Nov. 5, 2025

Grace, Gratitude, And Growing Through Grief

Grace, Gratitude, And Growing Through Grief
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A missing laptop charger, a freezing parking lot, and a crowd of costumed kids shouldn’t add up to a breakthrough—but that’s exactly where the weekend took us. What started as a simple pair of charity DJ gigs turned into a lesson on composure, community, and the kind of closure you don’t plan for but desperately need.

We kick off with a trunk-or-treat at Arundel Ford a local Ford dealership, where a last-minute tech failure forced a full pivot: rapid setup, a sound check on a dying laptop, and the rest of the set run from a phone. Not ideal, but deeply human. That scramble revealed how staying calm under pressure can be learned, and how serving the moment matters more than a perfect playlist. Between spooky hooks and sticky fingers clutching candy buckets, we found the heart of why we do community work: show up, bring joy, be steady.

The tone shifted at the second event, a masquerade fundraiser for Seeds of Hope—a resource center that feeds, warms, clothes, and guides people facing homelessness and addiction. Only moments before unloading gear, we realized the connection: this was the place that cared for my wife’s mother during her hardest days. As the dance floor filled, a quiet nudge grew louder: say thank you. She found the director and shared what so few in that line of work ever hear from family—gratitude. It was a tender exchange, honest about the rough edges of addiction and unwavering about the dignity Seeds of Hope provided. That conversation, paired with a church message on forgiveness the next morning, felt like the final stitch in a long, uneven seam of healing.

If you’ve ever juggled grief, logistics, and the urge to do right by the people who helped when you couldn’t, this story will resonate. We talk about practical resilience, the grace in imperfect performances, and the sacred power of simple words spoken at the right time. Press play, then tell us: where are you being nudged to say thank you or let go? Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help this message find more ears.

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00:00 - Welcome And Mission Of The Show

03:10 - Back-To-Back Charity DJ Gigs

05:05 - The Halloween Trunk-Or-Treat Setup Crisis

08:45 - Improvising A Set From A Phone

12:00 - Composure, Growth, And Family Moments

15:30 - The Masquerade Fundraiser Revealed

18:10 - Learning Seeds Of Hope’s Role

21:30 - Grief, Addiction, And Tough Choices

25:00 - The Nudge To Say Thank You

28:10 - A Healing Conversation With The Director

32:40 - God’s Timing And Closing Loops

36:20 - Forgiveness, Church, And Letting Go

40:00 - Reiki, Final Goodbyes, And Next Steps

44:20 - Gratitude, Community, And Sign-Off

WEBVTT

00:00:00.640 --> 00:00:06.879
A weekend with back-to-back DJ events proved to be successful in two vastly different ways.

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While testing composure and creating closure, stick around for these surprising lessons.

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Let me tell you something.

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Everybody struggles.

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The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it.

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The choice is completely yours.

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Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life.

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It's a struggle.

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Uncomfortable conversation.

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Uncomfortable conversation.

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What do you mean?

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What it do what it hot did do.

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Almighty.

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Am I so excited to be back with you?

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Oh it's true.

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It is damn true.

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I miss you, boo.

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Welcome to this podcast.

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Properly, precisely, beautifully, perfectly named Share the Struggle because everybody struggles, boys and girls.

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The truth is, chipmunks and squirrels, if you are willing to share your story and your struggle, whatever it is that you are going through, that you are growing through, then you will inspire others to go and grow through it with you.

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That's the point, that's the plan, that's the journey at hand.

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This podcast is properly brought to you by the fine folks over to Loud Proud American, aka myself, my wife, my baby, and my mama.

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That's me, my mama, my baby mama, my baby, and my mama.

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You get all that?

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Great.

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It's a pretty big company.

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Grassroots American dream over here.

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We do all American-made apparel.

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Our main goal and focus is American manufacturing, bringing back American jobs.

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So all along this journey to launch our brand, we decided to start this podcast right here, share the struggle.

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We've been rolling on this for five years.

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We have not missed a week in 278 consecutive weeks, and we continue to do that and celebrate that because of each and every one of you.

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So, all of you out there, I appreciate you and I acknowledge you.

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If you are a day one, get your ones up.

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I recognize you, I acknowledge you, and I appreciate you.

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And if this is day one for you, then welcome to this positive vibe and this positive tribe that we are growing.

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We embrace you and we thank you.

00:03:14.319 --> 00:03:17.439
Woo! That was a hot little rant right out the gate.

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Maybe I'm a little hot.

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Well, a little hot to trot because my kids are yelling at me from the living room.

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And uh I'm I'm excited because later on on this show I'm gonna be joined by the one and only, the lovely one, my beautiful one, my lovely blessing bride.

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Yeah, that's my wife.

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She's gonna be joining me in a little bit here because this weekend was an impromptu back-to-back DJ gig throwdown uh for me and the family here.

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If you guys don't know me and my story, we started a brand and we travel around doing all types of events, and uh, I like to say anything redneck related is kind of where we fit in, but we also supplement things with um hosting events, mceing events, and DJing events.

00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:08.400
And over the weekend, I was able to back-to-back a couple of events.

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It was nice to be able to squeeze them into our schedule, and um they they're different types of events for us because they were all for a good cause with a good reason, and um that's just a nice way of doing things, right?

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It just kind of warms the heart to be a part of those things, especially when we turn the calendar into November.

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When you end October, you get into November, you get into the holiday season, the holiday swing of things, things cool down, things slow down, so it's time to be thankful and to and to reflect and count blessings.

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And this weekend was one of those moments for us because we took a couple of just feel-good events.

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The first one was I was asked by a rundown Ford to DJ a uh trunk or treat event, which I thought was pretty cool.

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You're um being a part of something fun, it's with the community, a lot of local businesses get together, take over a local Ford dealership, and um just open up uh trunks and do like the whole um trick-or-treating in a real safe manner, you know, and it gives it a real hometown feel.

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And I thought it was very cool that they wanted me to be able to um like set it apart, make it different, you know, add some uh some spooky beats and hits to the background.

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So it was a challenge to find just some kind of cool, spooky type tunes, like your classic Halloween songs, but then rock and roll songs and hip-hop and pop songs that just kind of have like that uh spooky Halloween undertone to them.

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So that was that was cool.

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It was a it was a fun challenge.

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And um the Midors with uh Arundel Ford, the Labbies, um they're they're great to us, they're always hiring us for great things.

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Like we do their annual Christmas party and all these different things and family events, and actually it's the same family basically that I did the um little girl's birthday party this year.

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So it's always great to work with them.

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So they asked us uh to do this, and part of the request was all right, you can have this gig, but um Paisley has to put on a costume and come, and Allie has to has to bring her.

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It has to be a family affair, and it was really cool because it was her first trick-or-treating experience.

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So her first experience trick-or-treating, uh, Mima and and mom were walking her around and and dad's DJing, and it was all um really great stuff, and I was excited that I was able to do it.

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It was on Friday night, Halloween, and uh it was really cold out, actually, rather windy.

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But I started this show off saying that um I did back-to-back DJ events, and they were both a success.

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So, spoiler, I'm gonna put that out front, they were both a success.

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Um, but that I learned vastly different lessons from the two.

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And um I had also mentioned to you guys that I tested composure and created closure with these two events, and and the reason why my wife's gonna join me in the second segment is um it's really gonna hit home for her.

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But in the first segment, this really tested my composure and my patience and um my emotions because I prepared, I thought I was um on task for this.

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I had everything loaded up in the car, I think the night before or the the morning of, like everything was was good to go, loaded up, ready to go.

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And the last thing was to throw my book bag in with my laptop.

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And I took a couple hours before just to build a musical like Halloween list.

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And so I'm sitting down at my mom's kitchen table and and um I'm just kind of going through all these things and figuring out music.

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And while I was doing that, I said, huh.

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I don't have my charger for my laptop.

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And I worked and continued to work, and I said, Well, when I was at Freiburg, I had it with me there.

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I recorded the podcast from the camper, maybe that's where the stuff is, you know.

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And then I started walking my steps back on the last couple places I recorded the podcast, but I remember I didn't need to plug my computer in, so I'm like retracing all these steps.

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So while I'm working on this Halloween list, in the back of my mind, I'm like, you're gonna need, you know, 20 minutes at least to find your uh charger.

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Like, keep that in mind.

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I've compiled a list of places that I'm gonna go look, but you need to carve out some time for that.

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While going through Halloween songs, it was a little more challenging than I expected.

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And I happen to look at the clock and say, whoa boy, um your clock is ticking here.

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The uh event starts at four o'clock.

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I need to be set up by four o'clock.

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I need to be playing by four o'clock, set up before four o'clock.

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And uh I realize that you know the clock is ticking here.

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I'm in that window of you have an hour to get all your stuff together, finish this list, hit the road.

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Thankfully, the location's not too far from home.

00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:07.679
But um, I I go home and I start looking in all the spots where I would find my charger, and it's not going well.

00:09:07.840 --> 00:09:13.679
And I'm beginning to start to get frantic and a little bit manic, and I'm running around the house trying to find things.

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In the meantime, I'm putting together like, you know, my like Halloween getup, which is not far from my normal duds.

00:09:20.240 --> 00:09:22.480
Let's be honest, it's what I would wear, anyways.

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But I was a farmer, cattle farmer, wifey's a cattle farmer, and our baby Paisley is a little moo moo.

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She loves cows, so she's got a little cow jumpsuit.

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So I'm grabbing that stuff and I'm scrambling to find um my charger, and it is not happening.

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And I am going all over God's creation trying to find my charger, and it gets down to the point where I'm well past my window of when I would like to be there and set up, and I still don't have a charger.

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I'm frantically messaging the wife, asking her if she knows where anything is.

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She's trying to work, she's actually in a meeting and wondering why I'm bothering her endlessly.

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And spoiler alert, folks, I couldn't find it.

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Could not find it.

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And I said, Well, I've got a couple of options.

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Uh I have to go buy a new charger because I only have 20% battery on my computer, it's not gonna last this long.

00:10:18.960 --> 00:10:31.679
So I um have Ali start researching who might carry the uh like a MacBook Air charger, and I man, I already forgot what it's called.

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It's called like a mag safe plug, it's basically a magnetic charging port, and uh I just am looking everywhere for it.

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I end up going to Staples, they have the power supply, but not the plug, so that doesn't do me any good.

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At this point, the clock is ticking.

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I'm um just watching the minutes click off here, and I run over to um um Target and I run out of the same situation there.

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They don't have the plug.

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I'm messaging Allie, I don't know what to do.

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I'm at that point now where I have 30 minutes, 30 minutes to get there to get set up and to start playing, and I know that I maybe have 15 or 20 minutes of available um power supply for my laptop.

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So this isn't good.

00:11:18.559 --> 00:11:20.879
Like this, all of this says not good.

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And I'm messaging Allie and uh I'm asking her if um, you know, like do I have to cancel this gig?

00:11:29.279 --> 00:11:30.639
Like, what am I gonna do?

00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:34.399
She's asking people for chargers, like it's a whole process.

00:11:34.559 --> 00:11:41.759
Um, one of my best friends, Jeff, who actually does the theme song for this here podcast, Jeff with the gut truckers.

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He's a fellow DJ.

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I uh I call him, he's getting out of work, I meet him at his place.

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He doesn't have the plug either.

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And as we're talking, like he's trying to give me ideas, and I was like, dude, I I've got about 20 minutes, man.

00:11:57.519 --> 00:12:02.240
I have 20 minutes to be there and to be set up and to be playing.

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And uh I was like, I I have to go.

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When I was leaving, the one thought that I had, the one idea that kind of popped to me in a moment of clarity is I just purchased a bunch of music.

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When I purchased that on my laptop, it's automatically gonna go to my cell phone.

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So I know I have some music on my cell phone.

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I come up with a plan that I'm gonna connect my phone to my laptop with the amount of time that I have, and I'm going to download my playlist to it.

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That's my plan, that's my go-to plan.

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I get there, I set up faster than I've ever set up before, and I go to connect my phone, and it tells me the software is not compatible.

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Like I'm on a different version somewhere.

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I'm down to 10 minutes, five minutes, I would say, somewhere around there before I have to start playing.

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I uh get on the Wi-Fi, I try to do a download, it's doing its thing.

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I move the vehicle, I come back, and it gives me the same warning.

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So at that moment I realize I'm gonna start this gig with my computer so I can sound check everything correctly, and then I'm gonna have to DJ everything else off of my phone, which obviously isn't a very professional way of doing things, but thankfully I had some stuff on there.

00:13:17.279 --> 00:13:24.320
Me of a couple years ago would have just melted in a ball of emotion in the corner and just never DJ'd again.

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I would have just put all my shit on marketplace and said, that's it, dude.

00:13:28.960 --> 00:13:30.639
Like, that is it.

00:13:30.879 --> 00:13:32.480
It's called a Mag 3.

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That's what it's called.

00:13:33.840 --> 00:13:34.240
Mm-hmm.

00:13:34.320 --> 00:13:37.840
I've done plenty of research on this cell phone charger.

00:13:37.919 --> 00:13:41.759
And speaking of Marketplace, found you another one.

00:13:42.000 --> 00:13:43.840
We did find one on Marketplace.

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Not the exact plug, but it was a workaround.

00:13:46.480 --> 00:13:47.039
Free.com.

00:13:47.200 --> 00:13:47.759
Free.com.

00:13:47.840 --> 00:13:48.480
It was a workaround.

00:13:48.559 --> 00:13:49.840
And we'll get into that one in a second.

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But um I start playing and I have, you know, I I think I maybe made it 10 or 15 minutes on my computer.

00:13:57.519 --> 00:14:00.720
I did everything else off of my phone, but I worked around it.

00:14:00.799 --> 00:14:01.519
I found a way.

00:14:01.679 --> 00:14:03.840
I tried to remain uh composed.

00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:09.440
I only had to replay a few different songs because I kind of ran out of stuff, but kids didn't know that.

00:14:09.519 --> 00:14:11.519
People didn't know that they were coming and going.

00:14:11.919 --> 00:14:13.440
Um, everybody appreciated it.

00:14:13.600 --> 00:14:15.120
Everybody said it added a really cool element.

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They want me back next year.

00:14:16.879 --> 00:14:21.039
The nice thing about that kind of event is like people aren't coming up to you asking for requests.

00:14:21.279 --> 00:14:21.519
Right.

00:14:21.759 --> 00:14:23.919
They're just there to get free candy.

00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:25.840
Like, yeah, so you're just adding an extra element.

00:14:26.240 --> 00:14:30.720
If I was doing requests and DJing full on off of my, I mean, it would have been it would have been tough.

00:14:30.879 --> 00:14:34.559
But knowing the situation and what it was, I said, all right, I'm gonna try to do this.

00:14:34.639 --> 00:14:37.600
I can't give up on this, I'm gonna make this happen.

00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:40.639
But um, it was as stressful as all get out.

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Like, I'm sp it's cold as all heck, and I'm sweating.

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Like I'm pouring sweat and I'm freezing at the same time.

00:14:47.360 --> 00:14:51.840
By the time I got there, I brought you an energy drink, and you're like, yeah, my anxiety is through through if I can't drink that.

00:14:52.000 --> 00:14:54.000
I might throw up if I drank this.

00:14:54.799 --> 00:15:00.000
Also, fun fact you just said Jeff from the gut truckers.

00:15:00.080 --> 00:15:00.240
Yeah.

00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:02.399
This whole time I thought you were talking about Labby.

00:15:02.720 --> 00:15:03.679
I thought you were going to Jeff.

00:15:04.399 --> 00:15:08.159
Which I was like, I don't understand because like I'm talking to Lindsay and she's leaving the house right now.

00:15:08.240 --> 00:15:10.879
Like I was going to Jeff Lauren's house.

00:15:11.279 --> 00:15:12.320
I was so confused.

00:15:12.399 --> 00:15:18.480
Like, why you were going to Jeff Jeff's house to check the charger, but she was leaving her house.

00:15:18.960 --> 00:15:20.879
I no, I that's hilarious.

00:15:21.200 --> 00:15:23.759
I left our house with less than an hour to go.

00:15:23.919 --> 00:15:34.799
I managed to go to Staples, to Target, to Jeff's house, get to a Rundle Ford, set up, troubleshoot everything, and start playing at four o'clock.

00:15:34.960 --> 00:15:36.480
I don't know how they did it.

00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:49.200
And um the best thing about this is I didn't realize how well this actually went until like the next day, and Jeff Forrin sent me a text message and was like, Man, how did it go?

00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:54.879
And then he said, I gotta tell you, I've been working on like my composure.

00:15:54.960 --> 00:15:58.399
I've been working on controlling my emotions and not freaking out.

00:15:58.960 --> 00:16:03.600
I can't believe how calm you were in the midst of that chaos.

00:16:03.919 --> 00:16:06.320
Next time I see Jeff, I'm gonna show him my phone.

00:16:07.120 --> 00:16:10.559
Well, there was nothing calm, cool, and collected.

00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:11.919
I'm in a meeting.

00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:17.519
I have to literally like silence my phone because it's like ding d-ding ding ding ding ding-ding-ding ding ding.

00:16:17.759 --> 00:16:19.039
Hello, help, help.

00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:19.679
I need your help.

00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:20.639
Hello, are you there?

00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:21.440
Are you ignoring me?

00:16:21.519 --> 00:16:22.559
How come you're ignoring me?

00:16:22.639 --> 00:16:23.200
What's going on?

00:16:23.360 --> 00:16:23.919
Where are you?

00:16:24.080 --> 00:16:24.480
Hello?

00:16:25.200 --> 00:16:27.759
Well, I'm allowed to be a mess to you.

00:16:27.919 --> 00:16:28.240
Okay?

00:16:28.639 --> 00:16:29.120
That's different.

00:16:29.279 --> 00:16:29.440
Absolutely.

00:16:29.840 --> 00:16:33.440
To the clients, I must remain composed.

00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:40.879
But I was surprised and I surprised myself because I get frantic in those moments.

00:16:41.039 --> 00:16:45.759
I get worked up at a DJ gig when software doesn't work, when something isn't happening.

00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:52.879
And now I know I'm watching a computer that's slowly dying a painful death in front of me on Halloween with kids everywhere.

00:16:53.120 --> 00:16:56.080
You always call me in when your screen gets split.

00:16:56.320 --> 00:17:00.559
You're like, uh I can never remember them.

00:17:00.879 --> 00:17:03.200
I'm just like, I'm getting shot at, I gotta go.

00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:05.519
And uh good thing you bring IT with you.

00:17:05.680 --> 00:17:06.559
Oh my gosh.

00:17:06.960 --> 00:17:08.480
I need to start taking a percentage.

00:17:08.799 --> 00:17:10.960
But I had I was even doing my setup on my own.

00:17:11.119 --> 00:17:11.839
You were at work.

00:17:12.000 --> 00:17:16.079
Like this was a major milestone accomplishment for me.

00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:19.119
And when Jeff said it to me, I was like, oh man, you know what?

00:17:19.359 --> 00:17:21.359
Maybe I am growing up.

00:17:21.759 --> 00:17:23.440
Maybe I am maturing a little bit.

00:17:23.680 --> 00:17:25.039
I want to be like you when I grow up.

00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:38.640
Jeez, I'm and he said, he's like, I've really been working on that, and I just admire how calm you were with the fact that you had like, you know, 25 minutes, 20 minutes to get there set up, not have a computer work, and you were like, Yeah, I'll figure this out.

00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:42.640
And I said, Well, I guess having Paisley's helped.

00:17:43.599 --> 00:17:54.559
Because in the mix of like having poop on your fingers and being screamed at and the microwave going off, and there like a frying pan burning or something, and the dog's barking, and you're just like, everything's cool here.

00:17:55.519 --> 00:17:58.000
Life comes at you fast, apparently.

00:17:58.319 --> 00:17:59.119
Fast and hard.

00:17:59.359 --> 00:18:00.000
Oh my god.

00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:01.359
And being shot at.

00:18:01.599 --> 00:18:01.920
Wow.

00:18:02.079 --> 00:18:12.559
So that one was number one, it was really fulfilling and gratifying to see the little one out of trick-or-treating and having a big smile on her face.

00:18:12.640 --> 00:18:15.599
And when she comes across the lot and sees me, starts waving.

00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:20.319
Like you and my mom walking around, all that was was great.

00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:24.160
And this was clenched onto the trick-or-treat bucket.

00:18:24.319 --> 00:18:33.279
Like as soon as she started realizing that people were putting treats in her bucket, she grabbed onto that thing so tight, and then someone went to go put something in, and she like pulled it away and was like, wait a minute.

00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:34.480
Don't take it back.

00:18:34.640 --> 00:18:35.200
Yeah.

00:18:35.519 --> 00:18:37.200
So that was um that was great.

00:18:37.279 --> 00:18:43.599
And then we had a little family pizza party after, and um, so that was a real feel-good scenario.

00:18:43.759 --> 00:18:51.440
And the next day, um, I had another gig and we were running around trying to find a power supply, and you found one that works.

00:18:51.519 --> 00:18:59.119
But I quickly learned while DJing that every song takes one or two percentage points of battery away.

00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:01.680
It's not strong enough to keep it going.

00:19:01.839 --> 00:19:03.920
So we look, but it was a workaround.

00:19:04.160 --> 00:19:10.559
But thankfully, we only had a two-hour gig because if it was two and a half hours or three hours, I would have run out of battery there, too.

00:19:10.640 --> 00:19:17.359
But we figured it out thanks to your crafty mom fingertips, mom fan clubs on Facebook.

00:19:17.440 --> 00:19:24.319
We get some free parts and we made we made it work, but I mean, we also realize that you have a bad port in your laptop, too.

00:19:24.400 --> 00:19:25.680
So we learned some stuff.

00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:28.160
If you didn't have a bad port, we might be okay.

00:19:28.319 --> 00:19:28.559
Yeah.

00:19:28.799 --> 00:19:30.480
But we're working on it.

00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:31.039
Yeah.

00:19:31.359 --> 00:19:37.599
So I took this gig um a while ago without really reading all the details.

00:19:37.759 --> 00:19:42.160
A friend of mine from school had reached out and said, Hey, I have this charity event.

00:19:42.319 --> 00:19:43.759
Would you be interested in doing this?

00:19:43.839 --> 00:19:44.720
I really want to have you there.

00:19:44.799 --> 00:19:50.960
And she's also connected to the folks with a rundle forward, and you know, and and she's been at some of the parties and stuff that we've done.

00:19:51.039 --> 00:19:52.880
So she just wanted us to do this event.

00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:58.480
And on the calendar, just so everyone's aware, we have the skylight calendar and we love that thing.

00:19:58.799 --> 00:20:00.799
Like, go to your local Sam's Club, buy it.

00:20:00.880 --> 00:20:02.160
We're not sponsored, but we should be.

00:20:02.400 --> 00:20:03.039
We should be, actually.

00:20:03.119 --> 00:20:08.319
It's gonna be on the calendar, it literally says fundraiser event.

00:20:09.039 --> 00:20:10.799
Did I even put it on the calendar?

00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:11.759
I don't even know.

00:20:12.799 --> 00:20:18.400
Okay, maybe because I literally Because I put like fundraiser event, and I was like, I still don't know what this fundraiser is, but here we are.

00:20:18.480 --> 00:20:25.519
Like, I screwed up too because I thought in my mind, oh, it's strange to do that on a Tuesday night.

00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:29.839
And I was like, I'm gonna DJ Friday and I'll have a couple days left and I'll do Tuesday.

00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:38.160
And thankfully, like on like I don't know, Monday or Tuesday the week before I like looked at my calendar and was like, oop, good thing I didn't do anything else.

00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:43.920
Because I remember like, I don't know, I just didn't I just wasn't computing, but I told you it was a fundraiser.

00:20:44.400 --> 00:20:44.640
That's it.

00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:45.200
That's all I got.

00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:49.839
And uh I knew it was a charity event, it was an auction, and then I was gonna DJ the final two hours.

00:20:50.079 --> 00:20:52.720
And you said that it was a friend of yours from school.

00:20:52.960 --> 00:20:54.559
I was like, okay, cool, like whatever.

00:20:54.799 --> 00:21:02.000
So during our conversation, I'm chatting back and forth with Amanda about like how this is gonna go, and I'm like, can you kind of set the scene, tell me what this is like?

00:21:02.079 --> 00:21:09.599
And she's like, Well, it's a charity event, it's gonna start at five, and um, I was like, oh boy, you told me to be there at eight.

00:21:09.759 --> 00:21:19.039
And she's like, No, I have like live music from five to eight, and then there's auctions going on, silent auctions and raffles, and then you're gonna DJ from eight to ten.

00:21:19.519 --> 00:21:27.359
But I need you to come early and set up before the event gets started because I won't be able to have you logging things in and doing sound checks and stuff.

00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:36.720
So I organize the fact that we're gonna go there at two o'clock, and she gives me all the details, and um I just kind of pruse over it.

00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:45.440
Funny thing here, we don't realize until like twenty minutes before we go in to unload the gear that it's a masquerade ball.

00:21:45.599 --> 00:21:46.240
Yeah.

00:21:46.559 --> 00:21:52.880
Uh I also don't know until 20 minutes before what the fundraiser is for.

00:21:53.279 --> 00:21:56.000
I want to say, first off, masquerade ball.

00:21:56.160 --> 00:21:58.640
We don't have anything that goes I I'm not prepared for this.

00:21:58.720 --> 00:22:01.039
I wore cowboy boots to this gig.

00:22:01.279 --> 00:22:07.200
And I have the biggest bush on my head because I'm in between haircuts too, that I wore a backwards LPA cap.

00:22:07.759 --> 00:22:11.039
Um people are there was a guy dressed just like you.

00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:13.200
Actually wore the exact same shirt as me.

00:22:13.680 --> 00:22:17.599
I was like, I'm so underdressed, and there's a guy wearing the exact same shirt as me.

00:22:18.480 --> 00:22:24.799
Um yeah, there's full suits and masquerade masks and stuff, and uh, I wasn't prepared for that.

00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:26.319
Full opera get ups.

00:22:26.480 --> 00:22:30.559
Yes, it was it was bushes and yeah, it was a scene.

00:22:30.640 --> 00:22:33.759
Yeah, uh George Washington haircuts and all that good stuff.

00:22:33.920 --> 00:22:38.559
But um you're like, hey, so what is the charity that we're going to support to Yeah?

00:22:38.640 --> 00:22:42.000
We're like driving around getting coffee, and I was like, so can you uh give me the lowdown?

00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:42.799
Like, what is going on?

00:22:42.880 --> 00:22:45.200
Like Yeah, when I get home, I'll go through my messages.

00:22:45.440 --> 00:22:46.079
Yeah, right.

00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:51.839
We like come home sitting on the couch and I'm cruising through doo doo doo doo doo doo and you just start reading it to me.

00:22:52.079 --> 00:22:52.880
Did you catch that?

00:22:53.039 --> 00:22:54.079
I didn't even realize that.

00:22:54.640 --> 00:22:55.440
I definitely got that.

00:22:56.079 --> 00:22:58.240
You just get the bluey theme song, and I didn't even know it.

00:22:58.799 --> 00:23:02.160
Doot do I better not do that again.

00:23:02.240 --> 00:23:03.279
My child will wake up.

00:23:03.920 --> 00:23:06.799
She's sleeping, so don't do that.

00:23:07.359 --> 00:23:11.440
So I'm perusing on the couch and I'm like, do do okay, so here it goes.

00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:12.319
Oh, yeah, here's the charity.

00:23:13.039 --> 00:23:14.720
Here's the seeds of hope.

00:23:16.319 --> 00:23:17.119
Seeds of hope.

00:23:17.359 --> 00:23:19.839
And you're like, giving me this.

00:23:20.079 --> 00:23:21.359
I was like, huh, I don't know what that is.

00:23:21.519 --> 00:23:22.559
Okay, do it, and I keep going.

00:23:22.720 --> 00:23:26.480
I look over and you have this like I just threw it on the couch look.

00:23:26.960 --> 00:23:31.519
Yeah, I was like doing something, and I literally like came like dead to stop.

00:23:31.759 --> 00:23:33.920
And I was like, what did you just say?

00:23:34.720 --> 00:23:37.200
And you're like, Siege of hope.

00:23:37.359 --> 00:23:41.119
And I was like, okay.

00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:42.559
Hard gulp.

00:23:43.039 --> 00:23:45.680
Like, alright, I'm listening.

00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:51.599
Like, I'm already like not sure whether I want to go.

00:23:51.839 --> 00:23:52.240
Right.

00:23:52.960 --> 00:23:55.359
I was kind of waiting for you to be like, it's two hours.

00:23:55.440 --> 00:23:58.559
I'll help you set up the gear, and then I'm out of there, and you can finish it off tonight.

00:23:58.640 --> 00:23:59.200
I'll see you.

00:23:59.359 --> 00:23:59.680
Yeah.

00:23:59.920 --> 00:24:04.559
And then uh you were asking questions, and like I was just like, eh, see too hoopy, and you just keep going.

00:24:04.640 --> 00:24:10.240
And I was like, uh I looked over at it, and I didn't wasn't making the math, wasn't mathing.

00:24:10.559 --> 00:24:11.680
Yeah, on my end.

00:24:12.079 --> 00:24:14.400
So I you're like, what's what's the matter?

00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:14.960
What's going on?

00:24:15.039 --> 00:24:17.519
And I was like, well, let me just break this down for you.

00:24:17.839 --> 00:24:21.119
Seeds of Hope is a great foundation, hands down.

00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:24.319
What they do is amazing, is God's work.

00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:25.440
It truly is.

00:24:25.680 --> 00:24:34.480
Um, so for anyone who doesn't know what Seeds of Hope is, is they actually have a building um that they use.

00:24:34.559 --> 00:24:35.839
It's a full kitchen.

00:24:36.000 --> 00:24:48.160
Um, and if you're homeless or don't have any food or down on your luck or whatever, you can always guarantee um they will serve you food.

00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:53.119
Um, I don't know what the time frames are, but I know that you can go there breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

00:24:53.279 --> 00:24:58.799
And in the winter time, um, you can go there for a few hours and it's called a warming station.

00:24:59.039 --> 00:25:07.359
So you can go there for um certain times um throughout the day to get your breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but then you can also go there.

00:25:08.319 --> 00:25:26.880
I wanna say that they close the doors after dinner and then they reopen them for like two or three hours in the night time so you can basically warm up, get out of the cold, and then unfortunately, they do have to kick you back out because like they don't have the ability to keep people there.

00:25:27.440 --> 00:25:29.920
Um things have changed recently.

00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:34.319
I was talking to one of the directors and kind of got an update.

00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:40.240
Um, did some research on Seeds of Hope before getting there as well.

00:25:40.480 --> 00:25:53.839
And uh so one of the main um things for me is that I know that my mom used to go there um for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

00:25:56.160 --> 00:26:02.559
Um, and it was one of those things that I knew she was she was fed.

00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:08.079
Um and so that was like important, important for me.

00:26:08.240 --> 00:26:17.599
Um I knew that she would go there and they would give her uh a warm jacket, maybe some gloves, um that sort of thing while she was homeless.

00:26:17.839 --> 00:26:22.000
Um so I knew they were doing they were doing God's work.

00:26:23.119 --> 00:26:28.559
So for me, I was like going back and forth, like I have just laid my mom to rest.

00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:34.240
Do I just not go and just stay strong and keep moving on?

00:26:34.480 --> 00:26:46.640
Um, or do I go and support the support the community and can support the the foundation that was there for my mom when I couldn't be?

00:26:47.119 --> 00:26:50.640
They were there for her when like literally nobody else was.

00:26:51.519 --> 00:26:57.839
And a lot of it not by um anybody else's like own doing, but she wasn't taking help from anybody else either.

00:26:57.920 --> 00:26:58.480
You know what I mean?

00:26:59.119 --> 00:27:01.519
And um, but she was taking help from them.

00:27:01.839 --> 00:27:06.319
And like you said, they were there when nobody else was.

00:27:06.640 --> 00:27:31.759
And they do other things there, like you know, if you are trying to get uh food stamps or housing assistance and that sort of thing, like they'll set you up with a um a caseworker, and um, you know, they'll get you in contact with um like the housing departments in the local area and kind of help you do your taxes, and they just do a whole lot of things.

00:27:31.920 --> 00:27:34.559
Um, it's n it's basically like a resource center.

00:27:34.799 --> 00:27:39.119
Yeah, it's a lot more than just like a food pantry or a soup kitchen.

00:27:39.359 --> 00:27:41.440
Like there's all these other things I didn't even know about.

00:27:41.599 --> 00:27:46.559
Like you're educating me as we go through all this and all the things that they do offer.

00:27:48.160 --> 00:27:56.480
And um they have like a um a closet that they will basically like clothe people, which is super nice.

00:27:56.720 --> 00:28:04.720
And um, your mom and I donate to them all the time with with clothes, like sometimes we go to goodwill and sometimes we go to um seeds of hope.

00:28:04.799 --> 00:28:09.680
Like now that we've recently just found out about like Seeds of Hope that they take clothes.

00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:17.519
Um because the last couple of times we have tried to go there, they weren't accepting anything, so we would just go to the goodwill.

00:28:17.680 --> 00:28:29.039
Um, but to know that they like take clothes and you know what they do with them is they they allow people from Seeds of Hope to go in there, kind of get um some clothes, like especially if they're going to an interview and that sort of thing.

00:28:29.119 --> 00:28:32.880
Like they'll bring them to the closet um and like hook them up.

00:28:33.759 --> 00:28:40.319
I had actually experienced Seeds of Hope um before my mom had started using their services.

00:28:40.480 --> 00:28:45.119
Um, when I was working at the addiction clinic, we used to have um Oh, that makes sense.

00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:56.480
We would send people down there, they would drop off coupons and that sort of thing and kind of uh give us their information cards, like letting us know, like, hey, you know, if you have somebody who's in need, we're happy to help them.

00:28:56.640 --> 00:28:57.440
These are the resources.

00:28:57.519 --> 00:29:01.759
That's kind of like where I got kind of all of their information um initially.

00:29:01.920 --> 00:29:04.960
And that was like six years ago.

00:29:05.119 --> 00:29:09.359
Um, so before my mom even needed, yeah, yeah.

00:29:09.440 --> 00:29:15.440
So I already knew that they were already doing good work, and I used to send my patients down there all the time.

00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:18.880
Um, so it's it was really nice.

00:29:18.960 --> 00:29:23.599
Um, but I did, I contemplated back and forth leading up to it.

00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:24.960
Like, am I am I going?

00:29:25.039 --> 00:29:26.000
Is this a right move?

00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:28.319
Is this um is this God's plan?

00:29:28.559 --> 00:29:30.319
Am I gonna set myself back?

00:29:30.480 --> 00:29:32.799
Like I literally went through like all the motions.

00:29:32.880 --> 00:29:36.880
Like I was like, you know, no, I'm just it's just a couple of hours, like you're just gonna stay home.

00:29:36.960 --> 00:29:40.240
Like, you don't need to go, you're fine, you're already set up, good to go.

00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:41.920
We got the charger good.

00:29:42.240 --> 00:29:46.480
And then I was like, no, there's a there's a reason for this.

00:29:46.559 --> 00:29:48.559
Like there's there's a bigger plan.

00:29:49.039 --> 00:29:51.599
Um so I ended up going.

00:29:52.079 --> 00:29:52.960
It was fun.

00:29:53.440 --> 00:29:56.799
I think um you're absolutely right.

00:29:56.880 --> 00:29:58.880
There was certainly a bigger plan.

00:29:59.119 --> 00:30:09.440
I Never noticed the charity when she first reached out because had I noticed, we could have had a discussion, decided, you know what I mean?

00:30:09.519 --> 00:30:12.240
We this was all sprung on you, you know.

00:30:12.480 --> 00:30:20.079
It was on a whim that I took the gig, it was on a whim that it actually fit in the schedule because for the next two weekends in a row, I would have had to say no.

00:30:20.240 --> 00:30:20.480
Right.

00:30:20.720 --> 00:30:24.160
So the fact that it actually fit in as well was random.

00:30:24.319 --> 00:30:27.519
Um, it was all God's plan, it was all God's timing.

00:30:27.839 --> 00:30:34.559
And um, I think it was incredible that just the way it all went, that it worked out, that you would find out.

00:30:34.640 --> 00:30:40.880
Like before, you didn't have I knew about this for weeks, maybe a month, right?

00:30:41.039 --> 00:30:42.720
But I didn't realize, right?

00:30:42.799 --> 00:30:43.599
I didn't do the research.

00:30:43.839 --> 00:30:50.400
Like I knew of the fundraiser, but I didn't know the I read it, but I just skipped over it, and I was like, last time I talked to her, she worked for a bank.

00:30:50.480 --> 00:30:51.440
So what you know what I mean?

00:30:51.519 --> 00:30:53.759
I I literally like don't remember.

00:30:53.920 --> 00:30:58.240
I just kind of spruised over it, or we could have talked this out for the longest time.

00:30:58.319 --> 00:31:02.480
This was sprung on you with like, you know, less than I mean, it was hours, basically.

00:31:02.799 --> 00:31:04.000
Which is probably a better idea than it's like.

00:31:05.200 --> 00:31:13.359
That's why I think it was more God's plan because you would have sweated over this, you know, you would have changed your mind 16 times to Sunday, you know what I mean?

00:31:13.519 --> 00:31:13.599
Right.

00:31:13.759 --> 00:31:16.160
And in this time that didn't really give you that option.

00:31:16.240 --> 00:31:18.000
It was like, well, I guess I'm I'm doing this.

00:31:18.559 --> 00:31:27.680
And also I think it was good that we were able to go there, set up, get a little vibe, leave, come home, go back, like kind of reprepare yourself.

00:31:27.759 --> 00:31:28.160
Yeah.

00:31:28.400 --> 00:31:30.640
But it was certainly wasn't our plan.

00:31:30.799 --> 00:31:33.599
This just worked out like the way it was supposed to work out.

00:31:34.720 --> 00:31:42.160
I also, in the back of my mind, felt like at some point you were gonna have some form of conversation just because I know you.

00:31:42.319 --> 00:31:52.319
But while I was DJing, I looked over and there was a lot of time where you were just kind of distracting yourself on the couch and just kind of you know letting things kind of happen.

00:31:52.799 --> 00:32:04.640
Um then there was a point where I saw you settle in and you were like dancing and enjoying yourself, but there was definitely a block of time where you look like you either needed to distract yourself or you weren't feeling comfortable, you know.

00:32:05.039 --> 00:32:07.359
Um there's nothing at that point that I can do.

00:32:07.440 --> 00:32:14.880
I'm behind a booth just trying to work and um, you know, not look like an idiot and plaid, basically.

00:32:15.200 --> 00:32:18.799
Yeah, it was a lot of uh a lot of different things going on.

00:32:18.880 --> 00:32:30.079
Like it was, you know, in the in the back of my mind, I'm like, um, I just kept hearing say thank you, say thank you, say thank you, like non-stop.

00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:45.119
And so I was you know, um scrolling on my phone, just trying to like just be in the moment, but also like ignore this nonstop, like thank you, thank you, thank you in my head.

00:32:45.440 --> 00:32:56.720
Um, there was a couple of times that I had run into the organizers, and I just kept saying to myself, like, we're not telling them nothing.

00:32:57.200 --> 00:32:59.119
I'm here, I'm with the DJ.

00:32:59.440 --> 00:33:00.480
I'm gonna blend in here.

00:33:00.640 --> 00:33:01.759
I'm blending in.

00:33:02.000 --> 00:33:02.720
That's it.

00:33:02.880 --> 00:33:09.920
I know the Midors, I know the Labbies, like I Trottiers, Trottiers, like all of them, they were there yesterday.

00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:12.319
Like, I I'm just here with them.

00:33:12.480 --> 00:33:16.640
They know me from DJing with you, and that's that's just what I'm here for.

00:33:16.880 --> 00:33:33.119
Um, and I didn't want I I didn't want to bring up my mom, and I just kept saying that in my head, like, we're not doing this, we're not, there's no we're not having our conversation, we're here to get in, get out, we're here for two hours.

00:33:33.279 --> 00:33:34.880
Like, and I just kept going through that.

00:33:34.960 --> 00:33:44.160
Like, I just kept going through the motions, and I was like, There's no need for you to share your story to any anyone, like it it's not your story to share.

00:33:44.480 --> 00:33:46.880
Like, just be done with it, you know what I mean?

00:33:46.960 --> 00:33:52.160
Like, I didn't use them as a service, um, but I saw them help a lot of people.

00:33:52.400 --> 00:34:03.839
Um, so I had like a couple of drinks, and I was like, all right, I'm gonna dance with the crew, like hang out, like let let loose a little bit.

00:34:04.079 --> 00:34:10.880
Um and the it just kept getting louder.

00:34:11.840 --> 00:34:18.239
But it was funny because it was originally like say thank you, say thank you, say thank you.

00:34:18.559 --> 00:34:20.159
And I'm like, say thank you for what?

00:34:20.400 --> 00:34:25.679
Like I'm literally like I'm probably sound like a psychopath, but I'm like, say thank you for what?

00:34:26.320 --> 00:34:28.000
Like I'm I'm lost.

00:34:29.039 --> 00:34:33.199
At one point I heard please, please say thank you.

00:34:33.440 --> 00:34:41.519
And I was like, So I sat back and I just started like just evaluating the situation.

00:34:41.679 --> 00:34:53.440
Like I'm sitting, I'm standing at the DJ booth with you, looking over the dance floor is full, the they just had a great like auction, and I'm just taking in the moment at that point.

00:34:53.519 --> 00:34:57.119
And I was like, okay, I got it, I got it.

00:34:57.280 --> 00:35:00.400
Like I'm okay, I'm gonna make it right.

00:35:00.559 --> 00:35:11.119
And I think you had at that point just were working on your last song or something of that nature, and I was like, I'm gonna go to the bathroom, and then um you asked me to settle up the tab.

00:35:11.280 --> 00:35:23.280
So I did, and I like started to walk towards and I walked towards the the bar and ran into a friend that I knew, said hi, did the whole shebang, and then ran directly into the director.

00:35:23.840 --> 00:35:26.880
Like bam, like whoa, excuse me, sorry.

00:35:26.960 --> 00:35:30.320
Like I had talked to her like earlier, hi, I'm Allie, whatever.

00:35:30.880 --> 00:35:32.880
Ran smack into her.

00:35:34.000 --> 00:35:38.800
And it was like it was like word vomit.

00:35:39.119 --> 00:35:45.920
Like I felt so bad, but I just like I word vomited on her, and I was like, thank you.

00:35:46.559 --> 00:35:48.239
Thank you for everything that you do.

00:35:48.400 --> 00:35:50.320
I know you don't hear that enough.

00:35:52.079 --> 00:35:56.079
And she was like, it stopped her in her tracks.

00:35:56.480 --> 00:35:56.719
Right.

00:35:57.039 --> 00:35:58.719
We certainly didn't expect that.

00:35:59.440 --> 00:36:18.400
Um and it was the next thing that came out of my mouth is coming from a family member on the other side who knows that their family member is being fed and clothed and all the things by you.

00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:22.400
You're doing God's work, and I'm so grateful.

00:36:22.559 --> 00:36:24.559
I'm so grateful that you're there.

00:36:24.800 --> 00:36:30.719
Um thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you're what you're doing, and please keep doing what you're doing.

00:36:30.880 --> 00:36:35.920
I know you don't hear thank you from those people, and that's okay.

00:36:36.079 --> 00:36:41.440
Um, but no, the people on the outside that see it, it means a lot.

00:36:41.920 --> 00:36:54.639
And I said to her, before my mom took her own life, she used your service every single day.

00:36:54.960 --> 00:37:00.480
And I don't know if you do any of the serving there or if you're behind the scenes.

00:37:00.639 --> 00:37:02.079
I don't know.

00:37:02.639 --> 00:37:12.239
Um, but m I know my mom was going there every single day, and she said, Um, what was your mom's name?

00:37:12.480 --> 00:37:30.079
And I said, her name was Angel, and her last name is Monk, and she just looked at me and she chuckled a little bit, and I said, She's not the nicest person on earth.

00:37:30.320 --> 00:37:38.239
Uh wasn't the nicest person, and she just looked at me and said, She hated me.

00:37:38.719 --> 00:37:44.639
And I said, Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm her daughter and she hated me too.

00:37:45.119 --> 00:37:51.840
I said, but um, you know, it comes with the territory, I guess.

00:37:52.159 --> 00:37:57.760
Um but I knew that she was okay when she was here.

00:37:58.159 --> 00:38:06.559
When she would tell me, I'm trying to catch the bus, I'm trying to go to Seeds, that to me was she's gonna get a warm meal.

00:38:07.679 --> 00:38:12.079
She may get a warm shower if they are if they're open.

00:38:12.400 --> 00:38:17.760
Um because sometimes they don't do showers and that sort of thing um during dinner time.

00:38:17.920 --> 00:38:26.880
And so there were just like some checks check marks if like in my head, like, all right, she's gonna checking in.

00:38:26.960 --> 00:38:30.320
If they need if she needs something, they'll help her.

00:38:30.480 --> 00:38:32.960
If she hurt herself, they'll help her.

00:38:33.199 --> 00:38:35.760
Um I knew there was somebody there.

00:38:36.000 --> 00:38:44.800
Um, and she gave me the biggest hug and she got teary-eyed, and she just said, Thank you.

00:38:45.039 --> 00:38:46.159
That means a lot.

00:38:46.559 --> 00:38:48.719
Um, we don't hear it.

00:38:49.199 --> 00:38:50.719
We don't hear it at all.

00:38:51.440 --> 00:38:53.440
And I said, I can believe that.

00:38:53.760 --> 00:39:02.480
And one of her other workers um said, We just do what we do because we need to.

00:39:02.960 --> 00:39:03.199
Right.

00:39:03.519 --> 00:39:06.480
We're we're driven uh to do so.

00:39:07.440 --> 00:39:10.880
And her and I chit-chatted a a little bit more.

00:39:11.039 --> 00:39:24.320
She told me some stories about how um how and why my mom hates her, and apparently she went there super late and they were closing for lunchtime, and my mom was like, Can I take a shower?

00:39:24.480 --> 00:39:25.840
And she was like, No.

00:39:26.400 --> 00:39:28.559
And because they were closing.

00:39:28.719 --> 00:39:29.039
Yeah.

00:39:29.280 --> 00:39:31.119
And rules, who would figure?

00:39:31.360 --> 00:39:32.159
Correct.

00:39:32.400 --> 00:39:42.079
And apparently my mom held that grudge, and anytime she saw her, she gave her a dirty look or called her a bad name or whatnot.

00:39:42.320 --> 00:39:45.679
And she said, I didn't take it personal.

00:39:45.840 --> 00:39:47.760
Yeah, it was that wasn't her.

00:39:47.920 --> 00:39:48.079
Right.

00:39:48.239 --> 00:39:52.639
If I would have seen her outside of the addiction, that wasn't her.

00:39:53.280 --> 00:39:54.960
And I said, You're right.

00:39:55.119 --> 00:39:56.639
You're right, you're absolutely right.

00:39:56.960 --> 00:40:00.639
You're absolutely right about the um holding the grudge part too.

00:40:00.800 --> 00:40:01.519
Oh yeah.

00:40:01.679 --> 00:40:06.719
And I knew when she said, like I knew she knew, I knew she knew who she was talking about.

00:40:06.960 --> 00:40:12.800
She's talking about a white person based off descriptions, correct, and like the dirty looks, the uh, you know, that sort of thing.

00:40:12.960 --> 00:40:20.400
Um and so she said, you know, there are a few that do hold a soft spot in your heart, and uh, she was one of them.

00:40:20.480 --> 00:40:24.400
And that that to me was another like a check mark.

00:40:24.559 --> 00:40:25.119
Right.

00:40:25.599 --> 00:40:33.599
Those are the ones that you take care of, those are the ones that you know come in, and maybe you give them a little extra.

00:40:33.760 --> 00:40:55.440
Yeah, I didn't know that until now, but um, you know, she said that she was really heartbroken to hear um what had happened, and her and I kind of uh went through what was going around Seeds of Hope because all the homeless and all the addicts come together at one dinner table and she hears the the rif raff.

00:40:55.920 --> 00:41:06.320
Um, and so we had a conversation about that, and uh you know, she was packing up, I was holding you up from packing up.

00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:06.800
My bad.

00:41:07.039 --> 00:41:20.320
I didn't know, I was like, I didn't know what at this point I didn't think you were having this kind of conversation, or I never would have texted you, but like I'm done and looking for the car key just to open the trunk, and I'm like, even if you're pinging the tab, just lean out the window and unlock the trunk.

00:41:20.400 --> 00:41:23.119
Like I didn't know you were having this conversation at the time.

00:41:23.360 --> 00:41:28.239
And what's weird is like my watch and my phone didn't go off at all until like 20 minutes down the road.

00:41:28.400 --> 00:41:28.639
Right.

00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:30.000
Like that you were texting me.

00:41:30.079 --> 00:41:34.639
And like we were in like a pretty well like yeah, on a Wi-Fi network.

00:41:34.719 --> 00:41:35.519
Like Yeah.

00:41:35.679 --> 00:41:37.039
So it was like super bizarre.

00:41:37.280 --> 00:41:40.480
You weren't supposed to be distracted, so my messages didn't make it, you know what I mean?

00:41:40.719 --> 00:41:55.039
Yeah, and it was just a really good um opportunity for me to share um my story as someone on the outside who doesn't use her services to know that they're doing the right thing.

00:41:55.119 --> 00:42:06.079
And like even if you know they are having a bad day and someone's being super mean to them, that like there are family members out there that are very grateful to know that they're checking in at seeds.

00:42:06.559 --> 00:42:08.480
How often do they ever really get that?

00:42:08.719 --> 00:42:09.440
You know what I mean?

00:42:09.760 --> 00:42:14.159
Like, like you said, people in the situation, not a lot of them are gonna say thank you.

00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:15.440
It's not their fault.

00:42:15.599 --> 00:42:20.800
Like they're I should say, I mean, I don't know if fault's the right word, but a lot of these folks are they're addicted, right?

00:42:20.880 --> 00:42:22.960
So they're not their true selves, right?

00:42:23.119 --> 00:42:33.519
They're not um really with it in the sense of like being grateful and you know and and saying thank you and counting bustins, but there's a lot of them that I'm sure, I'm sure are, you know what I mean?

00:42:33.920 --> 00:42:49.440
But also of that, if you have a very slim amount that probably say thank you all the time or show their true appreciation of all the people that go there to actually hear from family, like family members, I'm guessing that very rarely ever happens, right?

00:42:49.840 --> 00:42:55.920
Because a lot of these people that are going there, they might not even have family left, and that could be part of the reason.

00:42:56.000 --> 00:42:56.480
You know what I mean?

00:42:56.559 --> 00:42:59.440
They might not even be, they could be hundreds of miles away from home.

00:42:59.599 --> 00:43:00.000
I don't know.

00:43:00.079 --> 00:43:05.039
They could have a broken scenario where they don't talk to their family at all, you know what I mean?

00:43:05.119 --> 00:43:24.400
And then they and which was much like the situation that that that Angel had, but the likelihood, the percentage points on the fact that this all lined up for you to be able to to say thank you is um that's truly God's timing.

00:43:24.480 --> 00:43:27.199
It's not this was completely out of our hands.

00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:31.119
This was in no no way, shape, or form created by us.

00:43:32.079 --> 00:43:44.320
And I think it was, you know, we had a good conversation when we left there, and you made a very, very good point that, you know, like it was probably, I mean, very well my mom saying, please say thank you.

00:43:44.559 --> 00:43:54.400
Please close up those loose ends that I never had the ability to, but now that I've transitioned and I'm not addicted and I'm not in any pain, I see all the good that they've done.

00:43:54.480 --> 00:43:56.480
Yeah, um, so please do that for me.

00:43:56.639 --> 00:44:01.360
So as soon as you said, like, I just kept having this feeling, this you know, say thank you.

00:44:01.440 --> 00:44:04.800
I just kept hearing this, and I was like, Well, that's that's Angel.

00:44:05.039 --> 00:44:07.280
She wants you to say thank you.

00:44:07.440 --> 00:44:26.639
And and I'd also said that you not necessarily knowing it, have had things placed on your path, or you've been put in a direction to tie up loose ends for angel.

00:44:27.760 --> 00:44:38.159
And you've been on this this journey here, and it started with with the Reiki and the conversations and the tough conversations, and we've said it on here before, folks.

00:44:38.239 --> 00:44:40.480
There's multiple conversations and episodes on here.

00:44:40.559 --> 00:44:45.360
If you guys want to go back and follow along on those, they're extremely, extremely powerful.

00:44:45.519 --> 00:44:54.400
And you can hear Ali's whole story on this, and you'll start to see now as we sprinkle time and distance on it, how much all of this makes sense.

00:44:55.119 --> 00:45:08.800
And we had this like come to Jesus conversation on the ride home on Saturday night where you start connecting the dots and say, Man, you've been closing the loop, you've been tying up loose ends for Angel without even knowing it.

00:45:08.960 --> 00:45:21.760
You've gotten phone calls from random like drug addicts that were given your number from somebody else, who was giving your number from somebody else that wanted to hear a story that was trying to connect with Angel.

00:45:22.159 --> 00:45:28.079
You've had to firsthand tell so many people months later that she's no longer here.

00:45:28.159 --> 00:45:30.960
Yeah, you've been the one breaking that that news.

00:45:31.119 --> 00:45:49.599
You've had so many uncomfortable off-the-wall conversations, whether you're getting your nails done and a person that was selling and buying drugs with her walks in and results in you almost going fisticuffs in the parking lot, but giving her a conversation, a reality that maybe sets in and maybe hopefully changes her direction.

00:45:49.760 --> 00:45:55.760
Yeah, but you think of these things, so many of these conversations I'm certain were driven by angel, right?

00:45:56.079 --> 00:46:01.199
Yeah and the people that you've had to talk to that you've never seen before, you've never heard from before.

00:46:02.159 --> 00:46:05.679
Um, it's in it's incredible the way some of these things have gone.

00:46:06.000 --> 00:46:11.679
Yeah, I just got a message the other day from some random lady, never even she's like, I've been trying to call and text her mom.

00:46:11.840 --> 00:46:12.320
Where is she?

00:46:12.559 --> 00:46:13.039
Is she okay?

00:46:13.199 --> 00:46:14.719
Did she get into rehab?

00:46:16.000 --> 00:46:16.880
Who are you?

00:46:16.960 --> 00:46:18.639
Yeah, where did you get my information?

00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:18.960
Right.

00:46:19.199 --> 00:46:24.159
Like, I can be my hand on the Cabela's catalog, eye to the sky.

00:46:24.320 --> 00:46:27.119
She didn't go around saying I have a son and a daughter.

00:46:27.360 --> 00:46:27.679
Right.

00:46:27.840 --> 00:46:29.440
We know that to be true.

00:46:30.079 --> 00:46:37.599
The um the the thing too is like if you think about it now, like I like we always say, sprinkle time and distance on it.

00:46:37.760 --> 00:46:42.960
You look at some of the pebbles and the path and the stones that were cast to make this all work out.

00:46:43.119 --> 00:46:48.559
A detective calls you and says, I have her belongings, and you deny wanting to pick those up.

00:46:49.119 --> 00:46:51.199
Eventually you go and pick those up.

00:46:51.360 --> 00:47:00.800
That leads you to, you know, burner phones and information that tells you the truth, but also connects you to these people in these conversations.

00:47:00.960 --> 00:47:08.639
Yeah, it gives you the ability to call bullshit when you see somebody at a nail salon and say, No, you can't feed me those lies.

00:47:08.719 --> 00:47:10.960
I have the phone, I read the story.

00:47:11.119 --> 00:47:12.800
Like you know the truth.

00:47:12.960 --> 00:47:16.639
All these things were placed there for you to close these loops.

00:47:16.880 --> 00:47:19.440
Like, you've been on this journey to do so.

00:47:19.760 --> 00:47:22.960
And I we talked about it on Saturday.

00:47:23.119 --> 00:47:27.920
A few weeks ago, you went and you finally had the opportunity to lay her to rest.

00:47:28.239 --> 00:47:30.000
There was no church service.

00:47:30.159 --> 00:47:30.400
No.

00:47:30.559 --> 00:47:35.199
The next day, as a family, we walked into church, and we've done it every Sunday since.

00:47:36.880 --> 00:47:42.239
This past weekend, we think and feel that was the final step.

00:47:42.880 --> 00:47:46.559
You were able to say thank you to the people that were there for her.

00:47:46.719 --> 00:47:46.960
Yeah.

00:47:47.199 --> 00:47:50.559
Even when she said she didn't want to help, they were there for her.

00:47:51.199 --> 00:47:55.920
It's um it's God's timing and it's it's Angel's message.

00:47:56.079 --> 00:48:12.800
And I think that regardless of the difficulties that you two have had for her to be where she is now, watching you where you are now, and knowing after all of this, you're still doing this for her.

00:48:13.679 --> 00:48:18.639
We just went through a a church service on Sunday that was on forgiveness.

00:48:19.440 --> 00:48:27.039
I also would would say that that message on forgiveness was also certainly given to you.

00:48:27.119 --> 00:48:38.880
And I'm certain it was given to many more people that it resonated with there, but you have every reason to live with resentment.

00:48:39.440 --> 00:48:43.519
You have every reason to live with the hostility.

00:48:44.719 --> 00:48:47.599
It's because of your heart that you live with forgiveness.

00:48:48.639 --> 00:48:48.880
Yeah.

00:48:49.360 --> 00:48:56.639
That message on forgiveness at church speaks volumes to this path that you've been on.

00:48:57.440 --> 00:49:01.280
And to realize that, like on Saturday, you're saying thank you.

00:49:01.519 --> 00:49:05.920
You're doing these things on her behalf, and then we're going to church and we're getting this message.

00:49:06.159 --> 00:49:11.440
It's incredible to me that um this is what's been happening.

00:49:11.519 --> 00:49:17.199
And I know that there's been some difficult times and days for for you and for us.

00:49:17.440 --> 00:49:20.400
You know, we've struggled through some things as of late.

00:49:20.719 --> 00:49:26.880
And I questioned whether you would want to have this episode tonight and bring some of these things back up.

00:49:26.960 --> 00:49:36.880
But I also think that it just goes to show that you're forever committed to the fact that what it is that you're going through, if you share it, it's going to help other people.

00:49:37.519 --> 00:49:46.880
And um people should also realize that when you have the strength to share what you're going through, I think it makes people feel better as well.

00:49:46.960 --> 00:50:02.800
And I hope that it has for you, and that you can recognize that I forgive there's a lot of forgiveness in my heart, and and I've done these things and I'm closing these loops, and I think that that is a major help for both of you.

00:50:02.880 --> 00:50:11.119
And I think that you certainly didn't hear it enough as a child, and I know that, and you didn't hear it enough as an adult.

00:50:12.400 --> 00:50:24.559
But that voice in your head that said to say thank you, I think you you absolutely know that she's proud of you and she appreciates that you have done that and that you've been doing what you're doing.

00:50:24.880 --> 00:50:25.519
Yeah.

00:50:26.639 --> 00:50:27.280
Yeah.

00:50:27.679 --> 00:50:38.719
And uh tomorrow at two o'clock, I will go ahead and sit down with with Missy and let everything go.

00:50:39.679 --> 00:50:51.440
I've made a another appointment with uh Missy, my Reiki, um Reiki coach, in order to um say my final goodbyes.

00:50:51.599 --> 00:50:56.480
And I I did that in my um first couple of sessions, but now I've done the work.

00:50:56.639 --> 00:50:56.719
Right.

00:50:56.880 --> 00:50:58.559
Um, we've laid her to rest.

00:50:58.800 --> 00:51:05.039
Um I've had these opportunities to go to church and now finally say thank you.

00:51:05.199 --> 00:51:26.880
Um, so I felt that there was no better time than um than now for me to make an appointment, um, sit down with Missy, uh, have her help me um remove the last bit of um hurt and anger that I have because of everything, um, the resentment.

00:51:27.119 --> 00:51:31.039
Um because of course I'm always going to hold on to a little bit of that.

00:51:31.360 --> 00:51:32.800
Well, it's gonna come and go, right?

00:51:33.039 --> 00:51:34.639
Emotions are gonna hit you.

00:51:34.800 --> 00:51:36.480
You're gonna see something, it's gonna remind you.

00:51:36.639 --> 00:51:39.119
You're gonna be looking at your daughter, and something's gonna hit you.

00:51:39.280 --> 00:51:52.400
Like I have all these just flashes from like my dad on things, so I can only imagine like the emotional roller coaster that that you go on over this because it's a very unique situation.

00:51:52.480 --> 00:51:53.199
You know what I mean?

00:51:53.280 --> 00:52:04.000
You're we're talking about addiction and and suicide and and abuse and the years of trying to make things work, and there's all these whirlwind of emotions.

00:52:04.079 --> 00:52:07.760
It's not like a normal situation where you're like, oh wow, I miss my relative right now.

00:52:07.840 --> 00:52:08.320
You know what I mean?

00:52:08.559 --> 00:52:09.760
It's very traumatic.

00:52:10.000 --> 00:52:13.199
So on top of everything else, yeah.

00:52:13.360 --> 00:52:20.239
Um, it's just one more uh one more loop in the belt, I guess.

00:52:20.400 --> 00:52:20.559
Yeah.

00:52:20.719 --> 00:52:25.920
Um, and that's why I'm going to uh seek um assistance with Missy.

00:52:26.000 --> 00:52:29.360
And she's helped me along the process uh this far.

00:52:29.599 --> 00:52:42.800
And I think that it's going to be super helpful um for her to allow me to release um any negativity that I have left, any hurt that I have left.

00:52:42.960 --> 00:52:50.400
Um, because at this point, now that you know we've laid her to rest, I think it's important um for me to move on.

00:52:50.480 --> 00:52:55.519
Um and remember her for the good times that we had.

00:52:55.760 --> 00:53:00.559
Um they may have been few and far between, but that's what I want to remember.

00:53:00.880 --> 00:53:10.239
Um, you know, before the addiction set in and um before she was so angry and um and it was like her against the world.

00:53:10.400 --> 00:53:10.639
Right.

00:53:10.800 --> 00:53:18.880
Um, so I think that this is going to allow me to finish the healing journey that I started.

00:53:19.039 --> 00:53:34.400
Of course, we're we're always gonna continue to grieve, but I think it's going to allow me to close that healing journey as far as hearing the news and laying her to rest.

00:53:34.719 --> 00:53:37.199
Um, I can close that chapter.

00:53:37.440 --> 00:53:47.039
Um I've done all the work in in the background of all the things, all the people I needed to talk to, um, gathering with family, that sort of thing.

00:53:47.280 --> 00:54:00.960
Now it's my time to open up to my new season of how do I live life not worrying about her, um, and being a good mom of my own.

00:54:01.360 --> 00:54:07.679
Um, and so with the assistance of Missy, we're we're gonna work on that and we're gonna move forward.

00:54:07.840 --> 00:54:23.039
Um, but I am so grateful um for you taking that gig because I feel like that was just one um one more step towards me saying goodbye um in a proper manner.

00:54:23.280 --> 00:54:23.519
Right.

00:54:23.760 --> 00:54:28.559
You know, I if you wouldn't have taken that gig, I never would have had that opportunity.

00:54:28.719 --> 00:54:35.280
Like I wouldn't have I mean, maybe if they had a like a an event or something of that nature, but I never would have had that conversation.

00:54:35.599 --> 00:54:42.159
Yeah, what it what's the likelihood of that event even falling on your lap to be like, oh, I'm gonna I I'm aware of it, I'm gonna go to it.

00:54:42.239 --> 00:54:42.800
You know what I mean?

00:54:43.199 --> 00:54:46.639
This was like a ticketed event, like a fifty dollar per person scenario.

00:54:46.719 --> 00:54:48.400
I'd never seen it advertised.

00:54:48.559 --> 00:54:56.000
Like I mean, like I've gone to like a couple of their yard sales and a couple of their like closet, like when they you know get rid of things in their closet.

00:54:56.400 --> 00:54:57.519
You might have done a donation, right?

00:54:57.599 --> 00:54:58.639
Maybe that would have been it, right?

00:54:58.719 --> 00:55:05.679
You yeah, but I mean you might have been like, I'm gonna clean the closet and I'm gonna go drop this off, and then that could have spiked a conversation, but but you never did.

00:55:06.000 --> 00:55:06.960
But I mean, what's the chances?

00:55:07.119 --> 00:55:07.760
You know what I mean?

00:55:07.840 --> 00:55:14.320
Like, because they're the organizers and they're usually at Seeds of Hope, not at the closet.

00:55:14.400 --> 00:55:23.119
So, like the likelihood of us like running into one another, and I could have run into her at the grocery store multiple of times and never knew who not had a clue.

00:55:23.360 --> 00:55:24.320
Yeah, no.

00:55:24.800 --> 00:55:40.239
Um so having the conversation with her was so heartfelt and so warm um that it you know, leaving there like was like another weight lifted off of my shoulders.

00:55:40.400 --> 00:55:58.159
Like, you know, every time I you know I don't know how to how to explain it, but every time I move closer and closer to the end of that chapter, something else comes off of my shoulders and it doesn't feel as heavy.

00:55:58.480 --> 00:55:58.719
Right.

00:55:59.039 --> 00:56:03.360
Um you argue with your husband on the ride home and then it changes everything.

00:56:03.599 --> 00:56:03.920
Right.

00:56:04.320 --> 00:56:05.199
I don't ruin it.

00:56:05.440 --> 00:56:06.400
I'm gonna kick your ass.

00:56:06.639 --> 00:56:07.599
Question for you.

00:56:08.079 --> 00:56:13.440
Did you make said Reiki appointment before or after?

00:56:14.639 --> 00:56:20.880
You got in a little heated debate conversation with your husband that said book a Reiki appointment.

00:56:21.199 --> 00:56:23.119
No, it's actually been on the schedule.

00:56:23.360 --> 00:56:23.840
Really?

00:56:24.159 --> 00:56:25.599
I can't take credit for this?

00:56:25.760 --> 00:56:26.079
No.

00:56:26.320 --> 00:56:30.480
Was it also on your schedule to leave work early and just tell me now?

00:56:31.280 --> 00:56:35.039
It's my last day of work with this company, so yeah, it's been on the schedule.

00:56:35.119 --> 00:56:39.760
It's a You literally said to me this morning, I got a feeling I'm not gonna make it the full day tomorrow.

00:56:39.920 --> 00:56:41.679
No kidding! You made an appointment.

00:56:41.840 --> 00:56:43.519
There's no way you're making the full day.

00:56:44.000 --> 00:56:44.639
Busted.

00:56:44.800 --> 00:56:44.960
Yeah.

00:56:45.280 --> 00:56:46.400
I'm so on to you.

00:56:46.639 --> 00:56:48.320
Yeah, I was just gonna show up.

00:56:48.639 --> 00:56:49.280
Yeah.

00:56:49.840 --> 00:56:54.639
But I felt like it was a way for me to do me.

00:56:54.960 --> 00:56:55.679
That makes sense.

00:56:55.840 --> 00:56:56.719
I'm happy for you.

00:56:56.880 --> 00:57:08.079
Like I'm ending one chapter of my life with the company, but I'm also ending a chapter in my life of loving it, laying my mom to rest.

00:57:08.320 --> 00:57:09.440
All on the same day.

00:57:09.920 --> 00:57:14.239
You just um drop some some news there for the people.

00:57:14.400 --> 00:57:17.519
And we're gonna leave that to the next time you join the show.

00:57:17.679 --> 00:57:21.280
That is what they call the show business, a cliffhanging.

00:57:21.920 --> 00:57:24.000
We're gonna leave the folks hanging there.

00:57:24.239 --> 00:57:27.199
There's a major news drop from the from the wife there.

00:57:27.519 --> 00:57:29.119
Not like a booger hanger.

00:57:29.360 --> 00:57:30.719
No, no bats in the cave.

00:57:31.440 --> 00:57:34.320
Not an election hanging Chad scenario.

00:57:34.400 --> 00:57:35.840
Um hanging Chad.

00:57:36.000 --> 00:57:40.400
Yeah, that election happened before you were really you were I was in middle school.

00:57:40.639 --> 00:57:42.960
So you were hanging people at elections?

00:57:43.199 --> 00:57:44.400
No, no, no, no.

00:57:44.559 --> 00:57:46.400
It's election day today, as we're recording.

00:57:46.719 --> 00:57:50.400
So another election joke was just appropriate, but I'll explain it to you.

00:57:50.480 --> 00:57:56.400
It was a gore bush election vote recount in Florida, hanging Chads.

00:57:56.960 --> 00:57:59.840
You just said there was no hanging, and then you said it was gory.

00:58:00.159 --> 00:58:01.599
And then I said something about a bush.

00:58:01.840 --> 00:58:03.760
I'll explain all of it, I promise.

00:58:04.079 --> 00:58:04.400
Okay.

00:58:04.880 --> 00:58:08.079
It's gonna require a game of poker and you losing your top.

00:58:08.480 --> 00:58:09.760
I'm not wearing one.

00:58:10.000 --> 00:58:11.119
Even better.

00:58:11.440 --> 00:58:15.280
On that note, yes, I am recording topless.

00:58:16.400 --> 00:58:21.360
You were you were wearing actually two tops, but you might be missing up there.

00:58:22.400 --> 00:58:22.880
Hello.

00:58:23.280 --> 00:58:25.440
Wow, this just got really inappropriate.

00:58:25.519 --> 00:58:28.159
Someday our child's gonna listen to this episode.

00:58:28.320 --> 00:58:29.119
People are gonna wonder.

00:58:29.360 --> 00:58:29.920
I love that.

00:58:30.079 --> 00:58:30.880
What is wrong with us?

00:58:31.119 --> 00:58:33.440
We gotta go out on a happier note.

00:58:33.760 --> 00:58:35.920
I am to that sister.

00:58:36.000 --> 00:58:38.559
But I do think everything about this was actually happy.

00:58:39.039 --> 00:58:49.519
Um and fulfilling and uplifting, and it's this journey of life that we are on is never ceases to amaze, right?

00:58:49.599 --> 00:58:52.239
Like it's uh that's crazy.

00:58:53.039 --> 00:58:57.280
I even had a really awesome church story to share this week, but uh save it.

00:58:57.440 --> 00:58:58.239
It is what it is.

00:58:58.480 --> 00:58:59.119
This is enough.

00:58:59.199 --> 00:59:01.199
People can't handle it, they can't handle any more from us.

00:59:01.360 --> 00:59:02.000
This is it.

00:59:02.320 --> 00:59:02.960
Can it?

00:59:03.360 --> 00:59:03.920
Can it?

00:59:04.480 --> 00:59:07.760
Well, until next time, America.

00:59:08.000 --> 00:59:12.079
Actually, find us at the Bangor Mall this weekend if you're curious.

00:59:12.559 --> 00:59:13.280
If you want to come on.

00:59:14.559 --> 00:59:14.719
Yeah.

00:59:14.960 --> 00:59:15.519
Till the cat.

00:59:15.920 --> 00:59:17.920
Curiosity actually filled the Christmas tree.

00:59:18.000 --> 00:59:18.639
You know what I mean?

00:59:18.800 --> 00:59:20.239
Come on out and buy something American made.

00:59:20.320 --> 00:59:22.559
I'll see you at the Bangor Mall Saturday and Sunday.

00:59:22.880 --> 00:59:24.000
We love you.

00:59:24.159 --> 00:59:25.440
We appreciate you.

00:59:25.679 --> 00:59:28.719
Thank you for supporting our American dream.

00:59:28.960 --> 00:59:30.000
My American dream.

00:59:30.159 --> 00:59:31.199
Your American dream.

00:59:31.360 --> 00:59:32.480
Our American dream.

00:59:32.719 --> 00:59:33.039
Amen.

00:59:33.440 --> 00:59:34.719
Paisley's American dream.

00:59:34.800 --> 00:59:35.599
That's that too.

00:59:35.679 --> 00:59:36.800
Now wash your hands.

00:59:37.039 --> 00:59:38.320
Eat your mashed potatoes.

00:59:38.400 --> 00:59:39.440
Take your vitamins.

00:59:40.960 --> 00:59:42.000
Filfe animal.

00:59:43.039 --> 00:59:44.480
Christmas movie blind.

00:59:46.159 --> 00:59:48.559
That's it, and that's all, Biggie Smalls.

01:00:02.559 --> 01:00:14.800
If you're a Loud Proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook at Loud Proud American or the Face page, as my mama calls it.

01:00:14.880 --> 01:00:29.840
If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker, you want to find me on Instagram or all the kids by tickety talkin' on the TikTok, you can find me on both of those at loud underscore proud underscore American.

01:00:39.199 --> 01:00:45.920
A big old thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song for this year podcast.

01:00:46.079 --> 01:00:52.000
If you are enjoying what you're hearing, track down the gut truckers on Facebook and just search Gut Truckers.

01:00:52.239 --> 01:00:54.559
Give them motherfuckers a like too.

01:00:59.280 --> 01:01:02.880
I hate to say I told you so.

01:01:07.360 --> 01:01:08.400
Make it green.

01:01:12.239 --> 01:01:13.599
I told you so.

01:01:14.480 --> 01:01:17.679
I truly thank you for supporting my American dream.

01:01:17.840 --> 01:01:20.559
Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.