keenan for hours. For sure. So I've already started to put him in a certain regard, right? So um Sunday we went to the morning service, which is a different schedule for us, and um, I was actually asked to be a guest speaker for something else during the day, and I'm gonna share that on a different episode some other time. Um But I'm saying this and setting this up to say that because of the schedule and the way everything was, we got into the service and we're like Paisy first off, and we were dropping her off at the um child ministry ministry. She was not having it.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:09

Uh-huh. Meltdown city.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:11

So it took way longer to drop her off than usual. So we came in and then you know, the worship, like the music has already started, and we had to go to the seats that we didn't like on Easter. Right. And you were so disappointed. We walked in, you were like, you were you went from the high you had on Saturday to like you were so you're like, we don't even need to be here. It's not even like going to church.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:34

You when we're in the way back and I can't see anything and I'm watching everything on the TV, yeah, I'm not here for it. It's tough. However, we went to the far side of the stage, and because that side of the stage fills up last, we were probably three rows back from the stage, but off on the stage.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:55

Still a tough angle, but we made the best of it.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:57

For sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:58

But I'm saying all this because we talked about God's timing and and and and the reason for things, and we're in this corner spot, not where we wanted to be.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:07

Not where we usually sit.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:08

And um Keenan walked over and he was talking to a couple people, and then he came right over to us and he gave me a handshake, and he introduced himself, and he gave you a handshake and said hi to you, and he said that um my wife's inspired by you.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:22

Yeah. Yeah. Because at the end of women's conference, I spotted her and I went right over to her, and I just like word vomited on her. And I just said, I don't know what it takes, but I want to get baptized. I'm ready. I want to share my testimony with the church. I want to be baptized. You and Keenan have been such an inspiration and a part of my journey. Um, and she said, Well, make sure that I can be here. And I specifically said, I don't want to be baptized unless you're here.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:59

And um, so that was absolutely amazing. Um, and I told her that you are um an MC, you're a great speaker, and you'd love to be a part of the church too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:13

I volunt told you. Voluntold me.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:15

Um so then he said when he came over and said hi.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:21

That he was watching you and your t-shirt reviews.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:24

Yeah, he said he loved.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:25

So he he scoped you out.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:26

He said, I'm in we're inspired by you guys, and uh so that was pretty incredible.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:32

You know, and I wrote up hi the whole whole rest of this the service because he was like, My wife is inspired by you. Mind you, that's the pastor's wife. Yeah, what do you mean, me?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:43

I was like, both extremely powerful people. Um so yeah, it was uh it was incredible. And and um I know she mentioned Keenan being part of the baptism, which is incredible, yeah, but I also selfishly want him to be able to. Speak that day because I know there's some people that want to come and I want them to experience him. And I know everybody that goes to church says, Oh, you gotta go to my church, it's the best church. Everybody feels that way, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:09

Of course.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:10

But um if you listen to me ramble, then I think you would enjoy listening to him preach.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:16

Yeah, he does an amazing job, and from the beginning, I we've touched on the way that he preaches a ton of times that you know he'll go into um passages and and kind of he breaks it down, he explains it, he adds personal touches, he's not afraid to use humor, um, and he just makes everybody um feel comfortable.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:38

Feel comfortable. One of the biggest things about him, and I don't know if I shared this when we were talking about like our Easter episodes, but the individual that was baptized on Easter, Keenan was in front of me, and I watched him watch the big screen and watch it all happen.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:00

Yeah.

Upcoming Events And Final Sign-Off

SPEAKER_00 1:07:01

And um I saw I saw the absolute joy in his heart to see that happen. Yeah. And um and the emotion in his face, and and then I felt a real connection of sincerity, you know, where I said that you can't you can't fake that, you know. Um and uh I just had I just formed more respect for him just because I was able to again in a seat that I didn't want to be in, it allowed me to witness something and be like just to feel even more connected and appreciated, you know what I mean? Um, so that in itself was um was pretty cool. So a lot of crazy things, um, a lot of crazy things happening happening here. Um, you know, we're it's funny. We never I'm never ahead of schedule on episodes, but I feel like we have so many things to talk about that we might end up taking a day and just recording like three or four episodes and then just setting them up and letting them come out, which I normally never do that, right? We always just find ourselves recording at a midnight on a Tuesday, but we might do some ahead of schedule because we've been experiencing some things that we need to uh just share. But um, I'm thankful that you were able to tell the people that have been asking, um, which means I gotta call Matt tomorrow and tell Matt's listening before he hears. And speaking of Matt, the next event for Loud Proud American is actually going to be the open house at Ledgeway Farm. Uh, that is the next event on our schedule. It is Saturday, May 16th. It is a free event. Uh, starts at 10 a.m. goes to 3 p.m. 140 Stage Road, Pittston. Um, Pitston Maine, 04345 is the zip code. So um area code, whatever the hell you call it. So um open house, Ledgeway Farm. This will be our third year doing this. It's a great time.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:58

It's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:58

Um, it's our extended family, it's the kickoff to the season, gets us back with our fair people, and there's so many great events for kids, for kiddos. It's it's free. Um, there's always baby goats, which is incredible.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:12

Always.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:12

There's live music, there's great vendors, there's food, there's a great cause.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:17

It's just a family vibe.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:18

It really is. Like it's just awesome.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:20

Genuine uh people getting together and just sharing the open house.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:26

It's just and by the way, I just gotta let you know, we're camping out the night before. Of course we are. It's fine. Just putting it there. Um, just checking their um event page because I was talking to Matt about this earlier. They have over a thousand people interested in the event on um on Facebook, which is uh pretty incredible. So wonderful. You can catch us there um at Ledgery Farm Open House, and then the very next day all things go well. I sent an email today. Um I should be at the Bond Eagle Car Show the very next day, too. So you'll start catching us on the road here uh as as things open up and the sun starts to shine. So thank you for an incredible episode for sharing your story. And um This is so fitting that this is gonna fall for a Mother's Day episode. You being the beautiful, lovely mother that you are.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:19

Thank you. I actually didn't know that.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:22

You what?

SPEAKER_07 1:10:22

I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:23

That you're a beautiful mother?

SPEAKER_07 1:10:26

No, thank you for telling me that. Yeah. No, that it was gonna be a good one.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:30

Pretty crazy, right? Yeah, it wasn't. Even more fitting. I like all of it. Well, folks Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:40

For supporting my American dream of being baptized and following God.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:45

That's right. I wash your hands. You dirty scoundrels.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:52

I'm not saying it.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:58

That's it, and that's all, Biggie Smalls. If you're a loud proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook at Loud Proud American or Face page, as my mama calls it. If you're a fan of the Graham Kraken, you want to find me on Instagram or all the kids, a tickety talkin' on the TikTok. You can find me on both of those at loud underscore proud underscore American. Big old thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme talk to their podcast. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, please track down the gun truckers on Facebook Just Sir Gut Truckers. Give that motherfucker a like. Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.