Purposeful movement and the uncompromising priority of family 174

We can't do one more. We cannot do one more emotional episode this week. We end the streak. Today they will be no tears. Today they will be no fears. We've truly been on a painful stretch of shows, but today, on Shia, the Shlugger podcast, this is where opportunity grows. Get ready for some updates and some due dates. Let me tell you something Everybody struggles. The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it. The choice is completely yours. Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live, to be alive. If you find strength in the struggle and this podcast is for you you have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations. Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you. When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense. Most disagreements, they stem from our own insecurities. You are right where you need to be. Oh, what a day, what a day. Am I so excited to be back with you? Episode 174, and I hope y'all are wanting some more because, well, I'm recording and you're listening. So if you don't want any more, then this doesn't make a lot of sense. It's not sensible America. I don't make no sense. I can't see no sense in it. Well, episode 174, and I hope y'all are picking up on a little bit more. You're picking up on not just wanting more of the show and more of the episodes, but a little more of me mojo, because I feel like, in the words of Austin Powers, I'm getting me mojo back. Mm-hmm, me mojo. Yeah, I was searching for an Austin Powers impersonation there and for some reason I couldn't find one. Yeah, baby, me mojo. It's trying to get me mojo back. Yeah, I used to think you're crazy, but now I just see your nuts. Okay, I tried going for Austin Powers and I kind of settled in on Stewie Griffin there. Brian, how you doing, brian? I don't know, lois, what's going on? Lois, that's Peter, that's Peter Griffin. Wow, so I'm rambling and I'm sidetracked, but that's probably because I'm pushing a little too heavy on the caffeine. I thought I needed a little boost in the pant alone. So I poured me a nice iced coffee and I think the wife made some iced coffee, a pitcher of iced coffee with like espresso. This isn't regular unleaded. This is more of a high-test caffeine and I'm only a few sips in. But it's different, y'all. It hits different. It's got me feeling a little different and I hope to each and every one of you I sound a little different because I must confess I must apologize We've been on a hell of a streak, we have been on a rough patch of shows, but it is what it is, y'all, the name of the podcast is Share the Struggle and certainly I have been sharing with you some struggles, some real challenging struggles, and it's been rough. It's been a rough patch If you go back to, let's say, a month ago. The Loud Proud American tour was winding up. We were closing things down at the Freiburg Fair, our biggest, most successful event in the history of Loud Proud American, with all these fantastic, promising things on the horizon that I was excited about and hope, dreams and aspirations and just all this, I don't know unicorns and glitter. The skies were full of unicorns and glitter. That's how I was feeling and I got that phone call. I got the phone call from my neighbor, aka the one I call Uncle Mike, that he was rushing to the flea market to be with my dad because he was being transported by ambulance. That started this whirlwind of episodes where I've been extremely transparent with y'all. The wife has been gracious enough to join me on all these shows, because it's been hard for me to form solid sentences and to put my mind and thoughts, to channel those things into a direction and to deliver a message. That's been difficult without the help of my wife. I have not really been myself, but I feel like the fog is starting to lift. I feel like things are starting to clear, the picture is starting to present itself a little bit and I'm starting to get a little more into a rhythm. For anybody out there that's asking what did you do specifically? What did you do to change the way you think and how you're feeling overwhelmed? It's fundamentals, man. It gets back to basics and it's something that I've said all the time and I'll continue to say it. It's purposeful movement. It's one foot in front of the other. It's just getting things off the list. You have to just start moving. It's felt paralyzing to spend every day. This has been basically a month of every single day being in the hospital with my dad and now that they've moved him to a different hospital and it's 45 minutes, a half hour away from home, now I have that hour, hour and a half in the car every single day back and forth, plus spending time with my dad and trying to carve out things to get done, trying to get things done at home. And I've got to be honest, I have to be completely honest. I'm going to put my hand on the Cabela's catalog, the eye to the sky. The truth from this guy. I've put my business on the back burner and you guys have heard me talk about these things already, where I've said to you I feel like I'm going out of business because I'm not responding to my business. But I'm in a position where family has to come first, right, my dad comes first and then my responsibilities, and his responsibilities are what I'm taking on next and I'm trying to clear the plate as much as I can. I'm trying to get as many things done as I can. Where? If you guys don't know me all that well, or you don't know where I'm from, I'm from Maine. I live in a small town in Maine called the Rundle, aka the A town. What you know about that. The point I'm trying to make is I'm a new Inglater, I'm on the Northeast, so bad weather's coming, shitty times are on the horizon, so what that means is I will have ample opportunity to sit down and get after my business. Now, in the back of my mind there is a ticking clock, there is a little time bomb, there is a calendar that's going off. That is telling me hey, man, holidays are coming, things are about to happen. You need to prepare yourself, you need to be ready to pounce and to make something happen for your business, because far too often I have not been as successful in the winter time for my businesses. I need to be. But I really took a couple weeks where I just said to myself I'm not even going to think about my own business, I'm just going to get things done that my family needs me to do. And that's landed me right outside getting handsy, getting things done. I've been cutting brush, I've been weed whacking, I've been burning stuff, I've been moving stuff, I've been cleaning stuff and getting physical helps to take your mind off of things. And when you can physically see things happening, see things coming together, I feel like there's a moment of clarity there. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm completely overwhelmed and I'm completely, completely stressed and I had this massive to do list and I know I got to get to it. But I also said to myself number one responsibilities being there for my dad. Number two is getting my family in the best position. Number three is my business, and right now those things are starting to trend and mingle into each other. Right, we're starting to trend in the right direction. We're starting to potentially get some positive news on my old man, and some things and some pieces are moving for my business and doing so. I'm becoming even more overwhelmed, I'm adding more things to my list, but there's positive movement, there's positive progress and sometimes that's what it takes. You need to stack up some of those wins. You need to celebrate some small victories. You need to find some things in life that make you say I'm headed in the right way, that make you say I'm doing the right things, that can make you stop and believe in who you are and where you're going, that can give you the confidence and the truth to know you're doing the best you can. And I think I'm at that point where I know I'm doing all that I can and I just got to knock down one thing at a time. You just have to chop wood. You understand what I'm saying. Chop wood, america. And I'm just out there chopping fucking wood, and I say that in a physical and literal sense as well. I'm out there cutting wood. I mean, hey, firewood and burning wood and all kinds of things about wood, moving wood, and you know when, every time I see my wife I get wood. Hello, zing how to sneak that in there. You know what I'm saying. You gotta sneak that in there. You can't let that opportunity pass you by to drop a dirty joke and hit on the wife. You gotta get that in there. You have to. You have to. You have to get it in there. Okay, sorry, I mean I really shouldn't put wood and get it in there in the same paragraph, right? Because yell the dirty, yeah you dirty, yeah, you're nasty, you're little nasties, you're all a bunch of nasties. Yeah, you're thinking oh, hang on, business call and let me take this one, alright, alright, alright, sorry about that y'all. I do apologize, I do apologize, mm-hmm, I don't have my phone on silent. I do apologize, but I did have it on silent for a reason. That was the company insurance calling. Okay, that, or I mean the. I said that wrong, didn't I? That is the insurance company for the company for the reason that, could I mean for the like my company, that I mean it's got to be your. Your head has a shell on it. Get a good look at a t-bone. It's taking your head up a Butcher's ass, but I'd rather take the bulls work. Anyways, tommy boy, anyone, your head is a shell on it. Today, apparently, is the impersonation day. It's the impressions day. I didn't realize that's what today was gonna be about, but I think I've used up pretty much every impersonation that I, that I, actually, that I possess. Wait, hercules, oh, look at him, there he is. Oh, he's using his Eddie Murphy impersonation. Yeah, that you know what this means. He got nothing left. Yeah, mm-hmm, this is all the impersonations he has. I think he's he's out so we can Get back to him talking normal. Yeah, that's what this is about. That's what this last one's for. Right here, he's about to start talking normal. I hope, I hope he, I hope he is, oh, hope he is. Okay, I'm back and fucking a my wife definitely has espresso and a pitcher in the fridge, because I Can't keep a focus here. Run away freight train over here. All right, that was my insurance company calling For some additional coverage for the business for a potential purchase. I Just went into Smithers, I think is his name, or whatever the old guy was on the Simpsons, so clearly I wasn't Wasn't, I wasn't out of a personations, but that one wasn't very good, so I can't count it. No, anyways, what I'm trying to say here Okay, let's just get level what I'm trying to say here is I hope you're laughing, hope you're laughing at me and my chaos, and I hope you're encouraged by the fact that I'm starting to feel myself a little bit and that things are starting to come together and starting to happen. Because I know we've been on a dark road. I know we've had some difficult episodes between the first ever mass shooting taking place in my home state, those fears, those just overwhelming feelings, and emotional times in my home state praying for all the innocent, worrying about the innocent, to Selfishly focusing on on my own shit, to worrying about, about my family and into my dad and how he's feeling and all the things he's been going through. We have put together a stretch of some difficult episodes and I want to make today a good day. I want to make today a positive day and I said to you that I would Get things going with some updates and some due dates, and I is there. After I said that, I realized the words due dates would imply something that I'm not here to announce, so I apologize. I was free-forming to start the show and I said updates and due dates, and I'm more or less. When I say due dates, I guess y'all would be assuming that that would mean I'd be announcing like a birth or something. That's not the case. When I say due dates, it's like things are due, okay, like more of a deadline. Does that make sense? Like bills are due and this Opportunity needs to be wrapped up by it by a specific date. That's a due date. Y'all might say deadlines would have been, would have been better, because there's some of you that are like, hey, man, we're 15 minutes in and I'm hoping for like a birth announcement. I heard, I heard do dates? Yeah, put your hand down. Don't ask the question again. Okay, put your hand down, all right, it's not what this is about updates and due dates, the things that need to be done. I'm gonna start it off with some updates. I'm gonna update y'all on on my dad a little bit, and there's some irony in this as well, because there's there's a portion of the population that is supposed to be blood relatives of mine that have disowned to me and they've disowned my family, like they've cut my wife off, my mother off and my father off, because what's shitty about this is that happens to be their father. But the point I'm making here is there's some folk out there that have written us off, but I've realized they're tuning in every fucking week. Y'all are listening to me every single week for a couple of reasons. The biggest reason is Y'all want an update on my dad's condition. You know you can't talk to me about it. You know you can't talk to any of us about it. You know you burned those bridges, so you're going to listen in to get the update. At number two, y'all enjoy me suffering. You enjoy me struggling, because you always have, you always have. But this too shall pass and we shall rise above and we shall continue to succeed. So if you want to tune in every week to get an update on my dad, that's okay by me, because it's pretty damn ironic that the ones that you cut off, that you don't want to listen to, that you don't want to talk to, that you don't want a relationship with you, got to listen to every motherfucking week for an update. That sucks For you, not for me. I don't give a shit. You can listen to me all you want. Man, I know that's shitty, right, and hey, the name of the podcast is Share the Struggle. Here's one of those struggles Having a good chunk of family that disowns you, that hates you, that can't look at you, but they can't quit you so they listen every damn week to you. Well, welcome to my life. Here's the good news. I feel like we're turning the corner here a bit. For my dad there's not a lot of news to report, but some things are coming off of the table and some testing is starting to happen. So those are good things because again, there's a theme of the day and it's purposeful movement, right, and if you're taking positive steps and you're moving in a positive direction, you got to hope for positive results. And it's nice that my dad's at a place with his condition right now where we can move forward on some of those tests, and that is us taking positive steps forward and that's getting us back to waiting for positive information. And it just starts to feel a little bit better when things are actually starting to happen, because there's nothing more frustrating than hurry up and wait, right, when you have to just hurry up and wait and pray and sit on your hands because you can't do a damn thing today. That's tough and my dad has a long road ahead of him, but I feel encouraged by the differences, by the strides that are being made. It's still been a massive challenge. My dad is still delirious and delusional, based off of how long he's been in the hospital as much time as he's been in an ICU unit. He's had a three room transfer just alone this week. So there's a lot of moving parts and changes for him. So he's struggling with things. But what's beautiful to see is the moments of clarity when it is him, when he's in there. Right, because you get fearful of things, when someone comes off of things, when you are coming off of a ventilator, when you're coming off of a feeding machine and all these things. And you're looking for signs right, I think most people listen and you've probably been in a position where you have that family member or close friend or loved one on a machine. You're looking for a sign. You're looking for some movement, for eyes to open, for hands to squeeze, for toes to wiggle, and then you're looking for those next signs of communication, talking, speaking, and then you have that fear of when they start to communicate and do those things and they're just not there. And you're worried and you're looking for a sign to say and to show that the person that you love and know is there, that they're in there and that they're still there. And we started seeing those signs and we're making progress. It's tough, man, I'm going to say some of the hardest things that I've ever done in my life up until now is spending a day with my dad and then going in the next morning and the first thing he says is where the fuck have you been? Where have you been? I haven't seen you in weeks. And it's like no dad. I was here all day with you yesterday. And then you start all over and you have to relay that information all over again. So why we're here and what we're doing today, and that makes for a damn difficult day. But I'm encouraged by the signs I see of him and one of those signs, one of those things I want to share with you, is over the weekend I was able to go hang out with my dad, with my wife and my mother, and you know and Ali was chatting with him and talking him up and trying to, you know, just provoke good thoughts and good conversations and showing some photos of things we've been doing. And we moved our camper with his truck and took a picture of it just because he, you know, wants to know that we're doing things. He wants to see that, you know, we're taking his truck out, doing all those things. I took his truck and everything to the flea market where he likes to hang out, which is where all this happened, where the first 911 call was made. Every year my dad brings a fire pit over to the flea market and he cuts wood for him and then at the end of the winter he brings it, brings it home and all the you know, all the old timers hang around the fire pit and shoot the shit and you know, and drink coffee and bullshit all those things. So I took his truck and I took the fire pit and I cut some wood and I brought it down there for him. And I've been cutting more wood and now I'm running all the load down, so doing those things that I know he likes to do, along with getting so much stuff of his to-do list accomplished right, there's so many things that I'm working on and trying to get done for him so that when he gets home he can just focus on recovery and getting better, and you know. So we're trying to have some of those conversations. And before my dad got sick he made a roof for a hay hut, basically for a hay barn for the horse. He loves making things for the farm. So on the side of our barn, spirit Stall, we're actually building like this hay hut to keep bales of hay nice and dry for the boy, big round bales, right, and my dad made the shell, he made the roof. We have to move it and put it up. It's going to take like four of us to get it up because it's so damn heavy. But we're, you know, sitting around and my dad's mind is still not 100% there, right, he thinks we live at the hospital, he thinks his vehicle's there. He has all these moments of cloudy confusion. And then Ali said to him so what do I got to do to put that roof up? And he said what it's like, the hay roof? What do I have to do? Well, it ain't that fucking hard if you have me helping. And then he goes right into it. Well, I got a two by four over there. That's cut to length. That's going to fit right in between. You're going to take that Christmas shit down because you have a Christmas sign and some lights on the side of the barn. You got to take that down. Which shots fired? Yeah, I still have a Christmas sign up, but I don't want to climb back up there and take it down. It's just a side of a fucking barn. And my old man remembered it and said you got to get the Christmas sign down, you got to take the lights down. This is how you're going to put this, two by four up first, rest the roof on it, nail it up, yada, yada. And he's telling us all these things to remember that, to have that detail, to remember what's on the side of the barn, to remember the roof, that he made, the instructions on what he's been thinking about and how he's going to put that up. And then he says well, you don't have anything to cover it, you don't have enough metal. And Ali said no, I found some. He's like, yeah, you found pieces, but you don't have enough metal to cover the roof. And so he says you know, you could probably just go get a tarp and use a tarp to cover it until we get by. And so we get some roof, some roofing. And so Ali was like I guess I'll go to Martin's and get a tarp. And he said or you could go over on the back of this wood pile, over by this camper, over here, over by this building, whatever it is that he has. He names all these details on the back of this. On the side of this there's, there's some roofing, over there there's a one big square, and what the fuck is this shit? It's like fiberglass, because there's one big, you know just fiberglass roofing, all cut out and put together you might find that that will fit your roof. And I looked up at Allie while she was holding his hand, talking to him, and I said he's fucking right. And she was like what? And I was like, yeah, he's fucking right because I've been doing his to-do list. I've been doing his things. All of us have been outside burning up old wood and pallets and cleaning things up, doing a bunch of things for my old man and I cleaned this area and noticed this big section of like fiberglass roofing and he's right, and I never remembered that being there or seeing that there, and I wouldn't have even known that if I wasn't just doing his to-do list. So I would have come home and stumbled into it and been like, oh my God, he was right. But the fact that he remembered that, that minute detail, something that I don't know how long it's been there but I haven't seen it, I haven't paid attention to it For him to remember that that's a sign of hope, man, that's a positive movement right there, man. That's a positive step and I'm excited about that. So I'm really encouraged about those things and it leaves me hopeful for brighter things to come. I know I'm gonna go on there tomorrow and he's gonna tell me I haven't been there and we're gonna start all over, but I feel good about the steps we're taking and I brag each and every day that we get some positive results and some positive movement and he gets home for the holidays and enjoys his family. That's really what I'm praying for and what I'm focused on, and the fact that I've been able to hear some positive news and to see some positive steps. You start to build a ball of positivity and that's that snowball effect you guys have heard me talk about it so many times that snowball effect where you get that snowball rolling downhill and it just picks up momentum and it keeps on adding on snow and before you know it you get a big old positive ball man. It's about throwing a pebble in the ocean and getting that motion and hoping for a positive wave and it's been those encouraging things and I can really pinpoint it. I can go back to a moment in time. I can literally identify for you what a breaking point has been for me and not really a breaking point, maybe a tipping point, a tipping point under the right direction. Because we came home one day from being at the hospital and we just needed a break and we were working on things and my mom's working and cleaning her basement and putting away some of my dad's tools and getting things cleaned up for him so that he doesn't have those distractions and temptations when he gets home. And I'm outside doing the same thing and I'm cleaning areas and working on stuff and stacking up wood for him and all these things and I'm busting my ass outside and then I can hear my mom in the basement on the phone yelling in a good way and I know that means she's talking to my dad and she comes out and she's on the phone, on speakerphone, and my dad wants to talk to me and tell me he loves me and say that he misses us and he's been looking for us and wants to talk to us. And the reason why I'm sharing this with you is, up until then it had been a week, maybe two weeks, since my dad was even able to use the phone. And man never been so excited about a phone call, right, because it had been so long since he was even able to use the phone to communicate, to see the number, to dial the number, all those things. And I'm sure he asked for help. But even asking for help is a step. And when we were talking to him I could hear the nurse in the background laughing at our conversation. So she obviously was there to help him. But that was such a positive step and for him to reach out and to tell us that he loved us and he missed us and he wanted to see us, it was that positive shot, man. That was the tipping point where I felt like my dad's in there and up until then we had too many of those cloudy, confused conversations. This was a positive, productive conversation and that really fueled the fire for me. That got me motivated to get things done, and since that moment it's been more of a run and ray freight train to get things done. And it's been exciting to be crossing things off the list, to be feeling some success and getting those things done, to seeing some positive results. And I'm gonna tell you it's minute by minute, hour by hour. When you go to the hospital you might have five really good minutes and you might have an hour of difficult minutes. It can definitely be a challenge to navigate 60 difficult minutes in search of five positive minutes, but I hold on to the five and just be thankful he's alive. So you know that's where we're at, man, it's. We're getting some positive news. We're still sitting back and waiting on a lot of things, but testing has begun and that's one of the things we've been waiting for this entire time. So purposeful, positive movement, man hoping for positive signs. So I'm excited about that. But that encouraging news, those little glimmers and signs of hope, that phone conversation from him was enough to really get the ball rolling for me and just to kind of let you in on some insight on what we've been doing here. We actually the wife somehow, someway talked to a friend of ours, a mutual friend, that is gonna give us a 12 by 12 shed needs a little bit of work, but we're gonna move this 12 by 12 shed to our house and that's gonna be storage for the business. And I need a lot of storage for, like grid, wall and tents and furniture, like fixtures, types of things like that, because you don't realize how much stuff it takes to build out our vendor display, and all those things just take up space, so that takes up our entire garage. So trying to find a location for all those this is gonna be really helpful for us. So we're working on that. That's an encouraging positive thing. Again, you have to add the to-dos to your list, right? Because now to have that building, I got a clear piece of land, I have to level some things and there's a lot of extra moving parts to it. Then you gotta get this building here, which you can't just bring on a regular tow truck, so that's a whole other process. Then, when it gets here, you have to actually do some labor to it, right, some a little bit of a facelift to it, but it's exciting, it's something that the business needs. It's a step in the direction for the business, and I've also been exploring other avenues for a bigger storage solution for the business and something that can handle our inventory, and I really think that's going to be a trailer truck bed, basically a big storage container. I think that's gonna be the solution I go with. That will house all of our inventory, keep everything dry, and it'll be like a shipping container slash warehouse for us to hold all of our inventory and allow me to get organized and to expand. And that's one of the biggest things that needs to happen for the business is to get organized and expand, and I think that's the next big thing for us to do. So I've been clearing out a section of land and spending a lot of time on that. So, number one, it's something that I know my dad wants to do, so there's that priority and that benefit. And number two, I know it benefits the business. So I've been working my ass off on that. The wife's been helping me when she's home, my mom's helping me. We're doing all those things. So those are encouraging, exciting things. And the same time, every night that I'm home and I've been doing this for quite some time now or any free moment when you're at the hospital and you're kind of waiting in between things, you're sitting in a waiting room or the lobby, whatever it might be. I'm always searching marketplace for a few things and I'm just gonna kind of throw them out there too. I need some things that I've been looking at for varying degrees of years. All of them, okay, just to put it out there too. A new truck I need a new truck, the business needs a new truck. We're barely getting by on things, but that's kind of a lower priority list for me. I'm just still trying to navigate everything with the old red, but I do need something that's gonna haul our camper around. So I know I need to upgrade the truck. Number two I need storage for the business I just mentioned to you. I need to update our storage capacity and to give ourselves the opportunity to grow, to give ourselves the best opportunity to take our business to the next level, and that's gonna start with storage. So I'm constantly looking at sheds, I'm looking at barns, I'm looking at storage containers, shipping containers, trailer truck beds, all those things. But even if I found a trailer truck scenario that works for me, our land's not ready for it. So right now I'm going through the steps of making the land prepared to be ready. One of the next things on the list is Attractor. If you guys know, last year I shoveled my driveway by hand and our driveway is 300-400 feet long. Not not a good way of doing things, constantly having deliveries for the business where FedEx can't make it down my driveway and you know just all these added hiccups. So, whether it's a plow truck or a tractor, and I think about all the added list of things for the farm, we have so much field work to do for the horse. We have even the land I'm clearing for the building having a tractor for that. I currently have three tractors at my house that don't run. My cousin dropped off this, the snowblower Tractor long garden unit. That's super cool. It's in its 70s, needs some work. My buddy Jay's been over here trying to get that thing running for me. So we have a snowblower. My cousin Joey has one of his tractors here that we're working on. Our own personal tractor died a few years ago and no one's been able to get it running. And Every year I'm doing things by hand. That I know I I shouldn't be, but I have a hard time putting a priority on me and not on the business. That's the reason why I haven't bought myself a vehicle. I have not had a truck loan or vehicle loan, since before I left the dealership, I didn't allow myself to reward myself with something Because I just couldn't justify it. All my priorities were on on the business and on the family and not on myself, and I know what tractors have benefit for the entire family. So I've kind of let that sneak its priority list up a little bit for me and, as we're having this conversation, I can. I can confess to you that I've explored the idea of buying a new tractor for myself, a small one, nothing crazy, but something for the farm. It'd be the first time I've rewarded myself with something Since I bought my car, which was Maybe a oh shoot a couple years or so before I left the dealership, maybe a year, so, let's say, 2018, ish probably Summer's around there. So it's been like been about five years since I made a major purchase for myself, which is good, and, and and you know I'm I've actually have more anxiety about taking on a payment when I haven't had to do that. Right, like I've cleared so much debt away to make this business possible, to make the, to create the opportunity for this business to stay alive and to thrive and to succeed, so adding any kind of payment to that actually scares the shit out of me. And If I sit down and really run the budget and run the numbers on what I can and can't afford, I Will spend a few weeks working on that and come to the conclusion that now is not the time and I'm not ready and I shouldn't do it. I know that, but in the back of my mind I have this, this voice that tells me you're never gonna be ready. Just do it. You're never gonna find the way to justify to yourself that you're ready because you're always gonna make an excuse, because you're always gonna prioritize the business or something else before you prioritize this. And and it's just one of those things where in the back of my mind, there's something that says You're never gonna tell yourself You're ready, so just do it and be ready. Just do it and get ready, that there's so many things in life that we just prepare for that. We, we try to plan for that. We just feel like you have a looking for that perfect opportunity in that right time and that time, if you're trying to make it perfect, it's never gonna come, because nothing's perfect. And I know for me personally when I start tracing back some of these things you think about when you get married and you look at for the perfect time. For the perfect time to First off, you find the perfect person right and the perfect opportunity to ask and the perfect time to get married and the perfect way to do things. But if all you do is focus on the perfect, it's never gonna happen. Life's about the imperfect and letting it happen. And the older I got, the more I learned that You're never gonna be 100% ready. You just got to jump in. And it was the same thing about getting a mortgage, because I've had so many people Talk to me about mortgages where I was like just you know what, one more year, six more months, you know, one more promotion, one more pay raise, then I can afford it. Let me pay off one more bill and then I can justify it. And I got to the point where it said you just have to do it. And it was conversations with with my mom and my dad at the time and other people that I trusted that said if you do it, you will find a way. If you analyze it, you'll find a reason to not find a way. And I'm at that point right now with buying a tractor for the farm and it's been something that I've been searching on marketplace For years for something that fit into my budget, that did what I wanted it to do. And every time I end up with something that I can afford. It's too old and you break something or you can't get something running and I don't know. I'm just sounding this out with y'all America because it's crazy how I have to touch a hard time Justifying a purchase or a decision for myself, but I have an easier time justifying a purchase for the business, because last year I bought equipment for the business that I knew I couldn't afford but I needed it for the business and I knew if I needed it bad enough and I just went on the limb and Did it, if I just jumped off that I would find a way, that if I did what I needed to do, I would find a way. So I'm trying to lean into that and speaking of finding a way and speaking of doing things for the business today, that phone call that interrupted the podcast a little while ago from our insurance company for the business was because I need a one-day policy on the business so I can go down to DMV right now and pick up a transfer plate, because I Made one of the biggest priorities for the business, a Major priority, to get done today. Because when I go through those things that I've been looking at on marketplace, when I go through those things that I know the business needs, one of those things is a bigger, more reliable Vehicle for the business. One of those things is something that can allow Loud, proud Americans to leave the state. I need a vehicle that's big enough for me to do events in New York, big enough for me to do events in Carolina, florida, tennessee, whatever is meant to be. I need something that's more dependable. Y'all know right now I love the loud, proud American Express, but that loud, proud American Express is a 1994 ambulance and every time I go a little too far out of my comfort zone I break something and I need to replace something. So I'm trying to update that with something a little bit more dependable that's gonna allow me to expand our horizons, to bring us into, you know, a newer market, newer clientele and to make things happen, another Opportunity and another way to grow. The business is my priority today. So I need something that's dependable and I need something that's a big enough for me to hold all of my shit and to make it happen. And, as luck would have it, as Good fortune would have it, I think I found just what we need to have. Got ya. Loud proud American is a lifestyle brand, dedicated and determined to represent the American spirit, with an unrelenting commitment to provide made in the USA products. If you would like to join the 2% of Americans that buy American and support American, head on over to www loud proud American dot shop. Together we can bring back American manufacturing. Wow, sorry about that, I apologize, but I was realizing in that moment, right there, we done a gut check and a long, long time, in too long of time. So it was a great opportunity for a gut check and to create a little suspense, little cliffhanger and the recording today. So I went for it. Yeah, but welcome back. I love y'all coming out of that cliffhanger. Before we went into the gut check, we were Dangle in the little carrot of opportunity, mm-hmm, out there in front of y'all about the business and, you know, letting things blossom and grow, okay. So here's the deal, y'all, we're talking about priorities. For me it's to expand the business, is storage for the business, and to Get ourselves a bigger, more dependable vehicle for the business, and in doing so I've looked high and low and I've reviewed so many different opportunities and different, different avenues. I was really starting to settle in on a you-all. Getting a de-fleeted you-all has been something that I've really been considering for some time now and, ironically, maybe two weeks or so ago or I don't know, three weeks ago, and all blends in, the wife sent me an ad about a school bus and I started looking at school buses and was like, huh, maybe this could be an actual possibility. And then I had a good phone conversation with my good buddy, my great friend Matt Perkins from ledgeway farm, and I was talking to Matt about it. He was like, shit, man, I wish I knew that. Last year I I sold my school bus and I was like what are you talking about, dude? You had a fucking school bus. And he's like, yeah, I bought a. I bought a bus. It was a mid bus, so it was the size in between, so not like the short bus or the big long one it was. That was the, the middle. You know what I mean? You know, I mean that makes sense, right. Short, long, middle. Yeah, that's right. I was like, dude, I didn't know you had a fucking bus. And he said, yeah, I started ripping it apart. I was gonna turn it into like a school. He was gonna be like our camper Slash, you know, cargo unit for the business. But after we started digging into it we gave up on it. He's like but that thing was sweet, man, I had a big 6-0 Chevy Vortec in it, think, hauled ass plenty of room. That's what you need. It's on a 3500 frame. You can weigh things down. You'll never weigh it too far down right. You can build up whatever hell you want in there, all the space. You should get a school bus. And I was like, you know, it's kind of funny, the white first talking about it and so we left it at that. There's one locally. That's a bit out of my price range, but I've been keeping my eye on at waiting for it to come down. And two days ago I was outside in the yard cleaning some things up, having a little bonfire with the wife and Jay, my mom and Matt called me and was like, hey, man, remember my school bus? And I was like, yeah, well, the people that bought it, yeah, they called me and said that they're gonna sell it and wanna know if I wanted it back. And I was like, what are the odds on this man, how does this happen? So we started chatting and I was like, yes, I'm definitely interested. So, long or short of it, we shared some phone numbers and yesterday, after spending some time with my dad in between that, I shot from the Portland Hospital all the way out just past Augusta, looked at a school bus and I went back to the hospital, spent some more time with my dad. But I'm just gonna put this out there to y'all Yesterday I agreed to buy a fucking school bus. Ha ha ha. Only only for loud, proud American Would you have two company vehicles. The first one was a fucking ambulance and the new one is a school bus. Ha ha ha. Oh my God, if that ain't the American dream, I don't know what is. Shedders fall, ha ha ha. So here's the good news, y'all we're going from a 1994 to a 2011. And I'm pretty damn excited about it. My age is a little bit higher than I was looking for. I have some, you know, some conditions aren't as perfect as I would hope for, like I have some body work things to do, some electrical stuff that makes me nervous, but opportunities and possibilities are endless. Okay, and she looks real sweet man, I think it's gonna be a real nice, real nice piece. So I'm excited. And that phone call I just had was my insurance company trying to give me an insurance card so I could go to DMV to get a transport plate so tonight I can drive all the way back I don't think it's about an hour and a half or so from here. So when the wife gets out of work shortly here I'm gonna head all the way out and pick up a fucking school bus and drive home tonight. So let's hope that the Mead and Voyage is a good one. There's nothing like the first voyage in a used vehicle, being an hour and a half away and in the dark and as a school bus. Ha ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha. Oh my God, would you guys believe or expect anything else from me? Ambulance, school bus, ambulance, school bus. Man, it just makes too much sense. It's too damn sensible, america, it's too damn sensible. So case in point, if we start to rewind things a little bit here. Number one it's a lot easier for me to make finding out some decisions for the business than it is for me to make personal ones right, but in the middle of me buying an ambulance sorry, buying a school bus, possibly selling an ambulance I'm also looking at buying a tractor for a dude that doesn't spend money on shit. I am pushing my limits right now on my decision making. Okay, it's stressing myself out. Yeah, I am, I really am. And then this also sprinkles down a little more of the anxiety pill on the to-do list for the business, because then you say to yourself well, you can't sit back and not make money, so you better hurry the fuck up because you're spending money. Buttercup, yeah, you got it going out, but you ain't got it coming in. You hear me, we can't be the best of friends unless it goes out and in. So a lot of moving parts y'all. But I hope you can hear the optimism in my voice and it starts with that phone call from my dad giving me a little sign of hope, that tipping point, giving me a full shot of hope in him, and that turns into that opportunity that comes up of. Here's a building for you, for free, for your business. You just gotta clear some space and get it there. Oh, I used to have this great bus. That'd be perfect for you. Guess what? A week later, here's a phone call that bus is available to you. These things, they're not happening by coincidence. They're happening for a reason and I'm gonna chase that reason, and I'm gonna continue to chase this dream and to make things work. And in the mix of all this chaos, in the mix of all this fear and frustration, in the consecutive streak of emotional episodes, we're finding positivity, baby, and we're pushing for positivity and I think things are gonna head in the right direction. So we're gonna get back to business here real soon. I still have a lot of things to do on the farm, but I might have some help on the farm. We might have a tractor on the farm, but we're making steps to grow the business. They might seem like crazy steps, but they're fundamental steps Storage and an opportunity to travel and to get our brand and to many, many more hands. Damn, what an episode y'all. What a crazy week, what a crazy life. But I couldn't be happier than to, week after week, show up here 174 freaking episodes to be exact To turn on the therapy session, to share the highs and lows and, every which way we go, leach and every one of you. Thank you to all of you. If you're a day one, put your finger up. If you've been here, put your ones up. I appreciate you. If this is new to you, then I welcome you to share the Struggle podcast, where we get strength from our fucking struggle. And if you wanna find all things podcasts, you can find it at wwwsharethestrugglepodcastcom. Big ol' thank you to each and every one of you for all your prayers, all your love and all your support. Thank you for supporting my American dream. Uncle Bush, your fucking hands, your healthy savage. I gotta go buy a school bus. That's it and that's all. Biggie Smiles. If you found value in today's show, please return the favor and leave a positive review. Share it with someone that is important to you. Hit, subscribe and help us grow our tribe. Are you interested in sponsoring the show? Maybe you're looking to be a guest on the show? Find all that you need to know about the show at sharethestrucklepodcastcom. Subscribe to Grow Our Tribe on Apple Podcasts, spotify, google Podcasts, amazon Music, iheart Radio and all other major platforms, and don't forget to like and share our official Facebook page at sharethestrucklepodcast. If you're a loud, proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, you can find me on YouTube, on Facebook or the face page, as my mama calls it, just search Loud Proud American. If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker, the Instagram or the Tickety Tuck with the kids to be a tickety-tucking, the Tick Tuck you can search Loud Proud American. If you want to join the 2% of Americans that support American manufacturing, head on over to wwwloudproudamericanshop and get your hands on some of that made in USA. Apparel and join the mission Mission 2%. Together we can bring back American manufacturing. A big old thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song that shared the struggle podcast. You can find the Gut Truckers on Facebook. Just search Gut Truckers and show your support to those Mother Truckers. I truly thank you for supporting my American dream. Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.