What If The Voice You Miss Still Guides You

Father’s Day And A Promise

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Today, on Share the Struggle Podcast, in honor of Father's Day, we are going to have ourselves a very special episode as I take you inside the most recent conversation with my father, the last conversation with my father, two years after he passed. That's right, you heard that correct. That and more on today's episode of Share the Struggle Podcast. Let me tell you something. Everybody struggles. The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it. The choice is completely yours. Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life.

Garage Energy And Life Updates

SPEAKER_00 1:29

What it do, what it do, what it hot did it do. Good lord almighty. Am I so excited to be back with you? Oh, it is true. It is damn true. Why? Because I love you, Boo. How do you do episode 3011? I didn't say 01. I said 3011. Well, I said oh, but you know what I mean. 311, okay? I put a little spin on it, put a little stank on it. Which makes sense because I'm recording in the Gee Raj. I'm watching uh the Reno Rodeo at this current time. Stetson Wright is uh about to take flight, riding Boogie Woogie, representing Beaver, Utah. So uh I'm feeling a little western, okay? So that's where the Twain came in to start the day. Wow, I gotta get focused. I shouldn't have a distraction on. I really shouldn't have the TV on because uh, you know, you already know. I I can't I can't focus. You've been there. You've been there with me before, you know how this story goes, okay? Just check last week's show. I mean, you don't need much more proof than that right there. This week's show is a little bit different uh for a couple of reasons. First off, uh this morning I got up and uh had to get some work done. I couldn't record in the morning, so I had to push the recording to the evening, and I was gonna share something with you that would allow me to not necessarily have to record so much, and I'm gonna get into that in a moment. Um, but that didn't really pan out to fruition, so we're doing things a little different. We're getting back, or shall I say, we're not able to do things differently. We're getting back to what I normally do, which is me recording, uh, much later than I'm supposed to. You know what I mean? One of those scenarios. So here we are. How do you do all the pleasantries to you? I thank each and every one of you. Thank you for being here week after week, whether this is day one or you have been here since day one. I appreciate you. I acknowledge you, and I love you. Loud Proud American, the uh the brand, as I give a little um just kind of recap of what we've been up to and what we've been doing and going. It's been it's been wild, man. We've uh June is uh four weekends in a row, four different locations. And uh man, actually, as I'm thinking about it, there are four entirely new locations for the entire month. So a lot of newness in June, a lot of um stepping out of the comfort zone in June, a lot of trying new things. It's crazy. On Saturday, uh we were at the uh Main State Moose Lottery, and it was a really successful day on Saturday. Friday was kind of quiet, but Saturday was Saturday was a really good day. But it was crazy for me because I was uh rolling into uh the acton fairgrounds for the event, and it was me and uh and my wifey and the baby, and uh we were rolling in, and uh I couldn't help but think it's the first time in 14 years that I didn't go to Bentley Saloon and host the pinup contest or be a part of the pinup contest in uh anyway. So that was different. I heard from a lot of people uh during the day that missed me that uh said it wasn't the same, uh wasn't nearly as fun. And I appreciate all the uh kind-hearted support and awesome words from all of them, but I'm sure everybody that was there had a good time and the fun rolled on without me. But it was definitely different to be uh putting that chapter of my life behind me, and um I guess one way of looking at it which makes this really fitting of an episode is it's part of me closing a chapter of me that I think held me back from being the best version of me in the sense of a father. And uh being that this was Father's Day weekend, and the fact that I gave up on uh something that I spent over a decade of my life being a part of, which if you really wrap your mind around it, um I'm uh I'm in my forties, right? So um the crazy thing is that's a fourth. It's one fourth of my life I've been at the saloon, one fourth of my life on this day, always Father's Day weekend, I am at the saloon, I'm hosting a pinup contest, and this year I changed that out to be with my wife and little Paisley Rain at a moose lottery, doing a much more uh family-oriented event. And on Sunday, Father's Day, when I would normally be sitting in a parking lot at the saloon, having a few beers and and uh trying to sell some merchandise, I recall years past my dad would meet me at the end of the day when I was closing up or getting ready to close, and we'd walk across the street and we would have uh a seafood dinner together as a family. And uh it's different for me this year, and this is all really coming full circle, and we're gonna really hear this uh more as we go on. But I went to church. I went to church on Sunday. I didn't spend it in the parking lot of a saloon, I uh spent it in church. So, and there was an incredible service this weekend, one that makes you just want to be a more present, a more passionate, a more forgiving, uh, a more patient uh man and father. And uh kind of fitting. So I guess it's crazy, man. You don't think

Closing Old Chapters As A Dad

SPEAKER_00 7:05

about these things really until you push record and you just sit down and you slow down for a minute. I guess that's part of the um secret sauce for me is that I don't get to slow down enough. And this podcast for 311 consecutive weeks, whether I like it or not, has forced me to slow down once a week for at least an hour. And uh here we are on the couch slowing down, and we're able to put this in a whole new perspective as we look at things a little reflective, you know what I mean? So as I sit back and I think about my weekend, it's crazy to think that uh I gave up something I've been doing for uh a quarter of my life, and I um filled that void in my life with my family and my faith, and that in itself is is incredible. So that's a big part of uh of me and what my father's day um was like. So my dad's no longer here to spend Father's Day with, but the times have changed as to now I'm a father, and I get to spend it with my daughter and uh my wife and my mother, and that was um that was great. I guess traditional dad fashion on Father's Day. Little Paisley had a meltdown at the end of the night right at dinner time. It had just been too much of a weekend of full, you know, full of energy, outdoor, a crazy weekend. And uh she just needed a break and she had a meltdown, and uh that meant that uh, you know, her and dad had to sit in the living room and hang out for a little bit while the family had dinner and uh good old Father's Day meal of cold potatoes and steak, right? Um the thought was there, but um I figured, oh, I guess this is what Father's Day is like. This is how this is how it goes. I didn't get the tie or the socks, but I did get a cold meal and a crying child. I'm sure I did that to my dad on a lot of Father's Days, so it really comes uh comes full circle. But Loud Proud American um this weekend, weekend number four of the month of June, yet another new location. And we'll be leaving Friday for New Hampshire Motor Speedway. It feels really cool to say we're going to New Hampshire Motor Speedway, NHIS. Um, NHMS, I don't know what the heck it's called anymore. Uh New Hampshire International Speedway, possibly. I don't know. Either way, it's a NASCAR track in New Hampshire, loud in New Hampshire. Feels cool to say you're going there. It gives you a little bit of clout. You know what I mean? Oh, mm-hmm. Oh, Mary Ellen. I don't know where that came from. There's nobody at the NASCAR race called Mary Ellen, but I was trying to feel fancy. Wanted to feel real fancy. But it's cool to be able to validate and say, hey man, I'm just some of these just big locations. We're putting them on the list, you know, and uh making them happen. And this is one of those events for us. So again, four weeks in a row, four new events, four new locations this week, the wicked big car show, loud in New Hampshire, New Hampshire, Motor Speedway. We'll be there Saturday and Sunday. The wife and the baby and I, little Paisley are heading out on Friday. Thursday is the 10-year anniversary for me and my beautiful bride. I could tell you this much, man. What we had planned for our 10-year anniversary when we first got married and when we had our first anniversary is nothing like what we're actually going to do. You know what I mean? I remember the conversation after getting married. Like, oh, maybe in 10 years we'll like renew our vows. And then you think about how many people come and go into your life over the course of those 10 years. And as some of the people that were either walked down the aisle with you or um have come and gone in and out of your life, you think about your guest list at your wedding, and you realize how many of those people don't talk to you anymore. You realize maybe how many meals you wasted. Does that make sense? You know, when you get the old uh head count on things, how many people you were invited that didn't show. So through the years, you start running a new list and you say, Man, how much fun would it be to get married with our new circle? You know what I mean? Our current circle, the people that are close to us that mean the most to us. And uh, you know, for years we thought about maybe having a like a 10-year anniversary kind of party and uh reliving some of the moment. And now that it's here, uh, first off, I don't want to jeopardize my vows. I don't want to mess with my vows. I'm gonna leave them, okay? And uh number two, we're not going anywhere fancy, we're not having a big party. We talked about, you know, a Nashville trip, we talked about renewing vows, we talked about big wedding parties, and instead uh we're gonna load up the Yukon and the trailer, and we're gonna head to New Hampshire and we're gonna set up and uh run an event. But we are gonna treat ourselves to a hotel for a couple of days, and we're gonna be able to celebrate our 10-year anniversary with our nearly two-year-old daughter, and when you're released up and think about it, that's better than any of the other plans we had. So it's incredible to me that, and this is just more proof of this actual fact that we all make plans, right? We make plans for ourselves, and um, we set goals and hopes and dreams, and I come on here week after week, and I encourage each and every one of you to do that. But what's crazy to me is as much as we set our our sails for that plan, for that direction, we put our compass in that direction, as much as we do that, it's times like this when I realize that our plans and God's plan isn't really the same all the time, right? And I'm beginning to realize far more often than not his plan is greater than ours. And I think that and the only reason why I say more often than not is because sometimes I guess maybe I never slow down to realize it because I'm certain his plan's always greater, but far too often maybe I don't realize it, or you don't um spend time, you know, in reflection thinking about it and in in in the moment of appreciation, and and uh that's kind of where I'm at now as I sit here on the couch and I have this opportunity to slow down and think and speak, I realize that uh all those things that I thought for us on our ten year anniversary, those big grand plans, we're not doing those. But what I am doing is greater than what I thought, and greater than what I expected, and greater than what I imagined. You really stop

Ten Years Married And God’s Plan

SPEAKER_00 13:35

and think about it. I have my own business, my own brand, it's experiencing growth. We're going to a major location in New England, a NASCAR track, setting up as vendors, making money, meeting new people, and I'm doing that with my wife and our beautiful, amazing baby, Paisley Rain. That far exceeds the natural trip of the big party that we would have thrown. God is good, and his plans are greater than the ones we have for ourselves. With that said, I hope to see uh some of you this weekend in New Hampshire at the track wicked Wicked Big Car Show, dude, Saturday and Sunday. And then next week, 4th of July, another new location for us. I will be in Clinton, Maine, at the Clinton Fairgrounds uh for the 4th of July, America's 250th birthday. It's gonna be a tremendous time. We're super excited about this event. I've been uh told that it's gonna be uh um an amazing turnout, and you can imagine the all-American tent on 4th of July. I'm so excited about this. And then we're gonna roll right from uh the Clinton Fairgrounds to the Ospie Valley Fairgrounds in Hiram, and we're gonna be there on a Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and then by Tuesday of that week we'll be loaded up and heading to Syracuse, New York, uh for uh the Syracuse Nationals, another car show at the Syracuse uh New York State Fairgrounds. So uh then I'll actually get a weekend off for the first time after that, which uh just seems kind of crazy. I'm in the middle of um I don't know if it's the middle or we're maybe we'll be crossed the middle, eight weekends on the road and uh eight new locations every week. So it's been a lot. I'm thankful for it. I'm grateful for it, and uh I guess I just need to take a minute to celebrate it and to say thank you for each and every one of you that have um come along the journey that I've met along the way and uh have stopped and to say hey. So I appreciate you and I thank you, each and every one of you. And uh I really want to take a moment to say happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. I didn't get to shout you out before Father's Day, but post Father's Day I want to say that I hope you had a tremendous day. I hope you had a restful day. I hope you also took time to be thankful and to be grateful and to be blessed on that day. That's what I want for each and every one of you. With that said, I I started the show with the opener saying my last conversation with my dad. I started the show by saying my most recent conversation with my dad. And if you really caught the fine details there, I also, if you've been listening for years, know that my father's past and I had a conversation with my dad. That right there is gonna leave you a little skeptical. That right there is um gonna leave you with a lot of questions, and um, we're about to answer those questions. So if you've been listening through the years, um, you know the relationship I have with my with my father, and if you've actually have been listening to this podcast for this entire time, then you know episode one, numero uno. The greatest lesson I ever learned in life is episode one, and it was taught to me by my father. That's how I started this whole show. That's the foundation of the 311 episodes on this show. And when my dad passed, I stood up and recited that story in front of a room of his friends and family, and my friends and family, when I honored him and paid him the ultimate tribute and conducted his service. So as I connect those dots and kind of bring this all back to Father's Day, and for those of you that are new here, I encourage you to go back and listen to some of those episodes, and then it'll kind of set the scene and give you the foundation and the understanding for where we're going today. And where we're going is the fact that for a long time I felt lost. Since losing my father, I felt lost. You know, the spiritual journey that I've been on, um, trying to embrace my faith, recently being baptized, um, changing a lot about myself to live a more godly life, changing a lot about myself to be um the best version of myself, right? To live and fulfill my purpose in life. And um I think a lot of that comes with um becoming a father, and when you tie those together with losing your father, it all the it really all just kind of melts together. Now, one of the things that um I need to echo is the fact that my dad was always my biggest supporter. My dad was so proud of me, and uh it took a long time for me to realize he was proud of me. Like when I was a kid, it it was it took a lot to really um hear from him in that regard and feel and feel that, right? My dad was uh intimidating, stoic, um just I don't even know how to how to how to describe him, but uh my dad could be very intimidating. He can come off aggressive and loud, um, but he was also an oak and he was stoic. And um it's crazy

Grief, Pressure, And Feeling Lost

SPEAKER_00 19:05

to wrap all those things together, but who my dad was in front of people and at home sometimes was was different, you know. He put on this image, but he could be very loud and and and and and um abrasive, and it was intimidating to me as a child at times, and there was times when I went to I'd go to my mom and say, I mean, does this guy even love me? Like, does he even like me? And uh it took me a long time to really get over that, and I was a mama's boy for a really long time, and but as I got older, some things changed with my dad, and as he got older, he he softened and he really um spent a lot of time first off telling people around him how proud he was of me, to the point where all of his friends used to be like, Yeah, yeah, I get it. And I would hear from friends and family about how proud my dad was, and I'd be like, Well, he really hasn't say that to me, so that's great to hear. And then eventually he just started saying it all the time, and and then I just got accustomed to hearing it. I got I got conditioned to always hearing my dad tell me how proud he was of me. And when you spend a couple of years not hearing from your dad about how proud he is of you, it makes you question whether he still is. And I know that sounds crazy, but it's true, and that's kind of how um grief works sometimes, and that's kind of how anxiety works sometimes. And in my situation, this is family land, this is um this is the land that my my mother and father built. I purchased the land and and and and the house that I grew up in, and my mom lives there, and me and and and Allie built right next door, and um everything that's here is of my father and me. And uh you can't get away from any of it. Everywhere you look and everywhere you go, it's um it's a reminder of my father and the things that we have done. And now to see barns and fences and things get deteriorated that we built together, you realize that when enough time has passed for the things that we built to begin to crumble, you begin to realize how long it's been since you had your father. And uh all that's all that becomes pretty difficult. And if you've been listening over the past few months, you've heard me walk the lines of depression, you've heard me um have many days of confession where I admitted the restraints and constraints around me that I've never had before, dealing with more responsibility than I've ever had in my life, and with the least amount of financial freedoms or securities that I've had in my life. I put myself in a financial situation that is worse than I was when I was in my twenties. I'm running a small business, I'm learning how to be a dad. I'm learning how to be a husband and a good son. And um, I'm doing all those things that I'm trying to keep up with um running a business, building a brand. I'm trying to keep up with all the home life tasks, and I'm trying to take on all my father's tasks and all the things that I took for granted that he just did. And you find yourself trying to cut up the little slices of pie of you. You know what I mean? Like you you're you're one big pie, and you just start to cut up slices of the pie and you delegate it off to this one's mowing the lawn, this is fixing the fence, this is you know, this is making t-shirts, this is marketing, this is booking events, this is paying bills, this is bringing mom to work, this is taking care of daddy-daughter days, this is trying to be a good husband, this is, you know, doing your best you can to be a good friend and answer the phone and respond when you can. All these things, right? All these slices of us to just start taking off slivers and and and spreading it around, and you're trying to fill and feed as many avenues as you possibly can. And I'm doing all those things for me that I have to do, and then I'm picking up all my dad's lists at the same time, and I've felt myself failing. And I found myself behind on the mortgage, behind on other bills, unable to breathe, and um feeling lost, and constantly asking myself, what would my father say to me right now? Is my dad still proud of me? Would he still be proud of me with the mess I've created? Would my dad sit down with me and say, you know what, son, I'm proud of you and everything that you've done, but it's time for you to cut bait and get back to a real job and straighten this shit out for your family. And I feared that that's what he would say, and I continued to tell myself that that's what your father would say if he was here. And every day I would ask myself, How did you get to a point of losing his confidence in you? Because I guarantee that right now he's not proud of you. And if he could he's watching you right now, and he's watching you and saying, Man, of all these years, I was so proud of you. I thought you were so perfect and so great, and you would work your way out of everything. But now that I have this aerial view, now I have a drone's eye view on you. You're not who I thought you were, you're not who I raised you to be. And those are the those are the conversations and the seeds of doubt that I was breeding inside myself. And I got to a point where I was just really on a on a on an absolute mental breakdown. And I spent a lot of time thinking, man, if I could just talk to my dad one more time, if I could just have a conversation with my dad one more time, what what could he tell me about where I am? What could he tell me about what I'm doing? Would he still believe in me? Is he still proud of me? Am I the man he thought I was going to be? I spend so much time thinking, telling myself that my biggest fan is probably full of doubt and feeling like a fool that I let him down. And I really started to think about some of the connections and relationships that my wife has made, and um some of the mediums that she's formed friendships with, and she's had uh great opportunities and encounters and interactions with. And

Asking To Talk With Dad

SPEAKER_00 25:50

uh I went to my wife, and I could barely say it. Like I could barely get the words out. I started crying as I was saying it, and I said that uh I need to talk to my dad. I just need to talk to my dad. And uh she was basically like, Well, I've been kind of waiting for you to say that. And uh the craziest thing, before she could reach out to anybody, I think it was maybe the next day we were at my mom's house about to have dinner, and Allie's phone went off with her friend Melissa, who was a median, and she messaged her and she said, Can you do me a favor and uh check my schedule and book yourself and your husband a reading? Something's telling me that um I need to speak with your husband, um but I want him to book a reading and I'm not gonna charge him. That got me. That uh that hit me. The lead up and the build-up to this. Now I've been in the room for many of these type of things and I've experienced them. I was I brought my mother and my father actually and my wife to see Teresa Caputo twice. Um we got a reading, a miniature reading from her once. Um, I've been in the room when actually when Missy when Melissa was reading my mother. Um, I've been around this, right? And I and I've and I've seen videos and personal stories from my wife and stuff, and I and I believe in these things, but it's different on the sidelines than it is under center. You know what I'm saying? So I was nervous and I was skeptical, and uh the whole the whole shebang. So before my reading, I'm outside and I'm doing chores and uh I'm talking to my dad, and the door on the barn, the horse had um been kicking it at night and broke the hinges off the bottom. And for a couple of weeks, I was just opening and closing the door on one hinge, and I had to pick it up, and it was a wicked pain in the ass. And I'm fighting with the door to get it closed, and I keep telling myself I gotta go buy hinges and fix the door, and it's just a simple fix, but it's taking the time and it's remembering that, right? Those slices of you that just keep getting ditched out to everybody else. You forget some of those things, you forget small things, minor things, and they eventually become big things. But I'm having this conversation, and again, I'm out there and I'm just kind of feeling like, man, how do I keep up with all this? How do I keep up with this? One more example and one more area where I'm failing, you know. And uh I go and I sit down and I begin to have my reading, and I instantly start to get emotional, and I start uh to like kind of just tear it up, and and um Melissa's telling me, like, your dad's already here, he's been waiting for this, he's been waiting to talk to you, and um I said earlier that this episode is a little bit different because I had intentions of sharing some of the audio with each and every one of you because we recorded the reading, and then she sent it over to uh Allie as a link. And um, I've been really debating, and we've done this a while ago. I think this is maybe a month or so ago, and I've been sitting on this, I've been holding on to this. I didn't know um if I should share all of this, and uh also leaning into my faith, I know that this kind of hovers on the line of taboo. It's not a tarot reading scenario, but um but it was something where I knew I couldn't make the rest of my life without having some answers and some conversation, and uh I thought about this for quite some time, and then I made the decision today after Father's Day that it'd be a perfect time to share this with you. And then I was talking to Ally about whether I felt okay with sharing the entire um recording, and uh when I made the decision that I was able to do that, we went in to download the audio files and the link expired. So I'm really praying that it's not gone for good, and then I can download that and save it and always be able to go back to that conversation and remember things because when you're in the moment, there's so much that you forget. But I have this one page of notes that is just straight chaos. There's just hand scratch and scribbles and circles and and doodles and noodles all over this page, but there's a few key things in here, and this is the exact notepad that I sat with that I started to scribble on nervously right on when this was all going on, and uh, there's a few things on here that I'm gonna share, and I'm gonna hope that uh someday, someway, I'll get the audio files and I can um share some of that with you. But uh I guess I'm gonna jump around here a little bit, and I'm probably gonna be all

The Reading And A Real Sign

SPEAKER_00 31:40

off guilt here because this legitimately is the messiest pile of notes you've ever seen. But when you sit down and you start having the conversation, um they try to validate things for you and to prove that this is real and that they're always with you. And there were some things in the beginning that I was just kind of dismissing as obvious, and these random things, and then um Melissa said, uh, your dad says he wants you to fix the door already. And I said, uh, what? And she was like, Yeah, the uh is there like a barn door or something that needs to be fixed? He's telling you to fix it already before the horse gets out. And I knew then there's there's no messing this. Nobody else knows this. And I was just dealing with this from that moment I knew. And my dad went on to uh to talk about me a lot and to say how thankful he was for me. Imagine how I learned from him and how he learned from me. Imagine how he sees me taking care of things and taking on everything. And he told me that uh I don't need to do that. He told me I was taking on too much. He went on to talk about how sometimes he was a stick in the mud and he was pretty hard-headed, and he didn't always uh let everybody know how he felt about them, or maybe he would prevent uh certain things from happening because he was just kind of a stick in the mud, and he said that he notices me trying to go out of my way to let everybody know that I love them and to be a part of things, and uh he talked about me feeling like I'm uh free falling. He told me that I needed to get out of my own way. That these hard times will pass. If you've been listening to me, you hear me always say, This too shall pass. These hard times aren't here to stay, they will pass. My father said these hard times will pass. And he spent a lot of time telling Melissa about my brand, my conservative, patriotic brand, and how proud he was of what I've built, how proud he is of my brand, and how close I am to great success. And that it's never been more important for me to not give up. And I need to celebrate the small things, I need to celebrate those small victories, and I need to get used to the feeling of success, I need to embrace success. He told me I need to remember what is most important. And he told me that I'm breaking family curses. Our personality and the way we go about things, and over the past year I've realized how much I've become my father. We talked about his final days and the way things went. And I said I was sorry. And I really hoped he understood why. And he was thankful for the way everything

Pride, Purpose, And Don’t Quit

SPEAKER_00 36:45

went. Said it was perfect, it was the way it was supposed to be. I was sorry that I didn't give him a granddaughter when he was here, that I didn't make him a grandfather when he was here. And he said Don't be sorry. I am a grandfather. He made me a grandfather and I helped pick her for you. I know that little girl. I held her before you did. He said I was a part of picking her for you. And he said he wanted to thank whoever it was that picked me for him. That's my father. That's my father. The world is crumbling around me. And he's in the clouds on a mountaintop, banging his chest with pride for me. Telling me how proud he is, encouraging me to keep going, thanking me. My dad is still my biggest fan. There was a lot more. Um, this is just me kind of going through hen scratch and chicken scratch and trying to connect the dots, but this conversation lasted probably an hour. And uh I literally walked away feeling like I just sat down and uh and talked with my dad. And there was this amazing sense of relief and comfort and confidence. I don't even know uh how to really describe it. With that said, um, before I forget, because I can't forget, I need to shout out Melissa, Roots of the Soul, for what she did for me and what she's done for my family. And uh if anybody wants to connect with her, I'll see if I can link her information. You can reach out to me, I'd be more than happy to uh send it and recommend it. It was uh it was incredible. And I know I'm sitting here on a couch in my garage with the rodeo on, bawling my eyes out, now stuffy and nasalies all get out. You know when you you just end up kind of having one of those sessions, you know what I mean, where you maybe it's like you you're crying and it just becomes like an allergy situation where like you can't breathe out of your face anymore, so then you're starting to catch your breath, like you're you know, like I feel like maybe I'm a fat kid playing dodgeball, and I am fat, but I'm not a kid, so I'm not directly talking about myself, but I'm painting a picture

Relief, Faith, And A New Foundation

SPEAKER_00 41:05

for you so you can understand. And I'm wheezing over here. I'm gonna reach for the inhaler. So this isn't the best version of audio I've ever created, and this might sound rather sad and depressing based off of this energy, but uh I haven't felt this good in years. A lot of things have happened having the conversation with my father, getting some closure, getting some confidence, a newfound understanding, and really committing to my faith, getting baptized, believing more, understanding more, putting those things together. I'm optimistic, I'm realistic, I'm encouraged getting back to being me. It takes a lot to to uh rattle my foundation, it takes a lot these days for me to want to give up. And that's a far cry from where I was. I'm back to being me. And I'm so grateful. This is the version of me that my family needs, and on the heels of this Father's Day, this is the version of me that I need to be for my little girl, and that's why I'm sharing this story today. This has kind of been a wild one. This has been an episode out of Left Field, but I hope that me sharing this gives some confidence to some of you out there that are maybe struggling. Maybe there's some of you out there that are dealing with anxiety and depression over losing someone. Maybe you're dealing with anxiety and depression over your surroundings, your situations, your financial circumstances, whatever they are. Hopefully, this gives you some hope. Maybe I can encourage you to, you know, reach out to Melissa, or even more importantly, I can encourage you to lean into your faith and get closer to God and find the way to live the life you're supposed to live. Because we're not put here to suffer. There's greatness for all of us. I truly hope each and every one of you smile today, laugh today, love and live today. Today's a blessing. And there is no guarantee on you and me. I certainly bared my soul to you today, and I hope it made a difference and a positive impact for you today.

Hope For You And The Close

SPEAKER_00 44:30

And if it did, please share the show with someone you know and help it grow. I thank you all so much for supporting my American dream. Now go watch you friggin' ass, you filthy savage. That's it, and that's all, Biggie Smalls. If you're allowed out of American, you're still finding like YouTube, Facebook, allowed out of America, Facebook, if you're like RIM, like RAM, is a sticky action. Underscore underscore background.