Transforming Worry into Creative Energy 203

0:00 The weekends get wild, but the philosophy remains the same Be present and overcome the worry. All that and more is the story on today's episode of Share the Struggle Podcast. Let me tell you something Everybody struggles. The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it. The choice is completely yours. Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life. If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you. Do you have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations?

0:46 Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you. When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense. Most disagreements, they stem from our own insecurities. You are right where you need to be. Ooh, ooh, oh, oh. What it do, what it do.

1:27 Hot diggity damn. Am I so excited to be back with you. Oh, it's true, it's damn true. I missed you, boo. Episode 203. That's right, 203. Episode 203 of you and me. How you do, how you do, yes, yes, yes, I don't know where any of those accents are coming from. This morning I'm going to be honest y'all. But I mean, let's be real, let's be truthful. Let's be real truthful. I'm always honest. To a damn fault, I'm always honest. So let's do what we do, let's vow, let's get our Cabela's catalogs and place them on the table.

2:12 Let me grab mine. Y'all ready, hang on, wait for it. Hear that Cabela's catalog, left hand on the catalog. Be the lies to the sky. Nothing but the truth coming to y'all from this guy. And I'm going to start this truth serum off by telling you I'm tired, boy. Am I tired? I'll tell you what I've been. Getting older, y'all Shoot. What am I going to do when I got a little one running around? Hot damn, I'm an old son of a bitch. Little one running around, hot damn, I'm an old sum of a bitch man. It's been a long weekend and it's taken a toll on me. I'm going to tell you the truth. I am all aboard the struggle bus today, toot toot, toot, toot.

2:57 Here comes that struggle bus. Door's open, door's open. Who's coming on in? Who's coming in? Yeah, y'all Struggle bus. It's the struggle bus. It's safe and sound on the struggle bus, cause you're just one of us All aboard the motherfucking struggle bus. Wow, that was weird and awkward and delightful that sound, that song, that little melody. And awkward and delightful that sound, that song, that little melody. That's something special for me. Oh my God, that's a little sneak peek, that's peeling back the old pistachio shell and showing you all what happens inside my brain.

3:40 If you see me out in the wild world streets walking around and, um, I look silent and at peace, I'm probably humming something ridiculous in my head like that, where I'm thinking about something completely obnoxious. It's just kind of how I go, and I think that those things get ramped up, they get a touch intensified when you feel like you're overtired and hot damn, I'm overtired. I might have actually gotten too much sleep because when I finally wrapped up from this event, I unplugged, I shut the hell down and I went to bed. Yeah, my old ass went to bed and I'm going to be honest because that's what we're here to do.

4:23 I didn't go to the gym this morning, like I'm going to be honest, because that's what we're here to do. I didn't go to the gym this morning like I was supposed to do, brought my mom to work and then I just kept on driving and I drove on home and I put my ass back to bed. Back to bed, fred. That's all you got. So I'm going to muster up all I've got for ability, confidence and control and I'm going to try to control myself enough to keep this show on the track, to not ramble too much, to not get lost too much, because we've already done that, boys and girls. So I don't know if you heard that, but I just smacked myself. I'm trying to smack myself back into reality, to get back on track, to get this train rolling, because this is episode 203.

5:03 That's 203 consecutive weeks of you and me. Oh, can't you see? It is beautiful, don't forget. You can find all things podcast related over to sharethestrugglepodcastcom. Please, please, please, please, leave a review. Say, how do you do? Hit, subscribe, grow the tribe, share the show with someone you know? That's what it's all about, boys and girls. It's all about sharing the show, watching it grow, letting it blossom, letting it flow. Because I truly feel, even if we come on here on these tired Tuesdays you're listening to this on a Wednesday if you listen on schedule, but I'm recording on a tired Tuesday coming off of a fabulous Memorial weekend Even in these tired ramblings, there's an opportunity to unplug, there's an opportunity to disconnect, there's an opportunity for us to laugh, to enjoy yourselves.

5:55 And did I say ye selves? Enjoy ye selves. I should go back and edit that, but I'm not going to no no no, no, I'm not gonna. I already forgot what I was gonna do. The point I'm trying to make here is, even in this rambling stupor that I have opened the show with, we're gonna find something in here. There's gonna be something that makes you laugh today, something that makes you smile today, and I better damn hope that I give you something to think about today that maybe, hopefully, some way somehow can have a positive impact on your day today. That's the reason, y'all, that's the reason for the season.

6:38 You hear me? Hallelujah, do you hear me? Oh, I might sound a little different. I'm in the garage so for some reason I have this. I don't know. I have a tendency to yell. I don't really know why. The dogs are upstairs with the AC cranking and it'd be too loud up there. So I'm in the garage, I'm using the cash register stand for the business and I'm standing up in here like I'm giving a commencement speech or something. I don't know. It's kind of wild in here. My garage is a damn mess because I have life in here and then I have business in here and man, it's taking over y'all, it is taking over. I got to slow down at some point and get ready for a baby and try to get my bearings together here, but at this point in time that's not an option, because at this point in time it's really just all hands on deck, two feet on the floor, running for the door, just trying to make things happen.

7:36 Because if you're a small business owner like myself, and if you're a small business owner that's dependent on tourists and dependent on traffic and outdoor things and fun, festive things and a good, strong economy and all those lovely things, you've probably been maxing things out, robbing peter to pay paul, extending all the lines of credit you possibly have to make things line up for yourself. So that's where I'm at currently. We've started to get things rocking and rolling. So I'm excited to really be in the middle of the chaos of our 2024 Grand Tour, because when you're in the middle of the chaos, as stressful as it is, that's where the funds come in, that's where the fun begins.

8:26 That's how you start to pay things back. So all y'all business owners out there like myself that have started their season off with $30,000, $40,000, $50,000 in debt, whatever it is for you, it's somewhere in between there for me not to share all those details with you. So it's about trying to make all that money back. What's different for me this year is that, based off of the way things went at the tail end of last year, I haven't had the ability to restock a lot of things financially. I've just kind of went through some dark times in the business, ran it all the way to its absolute limit. So now we're starting to have those good weekends to pay things back and then you're really coming in, like this morning for me.

9:07 I go, you know, count out what I can for cash, run over to the bank, make the deposit, take those credit card transfers from the weekend and start balancing things off and saying I can give two to you, I can give this to you. How do you do? Here, there, everywhere, and you try to maneuver all those things and then you look at it and say, okay, this is paid, this is what's left to play. So you got your pay and your play right. You have the things you need to pay, and then you have the things you need to play with, and those things that I'm trying to create for that play account isn't to do fun, vacation, awesome things. It's to reallocate funds to the business to bring in new things, to restock the best things. So it's a lot of navigating those little rough seas and waters, if you will.

9:54 That's really what's going on for Loud Proud American right now. So it's hey, I can pay these things, I can maybe order this one thing and then I can buy this something for the bus. I can do this for the rest of us, that type of deal. And as we're in the middle of all the chaos and all the things happening, I'm still waiting to hear back from certain events. I have tentative agreements on my schedule for the rest of the summer. But some of those people just haven't come back to me. So hopefully tonight I'll start touching base with a lot of those folks now that we have Memorial weekend behind us, which is, I really feel, like the official start the summer, but more importantly, y'all we all look at Memorial weekend as that official start to summer.

10:36 If you're in a tourist state, like myself, that's when tourism really kicks in and the traffic starts to ramp up and kids are getting ready to get out of school and you enjoy that nice long weekend. For me it's a long working weekend, not a long weekend off. But please, please, everybody that's listening, take a moment to realize, to remember and to recognize the true meaning of Memorial Day. It's not about the long weekend, it's not about the start of summer. We might use those things as markers for some of the meetings, some of the things, but you wouldn't have long weekends, you wouldn't have summer fun and tourist season if it wasn't for the ultimate sacrifices that have been made or continue to be made by our US military.

11:22 And I think in this day and age where we've appeared to be at war forever, I mean, let's think about this. For me, at the ripe old age of about to be 42, it almost feels like we've always been at war. But I remember when it was a big deal when we went to war. I remember those things as a child in school, watching the news and seeing the laser fights and all this crazy stuff as, wow, we are actually going to war. Because you read in the history books and as a kid, you're reading history and you're learning history and you're thinking that wars and the times of war is a thing of the past.

12:03 It's history. It's not something that we have to think about. We're grateful for the sacrifices and we are thankful for our freedoms. But as we grew up at least if you're in my age bracket all of a sudden war became a reality and then, with 9-11 and everything that has transpired since then, we've always been at war. So I think people lose sight of the importance of the US military. I think people take for granted the US military. They don't respect the military like they used to do, like they're supposed to do, like you always do. They're supposed to do like you always do.

12:49 It's sad for me to think that there's kids out there right now that they're legal drinking age, right, they're at the bars on Friday nights and every night, I guess you should say, because when you're young and dumb, like I once was, I was there every night. But the point I'm making here is there's kids that are at drinking age, that are out living their lives, having kids, enjoying themselves, and they don't know anything other than us being at war. That's sad y'all. I remember when it was a rarity, I remember when it was history. Now it just seems to be everyday life and that's crazy, it's sad, it's depressing. I know a lot of. It is a necessity, but take a moment honor, remember, cherish and celebrate all those veterans, all those that continue to sacrifice so that we can have the freedoms that we have.

13:41 They continue to sacrifice so a guy like me can chase my American dream, even if that dream revolves around standing in a parking lot at a biker's saloon for a weekend trying to make money to support his family. Without the military that continue to sacrifice, that would be taken from me. Without the military that have all paid the ultimate sacrifice, then those freedoms would never be given to me. Then those freedoms would never be given to me. So I beg of you, I ask of you, remember, honor and respect our military today.

14:22 Get check, get check, spin around and tackle so much more than that. The latest kick miss my business for the kids. All right, all right, all right, all right. Y'all Share the Struggle Podcast episode two of three. Yet another week of you and me, and this week I want to touch on my week. That was Because, as we started the show here, kind of talking about wild weekends and keeping that philosophy consistent, remaining the same.

15:08 And in that philosophy, what I'm referring to about remaining the same is my overall focus on version 2.0, my new focus on being present, on remaining present and focusing on the here and now, on being completely aware of where my feet are on the ground. So far, I'm going to tell you that, as busy as my schedule has been, I've been able to overcome some of the worry, some of the doubt, some of the anxiety that comes with focusing on the chaos of my schedule.

15:49 So let's see if we can dig into this a little bit. This is kind of where we're headed today, and I want to just continue to have an emphasis on being present, because I truly feel like being present is going to unlock something in you to overcome some of that anxiety, to beat the doubt, to push out the doubt, to cancel the worry, to enjoy the moments, to live your life, to be more fulfilled. This is a true unlocking of life's real potential. If you can just truly remain focused on the moment and I know that we've talked about this over the past couple weeks and as I really try to focus on implementing this strategy, I am feeling a great benefit.

16:32 I'm not going to tell you that I'm perfect. I'm not going to tell you that I haven't had any hiccups in this situation, but all I am telling you is, every time I start to lose my way, I start to lose my focus, I tell myself you need to be present, right where you are. I kind of look at my feet, I scan the area and I find what I'm doing. I find a way to ground myself, to find myself and to reconnect myself with living in the present moment. We all have things that need to be done. We all have a to-do list. We all have those things that we need to get to. My to-do list is a little ridiculous right now. So I focus on the most important things that I need to get done on that day and that's what I tackle and that's part of me being present.

17:19 But if I find myself at an event, I focus on being at that event. I have, over the past few weeks been double booked for events. If. I did not focus on the event that I was currently at, it would suffer and I would not be as successful as an event as I need it to be for me. And then if I'm worrying about and forecasting my energy on the event that's next for me, then sometimes I'm overthinking that event and I'm not just rolling into that and giving it the best of me. So I am truly feeling an amazing difference in impact from remaining present in the moment.

18:00 It's not the easiest thing to do, but it's also not the hardest thing to do. So I beg of you, the next time that you're feeling lost, you're feeling overwhelmed, you're at some place, let's create a vision for you. Maybe you have kids I have one on the way. I'm not here to give you parental advice because I'm probably going to need all the advice you can give me, but I've heard many times from people that are at an event for their child and you know, if I think about Memorial Weekend that we just had, then maybe there was a parade that your kid was in. Maybe there was a flag raising. There was a military ceremony. I know some great friends of ours, corey and Michelle.

18:42 Their daughter was singing at a military event, at a memorial event, and my wife went over to be there and to enjoy the moment with them, and I'm confident that they were present and enjoyed that moment. But I've talked to people that have been in that situation where I'm sure this isn't an uncommon thing for any of you either You're talking to somebody and they're saying, yeah, I'm here, but I got to get to this barbecue at three o'clock. I got to pick this kid up over here. I have to be at work at this time, all these things right. So they're just watching the clock waiting for their kid to be done, when the most important thing in the world to that kid is to see you there, to have you be there, and it's great that you're there, but it's even greater if you're actually present, when you're there, that you enjoy it.

19:34 I could tell from Corey and Michelle and my wife, because they came over and saw me after that they were absolutely present and they had a great time and put a smile on my face knowing that my wife was there and that she enjoyed it so much. It was actually cool to hear that they mentioned my grandfather's name at the ceremony as well, and I wasn't planning on, you know throwing this shout out there to them, but as I'm just kind of painting up pictures, it's pretty easy for me to imagine that, with everything going on on a holiday, it can be very easy for people to get overwhelmed with their schedule and with you know the list of things that they have to do and the list of places they have to be. But it's absolutely key to be present, to be present in those moments.

20:15 And while I'm talking about Corey and Michelle, corey, if you are listening today, I want to give you a big old shout out man for coming over to the saloon, spending some time with me and sharing some parental advice and helping me to ease the worry in my head, the doubt that I have about being that old ass dad at all these events. So I appreciate the confidence you gave me over the weekend, brother. That means that means a lot. But just using examples here, how many times in life have you been somewhere where you need to be somewhere else? Maybe you have to catch a flight, maybe you have to be at work, maybe you have to pick somebody up, maybe it's the start of a movie, whatever it is, and you have something that's absolutely important.

20:59 It's important enough that you are there and that you wanted to be there and you put it in your mind as a place that you needed to be there. But how many times have you been in that particular situation and that particular place when you were so focused on everything else that needed to happen after that event that you never truly enjoyed that event? I've said it to you guys many times, many ways I'm guilty of doing this when I'm on vacation, where I worked myself up all the way to trying to get on vacation, and then when I finally get there, after two days of being there, I'm thinking about what's next and what I'm missing out on. So I'm really trying to be, to be more present and I'm just going to give you some examples from my weekend, uh, to kind of let you know that really what I used to do this and how it made a positive impact on me.

21:44 So over the weekend Memorial weekend, as we said, bentley Saloon for me we're open for business. Friday, saturday, sunday, monday it's a four-day extravaganza and on Saturday I actually was leaving the saloon to go over and DJ a prize 40th birthday party for a great friend of mine, mr Tony Trottier. It was a surprise birthday his wife booked me for and originally, when she reached out and asked me if I would do this event, I really wanted to do it for him. But I checked the schedule and I said, hey, man, I'm double booked. And I mentioned it to the wife and she said I can handle it, but it's not that far away, I'll be over there at the saloon.

22:27 You leave, get all the stuff, get to the event and I'll close the tent down. This is something new for me, right? I think that only a couple of times since I've been in business has this been a situation where I've actually left the premise where there's something going on. I know, I think the first year I got another Freiburg fair. I had to leave the fair. My mom and my wife had to run it so I could go home and DJ at the saloon. So this doesn't really happen very often. My wife stepping up and wanting to do this was a huge help and she said, hey, the family needs the money, let's figure it out out. So you know, relying on the beautiful, amazing, lovely pregnant wife of mine to handle the business, to make things happen.

23:13 So to put in perspective, this weekend, thursday the weather was iffy, I didn't get a chance to go over and set up at a saloon like I normally would. So my mother and I started setting up Friday morning. I got up at five in the morning with the truck already loaded, headed down to the saloon, I started building things before they opened and then we spent the rest of the day just kind of putting things together and remaining open. We did not have the greatest business day Usually the first day of an event is always slow anyways but we were off probably 60, 70%. On Friday, saturday, we were having a pretty decent event and I actually showed up at the time I would normally show up on a Saturday and when I got there the place was packed and we were the only vendor that wasn't open.

24:03 This situation right here is an absolute trigger for me, for me to roll into an event and to be the only vendor not open, to see a parking lot full of people. This would be the first turning of the stone. This would be the first stone that rolls me down the tracks. This would be the run stone that rolls me down the tracks. This would be the runaway freight train beginning. So I would be stressed out, I would be all worked up about it in there rushing around and before I actually caught myself and settled into what needed to be done, I would have lost half of that day. Now, if you're thinking about the fact that on Saturday it's also the day that I have to leave early to go to uh, to DJ.

24:46 So version 1.0 of me, version Keith Liberty 1.0, showing up late like that and having all these customers standing around it would have set me off, it would have triggered me and it would have got that snowball effect. I would have been rolling downhill. So if I'm showing up traditionally 11 o'clock on a Saturday like a saloon doesn't usually open till 11, but they do breakfast in the morning on Saturday and Sunday and the past couple of years I would come for breakfast and no one would show up. So we just try to show up around 10, 30, 11 o'clock and that's when people start to start to come in. So I fell in line with that kind of timeframe.

25:29 But when we got there, everything's happening right, and here I am trying to move people out of the way while I opened my tent and we're trying to run things into restock and all these things, I would have been so flustered and so bothered that it would have been one, two o'clock before I had all my to-do stuff done and I would have been, like, focused and present on what's happening. One, two o'clock Okay, I need to leave by four o'clock to get ready for my next event. So you're telling me that all those people that would have come in and out of that tent would have got the best version of me for two hours. They would have got the best customer service for me, the best, you know, focused personality for me for two hours, because for the first part of my day I would have been rattled and for the rest of my day I would have had that little bit of time.

26:16 But in all honesty, I probably would have really started worrying about my next event before that, so I might not have even given you the best two hours of me. So think about this snowball effect, think about this runaway freight train. I show up late and then it just sets me off. That is the tipping point that could have created a very negative day for me for the entire day, because if I roll in there and I'm stressing out and I'm sweating and I'm trying to get things done and I'm opening things up and you're not giving out your best presentation. You've got shit everywhere from the night before you're trying to navigate all these things. When you just start to get it settled in, you're now thinking about the next event, like, oh man, I have to leave my pregnant wife here to do all of this.

27:02 She has to take care of this. I'm leaving this mess behind, I have to run away and get ready for the next one, and the wife and I, when I do some of these big DJ events, it's like a safety net for me that I have her with me. She's an amazing help. She helps with setup and troubleshoots when I have issues and if I'm trying to work through something, she'll navigate. You know the people at the party that are looking for requests and things just makes my job so much easier. So I could easily be thinking about her being alone, me having to do this on my own, all those moving parts, and I could stress myself the hell out, right. That's not what happened this time, because, as nervous as I was, I roll into the back to get ready and I just took a minute.

27:49 I just took a minute and said it is what it is. Man, I can't change what happened. I can't live in the past. I'm not going to go back and change the past. So why think about the past? And, to be honest, I can't predict the future. I'm not going to worry about when's the best version of me going to appear. I'm not going to worry about when I have to leave here at four o'clock. I'm not going to worry about the fact that I'm probably still DJing at 10, 11 o'clock, you know, 12 hours from now, I'm still working. No, I'm going to work on giving the best version of me right now. I'm going to work on being present where I am right now. I'm going to work on getting things handled to the point where I can be open and effective and making as much money as I possibly can as soon as I possibly can.

28:39 So that's what I did. I focused on the here and now and we responded to the here and now and it put me in the place I needed to be, to be version 2.0 of me. Your true happiness is right here in the moment. So I tried to ground myself and to live in that moment. So we made the best of the day, that was, we made as much money as we possibly could. We gave the best experience that we possibly could. And, before you knew it, I had to leave to get prepared for my next event. So I left Allie behind, went home, grabbed all the DJ gear, swapped out, headed to my next event, got there with enough time to have time to prepare and I really just focused on one thing at a time, looked at my clock and I said this is what I have for time and this is like the order of progression, this is how things are going to go, and I just started working through those things and I just kind of found a way to block out the noise, to not think about what I left behind, to not think about you know, did I miss anything in the morning?

29:51 To not think about, you know, or stress about Allie being by herself, you know, to not worry about her, because I know that she has it, that she's doing what needs to be done, right, and I didn't worry about all the people that were supposed to show up, all those things, all those red flags that would be stones that would be cast into the water causing a ripple, because you start throwing a little pebble into the water, even a small pebble starts a ripple and, before you know it, a ripple becomes a wave. So I didn't want that wave of emotion. I just focused on the moment, the present and doing what I needed to do to be the best version of me.

30:32 And I kept echoing this one statement in my mind where my wife had said to me earlier in the day, when I had said to her, like yeah, you know I feel bad, I'm leaving, and she says I don't Get out there and make money. The family needs it and this is a great opportunity. So, with that said, while I'm working, I'm just thinking about, like this is what my wife needs, this is what Paisley needs, this is what I need. So, with that being said, focus on what's right in front of me and make it happen. There's a quote from Maya Angelou that is I do my best because I'm counting on you counting on me.

31:13 I'm doing the best I possibly can because I'm counting on the fact that my wife, my unborn child and anybody else is counting on me. When I'm a DJ, I'm doing my best because I'm counting on the fact that everybody that's there that night tonight, everybody that's in that room, they're counting on me for a good time. They're counting on me to show them some fun. They're counting on me to help them create some memories. So in the past I can use that as pressure and that pressure can become worry. But in version 2.0 of me, all I can do is focus on where I am and in that exact moment and how I can affect that moment, not how I can affect the next three hours, because my true happiness is in that moment and if I live in that moment and I make it a positive moment, it's going to snowball.

32:03 If I live in that moment and I make it a positive moment, it's going to snowball affect itself into a positive evening. It's just how I'm trying to live and to function these days and it's making a great difference. I'm going to say that it's making such a difference that Saturday night was probably one of my best DJ performances. I had a great time, I had a great event. I was tipped uh $200 over my bill. So just put us in perspective. I don't like to get into numbers when it comes to um, like you know this type of stuff, but I gave a dollar amount that um that I was hired for for my time, for my event. I think I have a fair amount.

32:45 It's not a cheap amount but it's absolutely fair for what I think that I can provide. I was given an open bar tab and a $200 tip above what my actual charge was, because they were that happy and that grateful for me to be there. That in itself was amazing Seeing the dance floor packed, everybody having a great time. There was a moment when I was DJing and all the lights were just really just like bouncing all off the place. I had actually kind of walked away from my setup to go to the bathroom and come back and just the way everything was. It just looks so professional. I have up lights, I have dance floor lights, everything looked great, it sounded great and as I was working, I happened to look out the window at the exact same time that my wife was pulling in and my dodge challenger and my favorite car she's pulling in the parking lot and to me I felt a great amount of pride in that moment, because I have a full dance floor, there's lights bouncing everywhere, you can hear the sound in the parking lot, I'm sure of it.

33:54 Everybody's having a great time. So I can just think for a moment that if my wife pulled in with any amount of doubt any amount of nervousness, a worry for me being on my own, to come around the corner and to see that dance floor packed, the lights bouncing out the windows through the parking lot, hearing the bass and the sound in the streets. She had to be smiling, she had to be thankful and she came in with this big ass smile and I could tell that she was proud and that's really all that a husband could ever hope for. So that event was tremendous. I had some great compliments by the end of that.

34:35 Most importantly, tony and his wife had amazing things to say and I think it's really, you know, when you pulled off a surprise for somebody, when they show emotion, when they arrive right Because some people they might find out they have a surprise coming, you know like, hey, I have a surprise party, they might realize an hour early or something, or maybe they found out a couple days sooner and they don't want to. You know, make the people that put all the effort in feel bad or disappointed. So they try to act their way through being surprised. When someone genuinely shows emotion, they're surprised, and Tony was full of emotion. So I was so happy for him and for his wife and the family that they pulled us off for him and I was so incredibly touched by the conversations that me and him had throughout the night and at the end of the night and to realize how much it meant to him that I was there.

35:28 It made all the sacrifices worth it. It made all the hours worth it and you know, when you just have a conversation with somebody, when it's obvious that you spent some time together you grew up together but you can't even think about the last time you hung out together. But even when you have those moments together that are five minutes or 55 minutes, where you get to sit down and have a beer together or just shake hands in a grocery store, you can go back to something and you can feel something, you can be connected to somebody, you can appreciate somebody and you can love somebody for the relationship that you had and the one you know. You still have Some relationships in life. We don't need to talk every day, we don't need to hang out every weekend or every month.

36:13 Sometimes it's okay if you only see that person once a month. Or what if you see that person once or twice a year? It doesn't change how you feel about that person, it doesn't change how much you appreciate that person or how much you love that person and we had a great conversation about that and to be around somebody that you haven't really spent time with in such a long time, but to see them so loved and respected and received by their family he had an amazing turnout for his party, an amazing turnout, and you could just feel the love in the room that's all you can ever hope and pray for for your friends in life. And to be at a point in life like Tony is to have his own business and a beautiful family and all these memories and all that love and support.

37:02 That is truly a fulfilling, uplifting life. And to sit back and work for your friends, to give them a good time. It's fulfilling. It's fulfilling and you can't leave there not being happy and proud for your friends to see the life that they made. On that note, one of the things that was really cool and I think it's something that I'm more receptive to, knowing I have a little girl on the way is, while I was there setting up, his wife showed up and his sister-in-law and they were all setting things up and his little girls were there and they're all dressed up little country cuties, little sweethearts, and I started asking them what their dad likes for music and I sat down at the table and was taking notes and chatting with them to watch his daughter dance and celebrate and enjoy her time.

37:57 I was playing some of her songs before people showed up and it just gives you that sense of hope, right. It gives you that sense of promise of what might be what could be for you as a dad someday. And to see your friends living that and enjoying that. It's something to celebrate and it's something to really just build on and to become the fuel for you to carry on. And those little moments are things that I'm extremely receptive to right now and I'm sure that's the way for anybody that's about to be a father. But yeah, man, it's just one of those things where you're just watching it, say, man, you hope that someday this is what's in store for you and it's really fulfilling to see your friends living that for you.

38:47 And it's really fulfilling to see your friends living that and you want to talk about being in the moment when you're there and you're seeing your friend's family doing all these things for them, if you can be absolutely present and you can be present in that moment, then that moment has the ability to wash away a lot of life's distractions. It has the ability to wash away a lot of the difficult things in life, right, and I think that's why I feel like being present is the key to all these things. Because when you allow yourself to be present in that moment, to enjoy those moments, you're not thinking about what you saw on TV this morning, you're not thinking about the negative news report, you're not stressing about where the next mortgage payment's going to come from, you're not worrying about those things.

39:32 All you're worried about is that moment and what you're in. And when you're in a moment that is that happy, when you're in a moment that is that fulfilling, then you don't have room for negativity, you don't have room for worry, you don't have room for doubt and for fear and for anxiety. You don't have room for it. Guys, your true, best, absolute possible version of you, your true happiness, is right here in that moment. So for me, on Saturday, being in that moment, I'm not thinking about how tired I am, I'm not thinking about how much work I have to do in the morning, I'm not thinking about any of those things.

40:12 I'm thinking about that moment, how happy I am for my friend, how grateful I am to have a full dance floor and there's no room for anxiety, for fear, for doubt, none. While we're on this subject, let's talk about worry a little bit. Okay, let's dig into worry and let's realize that number one, worry is like your brain's defense mechanism, like your brain is trying to protect you when it is putting you through this crazy worry cycle. Let's understand that for a minute, right, because I feel like if we can acknowledge what our bodies are trying to do, what our brains are trying to do, maybe we can ease the fear a little bit, because I think that worry can become fear.

40:58 I think that when we begin to worry, we often let that worry become a runaway worry train. That was so hard to say because we just we overdo it, we overthink it. The old word rumination comes in, right, the old farmer would tell you about. You're just chewing your cud. It's rumination when you're worrying too much. You're just in this vicious, constant worry cycle where you're thinking about the same thing all the time. You're ruminating over it, you're just constantly chewing on that worry and you're just in this vicious, constant worry cycle where you're thinking about the same thing all the time, you're ruminating over it, you're just constantly chewing on that worry and you're just swallowing all that fear and all that doubt. Understand a few things about worry. Number one when you are doing this, when you're chewing your cud, when you're in the middle of that rumination.

41:43 Rumination is the birthplace of two things creativity and crisis. The more you think about something, the more you worry about something, the more you ruminate about something. It is the birthplace of two things creativity or crisis. I can think about something because I'm excited about something. I can ruminate on that one thing and something beautiful can come from that one thing Something dutifully creative. Some of my best ideas are the ones that I've had to ruminate on that. I've thought about long hours, days and nights to try to get them absolutely right. So think about this, the shit that you think about, the things that you ruminate on, you are creating one of two things creativity or crisis.

42:31 Because if you are thinking about something, ever endlessly thinking about something, and nothing creative is coming from it, nothing productive is coming from it, it's probably a crisis that's about to come from it, because you're thinking about the worst. You're always thinking about the worst case scenario, you're thinking about what could be, what might be, what'll happen to me. So, when you're constantly thinking about something, at some point chime in, put a hold on your brain and say yo baby, what are we doing here? What's the creativity coming from this? What is this beautiful, creative thing that I'm about to make? Is it going to make me money? Is it going to make me happy? What is it? And when you realize that nothing creative is coming from your thoughts, from your illumination, then you're creating a crisis and you need to end that crisis because it is going to derail you.

43:24 Worrying is the weakest defense system of our bodies. I'm sure there's a time and place where our bodies have made us worry, and it's a defense. You're worrying about something and maybe, if you listen to that worry, it keeps you from doing something stupid, right? Like, maybe you had a couple of drinks at the bar and you're worried about getting home. Like you're starting to get nervous and you're thinking quite a bit. Right, you're really starting to ruminate on the fact of I got to drive home. Am I okay to drive home? I've been drinking, and maybe at that point, at that moment, that's when your worry, defense is kicking in, saying, hey, you might not make it home, you could get pulled over, you could get your license, you could have an accident, you could kill somebody or you can kill yourself.

44:15 And then maybe that worry, that defense of worry, is something for you to say hey, let's get fucking creative and call an uber over here. Huh, let's call a cab. Let's uh, let's buy a buddy dinner to bring me home. I don't know, that's a good example of worry. But when you have worry that you focus on that, you chew on that, you just continue to ruminate on. Well, let's just dig into the fundamentals of chewing. The cut of rumination here, that's when you're chewing something, swallowing something, regurgitating something and chewing it and swallowing it again. You understand, doesn't sound sexy, does it? Doesn't sound appealing, does it no? Then, when you do it with your feelings, it ain't good either.

44:56 It's disgusting too. So when your defenses kick in and it gives you a red flag worry, maybe it's a safety response because you're going to have that fight or flight feeling that happens when worry kicks in. What you need to do is process the worry and understand. Is this telling me something beneficial right now, where maybe I shouldn't get behind the wheel. But if I continue to chew on this and then I eat it and swallow it and throw it the hell up, is it going to be creative? Am I making this super awesome? Throw up freaking Picasso over here, that's going to make me a fortune. Or am I creating a life crisis Because our defense systems are going to cause us to worry, to keep us from hurting ourselves?

45:36 Trust me, our hearts and our thoughts would love to keep us comfortable. It would rather keep us on the couch, free from stress, free from failure, free from mistakes, free from heartache, free from backbreak. You understand Our bodies want us to live in comfort. They want to protect us, and worrying is one of the weakest defenses that our bodies can give us. So the next time you start to overthink something, I want you to ask yourself are you thinking about something creative? Are you coming up with something to benefit you, to improve you? Are you creating a crisis for you?

46:17 And if you are, you need to get yourself out of that crisis. And part of the way that we're going to get out of that crisis is to be present, to enjoy the moment, to be where your feet are, because I'm going to tell you this when you're worrying, one of two things is usually happening. You are worrying about the past, you are overthinking what happened behind us. Right, we are starting to think about this experience that happened in the past that might be coming in the future. My previous experience that's telling me this. About the future, I can't believe this horrible failure. I can't process this incredible pain that I went through, this tragic loss that I had to deal with.

46:59 Those things that you're worrying about, they have one of two things in common they're genuinely about the past or the future. They're not often about the present, because you're either thinking about the past or you're worrying about the future what might be, what's about to be, what's potentially going to happen to me. Most of the time, that worry isn't about right here, right now, in this moment. Right here, right now, in this moment. Let's say one more thing about worrying. Worrying is what we do. When we care about something so much, we are equally terrified it could hurt us. So we start thinking about things worrying.

47:40 I'm often thinking about the past or I'm worried about the future, but it's also what we do when we care about something so damn much that, as much as we care about it, we are equally terrified it could hurt us. My business has been a great sense of worry for a long time because, as much as I love it, as much as I want it, I worry that it could hurt me. I worry that I could lose everything my family ever worked for. I worry that it won't provide for my new child, that it won't give the life that I want to give to my wife. I worry that I can't sustain my level of life Because worrying is what we do.

48:21 When we care about something so much, we are equally terrified it could hurt us. We don't focus as much on how great this business could provide. When I slow down and think about I want to remain in business because the opportunity for me and little paisley to be on the road enjoying this business, opening her eyes up to parts of the world that were never open to me until I started this business, to introducing her to people and places and friends and relationships that would never have been possible without this business that's a level of lifestyle that I want for my soon-to-be daughter. You understand we need to worry and think and ruminate about all the endless amazing possibilities that could be out there for us, not the negatives out there for us.

49:07 Maybe this business can provide the greatest sense of wealth and satisfaction. Maybe generational wealth, maybe generational happiness can come from this business. But no, we worry about it tearing us apart. When you realize that that worry is not a benefit to you, then there's nothing left for you to do with that worry. If I'm creatively painting this image of how amazing and generational success this business has, then I might sit in that worry for a little bit, baby. I might sit in that hot tub, I might crack me a drink in that tub, 10 toes up in that hot tub, enjoying the creative worry that I'm taking part in.

49:50 But if I'm creating a life crisis, that this business is a bad decision for me and my family, I'm gonna get the hell out of that tub. You understand what I'm saying. Part of the way we process worry and part of the reason why we continue to let worry live in our lives and our minds, is that sometimes, when we worry about something like, oh, this has the potential to be a ridiculous event. I guess I'm just going to try to use an example of my weekend. If I'm worrying about going to DJ, that surprise party, and all I can think about is that my wife's going to be alone and the business is going to suffer and I'm asking her to do all these things, that I shouldn't be asking her and my mind's in a different place and I better stay with her as long as I possibly can.

50:42 I'm going to be so tired when I set up. I'm not going to have the time to do all the setup. Something's going to go wrong. The wife's not going to be there to help me through this. Maybe these people aren't going to be so receptive to me. I know the guy's party, the guy that the party's for he loves me, but the rest of his friends aren't going to love me. If I start focusing on all that worry and all that doubt about that night, two things can happen. Number one I can totally derail the night, but we allow worry to exist in our mind because we often feel that if something doesn't happen, if those things don't happen, then our worry was a good thing. Let me explain. So I worry all this about leaving my wife too early and I worry about setting up and how tired I'm going to be and whether people are going to enjoy themselves and you know if I'm going to get through all the technical difficulties if I have that level of worry in my mind but for somehow, some way, I pull it off.

51:41 Maybe it's not as amazing as it was, but I pull it off and it goes well. On my ride home I could be justifying that worry and saying hey, because you got worried. You worked up all these possible scenarios in your mind and you overcame them in your mind. You prepared yourself that worry was a good thing, that worry was safety, because it didn't go as bad as you worried about. That's what our minds do, y'all when we worry about something but it doesn't go horrific, we then justify the worry by saying, hey, man, thank you, thank you for all that worry. Because of you we came through. That was my safety net.

52:21 All you wanted was for me to not get hurt Bullshit. What that worry wanted was for you to not leave the house. What worry wanted was for you to not try Shit. You understand we can't connect worry and safety, because it'll keep you from living. It'll keep you on the couch in sweatpants, eating Fritos, shitting yourself. You understand we can't let the worry win. Maybe sometimes we worry, sometimes we don't, and maybe sometimes that event doesn't work out. Maybe sometimes the plan and every loss becomes something you are grateful for. Then in your life you're going to be grateful for the wins and the losses and I can tell you right now we're going to have a lot more losses than we are wins.

53:16 So if I can find a way to be grateful for the losses, then I'm sure as hell going to appreciate my wins, and if I'm grateful for my losses and my wins, I'm going to live a very grateful life. Forget the worry. Be present, be where you are when you are where you are. If it doesn't go the way it's supposed to go, then chalk it up as a lesson and be grateful for that loss. And to realize that that loss is just a part of the plan. And every part of your plan that goes wrong is a stepping stone. It's a story, it's a moment. It's something to be grateful for because in the end it's going to be something that made you who you are and made your story as successful as it is.

53:59 Be the hero of your own life and the creator of your own future. Let that line sink in. I heard that line recently and it stopped me in my tracks and it certainly made me feel present. Be the hero of your own life and the creator of your own future. This story is your story, how you want it written, how you want it told. It's yours, it's all in how you live. But I can guarantee you, even if you're writing the most successful, amazing, beautiful story, if you don't stop to enjoy right where you are, then your book doesn't matter, because the only people enjoying your book are the ones reading it, not the one living it.

54:47 Be present, be where you are, man, I hope there was some power there. I hope there was some fuel there. I hope there's been a positive message today that can cause and affect your day today. I really truly hope that you will take this show and share it with somebody that you know that you feel like will benefit from this show today. I would really greatly appreciate that from each and every one of you. Before I go, I'm going to put a little bow on our weekend and kind of wrap things up. So Saturday long, tremendous, successful day. Sunday was a little slower business day than we had hoped for, but it was okay.

55:27 Monday we tried to stay open in the rain. All the other vendors had packed up and left and gone home and we stayed open for a few hours with no success. Nobody came in to buy anything, to look at anything, so we ended up packing up a little early, came home and put it to rest. All in all, on the weekend we had a pretty successful weekend as far as business goes. When I compare this year's event to last year's event, we were down about a thousand dollars. So we were down a little bit on our event, but I have just told myself, and I continue to tell myself, that that loss is just part of the plan and every loss becomes something that I'm grateful for.

56:08 So, yes, I didn't finish with the number that I did last year. I didn't beat the number that I had last year, but I'm so damn grateful for the number that I had this year because this year, like I said before, I'm in a position where I'm trying to pay things off, to move things around, to make things happen and make it go down, and then, if you think about the fact that I went and DJed this event and it went so well, it really makes up for the money that was lost. It's all part of the plan and, with me being present, me being focused on living in the moment, that event is now in the plan and, with me being present, me being focused on living in the moment, that event is now in the past. I have one coming in the future. How I cause and affect it is up to me today, in this moment.

56:54 With all that said, I want to give a very big shout out and thank you to two people that pulled off an amazing surprise to the wife and I over the weekend. So, as much as I was a part of a big birthday surprise, kevin and Amy Belansky surprised the shit out of me and my wife when they drove the six hour ride from Syracuse, new York, all the way to Arundel, maine and come sweeping around the tent with a beer in their hand to surprise the freaking hell out of me. And the wife was actually out with Corey and Michelle when they showed up, so it was a double surprise. I got to be surprised by myself. Then I got to see her get surprised as well, and then we were able to spend a great day together.

57:38 Even though we were working, we were still able to interact and do everything and share stories and spend a good part of the night with them and to make some great memories and you know it's always nice when you can really just unplug and just share stories and connect and learn more about people that you love and care about. It means so much. Learn more about people that you love and care about, it means so much. And to think that two people wanted to spend 12 hours and basically two days to come and see you, that's something to be really grateful for, right, because they drove the six hours up, planning on driving the six hours back. But those six hours became a hell of a lot more because, as you know, when I said to you, we packed up on Monday in the rain, kevin and Amy drove home in the rain and I heard from Kevin today that they got home at 140 in the morning, 2 o'clock in the morning.

58:32 I'm trying to think what time they left. It was maybe 12, 1 o'clock and they got home at almost 2 in the freaking morning and they got home at almost 2 in the freaking morning. But what I want to say to you is there's a little lesson in there that actually runs full circle with today's show and today's meeting. So when we talk about worry, when we're in this tent having a conversation with Kevin and Amy and it's raining, and they're looking at their radar and they come up with a plan to drive two hours out of their own way to try to circumvent some of the rain, instead of worrying about what they were about to endure, thinking about the rain and the misery that was about to happen.

59:12 Instead, their plan becomes well, let's take a detour and try to enjoy this a little bit more. Maybe we have an opportunity to stop more than we planned on. Maybe I'll have a couple more beers, maybe I'll have a couple more laughs. That is being present. That is not letting things distract you. That is not being overcome by difficulties. That is not letting worry ruin your day. Yesterday afternoon, when Kevin was on his way home actually it might have been late, it was later afternoon evening, I think it was right around seven o'clock I was chatting with him and they had stopped at an American Legion and he said hey, man, it's just like a Yankees game, we're on a rain delay.

59:57 And as funny as that response is, it's completely inspiring and uplifting at the same time. Kevin's text it's like a Yankees game. We're on a rain delay, fields are wet. Great philosophy, right? Great way to look at things. But it gets better, because I even said to him in my text message I really like that philosophy, and I do because it stuck with me, because I'm sharing it with you right now. So Kevin says it's a Yankees game, we're on a rain, delay man, the field's wet. And I said I really like that philosophy. And his response is life is a bit of a game, it's all how you look at it.

1:00:40 I guess that is 1000% correct. Life's a game, it's all in how you look at it. When you spend 14 hours driving home, you have every opportunity to be pissed, to be angry, to be mad, to regret the trip you just had. Instead, he sends me a message about being grateful and thankful for the opportunity to spend a weekend together, a day together, to make memories together. That is a philosophy I want. When you spend all that time on the road, you have every opportunity to worry, to ruminate and to stress about what has been, what is about to be, all the things that you have to do.

1:01:27 Think about that If you were planning on a six-hour trip, that became a 14 or a 15-hour ride home in the rain, miserable, and you're thinking about getting up, having to go to work in the morning all the things you have to do. Isn't that a great opportunity for you to ruin your entire trip? Isn't that a great opportunity for you to be miserable with each other? Nope, not if life's a game and it's under rain. Delay, kevin, amy, that is version 2.0 of you that is being present, man, and that is something I will always love about you. Life's a game. It's all in how you look at it, man.

1:02:07 I love you guys and thank you so damn much for the surprise. And to each and every one of you, thank you for supporting my American dream. That's it and that's all Biggie Smalls. If you're a loud, proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook at loud, proud American, or the FacePage, as my mama calls it.

1:02:51 If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker and want to find me on Instagram or all the kids are tickety-talking on the TikTok. Kids are tickety talking on the tick tock you can find me on both of those at loud, underscore, proud, underscore American. A big old thank you to the boys from the gut truckers for the background beats and the theme song to this year's podcast. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can track down the Gut Truckers on Facebook. Just search Gut Truckers. Give them motherfuckers a like too.

1:03:51 I truly thank you for supporting my American dream. Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.