Reflections and Goals for a Healing Holiday Season 181

On today's episode of Share the Struggle podcast. I reflect on the first Christmas without my dad and, as the new year approaches, I take time to look back on the year we just had. Let me tell you something Everybody struggles. The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it.

The choice is completely yours. Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life. If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you. You have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations. Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you. When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense. Most disagreements, they stem from our own insecurities. You are right where you need to be.

I'm so excited to be back with you, episode 181. And personally, I hope the fun has just begun, because I'm not ready. I am not ready to give up on this little dream we have called Share, the Struggle podcast. I know there's good things coming from this podcast and we're going to discuss some of those good things today, y'all. But I truly want to start today by saying I hope y'all had a very merry Christmas and I hope y'all had a very pleasant, fulfilling, blessed holiday, because that's what each and every one of you deserves. I really, truly hope that that is the case for all of you. And, as we are fastly approaching New Year, I just kind of want to take a little time to pause in between holidays and discuss what has just been and what is about to begin, I guess. So we're coming at you today with really no plan, no task at hand, just a desire to make sure y'all truly know how much I appreciate you, and that is going to be the theme of today's show. All y'all listening that are my day ones, all y'all listening that have been here since day one listening to the podcast. Put your ones up, put your finger up, thank you. I appreciate you, all of you. Maybe today is day one for you. I want to say thank you and welcome you, remind each and every one of you. You can find all things podcast related at wwwsharetheshrugopodcastcom. You can also still find discounted podcast merch on the Loud Proud American website, wwwloudproudamericanshop. So if you want to represent some podcast gear, get on over there and do that Y'all. I'd appreciate you. Don't forget to hit subscribe, grow the tribe, leave a positive review and say how do you do? I'm going to be saying I'd appreciate that from you. So, as I was saying, christmas y'all, the first Christmas without my dad, and I've heard from so many of you number one, thank you. I've heard from so many of you saying you know, leading into it, whether it was Christmas Eve, it was Christmas the day after all, just kind of reaching out and checking in and I really truly appreciate you. And so many wanted to know really how things went. And you know, and how everybody's feeling and seeing how the podcast has shared the struggle podcast. I'm going to continue that transparent conversation in hopes that my process, in grief, in hopes that my willingness to share the struggle of moving on without my dad can someday some way help somebody else, because that's really why I do it. So if you're listening and you've already been in my shoes, then you know take comfort and numbers and you know, and if you are somebody that's that's struggling to carry on and hopefully something comes from these shows that helps you to pick up those pieces, if you're somebody that's going through these things just like I am, then then the strength and safety in numbers and I hope there's something here for you. If you can't relate to this someday unfortunately you will so, whether it is a time in the future where you are faced with a difficult loss and trying time in your life, you can maybe go back to these past few months and find some strength, find some solace in what we've done here. Maybe you know somebody that's going through this or in the future you, you know, encounter a family friend that's dealing with these things. Reach out, man, reach out, have them, maybe give a listen to the show, because I really truly hope and pray that by being so transparent, by being so vulnerable, by coming on here and sharing those secrets, those thoughts, the innermost fears that there's something there, that there's strength there, that there's a lesson there, because I'm not doing this for my satisfaction. I know that there's a bit of therapy that comes from sharing my story. I'll be honest, there's definitely some therapy and there's some things that have come from this that I didn't expect. And that starts with the support and the love and the connection that I've gotten from all of you by coming on here and sharing these stories and these fears. It's definitely made me more connected to so many of you, but I truly want the lesson to be for somebody else that I really hope in being vulnerable, in being transparent, in showing weakness as a sign of strength, that someday, some way, we can provide strength for somebody else. That's truly what I hope and pray for as the new year approaches to connect the dots here and I don't want to sound like I'm rambling on, but to connect those things every year. If you guys have been listening to the show, you know that there comes a time during the year. I encourage everybody to re-envision those goals, to look at the goals that you started the year with, to ask yourself what can you attack? What can you get off the list? What can you do today to make you feel better on December 31st, like when that ball's about to drop? What can you look back on and say I accomplished that I feel good about and that gives you the strength to move forward, that gives you the satisfaction that you didn't waste a year. We all have these goals right. We've had all these episodes about goals and you have that episode in the middle of the year where I say, hey guys, I just want to throw my hands up for a second and say you still have time. You still have time to make a difference. There's not a lot of time left to make a difference on your year. There's really not. If this episode, if you're listening on a winning Wednesday and this thing drops, you've only got a few days, but in a few days you can accomplish something great. You can do something for yourself, you can challenge yourself. You can set something in motion to propel yourself into 2024. So, if you're listening right now and you feel like you maybe are falling short on what your goals were, if you're falling short on what your hopes and dreams are for 2023, then I challenge you to do something difficult over the next few days. I don't know if that's starting a diet. I don't know if it's signing up for a gym. I know those things can be cliche, right, because it's. New Year's is coming, but get ahead of it. I know last year, when we started our weight loss journey, allie started the gym membership before New Year's. She wanted to say I'm not one of the ones that falls in line with everybody else's New Year's resolution and I want to get started a little bit early. So maybe get started early. Maybe there's a difficult conversation with a family member, a friend or a loved one that you've been putting off, that you just don't want to have. Now is the time, y'all, now is the time to actually try that, to put yourself out there to accomplish that. Now is the time you can take this big weight off your shoulders. You can lessen the burden now by attempting that challenge. There's something on your list that doesn't take a month to accomplish. There's something on your list that's just been too difficult to start. I beg of you to take that start. I beg of you to try now, because I will promise you on December 31st, knowing you've already put the ball in motion, that you've taken positive steps in a positive direction. That's a positive start to 2024. And that's what we need to do to kick in the door. So to end 2023, you got a challenge for me to look at that list to find something difficult, to find something challenging, something that maybe you haven't wanted to do, and I challenge you to do it, to get started. If it's a big task that you just need to get moving, you just need to get started on. Then get started. If it's something that might not take all that long to accomplish, but you just haven't wanted to do it, then what are you doing right now or tonight that is comfortable but isn't necessary, right? We talked last week about finding things that made us feel comfort, finding things that embraced us and had us feeling comfortable. Well, this week, I'm telling you to get back to shaking off the comfort. I'm telling you to get back to trying new things. I'm telling you to get back to challenging yourself to do some things. So what's on that damn list is? I guarantee, if you take the next few days to try it, to apply it, then you're gonna start 2024 looking for more. So please, I beg of you, I challenge you In 2023, by accomplishing a challenge for me, get something off that list. And as I try to connect these things, I gotta say that every year, when I structure my goals, when I start to plan out the things that I want to do and I want to accomplish. One of the very top things on my list every year is to make a difference. It is it's to make a difference. It's to make a difference in people's lives, and I'm not sitting on a soapbox here, I'm not on a pedestal just showering praise, but what I'm saying is, as we're recording episode 181 of the podcast knowing we dropped this being our 52nd episode of 2023, I know that I completed something for me, because I know that I've made a difference in being transparent. I know that I've made a difference in being vulnerable. I know that I've made a difference in sharing my message, because I've heard from so many of you and, as trying as it is to continue to record this show, as difficult as it is to carve out the time and to come up with topics and to think about things, or to be vulnerable enough to cry on a microphone as many times as I've struggled with doing so, I feel so damn accomplished that we booked another 52 episodes. We're wrapping up episode 181 and it's made a difference. It's made a difference because I've heard from so many of you and that's one of the biggest goals I start the year off with, and one of the goals that I don't put on the list is having a difference made in myself by others. Right, I don't try to look to others for self-improvement, and I don't mean it in the sense of like I'm not just going out there seeking motivation for self-improvement, because I am. I seek that all the time and I hope that if you're listening to this podcast, then you seek motivation and I truly hope that I deliver some motivation. But I'm not one that looks to others to build my confidence, to pat my ego, to give me strength. But that's absolutely what's happened in the course of 2023, because I'm reaching every one of you, so many of you that are listening right now. I've heard from so many of you Whether we started this journey as friends and we've turned into family, whether we've been family that now knows each other more, whether we were complete strangers and now we're friends. I don't know where our relationship is, but they're all greater. All of our relationships are greater by being a part of this journey together, and I never knew how much I needed all of you, and I really wanted to come on here today and say thank you and to look back on 2023 and say one of the most biggest amazing blessings for me is all of you, all of you loyal listeners of the podcast, because I can truly tell you that if it wasn't for you, I don't know if I make it through these past couple months. I don't know if I make it through the most challenging year of my life. You know, it wasn't that long ago that I was a partner at a Harley-Davidson dealership and I walked into an office and was told that it was being sold and there was nothing I could do and all the people that I loved and cared about their jobs were no longer guaranteed and if I went back to that office and said anything about it, that I would be sued. I also thought I had a 40 year plan that went out the window and very quickly I didn't have a job and I was chasing this crazy idea to own my own business, to start an apparel brand, and in the same week I was signing off on my portion of a dealership. My wife lost her job running the front office of a veterinary's office and we were both unemployed, with a mortgage and car payments and everything else. We were both unemployed. I truly thought that ending 2019, that that October of 2019 was one of the most challenging times in my life I can go back to when my brother passed away in October is when he really started to take a turn, and I can think about that October and how difficult that was for me. And then I think about that October when I lost my life plan, when I lost my career. Neither one of those compared to this October that I just endured, with the ups and downs, with getting the phone call that my dad was sick, that he was in the hospital, being away from him trying to run my business while my world was falling apart, coming home, being by his side every day but struggling with that, between the days of him kicking me out of the hospital because he wanted me to get to work, to the days when I couldn't be around him because he was losing his mind and he was saying, god, awful things to me but I knew it wasn't him. To the heartbreaking conversations about death and cancer. To realizing there's no promise of tomorrow. To then the joy of the promise of things getting better, rolling that into November and all the struggles and losing my dad right before Thanksgiving and I'm not gonna get too much more into that story because y'all have tuned in every week and heard that story. But I'm wrapping up some of the worst months of my life, the most difficult trying times that I could ever imagine, nothing that no one's ever been through before. We either all have or all will go through what it is that I've been going through, but not all of us have gone through what I've gone through and had the support of so many, and I'm truly blessed to say that I do. I'm truly blessed to say that I have the support of each and every one of you. It's amazing to me, it's so mind blowing to me, and I struggle with technology y'all, I really do. I have a hard time with technology and I feel like social media at the time is rotting America. But I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that I'm not. But technology provides us with things that we never thought possible. Because if I could go back and listen to my grandfather on a podcast for years 200 episodes of my grandfather sharing ups and downs if I could go back and listen to stories from my brother on a podcast, from what I wouldn't give to replay 180 episodes of my dad. So for me, the power of sharing these struggles, these stories, and the fact that they will live on forever that I've realized I'm living and creating my legacy every week and that's thanks to you, because you guys are living my life as much as I am. I'm taking you along on every up and every down, and it blows my mind that so many of you are still curious enough to tune in each week to listen to some hillbilly in Maine. Try to make something of yourself. You could listen to any other podcast. You could do so many more things with your time and the fact that you choose to spend it with me. It blows my absolute mind and the lengths at which you are willing to go to show me your love and support. It's hard to process, it's hard to understand and when I started this podcast back in July of 2020, I didn't have a clue how much it would mean to me. I didn't understand how much of a role it would play in my life and, man, I'm blessed and I'm thankful in. One of my biggest accomplishments of this year is this podcast, the fact that everything we've been through, we stayed true and we never missed a damn week. In 2023, we lost Allie's grandmother, her mme. We had some real difficult times during that. My wife knowing that she has no more grandparents to losing my dad, my dad, the real father figure in her life and my hero to me Two pillars in her life foundations gone in 2023. It's hard not to look back on this year and say that that is the worst year of my life. It's hard not to look back on it and say, man, I never want to do that again. That's I wish I could have just closed my eyes and skipped over that year. But that's a lie y'all, because we accomplished some beautiful things in 2023. And one of the hardest things for me to do is to not lose sight of that. We often focus on the biggest difficulties in our life, we often tire ourselves up in tragedy and we don't allow ourselves to see the positivity. We don't allow ourselves to see all the beautiful things that have come from where you've been, man. In 2023, we traveled halfway across the country, live with strangers for a week and went to a beautiful wedding in Texas For two strangers we met in Tennessee. Liz and Cotter have become part of our family at this point. Their family is our family. That's obviously one of the most memorable stories of my life, memories of my life. You know, I think back to that trip last year in November, going to Tennessee with all of our friends and family from New York celebrating our birthdays, meeting Liz and Cotter to that wedding in Texas, getting to spend time with Spencer and Rachel and little Mel, and the impact that that couple of days had on my wife and I. I think about our season as vendors for Loud Proud American. I think about all the difficult times we had this year for the business. I think about all the events that we had this year and I think about all the events that got rained out. I think about all the events that we were down 50%. I think about that time we blew the alternator out of the freaking ambulance and we couldn't actually leave. We had to leave the ambulance behind fully loaded with gear when my cousin came back and changed an alternator in the field. I think about trying to tell our new camper to be able to get a new camper to take the old one to an event. I think about selling our first camper, buying our newest camper. I think about going to get our brakes fixed, hauling the camper for the first time to our first big event, a new event to the Windsor fairgrounds, to losing the fuel tank on the truck the next two days later. I would say it was to having to drive all the way to work, to leave our truck behind, to go back to the fairgrounds, to be late, to only have my vehicle lost by the tow company, to finally return home, to having the fuel pump replaced, to then learn that the coil was bad and the truck was about to blow up, and getting that fixed just to get back to tow the camper home. I just think about all these things, man, all these things that we had this year. All these things, man, all these trials and tribulations that we went through, all the difficult times for the business, all the down events getting a call about my dad at my last event, packing till two in the morning, all the sleepless nights, all the trying times. And as I'm recording this episode, I can, with confidence, tell you that 2023 has been the highest grossing financial year for Lauprode Americans since we started the business. I can tell you I'm going to be only a few hundred dollars short of the first goal I ever set for the business. Now I'm as little less educated on what it was going to take to run the brand back then. So I might have shot a little low in my goal but ironically I was never able to attain that goal. To hit that goal and this tremble, I'm only going to fall a few short dollars from that goal, but I'm already well above where I have been in years past. So we continue our trend of growth. You know, I think about all the things that we're striving for and heading towards next year the relationships that were made, the connections, the family that's been built by being on the road, attending all these fairs, the connections and family that we've created. All those businesses that started as small businesses, fellow small businesses that have become family Ledgeway Farm, matt and Sarah, walson Woodcraft, freedom Designs, paul and Pam and Pete and Lindsay and Scott. Underdog Metal, kyle and Julia man, there's so much man, there's so much along the way, so many great things, and I could sit on here and just record all night and name each and every one of you listening for your continued support in a moment or a memory that we made over the course of this year. And those are the things, y'all. Those are the things that I hold on to, those are the things that I choose to remember because I need to. I need to think about each and every one of you and our accomplishments and our memories and our moments, because without you I wouldn't have got through the most difficult year of my life. And I can't say that 2024 is going to be any easier. I don't know what's in store and I know it's going to be difficult to carry on without my dad. But I know if I just made it through everything that I made it through, then I can make it through anything else. So thank you, thank you for being there for me and for my family, for welcoming us, for loving us and continuing to tune in and support us and grow with us. So thank you to each and every one of you. If you guys have reached out to me, if you sent messages and you haven't heard from me, I apologize. It's been so trying times, so difficult times, that I'm doing the best I can to get myself back to being myself and to applying myself to greater myself. So you know that's a lot of what I've been up to and what I'm trying to do. And you know we kind of started this episode talking about the first Christmas without my dad, and how did that go and how did we get through? And I'm going to be honest with you, I listened to my own advice, like I said last week, the importance of keeping and establishing traditions in. I felt like one of the things that I had to do to pull me through was to keep and uphold my dad's traditions, as small as those might have been. It was important for me to do little things like make sure the fireplace was fully stocked to live on Christmas Eve, regardless of the temperature, which we're missing a fire grate, and I picked my wife up at work and we drove 45 minutes out of town to pick up the last fire grate and stock to get it home, to make sure my mom had one in time for Christmas Eve. To having the fireplace going. To putting up my dad's crazy inflatable Santa Claus on a motorcycle display that he puts up every year on Christmas and Christmas Eve to make sure that that was up for my mother. To make sure she made it to the cemetery to have a visit with her mother and father, like she always does. And there's something else that I didn't realize was a tradition that I you know, being out of the house, you don't really know of or realize. But I had found out that one of the most difficult things for my mother for Christmas was going to be the fact that my dad's the one that always woke her up for Christmas. He always woke her up super early and told her Santa Claus came and said Merry Christmas. I can tell you it's been a real long time since I've woken my mother up for Christmas right Since I was a little kid running out of my bedroom. It's been a real long time. And over the past couple years it's become accustomed for the wife and I to sleep in a little bit on Christmas. I mean not crazy, but get up and do the bar and chores and then have Christmas. But this year my heart broke to think of my mother waking up alone or sitting on the couch wide awake waiting for us to show up. So the wife and I made a decision that we would come up with a breakfast plan and then we would get up around five in the morning and we would sneak into my mom's house and wake her up. And, much to my surprise, we were able to do that. We were able to get over there before my mom woke up. We had all the lights on all the Christmas lights on upstairs, pulling out the bacon and the griddle making eggnog French toast, but me and my wife were able to tell my mother it's time to get up. Santa Claus came. Traditions they're important y'all. I hope you started some traditions. I hope you continue some traditions because when we're gone it gives our family something to hold on to. Well, we had a beautiful Christmas. We had an amazing Christmas, a blessed Christmas. Obviously a difficult Christmas, as I've said many times, the first one I've ever had without my dad, someone who has always loved Christmas. I have multiple videos on my phone of my dad opening Christmas presents. Just how thankful he would be. Oh, he would always tell us we've done too much. This is all too much. He doesn't deserve it. And I couldn't help but think I had dinner time every year. When it's gonna cross me. Thank everybody for an amazing Christmas, the best one yet. Over the past week, as I prepared for Christmas, I did the absolute best of my power to do everything I physically possibly could do to give my wife and my mother the best Christmas I possibly could, trying to go the extra mile and thought on every gift possible To get and do things ever important, to spend time on things that were memorable, all while staying up all hours of the night working on some custom orders, trying to pay the mortgage, trying to pay the bills, trying to pay for Christmas. I was blessed enough to knock out a couple of major orders. I did all of it while being extremely sick. I made it all work. I don't want to share too much about Christmas, because there's some things that are heartwarming, heartbreaking and inspiring all at the same time, but they're personal to other people that they don't feel it's appropriate for me to share. But I can tell you that we definitely made some memories. One of the things that I did first some people in my family is I made t-shirts that on the back of the t-shirt was the in loving memory design that Ali and I created together for my dad, and across the chest it said hero shit. So family would open up a box. As they would peel back the tissue paper, you would see the words hero shit. And when you pulled it out and turned it around, you saw the in loving memory of my dad, and for me that was just something special. Hero shit. Goes back to my eulogy, the speech I wrote for my dad, something I'll always use and think of to remember my dad, and that was something that was truly important and memorable and special. And I was able to do a few more things like that for my family. And, yeah, I'd like to say more about some of the special things. It ended up under the tree, but I don't want to share stories of my family without talking to them. But I truly feel like we made some memories this Christmas and it was special. It was difficult and depressing as it was, it was happy and uplifting and knowing that we're together is all that's important. I think the difficulty kind of happens after the holidays, right when things start to go back to normal. And if you think about it, for my family my dad passed a week of Thanksgiving and then you kind of stretch everything out. His service was stretched out because it was a few weeks later. So it kind of brings everything back up, brings all the family back around. Then it kind of dies down and you get back into the holidays. So it's really been a jam-packed couple of months and I think when all those things happen, when you have those big events to look forward to and those things going on around you. You don't really process everything and I'd be lying if I didn't tell you guys that it doesn't seem real. It still doesn't seem real because so many times I just think you're still here. But as hard as it is for me to comprehend, it absolutely breaks my heart to look at my mother and to imagine what she's feeling. I'm scared to leave her side. I'm scared to be away from my mother Because you feel like if you're not right there then you can't protect her. My dad always did so. I always have to. Processing those things and understanding those things is a big challenge for me in 24, because it's hard. It's hard to leave people. I'm realizing right now that one of the things that makes this easier for me is it's kind of the down time in my season. So even though all the work I have to do, I can do it from home. I'm not on the road for an event. I'll be honest when I tell you that I'm scared to go back on the road, scared to be away from my family. So scared to be on the road to get another phone call, to not know what to do or not be able to do anything. I was a little scared to be away from my family and not be home to protect them. But I know that I have to be. I know that I have to be away from home. I know that I have to be on the road. I know that the lifeline, the heartbeat of my business is being on the road. I'm just not ready to do it. But it's that time of year when you start to plan for the oncoming year, for the upcoming season, and I'm going to challenge myself a lot this year, so I need to prepare myself for that. Those are some of the things that are going to go on my goal sheet this year. As we think about the goals we accomplished last year and we start to forecast our goals for this coming season, we start to plan it out what we want to work for, what we want to strive for. I need to challenge myself, step out of my comfort zone. I need to get over my fear of leaving home again. One of my biggest tasks for this coming season is and I know this is going to sound crazy, but organization. When my life has kind of become chaos, my organization went out the window. I'm not really the most organized dude in the first place, but I felt like my whole life was kind of crumbling down. Everywhere you go it's been disorganized, it's been chaos. So one of my biggest goals is organization, and you might not think that that could have a big difference on you, but it really can Because, just to give you some insight, over the next couple of months I'm going to spend countless hours trying to track down receipts and bills of sale and all this nonsense to get my taxes ready, because it's just in piles everywhere at this point. My office is torn apart with custom work. My garage is full of fixtures and mannequins and inventory. I've got an ambulance outside full of inventory. I've got a school bus full of inventory. I have my business spread all over this place. I feel like I'm living in chaos because I'm unorganized at the point, because I've just been chasing what's right in front of me that it's been so trying and difficult for me to accomplish what's right in front of me that I can't plan, forecast and execute what's behind it. It's been a matter of getting through the next biggest challenge and obstacle. So for 2024, I need to get organized. I know that there's going to be a great sense of relief that comes from being organized. Another challenge in getting organized, it comes down to so many more things than just physical. I've created a mess amongst business stuff when it comes to fixtures and product and receipts and paperwork, but that spills into your life. That spills into not knowing where the other things in life are, like losing sight and process on the normal things in your life that you take for granted every day, because being disorganized has unfortunately blended itself into all areas of my life. So one of my biggest things is going to be organization this year Getting organized, finding a system, making a routine and I really do feel like it's going to help me to expand the business and to live a little more fulfilling, relaxing life, because I've become so disorganized and I know that it's when you're dealing with some of the most difficult times in your life like the only thing that was important to me was spending time with my dad and trying to balance that with all the outside chores and doing my dad's you know his to-do list and work list and running my business and all those things. Everything just turned into utter chaos and I want to really truly take some time to buckle down and to get those things organized and back on track, but then in doing so, as challenging as that is to do. I need to then structure myself in a way that I can carry out being organized, because I know that that's really going to help me go to the next level. So I have all these steps already in my mind that I have to take in so many different ways that I have to implement new things into my business, new processes and strategic ways about going around things and about doing things and then blending that all into my life at the same time. So structure, structure, structure, processes and systems is coming in 2024 for me, but I truly think that it will save me a lot of time, and by saving time, I'm going to experience some growth. So that's just a little insight into my goals for 2024. And I really wanted to share those with you guys in hopes that it would help inspire you to start thinking about some of the things that are going to be important to you in 2024. As we started the show today, I really issued one last challenge for me for 2023. And that's to find something difficult on your list and just start taking hold of it. And for me, I'm going to start taking some steps on that organization and I'm going to start taking some steps on doing some things that I really don't want to do, but I know by just starting them in 23, it's going to kick them into high gear for me that I can kick down the door in 24. You understand what I'm saying. So I challenge you, that last challenge for me in 23,. Baby, find something on that damn list and let's get started on it. Well then, thank you so, so much for truly making my life special, for making a difference in my life, for caring about my life. It's truly remarkable. I'm beyond blessed, and that's because of you, and without you I don't know where I'd be. I certainly wouldn't have been able to share and document all the strength, failure, fuckups, difficulties and successes of the past few months of my life. I truly hope that we've done something, that we've established something that can help people moving forward. Over the past couple of months, I really truly feel that we've been so transparent that it's going to make a difference. So I beg of you, if there's anybody out there that you think could benefit from the last couple months of shows, please share this show with them. Please encourage them to listen to the podcast. I see some of you do that and they tag me in certain things and I truly appreciate it. Our show is not growing at a rapid rate, that's not as widely listened to as I'd really hope and dream for, but the impact that we've had, the connections that we've made, the relationships that have been formed, are far greater than anything. I ever could have imagined. There's people out there with tattoos from this podcast. Fucking love you guys. Man, it's so true the show hasn't grown to a crazy level of popularity like I hoped for, but the connection, the strength, the commitment, the friendship, the loyalty is far greater than anything I could have ever imagined, and that's why I continue to do this show. I know we've kind of rambled on today, but the whole objective of today was to let some people in on the insight of what it was like to have a first Christmas without my dad, without my hero, and to hope that those traditions that we tried to implement, that we tried to hold onto, are something that can help you moving forward. And I really wanted to caution and encourage anybody that is listening that you have a few more days to make a positive impact on your 2023 and to encourage all of us to start thinking about what we want to see and do in 24. Because this year I'm hoping for a hell of a lot more for each and every one of you. So until then, thank you for supporting my American dream and I'll wash your fucking hands in filthy savage. That's it and that's all. Biggie Smalls.

If you're a loud, proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook at Loud Proud American, and put the face page as my mama calls it. If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker, you want to find me on Instagram, or all the kids by tickety-talking on the tiktok, you can find me on both of those at Loud Underscore Proud.

Underscore American A big old.

thank you to the voice from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song for this year's podcast. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can track down the Gut Truckers on Facebook.

Just search Gut Truckers and if you're a fan of the Gut Truckers, you can track down the Gut Truckers on Facebook.

I truly thank you for supporting my American dream.