What Are You Willing To Suffer For?

Weekend Recap And The Real Lesson

SPEAKER_00 0:00

On today's episode of Share the Strugger Podcast, we are recapping the weekend that was. A new event, four hours from home, plenty of challenges presented from living on the road, and a few lessons I wasn't expecting. Today I'm sharing the whole story: the good, the bad, and everything in between, because sometimes those are the stories worth telling. Let's get after it. Let me tell you something. Everybody struggles. The difference is some people choose to go through it, and some choose to grow through it. The choice is completely yours. Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life. What it do, what it do, what it hot. Almighty, am I so excited to be back with you? Oh, it is true. It is damn true. Why? Because I love you, boo. You know I do. You know I do. Look at you. Oh, you're so cute. Oh, look at you. Just clapping and snapping. Oh. Hercules, Hercules. You look like a little Hercules. Oh. Wow. Overtired. Overtired much. It is an early episode of this week, meaning I'm up early recording this week, and I don't want to be. Cause I'm exhausted. Wicked exhausted dude. Yeah, I can tell I'm overtired because we're having conversations where currently there's three people in the room, okay? Myself and my two other selves. You know what I mean? Me, myself, and I, I guess. Because I'm using multiple accents. Get it? It was a it was a joke,

310 Weeks And The OG Roll Call

SPEAKER_00 2:36

I guess. Episode 310, and I'm back again. That means 310 consecutive weeks of Share the Struggle Podcast. Proudly brought to you by the fine folks at Loud Proud American. Where they offer you exclusively made in America products. Where they are in full swing. Full seasonal swing, which they are me. I'm not a this isn't a pronoun show. You know what I mean? Those gots to go. Okay? Uh yeah. So I'm talking about myself and my family. But that's okay because that's where we're headed today. That's part of the message today. We're recapping being on the road and some of the reasons why maybe I'm a bit delirious. Delirious right now. Okay? Maybe I'm talking to myself. But feeling like I'm talking to all of you and a lot of versions of me. Okay, we're getting really confusing. Let's welcome some new cities and states to the show. Jefferson City, Missouri, welcome to Share the Truckle Podcast. Let's see. Uh Boardman, Oregon. I don't think I've shouted you out before. Welcome to the podcast. Madison Heights, Michigan, Tucker, Georgia, Riverside, California. Yeah. Indianapolis, Indiana. Just kind of cruising over some podcast stuff, and I saw some spots that looked new to me. I saw some some locations that I hadn't seen before on the old map. So uh thank you. Thank you to each and every one of you for tuning in. Whether last week was your first time, hopefully you're here all the time. It's all my day ones, my loyal ones that have been with me on this journey since 2020. Get your ones up. I acknowledge you. You are one of the ones. It's interesting how uh podcast stuff goes. A lot of it goes in seasons. And there's some there's some folks that were super diehard loyalists for a long time and then they drop off. Some of them never come back, some of them come back, um, you know, maybe, maybe as I say seasons. Some people are like, oh, in the summertime I'm too busy, in the winter time I have time, or you know, maybe summertime I'm traveling more, so I have time. So things kind of change around. So it's interesting to see who I hear from and who I don't hear from. And then it's fun because you end up picking new people along the way that you've never heard from before. But then there's those of you that are my die hard OGs. The select group of you, I acknowledge you, and I love you. But you already knew that. Find all things podcast related at www.share the strugglepodcast.com. I'm excited about the show and the direction and the growth that it's seen over the years. We are um we're over 300 episodes, man. That means we haven't missed a week for 300 weeks, right? I'm not capable of doing long math because I'm sleep deprived, but I'm pretty excited about that. We've gotten a lot of guest requests as of late, but it's tough with some of the requests because I'm I'm traveling so much and I don't really uh record on the road. I tried to. This weekend I brought uh a podcast bag with me and uh I was on my own and I was hoping to record and it didn't really work out. Um occasionally I record on the road because we have to. But when I say I don't always record on the road, I mean like as far as guests. It's tough to do a guest recording. Um I guess I gotta get things set back up to just record online over the wild worldwide web, you know what I mean? But I don't know. I'm rambling. I don't mean to ramble. I love y'all, appreciate you. I just want to say thank you. Whether you're new here or you've been here since day one. Whether you're you've been here a long time. You long time listener. I appreciate you long time listening. First time listen there. Wow, another accent. I didn't realize that when I'm overtired, I apparently start showing off multiple personalities. Maybe this is something that has gone undiagnosed for quite some time, that maybe just maybe should be diagnosed, but that would require me actually going to a doctor, which that's not gonna happen.

Choosing Events With A Checklist

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Uh anyways, I said in the beginning of the show that we had a new event. It was uh I guess if you're in Maine, you'd call it down east, bub. It was down east, dude. I was in Springfield, Maine, which the interesting thing about Springfield is I never knew we had one. Alright? I never knew we had a Springfield, Maine. Most people, especially if you're mentioning a fair and you say Springfield, they think Springfield, Massachusetts, home of the big E, which is one of the biggest fairs on the planet. So that's where most people's mind goes. So when I announced I was going to um fair in Springfield, I had some people reach out and be like, dude, what you're going to Massachusetts? And what's and I was like, no, man, Maine has a Springfield. No, I've never been there. And yes, I've just like you had no clue that it existed. But as we've talked over the past few weeks, I've been kind of scrubbing the schedule, reworking things, and opening ourselves up to brand new things, and in doing so, it created this opportunity, this avenue, and it had some things that just check off the list of things that make events interesting for me, or shall I say, successful. And that is a little short list of redneck activities. So when I start looking at an event, there's a wide list of um little check boxes for events that might um pertain to Loud Proud American. Now, here's the scenario: there's a big list, and you just need to check off a couple of items on the list. You get a little couple check boxes, and things start to start to make some sense, alright? As to how and why that event might work. The more boxes that you check, the more likely you are to have success. Now, most of these checkboxes live under a redneck umbrella, alright? And some of y'all might be thinking, what is a redneck umbrella? And I don't want you to think more literally about what it is, because that there's there's plenty of options, okay? It probably includes it probably includes duct tape, maybe a tarp, I don't know. Um sheet metal could be involved, plywood. There's there's plenty of options, but I'm not we're not we're not pitching a tent here, folks. We're not making an umbrella. I'm just saying it in the figurative sense that we focus on redneck related events, whatever that might be tends to relate well to us. So there's a lot of things in there you can check mark off of a list, right? Whether it's motorcycle rallies, check, mud runs, check, drag racing check, car shows check, um tattoo things, check, whatever. You start going down the list. But when you look at things like agriculture, check, okay? Uh demolition derby, check. Truck poles, check, horse poles, check. Um steers, oxen poles, check. You start looking at these things. Horse racing, check. Country music, check. Alright? The more of those things you check off, the more likely you are to have a good event. There was quite a few boxes checked on this event, and in our state, there's some certain lines in the state less for figure speech calling the Mason Dixon, which makes no sense when we're talking about Maine being in the Northeast. But when you have the Northeast Mason Dixon line, I live south of the Dixon, okay? But a lot of my customer base is north of the Dixon because in the south, um, the southern part of the state, there's a lot of implants here, not a lot of folks that actually uh are from here, but also the ones that are from here, let's just say most of them but kind of asshats, alright? Um, so a lot of them don't see um the world the way that a lot of us do, okay? Is that really confusing? Most likely, yes. But here's the scenario when looking at the event, it put me over the line to where um let's say on the positive side of success, there was enough boxes checked, and I like the fact that it is a new demographic in the sense that it's a part of the state that I personally have never been, so I wanted to bring our product to it. Y'all already knew a lot of that if you've been listening over the past few weeks. But like I just said, man, there's some new people here, so get off of me. Let me explain the situation, alright? Why are y'all so pushy? Can you imagine if we're all in a room together? How off the rails this would go? Because right now I can I'm in my office, I can look over and look at my heat presses and envision that those pieces of equipment are some of your smiling beautiful faces. You know what I'm saying? Like I can see y'all in the room. Jen Barnes, day one loyalist. OG, I can see you here right now, okay? And you'd be saying, get on track. But then you would probably take me off track. So that's what I'm saying. There's a good thing I'm recording by myself because technically I don't feel alone because I have the support of all of you. What are we talking about right now? You need to take a nap. All I was trying to say is this event is about four hours away. And I'm doing this event on my own. Um, this is an event where I feel like it's small enough that I could manage it. I don't know why I'm speaking of this event as if it hasn't happened, because it did, but I'm trying to build the excitement, set the scene, pave the road, the story that needs to be told. That whole kind of scenario, alright? So just for just for reference, that's how that works. It's like in the Bible when you when you read something and you go, I don't really know what that meant. Then you look down at the chart at the bottom. That's I'm giving you the chart right now, okay? Giving you the chi chi. So this is an event that I knew I could handle on my own. And in the current situation that we have, the bus is not back in business. The Loud Proud American Express is not on the road currently. I'm borrowing a trailer from uh a brother from another mother, Mr. Chris Woodcock, and I've been using that trailer since uh the beginning of the year to get to events. And uh being a solo event and how this is all kind of laying out and the fact that all of my goods are in a trailer. I can't bring the camper. We also haven't uh de-winterized it. We haven't registered, actually haven't registered since we bought it, but uh that's besides the point. So I knew I needed to do this one on my own, and I knew I needed to rough

The Internal Checklist Of Commitment

SPEAKER_00 14:05

it. I needed to get back to Marutz. And a lot of um folks that know me and we get to chatting about things, um, especially the ones that have done this type of stuff with me, like like Brian Palmolo. Um, he always checks in with me, and he's one of the road dogs that I've uh had a lot of great stories with, and he was uh one of the he was the very first person to actually work for Loud Pride American that wasn't um, you know, that I wasn't married to or born by, you know what I'm saying? And uh he reached out and was like, you know, what do you do and you're roughing it? And he tried to um have me use the RV and he was willing to drop it off. And I said, No, man, it's okay. A lot of times doing these things, it just centers me, man, it grounds me and it makes me feel young again, and it keeps me young. Doing young, dumb, stupid stuff, it might take a toll on you, but it keeps me young and it reminds me where I came from, and it also shows me how bad I want something. Like, how bad are you willing to work for something? And that's kind of where we're headed today. Because if you want to be successful, if you want to chase your dreams and make things happen, you need to be committed, you need to be dedicated, you need to be determined, and you're gonna face obstacles, you're gonna face a great deal of obstacles, and it's about overcoming those. And this weekend was a lot of overcoming. And uh, I just wanted to share some of that with you, but I also wanted to highlight the fact that this might sound foolish to a lot of people, but to me, there's like a another checklist, and there's a checklist that lives internally in your soul, in your ecosystem, that you have check off on a daily basis. And and there's many different checklists, and you have them kind of like departmentalized as to uh different things, like your your family, your health, there's these different checklists. But when it comes down to a dream, when it comes down to a business, something that you you deeply desire, there's a checklist that lives internally in you that you check off that validates and determines the commitment you have to those dreams and desires. For me, doing difficult tasks, overcoming uncomfortable situations, those things validate for me how bad I want something, and then that justifies the sacrifice and the commitment. And if you've been listening to me over the past uh year or so, you can really hear me lean into my faith. And I feel that suffering and sacrificing and and that commitment to my cause, to what I want to believe and achieve in this world, my my dedication to that is a way of also showing God that I am committed, that I do want this, and I'm willing to work for this. The success that I'm going to achieve by this, yes, I'm gonna work towards it, but I'm gonna give the glory to him because I know that without him, none of it is possible, and I know without him this won't work out. Does that make sense? But I'm also gonna validate and show my sacrifices, my commitments to um upholding my end of the agreement, upholding my end of the covenant that I am going to work for, I am going to do this, and I'm willing to sacrifice for this for the better good of my family to make this happen to provide. Does that make sense to you guys? So sometimes doing these things, it's validation. And when I put myself in these situations and I can overcome them, I'm checking them off internally. My internal checklist, I'm checking those things off. And when you get through something, there's like a validation stamp. You get a stamp of validation, this approval that says, damn right, you did it. You wanted it and you did it. And a lot of these things don't come with a very grand, successful story. It doesn't come with, yeah, so I made a hundred thousand dollars and it was amazing, or I received this medal, this award. I was, you know, they gave a speech about me. Like those things, that's not what I'm talking about. It's not always, you know, unicorns, farts, and fireworks and and cards and balloons. That's not that's not it. Sometimes it's just knowing you made it through. Sometimes it's just getting through and not even being successful, it's just the accomplishment of getting through. But when you get through something difficult and you actually achieve something, then it starts to really feel good. And I know that I've kind of gone off on a tangent here, but whenever I share stories about our weekend and our business or what it is that we're going through, whatever it is that we're growing through, I want people to always look at my story and and these journeys through a different lens and realize that whatever I'm going through, it can relate to you in other avenues of life, right? It doesn't always have to be business related. I know not everybody listening is launching and running an apparel brand. I understand that. But it's about the things that we go through and showing our commitment and our sacrifices. Does that make sense, guys? If I set a scene, if I stopped talking uh to the seven personalities that I currently have in the room with me and actually painted the perfect picture here. Paint me a Bourman Helm. I shouldn't have started that I shouldn't have I should I set myself up. I set myself up, man, for singing. Lord, I apologize. Where's the coffee at? Give me some caffeine. I shouldn't do this on here. That was lukewarm coffee that I almost spilled on my keyboard. And I I did the sound effects for my wife because I know it's really gonna make her angry. But it's a good way for me to know if she listens. You know what I mean? You ever put things into certain situations just to make sure someone's looking or they're listening? I might drop some clues in the episode. Maybe sometimes I shout somebody out. If I don't hear from them, I know they're not listening. Do something that makes your wife happy or annoys her, you'll find out if she's listening. That's a little side tip that I didn't plan on. That's like an extra steak tip. You didn't even realize was there. It was like hidden behind the broccoli when you're at the restaurant. Oh well, a little steak tip. Just a tip. We were talking. Something is mentally wrong with me, man. I'm giggling and I'm all by myself. Alright, back on track. Squirrel.

Rolling Into Springfield Maine

SPEAKER_00 20:55

So, new event at Springfield Fair. I did this one on my own, as I mentioned, said that a multiple times. You guys are tired of hearing me say that. So it was me and uh the Yukon and a trailer, and I had it out. Oh man, what day was it that I um rolled out? It was a Wednesday, okay? So getting ready, getting geared up for the event. Y'all, if you've been listening, you know how I do. I work late, I screw things up, and I always run behind schedule. Pretty optimum for my life and how things happen. Wednesday morning, get up, get some things done, uh finish off uh production on some stuff, get some things ordered, get the truck and trailer, you know, final last minute hurrahs, and then I hit the road. It was actually a pretty nice ride, and uh it brought me to the part of the state that I'd never been to before, which I thought was really cool. Uh, it's nice to explore things like when you're exploring places you've never been before, awesome. When you're doing it in your own state, you're like, oh my god, this exists. It's really cool to do that. So I like picking different events sometimes just because of that. It can add a nervousness to it, but it's also um just one more thing, right? Maybe nervousness is part of your checkbox, and it is for me. Sometimes I'll work myself up and get nervous about going into a new scenario, but when I accomplish it and I check off that internal box on overcoming the nervousness, that in itself is a win, man. I I I love that part. So just pointing that out so y'all can remember some certain maybe you have some similar boxes that you'd like to check off. So here we are. So it was a really nice ride, actually. And um, I think it could have been done in probably three and a half hours, but uh stopping for fuel and hauling a trailer and traffic and all that, it was about four hours for me. When I got off the interstate, I was in a little town called Lincoln, and it was an awesome little town. And I feel like I've that maybe my I've heard some hunting stories from my dad about Lincoln. That's maybe the only representation I have of it because I I recognize the name. And uh it was a it was a cool little town, it was a quaint little town, um uh peaceful and welcoming town. I I really enjoyed it. And when you get through Lincoln, then you come into Springfield, which is the home of the fair, and one thing was just an observation, and I don't mean to make this sound you know negative or anything, because um you can't come at me um negatively when I say what I'm about to say because of my roots, but there was some um let's just say some poverty-ridden areas, right? There was um as soon as I entered into the town, I started seeing some some redneck oases, okay? And sometimes those are redneck oases might be um a small trailer with a lot more stuff on the lawn and in the driveway than in the trailer, and we can't see in the trailer, but you know what I'm saying? Um a lot of doors and windows that are made out of plywood as opposed to um what normal places might have, right? A lot of uh uh suspicious areas where people that don't know any better would probably not feel comfortable going. And um when you start to see a lot of the population that looks like that, you question whether they're gonna want to spend $27 on a t-shirt or not. And it's funny because a lot of people would look at this and say to me, like, hey man, these folks up here don't have any money, they're not gonna spend money with you. And you realize that people look at things differently, right? And and you might not have money for certain things, but you might justify money on other things because you believe in it. And I do believe that we are a brand that people can believe in, and I think that that helps. But I also understand when you are living in a fixed income, I understand what it's like to not be able to afford your bills. I I'm there, I get it. And I'm allowed to criticize, I'm allowed to uh say and state the facts because I grew up in a trailer, because I know what it's like, because I've had a wide collection of things on my front lawn, and I'm still working through a large collection of things that my daddy accumulated in the current ponderosa that I live at now. So I'm free and clear to judge, okay? Old son grew up in the trailer park, you know what I'm saying? Well, I wasn't in the trailer park because uh I'm in the way sticks, you know what I'm saying? Where you don't need to have neighbors, you know what I mean? I'm one of them folks. So I'm allowed to say I have a hall pass, okay? You can't come at me. No, you can't. So I roll into this fair, and um, very welcoming, nice people. Uh one of the things that I thought was really cool about this fair is I was at a convention with our friends Matt and Sarah from Ledgway Farm a few years ago, and it's an agriculture convention, and it's really around fairs and such. And uh there was a young couple there that received an award. Uh, this girl Ashley received an award for being a rising star um in the community for uh for fairs and stuff because she's the youngest fair owner in the state, and um they bought this fair, her and her family, and I don't know all the details into it, but um what was cool to see by being there is that Ashley and her family run the entire thing. So I called her when I got there and went to her personal cell phone, and she was um out getting some livestock, and uh then she referred me to her dad, and she called her dad, and then I ended up working with him, and together they found my spot and we figured it

A Fair Run By Family

SPEAKER_00 26:30

out. And then it's multiple siblings, and uh, you know, aunts and uncles and family that's running the entire fair. And I mean it's a small fair, but there's still a lot going on. They have a whole carnival, like a whole um amusement, I should say, not carnival, but uh smoky greater shows in there, and they had um some really nice rides and stuff, and um they're doing things, man. They're working. They they they have uh truck poles and they have demolition derbies and they have um horse poles and and and all that and steers, and and it's really cool to see this family work and also appreciate you being there and and checking in with you and um you know coming over during my setup, coming over after the first day, asking how things are going, um, following up when I'm packing up on my last night, asking me if I'd be coming back because they'd like to have me back. This friendly interaction, this follow-up, this um this effort to show vendors that you appreciate them and that you care, um, is uh something that might sound like common sense to a lot of you listening, but it's not a common event. It's not something that happens at a lot of these places. Um people just take you for granted. Once they have your money, they don't really care. And that's the that's the unfortunate scenario about a lot of events and fairs in our state. So Ashley and her family were super welcoming, and uh they really appreciated me being there. Um, and I watched them be attentive and work their ass off the whole time. So I wanted to shout them out before I forget. They did a great job. Um, and I like being early on something that's growing, and then someday be able to say, like, hey man, I'm I'm a part of that. I was a part of that. And I think that's what's great about our brand in general. And for those of you that um, you know, buy and support and love LoudProud American, uh, shout out www.loudproudamerican.shop. Those of you that do, you know that feeling of getting in on the ground floor, being a part of something and watching it go and grow and and and become something. And from where we are now versus where we were six years ago is a massive difference. And where we're gonna be next year and in the next 10 years is an incredible difference. So for all of you that have been a part of that ride, you have that validation stamp. You have that box checked off inside of you that says when Loud Proud American is this big massive apparel brand, and people are just hearing about us, and they go up to you and they say, Hey man, could you hear about this super awesome company? I just bought this t-shirt to support them, and you say, Yeah, I'm an OG. I've been there since day one. I remember when old Stun was sleeping in a lawn chair because he didn't have a place to sleep at an event. I remember when he couldn't pay his damn mortgage. I was there. There's that fundamental feeling of being a part of something. The same thing for the podcast. My OGs that are in the room, you know who you are that everybody since day one, you look at now and you hear me shout out new cities and states, Indianapolis, Indiana, and you say to yourself, Welcome, Mindy, where you been, son? I've been here for 309 weeks. That's a checkbox, okay? That's something internally that that's at validation. So for me to be a part of this small fair, and maybe if it were to continue, and someday it's this big scenario and it keeps getting bigger for them, they could be like, Hey, he's one of the first ones that really took the leap to come here and be a part of this. He wasn't a vendor that lives within um, you know, a half an hour or an hour of the fair. He committed to being here, he recognized us. And I hope that for them, like I hope that I think we're at a point right now where we get some respect when we go certain places, and um, they certainly respected us, and I hope for them they look at it and go, okay, that's a big vendor. That's a great business here in Maine, that saw us, found us, liked what we were doing, seeked this out and committed to driving four hours to be here and to live here uh for a week to make it work, to be a part of something. I hope it validates something for them. Um, because it does for me. And the same thing goes when you talk about being a part of that ground floor. I'm looking at a um at a Daniel Johnson design that I have uh stapled to the wall at the moment. I think about Daniel Johnson and meeting him on the road and making merch and uh in and his official band gear for him. And if you guys have been listening to this to the show or following along on social media, you've seen that. And may I encourage any of you to go out there and and uh listen to some of Daniel's music and and download and support him, um, but knowing that you could be a part of his rise, of his climb. I think we all want to feel that way, right? So it was exciting for me to be a part of this this fair and and hopefully see it see it grow.

Heat Tents And A Bug Storm

SPEAKER_00 31:22

So I roll in on Wednesday and I start setting up, and um it was about 85 degrees, I would say, 85 to 90. I'm in the middle of the field, I have no uh shade, and I'm building this display by myself. It's 20 feet wide, 20 feet deep. My tents are 10 feet wide and 20 feet long, and um they're uh they're steel. Um, there's some steel and aluminum frame. Um, so it's heavy, it can be difficult, it's a pain in the ass to do by yourself. A lot of people couldn't put this tent up. I'll say it better. There's not a lot of folks that could pitch this tent, you know what I'm saying? On their own. You need a couple helping hands to pitch this tent. Alright. But uh it busts your ass, is what I'm trying to say. So I put these two tents together, then I gotta put the walls in, and then I gotta lug in uh my grid wall, which is seven feet tall. I think it's like maybe two or two and a half feet wide, seven feet tall, made of steel. Um, I probably had 20 something of those, and you bring all of those in, you roll off all the apparel, and you do all those things, and my trailer wasn't gonna be next to my um display, so I had to empty everything out that I need and then go park the trailer, and um we're talking, like I said, 85-90 degrees, blistering sun. You're the only one you're trying to get it done, and um then these black flies and mosquitoes came out, and it was a massive wave of these little black flies, these little main minges, and uh I can't actually show you a video because you're listening, but I took some video of them piling up inside my tent, and what was crazy is at one point I was working and I could hear this noise, and it sounded like rain, it sounded like it was raining outside, uh, like light sprinkling all over my tent, and I stepped out, but maybe I should just stand in the rain and cool off. And I stepped out of my tent and I looked up and it was just nothing but hot blister and sun. There was no there was no rain in sight. And I get back in the tent and I realize it's the sound of all the little black flies at the top of my tent, because there's thousands of them, and it's them bouncing off of the fabric, off of the uh the canvas of my tent, and it sounded like rain. Isn't that disgusting? Just gives me the gives me the itchy witches, just thinking about it. But they're all over me, man, and and and it was added to my frustration, and at this point, you know, you've been driving four hours, you're busting your ass in the field by yourself trying to figure things out, and and then now you got all these flies all over you, and you're covered in sweat, and uh you can't find a shower, and and um you just start getting you start getting overwhelmed, and I go to drop the trailer and I'm getting swarmed by these damn bugs, and I shut the trailer and I get in the truck, and then the quick amount of time um jumping out of the truck and dropping the trailer and getting back in, I left the door open, and then my truck was infested with black flies, and I said, I can't sleep in here like this because I mean these flies are everywhere. I put the windows down, I leave, and I head into town, and I'm just trying to get all these damn flies out. And my wife got me this um like uh microfiber towel that's attached to a handle that you can clean your windows with on the inside, and I was killing um black flies by the thousands, it felt like so. I'm doing all this and I'm getting frustrated, right? Because you know I gotta sleep on the truck tonight. As I mentioned, I don't have a camper here, it's just me roughing it out here. I'm not gonna sleep on the trailer, there's no ventilation, um, and I have product kind of skewed everywhere. So um over the years, all these campers that we've bought and sold and um flipped around and upgraded. We have some uh some mattress pads and stuff from those campers, and the wife set me up with a great setup inside the inside the Denali for me to um use as a bed. But the thing is you can't leave the bed down all day long because when I get somewhere I have to take both of the back seats, roll them all the way to the front, which requires me to move my front seat to the steering wheel, and then kind of fill in the gaps with a suitcase and then lay down these mattresses, and then I have uh um a bed back there, but I don't want to leave my windows open because there's mosquitoes everywhere, and there's black flies and such. Um thankfully my wife did some research and said, Hey, black flies are not nighttime bugs, okay? So that was helpful, but they were still a bunch of mosquitoes, so all this is

Finding Food And A Place To Sleep

SPEAKER_00 36:10

running through my mind. I'm tired, I'm overworked, I'm overheated, and I go into town and I'm just I gotta vent and I gotta unwind. And uh I'm like, maybe I should be looking for a place to sleep, and I end up going downtown and I find this really cool looking little um pizza wings shop, uh bar, brewery type of thing, and I said, Well, this should be the spot. I can stop here, get some dinner, have a cold beer, recalibrate, and uh do some research, figure things out. I parked the truck, I walk off to the door, locked, closed for a private party. You gotta be kidding me, man. I got kicked out of a wing hot, it was closed. So I leave there, follow uh a little further in town. This is in this is now I'm in the town of Lincoln, which is about 30 minutes away from the fairgrounds, and uh I found another stop, and I think it was like uh Lincoln Tap House or something. And uh I get in the parking lot, and when I start to walk into the front door, there's this old biker out front, and there's uh a young couple trying to eat dinner outside, and this biker's talking to him, and uh as I get closer I can hear him talking about how he just hit on some lady in the bar, and um it wasn't who he thought it was. He thought he was talking to um, you know, some old girlfriend, and it wasn't, and then you know, offended somebody. And as I'm getting closer, I hear him say, Oh man, I really miss her. I've been fortunate in my life. I've had I've had two soulmates in my life, and I'm like, man, this you know those conversations, right? We're outside the bar, this couple's trying to eat, they don't even know who you are. They're like, oh wow, yeah, that does sound like you're blessed. And as I get closer, I realize this old fella just pissed his pants, okay? He pissed his pants. He he wet the denim, alright? We're talking about big old wee-wee stain from uh above the zipper all the way down to the knee on one side. Well, you know I found a good place to eat. You know what I'm saying? You know, I was home, okay? You knew these are my people. I rolled in, they're doing karaoke. Joy, what uh treat. I sat down at the bar to get something to eat, ordered a bush light, they came over and said, sorry, after eight o'clock, you get your bush in plastic cups. And I said, I feel at home, okay? This is alright. And uh yeah, so I had dinner there and I started looking into uh places to stay. And it's kind of a little touristy area and it's tourist season, and I'm not gonna spend $150 to $200 a night to stay in a place for a couple hours because the fair is open till ten o'clock at night. By the time I would get to these places, and at this point I'm looking at it and being like, I'm gonna get up first thing in the morning and go back to the fair to finish my setup. Why would I spend two hundred dollars to sleep for five hours? So I'm not I'm not gonna do it. So I started looking for places where maybe I could sleep um like at a public location like you would with an RV or a camper or something. And um, and and the reason why I'm saying this is because where I was at at the fair, you have livestock, you have uh grass that's just been cut, you have um a higher uh potency of uh mosquitoes, and at this point I'm still thinking black flies are out at night because I I'm an idiot. And my wife looked it up and told me I'm an idiot. But I was I gotta cut the bug population down. So I was looking for places to stay. I went to Walmart to get a few things that I needed, um, and uh because the truck was overheating a touch on the way there, so I was just getting some stuff, and um maybe I'll sleep in the Walmart parking lot. And it was the tiniest little Walmart, and I got followed around by security, so I'm like, well, maybe I'm not gonna sleep here. And as I pulled out, there was a cop patrolling the area, so I said this isn't gonna work. I checked at local Hannaford, like I'm looking for spots. I ended up um I was looking for for parks that I could stay at, campgrounds, and um I ended up at a boat launch, and I got settled in. I was about to sleep at a boat launch, and uh I was doing some research, and that said, not a good idea, okay. Um, but I was gonna do it anyways, and I was at the boat launch, and um more mosquitoes because of water, not really a good idea. All that said, I ended up right back to the fairgrounds where it all started. But uh there was less black flies. The black flies, as I mentioned, weren't out, and the mosquitoes weren't too bad, but I couldn't leave my windows open because I didn't want to just flood the truck with mosquitoes and then be screwed all night long. So I had some battery-operated fans that I could put in and then um, you know, sleep on the truck. So I make my bed, sleep on the truck, and um, you know, every morning by like 6, 7 the latest, you're up, you know, things are happening, things are moving, cars are pulling in, horses are being unloaded, whatever. So you're not getting much sleep. And uh I tend to sleep for a half an hour to or so at a time, um, when you're lucky, an hour at a time, and then you wake up and try to get repositioned or try to breathe because you're overheating. So it's just one of those nights of very little sleep, you're uh you're overheated, you're sweating, and uh you can't really breathe all that well, and that's night one. That's just the setup day. And uh the next day is the first day of the fair, and it opens at three o'clock, so I have plenty of time uh to start my day.

Customer Service While Running On Empty

SPEAKER_00 42:02

So I go back into town, which is about 30 minutes away, and um it's funny. I go uh get some gas and I walk into an Irving and uh I get a breakfast sandwich, and I'm waiting in line, and there's a young gentleman in front of me with one of his own business shirts on, and he does like HVAC, and I'd heard him on the phone and stuff, and he's in front of me, and I can't really see over his shoulder. I can't tell that he's not actually with the tenant, like he's actually just using a self-kiosk, which I haven't seen self-service uh checkouts at an Irving before. It was just new to me. So the employee behind the counter is just like looking at me and like throws her arms up and rolls her eyes at me, and I'm like, Is she not a fan of the customer in front of her? And I look at her again, and she just made this like ass hat comment to me that was like, You want to come up here or what? Like, you want to cash out? And I was like, Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this guy was friggin' paying here, and she's like, he's out of kiosk. So I like go up and she rolls her eyes at me and she's sighing and throwing my stuff around, and I said, uh I said, Good morning. And she was like, uh, and I that just doesn't really want to respond to me. And I said, Are you okay today? And she says, What? And I said, Are you okay today? And uh she just looks at me and pauses, and I was like, just kind of seems to me like maybe you're having a bad morning. And the young kid next to me just started laughing, and uh um from that point she realized she was being kind of rude, and I was thinking in the back of my mind that I had number one, I had no filter, and I was surprised that I just threw this out there and thankfully I was polite enough about it, but I was thinking to myself, I have a reason to complain. Okay? I just got three hours of sleep in 15 minute increments being attacked by bugs with very little airflow, no no no oxygen, okay? I've been I've been working in a field in 90 degrees heat and then sleeping in a freaking Yukon in the middle of the summer in the middle of a field and the vehicle's black. Okay. I drove all around this damn town looking for a flea, a free a flea, a free place to sleep. I've got all the reasons, sister. I'm away from my wife and kid. I have all the reasons to be the one rolling my eyes. But you don't see me like that. That's what I should have said. And I didn't realize that that's what was pumping through my veins, but I was calm, cool, and collective. And I said, Are you okay? And I caught her off guard because there's no reason for you to act the way you're acting. I should be the jackass here. And the young kid thought it was funny, and then when he was leaving, he said, Hey, thank you, have a good day. Then he turned around to me and said, Why the hell did I just thank a kiosk? Just a little interaction on customer service. I wanted to share that with you. I went to Dunkin' Donuts. I met a local um older gentleman, um veteran who runs a veterans museum. We sat down and had uh um breakfast together and um just kind of kind of chatted it up, which was which was really nice. And uh explored the town a little bit and uh went back and finished my setup and and opened up for day one. And um on day one it was it was pretty slow, folks. It was pretty slow, and um I did about $130 in sales, and um that's not a lot to be away from home for two days, and knowing it cost me over a hundred dollars in fuel already, and then you think about you know your all the expenses, the food and everything, it all adds up. Friday was another late open day, and I had some work to do. I went into town and I found a local park, and I went and sat at the park on a picnic table under a nice shade tree, overlooking the river, and um kids were playing, ducks were swimming, I had two ducks chilling with me all day, and I just worked on designs and I worked in my office or my office. It was my office on the road, and I just just looked at the water and I had conversations with the wife and kiddo, and and just took time to be still and to reflect and to work at the same time and just uh try to be in the moment, you know, like be productive but be in the moment. And then I went back and um I get back to open the for up for the for the opening bell at the fair, and it was hours before any other vendors opened up, and then finally they opened and people started to show up, and um I got my first sale and it was 65 bucks, and um there was a there was a truck uh truck poles that night, and people started showing up for that, and then it started raining.

Slow Sales Then Rain Takes Over

SPEAKER_00 46:48

And it rained to beat the dickens. It rained so much, it was pouring. There was flooding, my tent was starting to fill with water, it wasn't leaking, but it was just coming in from the sides, rolling in, like there's no place to go. He was just filling up, and then very quickly every vendor closed down, and they had a dance going on in the barn behind me, but it was torrential downpours, like the fair, that was it, it was over $65. I'm two days into the fair being open, I'm three days on the road, and uh I haven't cleared $200 in business, and I'm in the tent, and it is pouring. And uh I had this big oversized chair, and I set that up in the middle of the uh tent. I put some country music on, I got a cold bush light, and I sat in the chair and I took out my computer and I designed new shirts for my next event, and I finished my design. I started that in the morning by the river, and I got done making my design at probably I don't know, man, 11 o'clock at night. I worked in that tent by myself with the doors closed, with the music going, with the rain pouring, and I got my designs done and ordered, and I closed it up and I went and took a beer and walked around, and then I ended up going off to uh to bed, and I knew that I did the best I could, right? I took that situation and I made the best of it. And during this entire time, like being checked in on by friends and family, you know, um many of you reaching out and seeing how I'm doing and how things are going, and chatting with my wife and my mom, and and staying positive. And on day one and halfway through day two, I I had that feeling of like it's all gonna work out, man. This is gonna work, we're gonna be fine. Like it's um, this is gonna be good, it's the right demographic, it's the right people. I'm here for a reason. Um, this is this is totally new to me. I'm I I left my comfort zone for a reason. I'm supposed to be here. This is all part of my purpose, this is all part of it. And uh, I just kept telling myself it was all gonna work out. At this moment, this is the time when you start having some of that doubt, right? Some of the doubt creeps in, but you start thinking, maybe it's not gonna work out. But you just push that out and you keep having the faith. Saturday

When The Weekend Finally Turns

SPEAKER_00 49:12

rolls around, and um, I'm back in the in the tent, and uh, this one was an earlier morning event. Gates open at eight, and I'm open, and there's nobody else open for a couple of hours, and then we start getting some traffic, and it was really slow, and um by midday I'm like, I only have a couple hundred dollars in sales, this might be a really bad thing, and I start to start to doubt myself a little bit and I start to feel bad about my decision, and then it picked up it picked up, and I got busy, and I stayed pretty busy all the way to about ten o'clock at night. Close up, get some sleep, and uh Sunday, get back open again, another late start, and I started telling myself, man, if I could only just make a few bucks. And the next thing you know, I'm busy and I'm busier, and I'm busier, and I don't expect it. And all of a sudden my Sunday is a lot better than my Saturday. And all of a sudden at the end of it, my Saturday and Sunday made up for my no-sale Thursday, Friday. And when I looked at it at the end of it, and I did the math on it, I did much better than the event that I did last year for the same amount of time, for that same same block of days. I did much better than the event that I've been doing for five years that I didn't want to leave. I beat it. I overcame it through the black flies and mosquitoes, through the no sleep, I beat it. I also gotta shout out my wife because she um found these these screen covers to put over your windows, to put over your doors for babies, and I was able to crack my windows and have some oxygen uh the rest of the weekend, which was which was nice. But we adapted and we overcame, and I sat back and looked at it and say, I beat my event from last year, and I also found time, but I wouldn't have to design something for my next event, because it's all I could do. So I'll have that to go into my next event. I found time to be grounded, to sit by the water, to take on the day, to work alongside two ducks, and give zero y'all said it. I didn't try not to swear, y'all said it. Sinners so um I think about those things. And what I also did is I overcame great obstacles. Think about think about the sacrifice and the commitment, driving the four hours, setting up in 90 degrees heat, being overcome by thousands of flies, driving around looking for a place to sleep. My big ass slept in the back of our Yukon. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, drove home Sunday. Four nights sleeping in the back of a truck on a rolled up mattress. I did it. That's my commitment, that's my sacrifice. I'm away from my home, I'm away from my family, I'm getting four or five hours of sleep a night. I'm working my ass off all day long, doing the best I can, the scratching claw for every single thing I can. On Sunday, I got up on Sunday, I think it was probably six in the morning, and um, I went over and hooked the trailer on the truck so I wouldn't have to at night, getting attacked by bugs again, by black flask because it's first thing in the morning, get things situated, get back over to the tent, get things set up, get things open, have a tremendous Sunday, okay? Deal with some rain in the middle of the day, but it all works out. Have a tremendous Sunday, and then um I start packing, slowly picking some things around 8:30 or so. Uh 9 o'clock, I'm starting to start to pack up um pretty heavily. Um our section's starting to kind of close down. I still had some sales even while I was putting clothes on the rack. So I start taking everything, putting it on rolling racks, and then cutting down all my grid wall and stacking those things up, and and I'm I'm slowly just starting to put everything together. And then I gotta go get the truck, sneak it onto the fairgrounds, and start loading things up. There, all the food vendors and stuff that were around me didn't leave, so I couldn't drive into where I was at, where I was supposed to come in. I took the truck straight down the track for the truck poles and found a way into where I was at because I was hellbent and determined to get out of there and get home. I needed to be home. I wanted to be home. Um I I missed my daughter and I missed my wife, and and I missed my family, and I missed my sleep, and I missed my routine, and I knew the responsibilities and the things that were ahead of me. But the other thing is that at midnight it was my wife's birthday. That at midnight it was my wife's birthday. And I told myself that next week we're gonna have our 10-year anniversary. And the last thing that I really want to do is to have my wife wake up on her birthday alone. I don't want my wife waking up on her birthday without me by her side. So I said, I'm gonna get home. I'm gonna get home. I won't be home for midnight, but when she wakes up in the morning, I'm gonna be right there next to her. So by the time I was done packing, it was uh it was about 11 o'clock. And um it's it's so dark where I'm at that I have to take my lights out of the tent, lay them outside on the ground, make kind of a perimeter of lights, finish closing my tent up, pack everything up, and then I can unplug the lights and uh pack things up. So get up at 6, run the t the fair all day long, um start packing around nine o'clock, get done packing at 11, load up the trailer and head home.

The Midnight Drive Home Battle

SPEAKER_00 55:35

I get on the road and things are going great, and um then all of a sudden I start like seeing things. First off was real things. Like I started seeing um like deer on the side of the road. And uh I'm climbing through the mountains and it is dark. There's no street lights, and um I'm seeing deer on the side of the road, and one of them was literally just getting ready to cross, and there's nothing I could do. I couldn't jack my brakes up and just jackknife the trailer or anything, so it's just just hold steady and pray and and uh and and just keep on moving. And and so I'm overly aware of all my surroundings. And then I see uh I see animals running out in front of me. I see this big, this black subject come up um in in front of me. I don't know if it was a dog, I don't know if it was a coyote, I don't know if it was an unlucky black cat from the distance that I was at. I don't really know. But I'm seeing all these things, and then as I get more tired and I get on the on the interstate, it's like my mind and my eyes start to create things and starts to make new things to see, and it's spooking me. And then I start to kind of doze off and I find myself in the rumble strip a couple times. So then I start waking myself up and I said, Okay, I just gotta get to Bangor. I gotta get to Bangor. Uh Bangor has a uh a rest stop, and I can pull in there, and even if I can just sleep for 20 minutes, then I can get back on the road and I can make it home. So Bangor's gotta be an hour, an hour and a half into my journey. So um I finally get to uh Bangor rest area and I pull in and uh I go to the trailer truck side so that I could park the truck and trailer and and be able to sleep. And I've had this happen to me and Brian um on the road before. You pull in and you can't see based off the size of the trailer trucks until you're committed to being on their side. And I get over there and every single spot was taken. And the spots when you come out of the um park and ride or rest stop area were taken. So you get in there and you realize how much of a challenge it was for you to make it to this rest stop and um how difficult it was and how tired you are. And then now you're at you're at you're you can't you can't back up, you can't get out, you can't go anywhere, you can't turn around, it's the interstate. You just lost your chance to sleep. So you talk yourself through it and uh you get out and you walk around and you get back in and you keep going. And the PTSD and me from spending a night driving around for hours looking for a place to sleep, just told me, now you gotta make it to Augusta, you gotta make it to the Gardner um off ramp to get to um the uh like the the uh turnpike rest stop, and that one's gonna be you know maybe around an hour from my house, which I'm trying to do the math is maybe another hour or so from the rest stop that I'm at. And uh man, I had some challenging times making it to that rest stop and uh some some spooky situations. And then I got there and I and I parked and I said, Alright, I'm gonna sleep here, and I got up and I walked inside and and uh went to the bathroom and I started getting my second wind and got a couple bottles of water and I got some uh some chocolate to to get some sugar going to keep me awake. And then I got back in the truck, took the windows down, kicked on some brooks and done, and and headed for the rising sun. And I felt good and I was great, and I was jamming along at this point. I I think I'm about an hour-ish, I would say, from from home. And uh yeah, so I'm I'm rolling and things are things are good. And the moment that I start to get tired, I get into a candy bar and and things are going good. And uh the crazy thing about this ride home for me was that I remember coming through Portland, and then in my mind I said, okay, you've got Scarborough next, you've got a couple of Socco exits, then it's your exit in Biddefred, and I put these new exits in Socco on the right, and I didn't want to be so delirious that I took the wrong exit, and then I'd have to drive through town. So I put myself in the middle lane, and I was like, okay, Scarborough, Socko, then we're gonna get to Biddefred. The next thing I remember, my GPS said, exit here, and I looked over and said, Oh my god, that's my exit. I don't know if I was so in the zone that I just didn't realize how close I was. I don't know if I'm just so exhausted that I don't remember the conversations with myself going by those exits, or if I slept by those exits. I don't know. I got home, it was four in the morning. I rolled in at four in the morning, went upstairs, gave my wife a kiss and told her happy birthday, and went to sleep. But when my wife opened her eyes on her birthday, I was right there next to her. And when my little girl opened her eyes in the morning, I was right there in bed. And we were able to spend the day together. Up at six, work all day, pack all night, drive four hours into the morning, home at four in the morning. Those sacrifices, those commitments, those are checkboxes. Internal and external checkboxes to validate, to show my commitment and my determination. It lets me know that I'm hungry and that I'm willing to do this and I'm willing to sacrifice for my family. And it also shows me my obligation and my commitment to my family. And I was rewarded for that. And I'm thankful for that. That's not my doing. I didn't make those people come in. I didn't that that wasn't me. I felt extremely blessed by the outcome, by all that I've gone through. And I'm not saying I want every event to be this difficult, because I don't, because that becomes overwhelming, but I'm thankful, and I'm grateful for what I went through and what I was able to overcome. And that it all worked out, and then I got home safe, and that we were successful. In

The Crash After The Win

SPEAKER_00 1:02:12

the middle of the day yesterday, I had some lunch and uh I sat down and I couldn't regulate my breathing, and I was dizzy, and I was weak, and I couldn't keep my eyes straight. And I you know, I ended up texting Ellie and we were talking about it, and I I reached a level of exhaustion. You realize it's the first time I really sat down on a couch and said, I don't have to do anything right now. And uh I just reached a level of exhaustion where my body said, You're done, man. You don't you can't do anything else. This is it. And uh it became a very minimal, low-functioning day for me. I didn't really have the brain capacity for conversations and the ability to really work. I I got some stuff done in the morning and um then I just realized how how dead that I really was. But I wasn't gonna go just take a nap and shut down the day. It was my wife's birthday, and I wanted to uh do what I could to at least make it special and in our in our own way. So um that's our day. That's our week, man. That's what it's been like. And um this week is gonna be a lot similar when it comes to uh getting things done around here. Um I've got orders coming in, I've got things to get done, I've got things to produce. It's crazy when you go away for a couple of days and you come home, the lawn feels like it's six feet tall, and you have your home obligations and you have your work obligations and you have all those things. And uh yeah, that's all that's all stacking up. But this week, um, I'm gonna be super busy. I'm trying to get uh things in and done on time. I have a couple of custom orders that have to go out. I'll be working on today and tomorrow. I've got more designs coming in tomorrow. I've got cases of apparel that should be here maybe by

Next Stop Maine Moose Lottery

SPEAKER_00 1:04:10

Thursday. I've got a new design for my next event that I'm trying to get here. Um ASAP, hopefully an overnight shipping scenario. And on Thursday, I will be going to the Acton Fairgrounds and setting up for the Maine State Moose Lottery. In Maine, it is a big deal to get a moose permit to uh have the ability to go hunt moose. You apply for the permit and they do a lottery system. My dad applied for it in his entire life and was never selected. Um he was an alternate for some people and he actually shot some moose for people, but he um was never selected. But they the this moose lottery has always been in northern Maine. So the first they're bringing to the Southern Maine, and they're doing it at the fairgrounds, and they're also bringing in an amusement, and they're making a little festival out of it of a two-day festival. Rent was much higher than I wanted it to be. I'm across the street from Marion Tails Saloon, which is doing their bike week rally um stuff. So with all that going on, uh, we will be heading out on Thursday to set up. First day of the event will be Friday and Saturday. So, two-day event, another new event, another new opportunity. And um the wifey's gonna be off on Friday, so she's gonna be working with me. There's a chance that my wife will be running the tent for some time, and I'll be home making some more merchandise to restock the tent because you kind of get stuck in that limbo of things being shipped and arriving. So we'll see. But I have uh two new days, two new um opportunities at a brand new event for us this week. So if you're local, you're in the area, free to attend. It is the main state moose lottery event at the Acton Fairgrounds. I'm gonna be there this week. Man, what a week it has been. What a season it has already been. In years past, my season really didn't get rolling until this week. This year, my season has been full steam ahead for a long time coming. So I'm thankful for that. It's gonna reward us great. Gratefully, I know that it really is. Um, I know what's destined for us, and I'm excited for it. And I'm excited and thankful for each and every single one of you for continuing to be here week after week. Don't forget to find all things podcast related, www.share the struggle podcast.com. Get your merch, support the family and the brand, www.loudproductamerican.shop. Thank you to each and every one of you for continuing to be here, continuing to listen. Thank you for supporting my American dream. That's it, and that's all, Biggie Smalls.