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Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy, but what if you could find solace in the love and support that surrounds you during these challenging times? My incredible wife, Allison, and I open up about our own experiences with loss and the strength we've found in each other, as well as in our loved ones. Join us as we navigate coping with grief, leaning on those around us, and cherishing the memories we've made with the ones we've lost.
Together, we explore the power of special relationships, like the one between Allison and her late grandmother, and how they can provide motivation and strength during life's toughest moments. We discuss the importance of taking that first step towards healing, no matter how small it may be, and how the support of friends and family truly makes all the difference. Listen in as we share our journey through loss and find comfort in the love that surrounds us.
In this heartfelt episode, we also delve into the significance of connections, both with those we've lost and those who are still with us. From the bonds between family members to the loyalty and dedication found in true friendships, these relationships can provide an invaluable support system when faced with grief. We hope that by sharing our experiences, we can offer some solace and hope to those who may be going through similar situations.
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One of the most difficult things to do in life is to say goodbye to someone you love. This extremely challenging and emotional task is just a bit easier when you realize all the love and support that surrounds you The family that mourns with you and the friends that choose to when they don't even have to. In life, often our most difficult days are the most profound. People lead to strength. Suffering often reveals blessings. Today has been difficult and rewarding, and we are here to tell you all about it on Shared The Shruggle Podcast, episode 153. Let me tell you something Everybody struggles. The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it. The choice is completely yours. Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life. If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you. You have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations. Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you. When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense. Most disagreements, they stem from our own insecurities. You are right where you need to be. What'd you do? What'd you do? Hot diggity, damn, am I so thankful to be back with you, shared The Shruggle Podcast, episode 153, and you got more than just me Calling back up. Today We're calling in reinforcements. The little lady on the couch over there.
Speaker 2:That's me.
Speaker 1:That's you. Welcome to the show. Dear Thanks for having me. Oh, it's a true pleasure, A true pleasure. So today happens to be a very difficult day at the time they're recording this podcast.
Speaker 2:Difficulto number day two.
Speaker 1:True, true, difficult day number two. true to you. So the last time we released the podcast, we actually were planning on sharing some memories about MMA and having those conversations. You received a phone call at 111 and forming you of the news and we just thought it was fitting to turn on the microphone, be raw and real and respond to the emotions that you were feeling, that I was feeling, to share those things with everybody. We've been truly overwhelmed with the support that's come from that show, the messages that have trickled in so many of you loyal listeners, the things that you've either sent to me or to you you know, just all the kind words so many people reached out and truly special. It really makes you realize how loved you are. And that's really going to be a theme for today, because these things that happen in life that are inevitable. I mean, i hate to break it to everybody here, but we're all going to go someday right, someday some way is as sad and depressing as that is. There's no guarantee on you and me. We all tend to expire at some point. So it's really one of those unnecessary evils of life that we just never want to deal with. There's some of the most difficult days, but they're made a little bit brighter and they feel a little bit easier when you realize the amount of support that you have in life and that is around you. And you don't often realize that until you're experiencing one of your most difficult days. So this is one of those days for you. Here we are. Today is the day of your MMA service. We've gone through all the procedures, all of the different things and callings and visitations and burials. We've gone through all of that. Here we are now, finally home on the couch, spending some time with each other In true Liberty fashion. We decided that the best form of healing. The best form of therapy is to once again turn the microphone on, instead of just talking through our emotions today to one another, each other. We're going to talk to those emotions, together with all of you, because the name of this podcast is Share. The Struggle Today has certainly been a struggle. These past couple weeks have been a struggle, but we wanted to come back to yet again share with you the insight and how we're feeling and to really truly express our gratitude to each and every one of you. So, again, i said it to you last week, i'm going to say it to you again I'm extremely proud of you for having the strength to go through this whole experience but also be completely transparent and strong enough to turn the microphone on and share everything. It is that you're feeling That shows a lot of courage and a lot of strength, and I am proud of you over there.
Speaker 2:Thanks.
Speaker 1:So here we are. How are you feeling at this moment?
Speaker 2:Numb.
Speaker 1:It's understandable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just the end.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think when we say goodbye to somebody that we love after it happens like immediately after your loved one passes, I always feel like I feel lost, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like you don't know what to do, because oftentimes you kind of have a feeling that something's going to happen. When you're in those situations where maybe a hospice is called or somebody's in a hospital or they're receiving care, it becomes part of your daily life to just be there checking on them and constantly thinking of them and then, when there's nothing left for you to do, there's a real, just feeling of loss and confusion that comes over. And I know that's really how you were feeling when all of this happened, because long before me and got sick, you're going to see her once or twice a week, so your whole routine is completely different and you just get to that point of what do I do? You know I feel lost. And then, from that moment when you have that feeling of uncertainty and you just don't know what to do and all that confusion, then there's one last thing right, there's the service, there's the memories, there's finding photos for a slideshow, writing speeches, thinking about memories, whatever that is we hold on to to get to the day of the service, right. So we try to replace that loss with something and it's about honoring that person and thinking about the details and all those things. And then eventually that day comes and whatever is planned is planned and whatever happens happens When it's all said and done, when everybody goes their separate ways and family starts to go home and friends start to go home and there's nothing left to do. That's when I really feel like things can be the most difficult, because there's no obligation for tomorrow, there's no to do, must do, that's going to happen again. Like this is it, and that sense of final is, to me, the hardest thing to get through, and I think that's why it's important that you're on here right now sharing some of those feelings, because I think it'll give people strength that have experienced that or are experiencing that or someday will experience that, and to realize that there is blessings along the way, there is hope along the way, there are things that you need to focus on to help that person carry on and to help you live on, and I really think that's where we're kind of headed today. So I'm excited for you to share what you're feeling and some of those experiences and really being vulnerable enough to have these conversations during the absolutely most difficult time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i mean I've been fine up until this war. So I thought I was fine, i thought I was okay, i felt the most prepared for a death as I had ever been. Nothing was immediate and we had the time that we needed. So I felt like I was prepared and, if I can thank her for all that she's done for me and showed me some inner strength that I didn't think I even had left in me, right now I'm pretty numb. You nailed it, everything's done and she's at a resting place and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's absolutely. The biggest challenge is not knowing really where I go. What do I put these emotions, what do I focus this energy? And then you also I always feel like you have that inner struggle too of okay, how much family did I also just see for the last time? You know because we've been talking about this for years on this podcast that our grandparents are the foundation, the glue that's kept our families together. Our grandparents are the ones that are rooted in tradition and they are the ones that really believe in family and keeping families together. For this side of your family, this is the last living grandparent for you, right? And I no longer have my grandparents either, and you see them. I don't even know how to express it, but it's just natural. Apparently, there's just divide happens in family when those pillars are no longer here to support the foundation, they're no longer here to keep that family tied together and we tend to just kind of drift apart. So you can't help but think during these things how much family is there that you're just never going to see again, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, i mean I had my cousin Jeffrey who was here and I haven't seen him in 15 years in general. So I mean, if you think about it in that aspect, like nobody passed away in that amount of time, so the fact that 15 years has gone by and I haven't seen him, like the likelihood I mean without making the trip down to Georgia or any of those things myself like you probably won't see those big gatherings anymore And you know you talk to the family about it and you make today I mean you know, joke about it. You know I hope this isn't the last time that we all get together, but deep down inside, like it's kind of heartbreaking because it's, i know it's not only is it forever for Meme but it's forever for our family to ever get together Again, because Meme was the glue. You know Pepe was the ultimate glue and then Meme did an amazing job at holding the family together and still getting people gathered at holidays and stuff. And now without that, i guess it sounds terrible. But what's the purpose?
Speaker 1:you know, I think a lot of people feel like they lose their purpose, they lose their way when they lose somebody that's that close and important to them. And then you factor in distance, right. And you think about your family in Georgia and stuff. I mean, you haven't seen Craig in a long time either.
Speaker 2:No, i haven't seen Craig in years, since my Pepe passed away in 2010. I just met him for the first time.
Speaker 1:You know, like your uncle Bruce, you've been in the habit of seeing him, probably really once a month or so as he's coming off all the time to see Meme. Obviously there's no real reason for him to be flying to Meme as often as he was. So you just kind of think, you know, outside of a reunion which doesn't seem like common practice anymore, you know, and you just kind of think about those things, just like, shoot man, when's the next time I'm going to see all of these people? you? know, like my family that I care about. I may not see them again. Thankfully, this experience with Meme and the time you spent there, I feel like it really kind of reformed a great relationship with you and your aunt.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm super thankful for that. There wasn't a relationship at all. I think we just all kind of just grew distant.
Speaker 1:As we get older, those things, those things happen right And I know a lot of things for you and your family. you also have the dynamic of how you are raised, where your parents are, what other people in the family's opinion is of those of your parents And unfortunately for all kids, for all adults, we often bear the mistakes of our parents you know, and whatever family might feel about our parents, then that often gets projected on to the children And then it's up to them to step up and do things, to step out of the darkness, to step out of the shadows and prove themselves. And I really feel like Meme gave you an opportunity to prove yourself to the rest of your family as to who you really are. Yeah, meme gave you the opportunity to prove just how much of a passionate, compassionate woman you are, how big your heart is, how much you care, how much you love family, how committed you have always been to her. It really gave you the opportunity to prove to your family that you're not your mom and dad, to prove to your family that you are your own person, you make your own decisions and that you have these core values and beliefs and that you are a very successful young woman. And Meme gave you the opportunity to step out of the shadow of your parents and prove to your family exactly who you are, and from this point on, they choose you because of you, not because of who you're not. And then I think that's one more thing that you really got from Meme, and I hope that moving forward your relationships, like with your cousins and your aunt, is stronger Over this whole experience. You know.
Speaker 2:Hopefully. I mean, i have to say that you know one thing that I heard from quite a bit of the family today. It was really reassuring. I kept having everybody kind of check in on me during this time because they knew how much time I spent with Meme during the last two years. Like you said, once or twice a week. It was a standard practice. So everyone kept thanking me for all the time that I spent with her and all the things that I did with her and things that we posted online and just forming those memories because they were unable to do those with her. And I heard from a couple of people that the Meme was very proud of me and she had told me that a hundred times And I'll cherish that forever. But it's always reassuring to hear from other people that your Meme is very proud of you, because to me that just means that not only does she rave to me that she's proud of me, but she took the time to rave to other people that she was proud of me.
Speaker 1:I don't think there is really anybody that has gone in there to see Meme over the past two years that hasn't heard something about you. So whether they work there, whether it's a family member, a doctor, whatever you know, anybody that came in. If you came in to fix your TV, they probably heard a story about you. I think that really just shows how proud she was, and I heard a lot of people thanking you today and just being thankful for the time that you spent, which is really a double blessing for you, because you appreciate the time and the opportunity and then to be recognized by family as well just really kind of seals it for you as to you know just how important you were to Meme and how much everybody appreciates it.
Speaker 2:And the appreciation. I didn't even think about it until today, when a couple of people had mentioned last week's episode that they had listened to it and thanked me for having the opportunity to talk to Meme And hear that she was ready, that she was going to be okay, because nobody else got that opportunity, nobody else took the time to really just come out and ask.
Speaker 1:Right. It's extremely uncomfortable to bring up that conversation with somebody that's facing death, you know.
Speaker 2:And the nice thing about it is, as we talked about like it was such an organic conversation that I didn't even force the conversation. It was not like I brought up to her like are you done, Are you ready? So she brought it up to me. She wanted to voice that opinion and let me know. So being able to share those moments with her was really important, not only for me but for the whole family, for them to hear that she was okay And I really saw people's perspective on the fact that Meme had passed after having that conversation with them, that Meme was okay with all of this. I really did help them, My cousin Brooke in particular. She said I didn't know that Meme had told you that she was ready and that she was gonna be okay. And so she said that that really helped her. It really brought her to peace And I know what it did to me. I know how reassuring it was for me, So that was really helpful.
Speaker 1:I think it does for everyone And I think for anybody listening. If you are losing a loved one or you've ever lost a loved one, i think all you can hope for is to hear them say that they're okay and that they were ready for it, and that I mean, in Meme's case, she was excited for it.
Speaker 2:She was looking forward to it.
Speaker 1:That changes the perspective for everybody.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I think that this is where the message echoes to everybody. that's not family and that's not friends, and it's just listening to this podcast, listening to this message, to know that that echoes to everyone. That knowing that someone is okay with it, Knowing that someone is eagerly awaiting moving on, That there's hope for all of us in that message. Right, And that's what I think is so powerful about this is your conversation and the fact that that gives everyone hope. It does not matter if they're related to you or friends with you And it gives us all hope to think that, hey, I don't want to go, but maybe when my time is about to come, my perspective changes and something happens to me mentally, physically, spiritually something happens to me that reassures me that I'm going to be okay. That makes the most fearful thing in life being death a little less fearful, And I think it's a really powerful message to convey. And that's one more lesson from your Meme. And to your point, I think she knew that conversation had to happen with you. I think she knew for a few reasons. Number one all the time that you've spent. She knew you were going to have the most difficult time out of everybody. I think she also knew that this would reassure you and that you would be able to hold on to the fact that she's okay. I also think that she chose you because you could be the messenger We were told last week, you're her legacy. She would want you to carry on that message and to go to everybody and reassure everybody, to beat her social butterfly, to say it's okay, She chose you for that message and she needed to have that message. And I feel like that's why I said last week, when you told me your conversation, I knew in my heart of hearts there is days left here. She was just waiting to have that conversation And if you really start to peel it back a little bit and think about it, remember the day or so was a day before that when she was in there, when you went to see her and all the morphine and she was in and out of consciousness and she did not want all the meds And she kept asking to take away the morphine.
Speaker 2:She said I don't like the feeling. I don't want to be on all these meds. She wanted to take all those meds away.
Speaker 1:And for me, if you really think about it and the power of that message and the meaning behind it and how much it's really impacted everybody's day today and the people listening even from last week, for me I like to think. Memme said I can't go yet And I need to have my memory and my mind clear enough to deliver this message to Allison, to reassure her and to carry on for everybody else. So I feel like as soon as that message was delivered, she went back on the medicine, she made it clear and she was executing the plan to get the heck out of here And I just feel like maybe she knew she could not deliver you that message and the condition that she was in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i think you're right, because she was pretty clear-headed when we talked on Friday. But I went in to see her on Wednesday and I made a joke with the doctor about her being comfortable Too comfortable, right. I said don't be too comfortable, because I'm not ready for that. Memme chuckled about it. She thought it was funny, but it's kind of funny because Father Neto talked about today being good Friday.
Speaker 1:Good Friday And Memme delivered that message to me on Friday Right And I mean the fact she was able to deliver that message to you on Friday and by the time I saw her on Saturday, she was not able to deliver those messages. So I really felt like she felt that her work here is done. This is all the strength I have left. I'm going to use it on this. So I mean, i'm forever thankful that you guys had that opportunity and that she was able to give you that message, because I do know that you needed to hear it the most. And you also have the ability to do something that most people don't have the ability to do, and that's to turn a microphone on and to share her message and that message, because that can empower and give courage and hope to everybody listening. So I feel like it's even that much more powerful the fact that you were able to receive it.
Speaker 2:I can only hope that by turning on the microphone and sharing my real, raw emotions that I am, i'm helping someone because that's my goal, and even if I touch just one person, that's what I'm out for.
Speaker 1:I think that death is a great opportunity for people to become paralyzed, And I don't mean the person that passed on, I mean the person that lives on right. I feel like death is an overwhelming opportunity for people to become paralyzed and not live their own lives, because so many people just they go in the other direction. When they lose someone that they care about, they start to blame God, they start to blame the world, they start to blame everybody And then at some point they're just not living their life anymore. And I think it's important to think about the person that has moved on. How would they feel? How put yourself in their shoes, if they're looking down on you and they see you not trying. They're not happy about that. They're not proud to see somebody not try to not live out for them. I mean, wouldn't you think the person that you cared about, that moved on, would be sitting there going what the fuck is wrong with you? If I had another day to live, if I had another opportunity, i wouldn't be crying myself to sleep right now. I would be living life. What are you doing? Get up, and I use that in my own mind when I've found myself in my lowest of lows, because everybody mourns differently and we're not saying that people can't mourn and they can't suffer and deal with these things. We all have to.
Speaker 2:But don't let it take your life.
Speaker 1:Don't let it paralyze you from living your dream, and I like to think for a minute that the person I care about is looking at me going dude, get up. This isn't what I want for you And it's not. It's not what anybody wants for you. So hopefully your message does empower people to you, maybe have a deeper understanding and maybe create a brighter hope and not be paralyzed by death. When it certainly creates that opportunity, it'd be very easy to just close the doors and not come out right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But instead here you are sharing your story.
Speaker 2:I think it's important. I think, like you said, everybody mourns differently And I think that for me and my undiagnosed ADHD, i feel guilty if I sit on the couch for too long and the house needs to be clean and that sort of thing. And so for me that sort of stuff is therapy, that sort of stuff is cleansing. You know, turning on the microphone is cleansing. For me, it's just a way for me to heal. Cleaning, going for a car ride, doing those things that maybe you would have shared with your loved ones, like just holding those memories alive. And now, unfortunately, you can't do them with that person, which you can do with that person in spirit, like today, And particularly, we left the graveside and everybody went to the clan bake, which is Meme's favorite seafood restaurant, and we had the opportunity to kind of share memories and enjoy each other's company And it just felt so warm, it felt so comfortable, it was nice to be able to catch up with family that you haven't been able to. But as soon as I was done there and everybody went their separate ways, it's like now, what? Now? what do I do? I'm driving back home to an empty house. No plan to pull into Seal Rock, because there's nothing there for me anymore. Do I go home? Do I go? come see you at Bentley's? I'm just driving And I have probably a 15 minute drive between the clan bake and the clan bake and where you're set up, and I'm just driving And I'm just driving And I'm listening to the radio And you start to hear songs on the radio a little bit differently and different messages, and a couple of songs I screenshoted just for just the name on my dash that was coming up was just spiritual messages from Meme that I was like you're gonna be okay, keep going, i don't wanna see you crash, i don't wanna see you stop your life from going on. We've shared, her and I, so many memories conversations that are like just encouraging me to live my life to the fullest, enjoy the relationship that I have with my husband, telling me that one day I'll be a good mom, just amazing conversations. And while I'm driving, driving home, i'm thinking about all of these things And I couldn't help but come to see you because you're my best friend and I find strength being around you, even though I had not one moment of intentions of wanting to drive to Bentley's to be around all those people. It wasn't about all that. It was just being there with my best friend To find the strength that I needed to figure out what I needed to do next, because I don't know. I don't know what's next, i don't know how to move on. But I'll put my feet on the floor and I'll take one step and put it in front of the other, because that's what she wants me to do. She doesn't want me to curl up in a ball and not live my life. I will mourn and I will be sad, but I'll be damned if I let her death keep me down, because that's not what she wants, and I know that spiritually, i know that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's an amazing philosophy to have and knowing because you're extremely convicted by Meme's message and lesson and you know her wishes. And that's not for you to hold yourself back in any way. You should perform. It should be an opportunity to propel and push yourself forward. I think that maybe last week or so I feel like maybe you shared this video with me or we stumbled on this video, or maybe I just heard it myself and didn't share it because I'm an idiot and I'm not really sure. But it was some relationship advice about a lady talking about that it's not 50% And I know you always talk about, and it was advice from your grandparents about it's 100%, That each relationship you both have to give 100%. And there was a message where I think we're both listening to it.
Speaker 2:We were watching it together. Yeah, I know exactly where you're going.
Speaker 1:And that lady said that sometimes I just I go to my husband and say I ain't got it today, i don't have 100% today.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Maybe I'm running at 80%, or today I just got 20. And I want to need you. I need you to pull some weight today, and sometimes that's it right, and I feel like a lot of that was for you today And you didn't. I mean if I'm speaking to the husbands out there or the significant others that aren't going through everything as firsthand as the other, right, like I mean, obviously you have a lot more history in connection with your MMA than I do There's a level of support that we have to give, right. There's a level of support we have to give, and every case is different And every opportunity is different, and sometimes maybe it's big in a lab, or sometimes maybe you have to make this raw speech to a significant other or to somebody else. Maybe you have to do something overwhelming. Sometimes maybe it's just a hand on the shoulder, sometimes maybe it's just a hug, sometimes it's a car ride to get an ice cream, like you know my love language. Sometimes you're not supposed to talk, sometimes you're supposed to do all the talking, but it's about understanding what that person needs to get back as close to 100% as possible. And that was a struggle for me, because I'm also somebody that's at the drop of the hat, willing to put myself out there and to talk. And I would have got up today and bared my soul in front of everybody, but I didn't feel like that's what you needed or wanted. A lot of that is just like we said, relationships aren't 50-50. They're 100-100. And some days you only have fucking 20%. But if you can be straight up, transparent and honest and let the other person know like hey, man, i ain't got it today, i need you today. Sometimes you don't need to say that Like, it's our duty and a relationship to understand that from time to time. You know, when you're looking at major situations like we're dealing with here, you know, but on a day-to-day basis, i think couples could avoid a lot of fights if they were just transparent about that. Like, if you were just honest about that like I think so many couples would avoid knockdown, dragout blowouts or just minor disagreements by just strictly being upfront and honest and saying I'm having a rough patch here, you know, and you need to have that trust level in your partner that they're not gonna downplay that, that they're not gonna just poo poo ball over that. Because I think we've all been in a situation where we've kind of bared our hearts to somebody and then they're just be like, wow, i mean go fuck yourself. I had a shitty day too, pal. You know what I mean. Then it becomes a dick measuring contest about whose day is shittier.
Speaker 2:Well, I think that during that same video they talked about, like, if they can't come up to, what was it like 50% between the both of them, or something?
Speaker 1:Something like that.
Speaker 2:Or 80% or something. They sit down and they're like all right, we're not gonna have a knockdown drag out Like. We're gonna figure out a plan Like if you have 20% and I have 20%, there's 60% there. That could go left field. Like how do we get to a mutual ground? Like we don't have to collaboratively. We have to get to 100%, even if that means that the both of us have to work side by side and we are both at 20%. If it's like we're both at 20% and we had this full schedule, all right, we're gonna take half of that schedule off and maybe we're just gonna stay in the house and we're just gonna clean the house. But that right, there is working, you're not. You still have that 20%, but you're working together to get that 100%, because those are the things that need to be done within your relationship.
Speaker 1:I think the most important thing is the first step right, and so many of us are guilty, like you're gonna have that bad day or you're gonna tell yourself you're not gonna do something, but just making the commitment to doing one thing, to just trying right. People talk about going to the gym. I think your brother gave us the advice sometimes that if you don't wanna go to the gym, just drive there. Just tell yourself you're gonna drive there. If you get there and then you turn around and don't go, at least tell yourself I wanna drive to the gym But odds are when you get there you're probably gonna make yourself get out of the car and you're gonna go in and do something And we were listening to Jelly Roll. We were watching the Jelly Roll documentary and he mentioned his mental health battle and he said that, yeah, man, fuck it. There's days I don't wanna get out of bed, but I forced myself to sit down and drink water. And if I can get up and get to the fucking table and I can drink water eventually a couple glasses of water. Maybe I can get up and get moving and do something else. And it just starts with one simple thing, and sometimes it's just that first step and taking that step and trying to figure it out And the next thing you know, you're a lot more productive than you thought. And I think that advice goes to your situation that it can feel insurmountable to get up tomorrow and expect to snap your fingers and to move on and to wake up tomorrow and feel like I'm gonna do all these great things. But if you get up tomorrow and you do one thing, before you know it that one thing could become many things and at the end of the day you feel better and you've moved closer to where you wanna be.
Speaker 2:That's true.
Speaker 1:Now, as we kinda started this podcast, we are really just kinda shooting off the cuff here, just kinda talking about things. As I said, a lot of this is conversations that you and me like. After the ceremony today, i had to run to work. Basically I ran to the saloon to open. You went and had some lunch with the family. We've had very minimal time together since the service. right, we've had a quick opportunity to kinda count some blessings and to talk about some things. But this is our real response. This is our real-time reaction to what happened today. This is us talking things out, so we're not really on a schedule here. So if anybody noticed us kinda bouncing around, it's just legitimately you're listening to the Liberty's conversation after a very trying event and trying to figure things out. So I say that to say that we're kind of all over the place and I wanna bring us to this morning. I wanna get into the actual service, if you don't mind because I think there's some amazing things that I really wanna have us discuss. So this morning the service started at nine o'clock, right. The visitations I guess from nine to 11. I know this morning when we were out taking care of the boy, i was kinda hustling around. I'm gonna say to the boy everybody that's listening for the first time this is our horse. We were taking care of the pig and the horse. I opened the door up and you were organizing grain, which is, i mean, something that you like to do. I feel like it's a ADHD anxiety thing for you. You're just like, i just love organizing grain buckets because I've gone through this phase in life where I thought maybe she just doesn't wanna shovel shit, so she can stall on the grain buckets to prevent herself from having to do it and to make me do it. But you just enjoy doing it and sometimes you'll do it when we have no time to do it. Oh my God, we have to leave in three minutes. Well, let me organize 75 buckets of grain. That's one of the things. So today I opened the door and you're organizing grain and I'm like what are you doing? I was kinda wondering why we were taking so long. and then, when we came to the house, you're like I could use a coffee, let's go get a coffee. And I was like I mean, actually two people had the same response right, you and your mom. I said do we have time for this? And then you texted my mom for a coffee and I believe that was her exact same response.
Speaker 2:And my response to the both of you is I'm making time for it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just weren't ready to be there, and that's fully understandable.
Speaker 2:So I wasn't ready to be there because I was preparing myself. For those of you that have been to a funeral and you have to stare at a dead body, okay, let's just be real, raw and honest. Okay, this body was going to be my grandmother and I wasn't prepared for it. I knew inside my heart deep down I could not physically sit in the same room as my grandmother's body from 9 am to 11. I knew I did not have it in me. Mentally, physically and emotionally. My body could not handle it. There was a true possibility that I would, number one, have a panic attack. Number two, ptsd kick in so hard that I needed to leave early. These two things ran through my head and I was genuinely concerned. So I knew that I needed to take a minute for myself, and self-help and knowing your own body is so important in times like this and in times in general, not just moments like this. If you know you're just not mentally prepared for a situation that you're going to walk into, if you're not mentally prepared, you will crumble. You will absolutely crumble, and I can tell you that I stepped two feet into the facility. I hadn't even walked in to see my grandmother to the room where my grandmother was yet and I was hysterical, i saw pictures. Yeah, i saw. When you got to the photos you were really starting to have kind of a mental breakdown.
Speaker 1:I was a real mess, hot mess express, It's understandable. And then you were doing this you were doing this, you were doing this, you were doing this, you were doing this, and then you were doing the best you could to gain your composure, so you knew that the best option for you was to not be there this entire time, which is totally fine. We're doing what's right for you And, as we said a few minutes ago, it's all about doing what's right to get through the situation right. Like you wanna go there and say goodbye and honor her. It's just about. I wanna make sure I can get through this and to do this professionally and as positive as I possibly can Correct. So during this time, one of the things that I didn't mention to you is one of my best friends, jeff Forans, texting me. Hey man, are you here? And I was like, oh, man and Jeff, if you listened to the episode last week, we talked about how your meh-meh and Pepe used to go see him at the breakfast restaurant. He's also does the music for the podcast And it's just kinda that small world full circle moment. So I didn't tell you Jeff was there because I wanted that to be a surprise for you that Jeff snuck over there to pay his respects And he was like man, i really have to get back to work. Are you guys on your way? And I was like, hey, man, we're literally leaving the driveway right now. And when we pulled into the parking lot and you got out of the car, jeff was the very first person you saw.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that to me is absolutely amazing. Jeff didn't have to take time out of his day to see someone that he used to wait on. My meh-meh and Pepe loved Jeff so much that they would wait for his section. Jeff had no idea that that was my grandmother, he had no idea, but he took time on his lunch break to come over and pay his respects And I am forever grateful for that. I mean, that little gesture means so much to me. I mean my aunts even came to me and said did you see the waiter out there? The waiter from all day breakfast.
Speaker 1:But she hasn't been a waiter in years.
Speaker 2:Right, right has not, but they knew who he was from all day breakfast, because we would go there and see him specifically, or if my meh-meh went with my aunt Charlene, or we would go afterwards. Even if Jeff couldn't be our waiter because there was number one too many of us or there was too long of a wait, jeff would always stop over at the table always And say hi to my Pepe, say hi to my meh-meh. To me it's like, that's like you said that small town just vibe that you can't get in a big city. That's just like he didn't know that that was my grandmother.
Speaker 1:I mean, when he was doing this, you and me had never even met at this point right. Nope. So extremely blown away and grateful for Jeff Him sending me that message. I mean, the fact he's checked in along the way has been really enough right. And then to see him there and all dressed up like we're also talking about this, is his lunch break And this is, you know, nine in the morning, or we're getting there around 10, or so right. And he's waiting and he's fully dressed And now he has to change and go back to work and just blown away by that right, By that gesture and that support and the fact that you know someone that's been my friend for a long time, just wanting to do that for you and for your family, So that was the first real powerful thing when it comes to people doing things that they don't have to. Like a lot of times, family feels that there's an obligation to be there, right, like we have to be there. We're family and we all mourn together, and that's what this is about. And it'd be strange for family to not show up right. But when friends don't have to and they go out of their way to either show up or to send something or to connect with you, to message you, that just really proves to you how powerful friendship is. And this is when you really begin to start counting your blessings. And as we're talking about you having the opportunity to have that conversation with Memmi and counting that blessing and those lessons, then we're gonna count Jeff being that amazing blessing at being there.
Speaker 2:The first one to greet us. When we got there, like that was just absolutely like blew me away.
Speaker 1:Then we walk in, you're looking at the photos, kind of having, you know, a real difficult time processing things, and then you heard some real surprising news at that moment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I heard some really upsetting news, Some news that really caught me back, caught me by surprise, kind of made me a little angry at that moment. I went to go sign the guest book and I looked up expecting to see her there in her casket, looking beautiful, rested, and she wasn't there. She was in a nern. It's not what she wanted. She's very religious. Her religion, her faith is so big, so big. I know deep down inside, if she wanted to be cremated, I feel like we would have had that conversation.
Speaker 1:We've kind of already talked about this a little bit. When we talked last week about her faith and just how convicted she is and how strong her beliefs are, she would want that big Catholic funeral. I think that I'd never in a thousand years would imagine her not being in a casket, not being in a church.
Speaker 2:Me neither, and that's why I prepared myself. I would have never to not be there from 9 to 11 if I would have had that, as you know, and you would have been there before 9 o'clock, right 9 o'clock.
Speaker 1:So, first off, not even being communicated to you. Number one is, really changes the whole day for you because, number one, your anxiety is up Like hey, if this is what their decision was. Number one, your anxiety is up. You're preparing to see her, you're working yourself up to see her. She's not there, or she is, but you can't see her. And also the day before you went shopping for flowers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you got roses. Red roses are very important to her. I got her a red rose in a glass and she loved that red rose. And I found a rosary bracelet, a replica of what she wore every day, and I took the red roses, four red roses, and I wrapped it around her around the flowers, excuse me, And I was going to put that in her casket with her, What I have known, I wouldn't have gotten the flowers. I mean, I probably would have.
Speaker 1:Right. So you're having this image in your mind of putting this in her hand, leaving this with her, that she's going with you know this is going with her, and then we were going to put caskets on the grave, like the whole thing, right. And you're preparing yourself for this. You're working yourself up. When we purchased the flowers, you had like a bit of an anxiety attack over purchasing the flowers, because the emotions were real, that sense of a final was there and it really worked you up. So here you are preparing yourself for this and you're doing these things to honor MMA and you're not even aware that it's not even an option. And you know we're not here to. I'm not here to call out the family for not you know?
Speaker 2:No, I mean they did.
Speaker 1:This is their decision, this is their things, But we would say, and the best of our assessment here, this is not what she wanted. And had you been asked, it would have been clear to say this is not what she wanted.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, i mean going back to having the breakdown, anxiety attack, what have you over the flowers. It was more or less just the thought that I was going to buy her flowers one last time and then I didn't have the ability to give her these flowers But I was going to lay her to rest with these flowers And that, to me, hurt, because red roses are very important. They're a significance of love. My Pepe used to buy my MMA red flowers, red roses. They are very important to her, and I gave her that red rose in a glass. She lit up. She was beyond excited about that red rose. She wanted that thing on display. She wanted everyone to see it, look at it, be a part of it, know who gave it to her. I now have that red rose. It's the one of the only things that I have asked for and actually received at this moment. I asked her a few other things, but we're just waiting. But I did take that home with me. As long as it lasts in that glass, I'll be able to share that with her. But it may seem silly that I had a mental breakdown over red roses, but when you hear the significance of the red rose and what it meant and me preparing to lay these roses. My anxiety is putting me into the spot. Like, all right, you're going to take these four red roses, you're going to place them in her casket, you're going to place them in her hand, you're going to take the rosary and you're going to put that also in her hand. My mind is running me through the step by steps, and it's at that moment when your body just stops you dead in your tracks and you realize these are the last red roses that I'm going to give to her.
Speaker 1:You go through all those emotions and then you get there and she's cremated.
Speaker 2:Correct.
Speaker 1:So during this time, it's about trying to process that, to not lose your composure over it, to be respectful and to say, well, I'm stoking up on her MMA. And we walked in and took a knee right at her urn and you placed those flowers and that rosary there. And then right right to my right, the left of the urn, was an amazing bouquet of flowers.
Speaker 2:Absolutely gorgeous.
Speaker 1:Beautiful flowers with lilies and carnations, and I don't even know all the flowers that are in there. This red and white, beautiful, beautiful bouquet is set up right next to MMA. It's really a focal point of the service. It's quite a big feature for the service And while we were there praying, i happened to look over and I saw the card that was on the flowers and I pulled the card and read it and handed it to you And I am holding through my tears.
Speaker 2:I could kind of make out what it said and I saw just the importance to understand who it was from. at the very bottom and you'll hear.
Speaker 1:I'm holding that card right now and it says we are so sorry to hear about the passage of your MMA, the New York crew. Brothers and sisters by choice.
Speaker 2:That was all I needed to know. Through my tears, i could read that and just feel the support that the New York crew was there with me and you during this time. They have been there for us for everything, good, bad and otherwise, and we can't thank them enough from the bottom of our heart how much this bouquet of flowers means to us and the fact that it was sitting right there for us, right there next to her ear.
Speaker 1:There's no exaggeration that it was a focal feature of everything.
Speaker 2:Because there was no other flowers on the table.
Speaker 1:Just in that moment, you're there, you kneel down, you're praying, you're dealing with the frustration, the realization that she's not there for us to say goodbye to the things that you've wanted to do isn't going to happen. She's cremated. You're dealing with that frustration, but you're also trying to process the final goodbye and the whole thing right. And in that moment of feeling vulnerable, feeling weak see this card Brothers and sisters by choice Kevin, Amy, Lance, Jen, Kip, Shelley, Mikey, Kim, Frank, Don First off, you're a bunch of fucking assholes. We love you guys and we can't thank you enough. In that line, brothers and sisters by choice broke me, But it made me feel so blessed because it is also true, and then, as a theme that's going to continue, that I'm going to make sure we get back to by the end of this message, because it is I go gladly, gladly choose our friends and our support over the family that has chosen to leave me behind.
Speaker 2:Absolutely 100%.
Speaker 1:That message brothers and sisters by choice. It hits me in an extremely personal level knowing I have brothers and sisters that chose not to be my family. Knowing I have brothers and sisters that chose to not accept my parents as their family anymore. Knowing that I have these blood brothers and sisters out there that have written me off, have chosen to not consider me family. And knowing, when reading this card, I, in a never, never, in a million years, whatever, choose my blood brothers and sisters over the family that I have now. The brothers and sisters that I have by choice between this whole crew from New York, from Jeff standing by the door to when we got up off of our knees and tried to gather ourselves and we were shaking people's hands and giving hugs.
Speaker 2:I looked over to the corner only to see another absolutely amazing friend, scott, pettengale, in the back corner just sitting there, and I did a scan of the room and the first person that I caught eyes with was Scott, right after saying my final goodbyes to my grandma.
Speaker 1:I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 2:I looked at you and I said there's Scott. We both looked at each other and complete all didn't even understand what was happening at that moment in time, didn't even Scott has never met my grandmother ever. New York has never met my grandmother ever, and the fact that each and every one of them took the time out of their day to come and share their love and support with us means so much. I don't even have the words to explain how much it truly means.
Speaker 1:Scott, lindsay and Pete live in Freedom, new Hampshire. That's a heck of a ways away from us To drive down here for this service. They sent you a card in the mail the other night that we got on our way home.
Speaker 2:that was more than enough right, i've been looking at it this whole time.
Speaker 1:That was more than enough.
Speaker 2:Absolutely For sure.
Speaker 1:I never expected to turn around and to see Scott in the back of the room.
Speaker 2:Me neither.
Speaker 1:And then I felt like an ass to find out that he got there at nine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do feel like a dirtbag.
Speaker 1:Scott, we owe you buddy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I got your first couple of beers.
Speaker 1:Can you put in perspective brother Scott walking in not knowing anybody and then double checking his phone and looking at the slideshow being like Oh my God, I hope we're a photo of Keith or Ally shows up on this motherfucker.
Speaker 2:I'm not the right lady.
Speaker 1:Good Lord, people were going up asking him who he was Introducing themselves.
Speaker 2:Yeah, And he just kept saying I'm on friends of Keith's.
Speaker 1:Man, brothers and sisters by choice, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I would trade my fake ass family that I have a million times over for the love and support of the real ones that choose to be in your life. You think about the family that are obligated to be at certain situations and you think about the friends that don't need to be and they do it anyway. They send something to show their support, they show up to show their support. They do something to show their support. It's unbelievable, man, and you really start to like kind of roll back the curtain a little bit and think about it. Me and Jeff went to school together, right, and you start thinking about these friendships. Me and Jeff went to school together. We actually weren't even friends in high school. Our friendship actually started after high school, which is kind of strange how that worked. But you kind of start just thinking about it and you think about the connection that they had, that Jeff had with your Mme. If we think about the New York crew that started that Bentley saloon giving away a motorcycle because I was on stage, rifle and beers and squaring like a fucking pirate, right. And Lance said I like that fucking guy And at the time he was like, look at him, he's drinking Budweiser, just like me. Little did he know I was getting paid to drink Budweiser, because as soon as I was off stage I was really confused.
Speaker 2:He doesn't even drink Budweiser anymore, not anymore.
Speaker 1:He gave it up.
Speaker 2:Too heavy.
Speaker 1:But then our connection that we made with Lance and Jen blossomed into this amazing acceptance into their extended family in New York, right, every one of Lance and Jen's friends that we originally meet through Lance and Jen, they become family to us too, right? And this just starts to really spiderweb out And you think about Scott and Lindsay and Pete. that started when I was working at Harley Davidson and we sold them a motorcycle and, above and beyond the sale of the motorcycle, i've had this conversation with Scott and started when I walked out of my office and I gave them three tickets to ice racing, for Pete to get to Pete for Christmas. And I had these tickets and I knew it was going to be perfect for him. I had a connection with those guys as soon as I met them and I gave him these tickets. I was like, hey, you guys are here at Christmas shopping for Pete. Well, we got something for you too, and we gave him tickets to the race. And that's kind of where these things all really started. And to think that if you don't put yourself out there, if you don't really open yourself up to meeting people, then you close yourself off to all these amazing opportunities. Maybe you were dealt a shitty fucking family. Maybe you have some dirtbags in your family. I do America. And guess, what Me? too. If all we did was dwell on the relationships we don't have, if all we did was beat ourselves up about the relationships that we lost, we wouldn't open ourselves up to the relationships we can have, and I think that this is really a sign to everybody listening to be open, to share stories, to have conversations, to be willing to turn a microphone on and to share your deepest fears. To have a microphone on and share your story on the day that you had to lay your mermaid arrest because you don't know who you're going to impact and what relationship is going to come from you being open And the fact that everybody that we spent time with today, they were willing to open up to us and we were willing to open up to them, and here we are rewarded by brothers and sisters by choice. So extremely amazing. Before I lose this connection, i want to mention another thing that really shows this thing spider webbing out even some more, and that's the fact that when we start talking about the petting gills and we start talking about Scott and Lindsay and Pete I've said it on here before, but I've actually had multiple conversations with Scott's parents And we often talk about all different things podcasts and business and things like that. But I went back to the saloon today and I got a message from Pam and I saw this picture of a bluebird pop up on my phone And, as you mentioned that Mimei said she was going to come back as a bluebird.
Speaker 2:And a little bluebird was on a orange chest.
Speaker 1:And the petting gills own Walson Woodcraft and they make those spinners and whirly gigs. and she sent me a picture of the bluebird and said you tell Ali whenever she's ready. this would be on her lawn. It's ready for her lawn. I don't know how we've gotten so fortunate, I don't know. I'm standing in my kitchen ball and my eyes out, not understanding how fortunate we are to have these people in our life that care so much about us. On a day where we could be feeling sorry for ourselves, being miserable because we had to say goodbye to Mimei, I'm feeling beyond fortunate because the people that surround us that care about us so fucking much People don't just do that. That's how I feel about life. They don't just do that.
Speaker 2:No, people are dirt bags most of the time.
Speaker 1:If you don't get off your ass, if you don't share your heart and your story with people you don't know. There's more people out there with common goals, common beliefs, common values than you could possibly imagine. America is a hell of a lot stronger than we think it is. If you watch the news, you're going to stay in your fucking house, You're not going to talk to anybody, You're not going to trust anybody and this country sucks. But if you go outside and you meet and greet and enjoy yourselves and open up yourselves, you're going to realize America is fucking great And the people that are here you got a lot more in common with than you fucking think you do. If I tried to regain my composure and put us back on track here. When we are at the service, take our seats, and you were so excited when you saw Father Neto walk in to actually do the service.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i felt like a really good connection with him when we were there to pay our final respects on Monday And Father Neto came in to pray over me and pay her her final wishes. So for the simple fact that they got him to come to the service today and do a mass was absolutely amazing to me. So I was super, super grateful for that, because in our last podcast we talked about that mass faith and how important it is. I found a real true connection with Father Neto that I would and we talked about kind of following our faith and figuring out what that's all about. So after seeing Father Neto for the second time, i really decided that I want to find where he's at and you just found a real good connection. So when I saw him today, i was He's very powerful when he speaks passionate.
Speaker 1:I like that he just says what's on his heart, right? And he just kind of leaves the room and goes with it, and he made reference today to the opportunity to be in the room with Mehme and to pray and to be there with all of us. I thought that was great because it was just one more thing that connected all of us, you know, because he referenced that today in his mass, and I thought that was special for you and for Zach and Danny and my mom and myself, because we were actually there for that moment.
Speaker 2:He also talked about the next week. He's going to bring Mehme's name up in his mass and pray.
Speaker 1:They're praying for Mehme and bringing her name up all the way through Sunday.
Speaker 2:Every mass that he does, which is so beautiful.
Speaker 1:I think he said from Boric to Portland like all the churches are connected in doing that, So it was kind of just so fitting and full circle is. even during his service today he actually referenced the flowers from New York.
Speaker 2:He did too. He talked about the lily.
Speaker 1:He talked about that Easter lily and how beautiful it is, and when he was talking about heaven and trying to actually he was telling a story about a kid in the second grade asking him what heaven is like And he's conviction in the fact that heaven is real because of the things that we feel and saying that we can see how beautiful this lily is, And by the fact that we can recognize how beautiful this lily is. we need something to compare that to so we can then know that heaven is beautiful. And that this flower is just one very small percent of that, and he also mentioned that if you ever feel like you wrong somebody or you make a mistake in a relationship and you ask for forgiveness, that there's this overwhelming feeling that you get when someone truly forgives you, and that that's just one small percentage of what heaven is like when we are forgiven. So the fact that he was bringing those flowers up again to me was just like another special sign in that moment.
Speaker 2:And the other thing that he said was have you ever been so happy that you wanted to do a backflip in wall standing or something?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That small little feeling is what heaven is like.
Speaker 1:That's pretty awesome, he's just funny. So um He's a genuine dude. After the service we went to the, to the graveside right And to continue on the Father Neto thing. when he was done even graveside, when we were thanking him you and my mom and myself for thanking him for a great service and talking with him, and he brought up those flowers again.
Speaker 2:And because they brought them from the Hope Memorial and they didn't bring any other flowers, just those ones um right with us to the graveside and they put them right in front of their stone.
Speaker 1:So there was the flowers there with me and Pepe and, uh, and he talked about them and he said that, um, the lily they call it the Easter lily because it looks like a trumpet and that, um, you think about the to do on the trumpet right And basically the celebration for the Easter resurrection. So he was giving us the the lesson about the Easter lilies and the point setters, and point setters as being the Christmas star. So another just fun little education from from Father Neto, but it was just just so fitting and perfect right. It was the exact right flowers and it was just a full circle moment in connection to, to New York and to all of our friends. So every time something like that came up I was just felt like we were more reminded by how fortunate we are right And that things are just there's signs there and there's things there for a reason. That's really how I felt the whole time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely No. they did an amazing job picking out the flowers for today's service.
Speaker 1:So we were getting ready to leave and we're walking off, us and your brother and Danny and Aunt Lisa, right. Good to see you on Lisa again today and spend some time. I actually got to meet Leo. I got to meet. yeah, I met Leo, I met Lisa's dad.
Speaker 2:Leo, he's such a, he's such a who. So Leo is actually um my Pepe's best friend. They were neighbors and, goodness, they were drinking partners. They would.
Speaker 1:I love it already.
Speaker 2:They would put the beers down, they would sit outside on their lawn mowers not mowing. Each one of them would mow, and then they would come together. The hot days mowing, yeah, but they each had a beer, cold beer, in their hand, and then Pepe always had a one of those old chest ice boxes.
Speaker 1:Oh, the old school coolest.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, no the ice box.
Speaker 1:Oh nice.
Speaker 2:It was old school, i literally said ice box on it right in the in the garage, in the garage. Nice and cold. So it was brought to my attention that old Leo goes a couple times, a couple times a week, i think. At least He said yeah and he will go down and he will water the flowers, or some miracles, and he planted some flowers there. He planted some miracles down at Pepe's grave and he will water them. He's got his own little watering can and make sure that the grave looks looks very nice.
Speaker 1:Cleans everything up. yeah, Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so today I said to him thank you so much for everything that you do. And now it's job security, because you have to take care of my maize too. And he says, yeah, i guess I'm going to have to Pretty awesome, Such a great deal It was obviously I just met him for the first time, you know.
Speaker 1:But that's, that's a beyond special connection, right When we talk about the message on the card of brothers and sisters by choice. Like Leo and your Pepe, i don't think there's a bigger definition of of brothers there a brotherhood right. Yeah, A friendship I mean For sure. Could we all hope in life to have a friend that loyal?
Speaker 2:Seriously, for real, though, like you. no, that's unbelievable. It doesn't even make any sense. It's absolutely beautiful, it feels like it doesn't happen.
Speaker 1:Number one, it doesn't happen every day And it feels like this day and age is just so uncommon to have that amount of loyalty to a friend. It's. I just want to shake his hand because of that you know, because, like it's true, It's just special.
Speaker 2:It's. It's extremely special for somebody to just take that approach.
Speaker 1:I mean, I don't know, I can't think of anybody that does it. You know what I mean. It's, it's just, it's just special, like people don't go to their parents. You know plot and do those things. That often you know what I mean. It's just, it's a true definition of friendship and brotherhood there, and you know it's loyal. That was just extremely special and obviously was great spending some time time with Lisa again, Loyal listener of the podcast.
Speaker 2:Loyal listener, extremely dedicated, loyal Lisa.
Speaker 1:Loyal Lisa, Super dedicated to to, to supporting Loud Proud American, to supporting us, to supporting the podcast. and super dedicated to troubleshooting car issues and failures in saving the day.
Speaker 2:Leave it to Aunt Lisa to be there to save the day.
Speaker 1:So let's just say we are about to leave, everyone around us is left, the we've been, we shoot out shoot to our vehicles.
Speaker 2:Yeah. The people who are going to be from home are kicking us out. They want to go on with their thing, which first of all she said you can linger and hang out here as long as they kicked you out. And then she was like okay, you got to go. Sorry, None of that makes sense.
Speaker 1:After we get over the car trouble. I do want to have you mentioned the one full circle of moment with the funeral home. They wrote it after we left, but so I'm gonna throw that on your radar so we don't forget, because I know we're wanting things down here but everybody's leaving. Lisa's behind us. I jump in the car, fire it up and I can't get the fucking thing out of park.
Speaker 2:I can't move.
Speaker 1:She's stuck. Lisa's behind me trying to navigate around us. After like the five minutes of me not knowing what the fuck I'm doing, i'm out of the car. I'm in the car. I'm out of the car. Nothing, we are not moving.
Speaker 2:My man is laughing. Oh my God.
Speaker 1:We are stuck at the cemetery.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right in front of her Like right in front. We're watching them bury her.
Speaker 1:We're watching the actual thing that they told us we couldn't see.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're watching it And then I guarantee laughing her head off like haha.
Speaker 1:I'm Lisa pulls up next to us, put the window down and we're like we can't get this fucking thing out of park. And then she's like this has happened before. Yeah, She gets her phone out, starts troubleshooting, Pulls up YouTube and Google Love her. Dude, we are troubleshooting everything. I'm outside pushing the car Rock the car.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, There's a jam And jam the parking brake Dude we're beating the crap out of it.
Speaker 1:Jiggle it, wiggle it and smash it, whatever Like that.
Speaker 2:Bop it, Twist it.
Speaker 1:Bop it, smack it throw it in the trash. There was a little button thing. I don't even know what the fuck this thing is. We popped the cap off and took a pair of Ray bands that we got from Toby Reynolds. I think those are Toby's Ray bands, aren't?
Speaker 2:they. No, those are mine from Nashville.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Those are my cheap ones. They're thin enough.
Speaker 1:What is this piece here that goes here Earpiece Sure, it was thin enough for me to jam it in there because the keys wouldn't fit, because apparently this has happened before, because somebody fucking jammed the shit out of the spot where the key goes. But anyway, i didn't even do this with the thing.
Speaker 2:I didn't know this was a thing either. So, apparently y'all. if you have an automatic and you cannot move your shifter from park to drive, there's a little dude at. it's called a shift release. Yeah, Pull that little button out and then shh, It's just a little button in there. There's some plastic in there that once you press it yeah, hit the button, make sure your foot's on the brake and send it. So now, every time I start and stop my car.
Speaker 1:You need your sunglasses.
Speaker 2:I have to well not stop it. You put it in park. Not start and stop, Thank God.
Speaker 1:You gotta keep your sunglasses handy. You're not cautious, So you know we broke down in the cemetery but thankfully Lisa was there to help troubleshoot and we got out of there and you know I went on about my day here and but you had actually gone up to the lady from the funeral home.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, Before we had left I had asked the lady if the casket had On the urn. Urn, not a casket. We're still. It's a soft spot.
Speaker 1:I just said It's a soft spot.
Speaker 2:I had asked if the urn had been locked, sealed shut yet, and she said no. And I asked if it would be okay for me or if she could put the rosary bracelet in with her, because I currently, on my wrist right now, have the rosary bracelet that Mehme wore every day religiously and that was given to me and I'm super thankful for that.
Speaker 1:Your aunt gave you that, which was really nice to have.
Speaker 2:So, with that being said, i wanted to make sure that she took one with her. And the universe just has a funny way of working, and I happened to find myself at a yard sale.
Speaker 1:Actually it wasn't at the Catholic schools, guys.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, it's like a Catholic schools yard sale, goodwill situation. So it's like all these donated goods and there was like this table of jewelry and there on a hook was literally a pearl rosary bracelet which is similar to what I'm wearing on my wrist, and I was like you've got to be kidding me. This bracelet was 75 cents and I was like I don't care if it was $75. I needed it. It was meant to be. I was scrolling through Facebook and I found this flyer for this flea market situation and I was like I sent it to your mom and I said we got to go here. We got to go here and this is why. This is why I had to go there.
Speaker 1:So in a roundabout way. I know that it's not exactly how you planned it, but in the end Mimei still got the beads. She did Just like you planned it, and she still got her flowers placed with her as well. So you made sure to make that happen. So I was really proud of you for going over and asking and then, you know, thankful they were actually able to fulfill the wish for you. So that was great. So I went to the saloon. I know you came over and checked in on me.
Speaker 2:after that Brought you some lunch.
Speaker 1:Yeah, And then what did you do after that, dear?
Speaker 2:I went for a drive.
Speaker 1:I knew you went for a drive because when I came into the house there's a new, fantastically smelling addition.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i went for a ride. I drove home and, if you don't know, i live about five minutes down the street from Bentley Saloon where you were set up and I got up over the hill and I said you know what? I'm not ready to go home yet It's quiet there. I'm not ready. So I drove right past the house, right past the gas station and I needed gas and I found myself right back at the cemetery. Why, i have no idea. I've said it a hundred times over I don't go to cemeteries. It's not my thing. Something drew me back to the cemetery where I could have a couple of minutes, just meh-meh, and I And I sat in my car for just a couple of minutes, just trying to make sense of life, make sense of what's next. And I walked out and there was the flowers from New York and I couldn't help but fight back the tears to be so thankful that those flowers were still sitting there. My roses were four roses that I had given her, were on her plot Actually they were on Pepe's plot and so I grabbed my flowers from New York and I sat in my car and I had come across this beautiful song while I was at Meme's, just before she was sick, and the song is called Goodness of God by Cece. If you haven't heard it yet, it is absolutely phenomenal and it is absolutely beautiful, and every minute of that song makes me ball my eyes out, because it just resembles my Meme in so many ways that I sat there and I had a good cry because no one was around except for some man that was carving in a stone. Thank you for your job. You probably thought I was a lunatic.
Speaker 1:I'm sure he sees it all too.
Speaker 2:But there I sat just sharing with her that song that I had heard in her room just a couple of weeks ago, absolutely beautiful and we've talked about it. I don't go to cemetery.
Speaker 1:It's not my thing.
Speaker 2:Me and my mom tend to do that, and that's not something that you really I have such a spiritual connection with my loved ones on the other side in a different way, that I see their messages, i see their signs and stuff that I physically just can't bring myself to go to the cemetery because I don't need to. I see them all around me, which, while I was driving to the cemetery I did see Meme's bird and she was like yeah, come with me, right, let's go. Come on, we're going back.
Speaker 1:We now have an addition to the house that smells nice, because our dogs smell like toots, so I still have some flowers here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe we should keep flowers around more often.
Speaker 1:As the dog burps, did you hear that He probably ate two?
Speaker 2:He probably ate two. It's about to pour tonight.
Speaker 1:It's going to rain torrential downpours tonight and tomorrow, those would be destroyed, take them Correct So.
Speaker 2:We are about to get a nor'easter in rain, that's right, yeah, and New York put some real thought and effort into these flowers, and I would be heartbroken to know that tomorrow, after the rain, they had to be tossed out.
Speaker 1:But to everybody that chose to make an impact on us, for everybody that chose to make a difference, everybody that chose to send something, that chose to show up, that chose to send a message, we can't thank you enough.
Speaker 2:No, we seriously cannot.
Speaker 1:Obviously, saying goodbye to somebody is one of the most difficult things you can do in life and it's just that much easier when you realize the support you have And I said it to start the show. but sometimes the struggle reveals the strength. You know, the suffering often reveals blessings, and we are counting all of our blessings today, and they include each and every one of you. So thank you for supporting. Good morning, good morning, good morning.
Speaker 2:Good morning. You're building that badge.
Speaker 1:That's it and that's all BiggieSmiles. If you found value in today's show, please return the favor and leave a positive review. Share it with someone that is important to you. Hit, subscribe and help us grow our tribe. Are you interested in sponsoring the show? Maybe you're looking to be a guest on the show? Find all that you need to know about the show at sharethestrucklepodcastcom. Subscribe to Grow Our Tribe on Apple Podcasts, spotify, google Podcasts, amazon Music, iheart Radio and all other major platforms. And don't forget to like and share our official Facebook page at Share the Struggle Podcast. If you're a loud, proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, you can find me on YouTube, on Facebook or the face page, as my mama calls it Just search Loud Proud American. If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker, the Instagram or the Tickety Tuck with the kids to be a tickety talking the Tick Tuck, you can search Loud Underscore, proud, underscore American. If you want to join the 2% of Americans that support American manufacturing, head on over to wwwloudproudamericanshop and get your hands on some of that made in USA. Apparel and join the mission, mission 2%. Together we can bring back American manufacturing. A big old thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song to Share the Struggle Podcast. You can find the Gut Truckers on Facebook. Just search Gut Truckers and show your support to those Mother Truckers. I truly thank you for supporting my American dream. Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.
