Oct. 22, 2025

Closure, Faith, And A Family First

Closure, Faith, And A Family First
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Grief doesn’t keep a tidy calendar. After months of waiting, closed doors, and a family pulled in different directions, we finally laid a mother to rest beside her dad and felt the first real breath of relief. The next morning, we did something brand new together: we walked into church as a family, not for ceremony or obligation, but for hope. What unfolded was honest and unscripted—tears in the first song, our toddler dancing through worship, and a message that hit like a key turning in a lock.

We talk openly about addiction, suicide, and the strange ways grief lingers—like driving the old routes, searching faces you know you won’t find. Then we share how a TikTok live, a warm voice, and a simple prayer sparked a commitment to read the Bible in a year and pursue baptism. Faith wasn’t a dramatic conversion moment so much as a series of small, brave yeses: ordering tabs for a new Bible, choosing a church with a strong children’s program, and realizing that godparents should be a calling, not just a title.

Inside the service, one image reframed everything: empty the cup. You can’t mix coffee, wine, vinegar, and salt water and expect something good. In the same way, you can’t fill a crowded heart with peace. We explore what it means to pour out distraction, fear, and resentment so there’s room for healing, presence, and purpose. We also wrestle with feeling “behind” in faith and offer a gentler goal—know a little more about Jesus today than yesterday. That simple benchmark turns intimidation into momentum.

If you’re navigating loss, craving a restart, or trying to raise a family with intention, this conversation offers practical hope, clear language, and a reminder that closure and renewal can live side by side. Listen, share with someone who needs it, and if this resonated, follow the show, leave a review, and tell us one small habit that’s helping you heal.

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00:00 - Opening, Mission, And Milestone

02:15 - Why We’re Recording Together

03:31 - A Daughter Lays Her Mother To Rest

07:20 - Grief Delays, Family Strain, And Closure

11:03 - Remembering, Regret, And Relief

15:46 - Seeking Healing And Letting Go

19:30 - Faith Found On A TikTok Live

22:05 - A Commitment To Scripture And Baptism

26:00 - Deciding To Find A Church Together

29:20 - First Family Church Visit

33:00 - Worship, Music, And Community

36:40 - The Message: Empty Your Cup

41:20 - Parenting Through Service And Presence

45:30 - Modern Church, Belonging, And Mentors

49:10 - Children’s Ministry And Feeling Welcome

52:30 - Godparents, Baptism, And Meaning

56:40 - Intimidation, Learning, And Daily Steps

01:01:00 - Building A Shared Practice

WEBVTT

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On this week's episode of Share Other Struggle Podcast, Ali Steeks Closure, and together we embrace faith as we do something for the very first time as a family.

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Let me tell you something.

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Everybody struggles.

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The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it.

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The choice is completely yours.

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Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life.

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Find the strength and the struggle.

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And this podcast is for relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations.

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Uncomfortable conversations.

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What it do?

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What it ha did it do?

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Glord almighty.

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Am I so excited to be back with you?

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Oh, it is true.

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It is damn true.

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Episode 276, and I am back with your weekly fix.

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I say weekly because y'all know we do this every damn week.

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276 consecutive weeks.

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Share the struggle podcast.

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Don't forget to find all things podcast related at www.share the struggle podcast.com.

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Also available on all major platforms.

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Thank you to all our new listeners and our day one loyal listeners.

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Get your ones up.

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We acknowledge you.

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And we love you.

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And I say we because I'd be joined by somebody today.

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That's me.

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Our baby loves to put her ones up.

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She does.

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Our little one loves to put her ones up.

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Absolutely loves it.

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She is a day one.

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Faux show.

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Of her life.

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Right.

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Yeah, exactly.

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So we needed to do this episode together because uh we did something together, and I want to discuss that.

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But more importantly, this is kind of a um a finale of something that you've been uh going through, growing through, having to deal with, um, having to, you know, handle and process some unfortunate things that happened.

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It's kind of the hopefully the closure portion of that.

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As I said in the beginning of the podcast, this week you are seeking closure and we are embracing faith.

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And um I just think it was a great time for you to come on here and really just hopefully be able to close that chapter out with our listeners.

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There's something that you've been sharing over the past few months, and uh, just wanted to give you the time and opportunity to talk about talk about that.

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Yeah, we um finally put together we I was invited, I should say, to the closure of laying my mom to rest.

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Um, if you're new here, um my mom uh took her own life uh back in April.

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Um she was battling addiction and unfortunately the demons in her closet won.

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Um it has been a little bit of a long, drawn-out process based on the circumstances um of what she did and uh investigation on that, along with trying to come up with the funds, um because this was very unexpected um for my brother and I.

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And so with that being said, uh it's now October and um the plans were um set in place by my brother uh to make sure that she laid to rest where she wanted to be more than she wanted to be here on earth, and that was with her dad.

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Um, so we took the opportunity to uh join family and friends.

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Um and on Saturday we laid her with her dad.

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And it was a very small um gathering, but it was people that actually mattered uh that were there, and everyone reached out and tried to help my mom in some way, shape, or form.

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And um it was it was a lot of closure for all of us.

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Uh we all took the time to kind of said something nice um or said our piece, whatever we had to say, um, surrounding her ashes.

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Uh and then we all kind of went our separate ways and some of us joined up for for lunch after.

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But um this has been a long, drawn-out process, and I know that I've said that a couple times already, but it has been.

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Um more times than I can count.

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I constantly just said I just want it to be over.

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I just want it to be ever older so that I can close this chapter and start my healing journey.

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Um, because this has not uh been able to I haven't been able to heal, to be honest.

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Um I constantly find myself going downtown, still looking for her.

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Um, if I see, you know, a bunch of homeless people or or you know, where I normally would see her kind of um hanging out.

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Um so I prayed that by going to this ceremony gathering, um, it would give me the closure to kind of uh let go and and move on.

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Um and I don't want to like let go of like my mom.

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That's not what I'm saying, and I don't want that to be taken that way.

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I just want to let go of uh her death and anything um toxic that I'm still holding on to based on those circumstances.

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She's my mom, and obviously, like I, you know, will hold that in my heart.

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We didn't have the best relationship, but you know, she was my mom, and that's how I want to remember her.

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I want to remember her on, you know, the good times that we shared.

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Unfortunately for me, there there wasn't as many good times as there was bad, but I still want to hold those close to me.

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Um, and I think that um after Saturday I felt a quite large breath of fresh air.

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Um a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

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Um, I don't necessarily feel bogged down anymore because there was just a little bit of something lingering that was just kind of holding me down and um not allowing me to get out of my own way, I guess you could say.

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I think it's tough when when you lose somebody no matter what the circumstance is, and you go through that prescribed grieving time, right?

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Where the shock of the situation, a family gets together, and then traditionally family kind of huddles together and they're there for each other, and they work through three things together, and then you plan the service, and you have those those times where like everybody's together and you're all trying to um you know just offer strength and support and healing for each other.

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And if anybody's ever been through this, you know that one of the most difficult days comes when you have the service and then you get that behind you, like the reality of it being over and then the closure that's there.

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Like, that's the prescribed grieving that comes from like modern civilization and how things typically work, right?

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Oftentimes you can have a disturbance in that where maybe it's the winter time and somebody wants to be buried, and um you know, so you might go all winter without having those things.

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It was different circumstances for you, but that pre-prescribed, predetermined like time of grieving, which everybody grieves differently.

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And I'm not saying you're ever gonna get over it in a week, but I'm just saying traditionally, that's what we're used to, right?

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Used to family all getting together for you.

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This was a time that didn't unite a family, it in fact divided a family.

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It wasn't a time that brought anybody really together.

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There wasn't a lot of um positive support, and and um there was no like, hey, I'm here for you, let's heal together scenario.

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And then you have to then put on the fact that now we're talking months without any answers, months without you know, when is this gonna happen?

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How's this gonna happen?

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What's gonna happen, all those things.

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So, because of that, a lot has been left open for you.

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Where I think that maybe your heart or your mind starts to wander, wondering, like like you said, I'm downtown and I'm looking I'm looking for her, you know, I'm thinking about all these things.

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So I think that you really needed that closure um to happen, you know.

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If anybody wants to know more about your journey uh through all of this, because I think the biggest thing about all of this is the fact that you've been strong and brave and courageous enough to share your story in hopes that it helps somebody and um maybe either helps somebody that is addicted or helps family and friends get through the battle of having a loved one that's addicted.

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But the episodes in which you had these discussions, um episode 250, Loving an Addict, A Daughter's Journey to Healing, Episode 251, Breaking Free, A Journey Through Shamanic Reiki, and Episode 252, Finding Freedom, A Daughter's Final Conversation.

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I think all of those episodes really help um people to get through their own grief, you know, maybe how to respond to things, different alternative ways to heal.

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And all those things were great, but I still think that you needed this service, even though it was short, like to be something to kind of make like a uh I don't know, a symbol of finality, right?

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It had to be something that put an end to like your your mind and heart always searching.

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Yeah, it had to be like their final destination, not the movie, but like me going to the to the grave side and like seeing seeing there was a hole and that her urn was gonna go in it is just for real and it's just it's just heartbreaking because like her and I didn't have a good relationship as much as I tried.

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And I have no regrets um of all the amount of time that I've tried.

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Um but I prayed day in and day out that I could have a mother-daughter relationship and to see her earn there and to see her pictures, to know that there's never gonna be an opportunity for me to try again for her to get sober and do the right thing, and maybe we mend our relationship, or maybe we start from scratch.

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That's not an option.

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And that sucks.

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Um because if you've been here long enough, you know that this isn't the first time that I've lost my mom.

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Um, so this brings back a whole lot of a whole lot of memories.

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Um I was raised by my grandmother, um, and she passed away when I was 17.

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Um, so this is bringing up a whole lot of emotions and a whole lot of hurt all over again.

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Um, and I think the hardest thing for me is knowing that I'm a mom.

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I'm a mom now.

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And I never, ever want my daughter to feel that she can ever have a relationship with me.

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And seeing those the poster of pictures of me and my mom where she was happy and she wasn't there was no addiction at our wedding was just probably the last time that I remember um her in a good mood.

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Uh and we had a good time.

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And I try to remember that time at our wedding.

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Our wedding day specifically, because she certainly let her hair down and had a good time.

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Which is really hard.

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But it's okay.

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It's easier now.

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I know that she's not hurting.

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I know that she's not searching for food.

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Um, I know that she's where she needs to be.

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No longer No pain of any sort.

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And not begging to be with her dad in heaven.

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So um I have since the service uh drove around town and didn't look for her because I knew she was where she needed to be.

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Um and she was at her resting place.

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Yeah.

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I think that or we know that everybody heals different, and we all grieve differently, and I do feel like healing and grieving are they're they're lifelong battles, you know.

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It doesn't get answered overnight, but everybody's different, and there's certain things everybody needs to do and experience for um that that closure to to come.

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And I know that this um the service, this this burial, you needed that to happen to kind of close this chapter on many things in your life, but to put a lot of things in the past and say, you know, from this point on, like I'm gonna do right for me and my daughter and my family.

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And there's a lot of decisions and choices that you've made, and this really signifies the beginning of a lot of things for you, yeah, and hopefully the opening of new chapters and and a rebirth of yourself essentially, and part of that is a commitment that you've made to yourself um over the course of the year, and I know that you've kind of talked about this, but I really think that this quest was ramped up for you when you learned about the passing of your mother.

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If you want to share um the second kind of portion of this with everybody, I think that's another major major important thing.

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So, following the information that I had heard about my mom's passing, um it's like you said, shock.

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Like you don't know what you're supposed to be doing, what's the right answer?

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Do I answer my phone?

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Do I not?

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That sort of thing.

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Um so at one point directly after after the news, I had found myself doom scrolling um on TikTok trying to just clear my mind, and I had actually come across a TikTok live.

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Um, the lady's name is Michelle, and we've talked about it briefly.

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Um and she was on there talking about um scripture and devotionals, and was reading from the Bible, they were reading a specific uh chapter, and she was going over that.

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And I for whatever reason I was scrolling, like I said, and it had stopped me dead in my tracks.

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And Michelle's warm voice on the TikTok was really just what I needed.

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It was like a motherly, nurturing voice that I needed to soothe my heart at the moment.

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Um, and she had mentioned during her live that if anyone was willing to give their life to God, that she would pray with them and she would recite the savior's prayer.

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And at that time I didn't know what that meant.

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Um, but if but she said, if you're ready, write I'm ready in the comments.

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I had just found out that my mom had taken her own life hours before this.

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My mind is not right.

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I am doom scrolling on TikTok trying to keep my mind right.

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And it was like word vomit.

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My hands typed, I'm ready.

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I don't know what I'm ready for.

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But apparently I was ready.

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And at that moment, I went ahead and recited the Savior's prayer with Michelle, and at that time she explained, you know, it when you're ready, we'll go through this, and this is your time to give it to God.

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Anything that you're uncertain of, now's the chance.

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Give it to God, and that right there is where I was at.

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I was in the moment that I was so uncertain of what to do next and where to go that I was in the moment of give it to God because I don't know.

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And following that prayer, Michelle and I had kind of a conversation back and forth um in the comment section, and she asked me if I had a Bible, and uh I said no, I didn't.

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She sent me one, and from that moment I received the Bible, I got tabs for it, I got a binder cover.

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Um, and I made the commitment to myself that I was gonna read the Bible in a year.

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Uh, my friend, um, a friend of ours, um, Shannon, she shared with me an app that you can download on your phone and you can pick the Bible that you want to read, and they go through um a chapter a day.

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Um, and I have decided that once I've finished that Bible in a year, I want to become baptized.

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Um and I think that this is my way of making a commitment to changing my life and leaning more towards my faith.

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And honestly, I I can't thank Michelle enough for having that live.

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I've actually taken the time, and she's asked me to share my testimony on her live, and I did that probably um about a month ago at this point.

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And it's just so amazing.

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She had no idea that her live would have changed me, um, or at least uh pointed me towards God in more ways.

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Would I have gotten there?

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I'm sure of it.

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But it was her live that actually was like, you're you're ready, do this.

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And so I've been reading my Bible.

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Um I I'm not gonna lie, I listen to my Bible.

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I can't read.

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I mean, I can read, but I don't know what I'm reading, I can't retain what I'm reading.

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So I'm I'm holding strong on this, and uh following the service, I said to you that I want to go to church.

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I had done some research on a couple of local churches, um church shopping, I guess you could say.

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I think um it's a great time here to say that you know, both of us over the past couple years.

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Well, I guess just to say like over the past couple years, I've always talked about trying to lean into my faith more, and I try to make the commitment to reading the Bible, and I always end up losing my way, and every year I start the new year off with trying to um make the commitment to myself to lean into it more, and then by the middle of the year I'm right off track again, you know.

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And um, it's time for me to take that serious in my life as well.

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And um you being on this journey has been a motivator to me because I felt like for the longest time I was the only one on that journey, and um, I think it's just anything in life is easier with support, and um I have been curious about finding a church and finding the right one as well, as you say, church shopping, because you want to fit, right?

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You just you want to fit, you want to feel comfortable, and you also want to be inspired and and motivated.

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And there's I just think back to when I was a little kid in certain like church situations where you're like I don't know, I don't even know the right way to explain it, but maybe getting lost and confused and not knowing what was going on, and I need somebody to break things down and relate to them um in today's life and time so I can understand it, you know.

00:25:21.759 --> 00:25:31.440
And um I've never I've been I was baptized and I've been to church, but traditionally I only go to church for weddings and funerals, right?

00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:45.759
And um I've always talked about joining a church, or at least I shouldn't say always over the past couple years, but I've also been slightly afraid to do so as well, you know.

00:25:46.000 --> 00:25:57.599
Um and it can be intimidating, and I think that religion itself can be intimidating for so many folks because you know there's all these things like what do I do?

00:25:57.759 --> 00:26:00.480
Like what's what's asked of me, you know.

00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:11.680
Um everything just seems to have so much tradition, and you know, it's you build this thing up in your in your mind of like kind of being overwhelmed.

00:26:12.319 --> 00:26:27.359
And um, so when we first started talking about this, um originally started because we met um Father Neto and we wanted to be able to go to some of his services, yeah, but it's just turned into a whole different journey that we've been on.

00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:39.359
And um when you came to me and said I want to go to church on Sunday, I was I don't think I originally even gave a thought.

00:26:39.440 --> 00:26:40.640
I said, Yeah, I'm in.

00:26:41.440 --> 00:26:47.119
And then after I kind of gave it a lot of thought and said, like, now's the time.

00:26:47.680 --> 00:26:48.559
Now's the time.

00:26:48.799 --> 00:27:02.400
And for me, I had to really call truths with myself and say, you've been proclaiming your faith for years, but in reality, you're not committing to it at the level in which you should.

00:27:03.440 --> 00:27:07.839
And um, you know, you can feel hypocritical in in doing that.

00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:12.720
So I said, call yourself to the carpet, the time is now.

00:27:12.799 --> 00:27:34.640
And when I look at myself and I think about some of the episodes and conversations we've had over the past couple of months, and really leaning into our faith, and and you think about Charlie Kirk and the movement that's happened with Charlie Kirk, the revival in this country, and how many people started going to church because of that.

00:27:35.519 --> 00:27:42.880
And last week we talked about a tribute and honoring honoring the man and the family and the legacy and the things that he's done.

00:27:43.039 --> 00:27:55.759
I also felt there couldn't be a better tribute or way for me to honor somebody that I feel like has had a positive impact on on my life than by bucking up and going to church as well, right?

00:27:55.920 --> 00:28:01.119
So I thought for me that was also a good way and a great time for me to honor him and myself.

00:28:01.839 --> 00:28:14.559
And then I really put more thought into it and said, if I am a loving, supporting husband, then this is absolutely the time to go because you're on this journey and I can't let you go on that alone.

00:28:14.960 --> 00:28:21.279
And the service that happened for your mother, I was home with our daughter during that time.

00:28:21.519 --> 00:28:24.319
We didn't think it was a time or a place for Paisley.

00:28:24.400 --> 00:28:24.960
Right.

00:28:25.279 --> 00:28:46.319
And um, this is something that you wanted to handle, and um, I respected your wishes, and and I also had the assumption that the spiritual guidance, the faith that you needed wasn't gonna come from that service at a graveside.

00:28:46.480 --> 00:28:49.759
It was gonna come from a full-on church service.

00:28:50.640 --> 00:28:54.799
And that's how I knew we had to go on Sunday.

00:28:54.960 --> 00:29:05.359
Like this had to be you're you're creating closure on on Saturday, but you're you're creating opportunity and you're rewriting you on Sunday.

00:29:06.319 --> 00:29:21.680
And um, I know you said that like the actual service that you guys had on Saturday was there was no there was no preacher there, there was no no church uh prayer there, it was just you know friends and family.

00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:28.000
And um, so I think it was completely fitting that the next day we decided to to go to church.

00:29:28.240 --> 00:29:39.200
So I will emphasize the fact this is the first time in my adult life that I walked into a church when it wasn't a wedding or a funeral.

00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:49.359
It's also the first time as a family that we went to church, and when I say family, it was you, me, and our daughter that went to church.

00:29:50.400 --> 00:29:58.319
Yep, we brought Miss Paisley and she had the opportunity to go to her little Bible study, and it was awesome.

00:29:58.480 --> 00:30:07.440
They were very welcoming and And you know, from the moment that we walked into the church, they were uh super warm.

00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:11.359
There was a little old lady, I think her name was Sharon.

00:30:11.599 --> 00:30:14.400
Maybe Sandra, something like that, at the desk.

00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:17.759
She had a little name badge on and massive church, by the way.

00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:18.640
Massive church.

00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:18.960
Yeah.

00:30:19.119 --> 00:30:19.839
If you're from the area.

00:30:21.119 --> 00:30:21.839
What do they took over?

00:30:21.920 --> 00:30:23.039
Like a Bob's furniture or something.

00:30:24.319 --> 00:30:27.440
They took over a massive furniture outlet and turned it into a church.

00:30:27.599 --> 00:30:37.279
So when you go in, there's a you know, big entryway, greeting counter, like you're walking into a hotel room, you know, like a hotel lobby, I should say.

00:30:37.599 --> 00:30:38.160
Turf.

00:30:38.319 --> 00:30:41.039
Uh Astro Turf field in the middle.

00:30:41.200 --> 00:30:42.720
There's play yard for the kids.

00:30:43.440 --> 00:30:48.240
Um looks like a cafeteria, coffee shop scenario to the right of you.

00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:54.079
To the left is a two-level story to the auditorium that seats 1,400 people for a service.

00:30:54.720 --> 00:31:02.079
And then there's also like a play zone for kids with like I mean, we're talking fall-on jungle gym chucky cheese stuff.

00:31:02.480 --> 00:31:02.799
Literally.

00:31:03.440 --> 00:31:11.839
And you go over and check in your child there, and then you go through this um security gate, and it turns into uh a school.

00:31:12.240 --> 00:31:13.200
Beautiful schoolhouse.

00:31:13.359 --> 00:31:18.480
Yeah, like literally the walls are painted like a old town.

00:31:18.720 --> 00:31:22.319
And it's literally like third grade, second grade, they get all lined all the way up.

00:31:23.039 --> 00:31:31.119
And um, you know, we brought Miss Paisley in there, and um the lady that that you know received us was super, super warm and welcoming.

00:31:31.200 --> 00:31:33.119
And little Southern grandma.

00:31:33.359 --> 00:31:34.880
I mean, she did Little Mima.

00:31:35.440 --> 00:31:38.480
Yeah, she did great for 40, 45 minutes.

00:31:38.799 --> 00:31:39.279
Yeah.

00:31:39.519 --> 00:31:40.160
When we went to the city.

00:31:40.240 --> 00:31:43.920
And then I got a text message and it said, Miss Paisley's having a hard time.

00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:46.720
If you wouldn't mind come grabbing her, and I said, Absolutely.

00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:53.519
And when I went down to receive her, she uh literally was just like, please, please bring her back.

00:31:53.680 --> 00:31:54.880
She did so wonderful.

00:31:54.960 --> 00:31:56.960
And I was like, Well, this is the first time.

00:31:57.200 --> 00:32:02.160
And so she was so nice and so kind um with Miss Paisley.

00:32:02.400 --> 00:32:12.799
And when I walked over there, she was sitting on her lap and um she was crying, but you know, I was so proud of her for doing 40 minutes in a new environment.

00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:16.000
Like she's usually with us and not away from us.

00:32:16.160 --> 00:32:19.519
So to get 40 minutes out of her, that was great.

00:32:19.759 --> 00:32:20.640
That was great.

00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:31.440
It was um this was a different type of church service, especially for our first service, because I don't really know what they call this, but this was more of a musical service.

00:32:31.599 --> 00:32:35.119
I guess they do this a couple times a year, and it was incredible.

00:32:35.279 --> 00:32:38.480
Um, I've never heard Christian music like this live.

00:32:38.640 --> 00:32:39.519
It was incredible.

00:32:39.759 --> 00:32:48.720
When you go in, we went to the top deck to kind of blend in a little bit, and um there's a whole band set up, and they took turns.

00:32:48.799 --> 00:33:02.559
Um, they like had different singers for different songs, and it was incredible, and the lyrics were on the wall, so you can you can sing along and the church is broadcast live, so you can never miss a service if you even can't make it to uh to church.

00:33:02.720 --> 00:33:10.400
They're also broadcast live at um for the main mariners maritime academy, they're also broadcast live at the Cumberland County Jail.

00:33:10.640 --> 00:33:13.599
It's actually called um worship, yes.

00:33:13.839 --> 00:33:15.920
It was a it was a full-on worship session.

00:33:16.079 --> 00:33:18.720
It was um just along with mass.

00:33:18.960 --> 00:33:20.880
Along with mass, it was incredible.

00:33:21.200 --> 00:33:42.319
Um but like we talked about blending in, and um, it's kind of funny because when you started talking to these um different churches and stuff, I was off at a fair and I got a text message from um an old boss of mine, actually the owner of Reynolds Motorsports, and he reached out to me and said, Keith, did you and your family attend church on Sunday?

00:33:42.640 --> 00:33:54.079
And I said, actually, no, I'm at a fair, but my wife's been calling churches, and he said, Well, your name's on a prayer list here, so you know, I just kind of wanted to talk to you and you wanted to welcome me to the church and encourage us to show up.

00:33:54.400 --> 00:33:56.720
I was actually the only church that I reached out to.

00:33:56.960 --> 00:33:57.359
Was it?

00:33:57.599 --> 00:33:59.440
Yeah, because I wanted to know more about it.

00:33:59.519 --> 00:34:11.679
I had looked up a few other ones um specifically that were very similar, uh, but never actually reached out to get any information except for this one in particular.

00:34:12.239 --> 00:34:18.159
When we got there and that lady said, Well, you know, we see 1400, and I said, I'm never gonna find Scott in this place.

00:34:18.480 --> 00:34:27.840
And we went upstairs and I sat down and I looked to the left, and it's like an aisle away, because I strategically try to find aisles when I'm in places like this.

00:34:27.920 --> 00:34:30.320
And uh your exact words are yeah, let's sit here.

00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:31.440
I can kick my leg out.

00:34:31.679 --> 00:34:32.000
Yeah.

00:34:32.400 --> 00:34:36.079
And it's just easier to get out and move and do whatever you have to do if you're in an aisle.

00:34:36.320 --> 00:34:49.760
I always, given the opportunity, even before the world got crazy, and even more so now that it is crazy, I always consider an exit strategy and I'm always looking for um an aisle situation.

00:34:49.920 --> 00:34:59.679
And as the world gets crazy, I think it's more important to think about those things in the sense of if something were to ever happen somewhere, if I'm in the middle, it's hard to do anything, right?

00:35:00.079 --> 00:35:06.800
Um, and I'm just being a big guy, so I need to stretch out and and take advantage of every inch that there's possibly can be found.

00:35:07.039 --> 00:35:16.079
But I looked across the aisle, and right next to me was Scott, and uh I went over to him, and uh I don't think I've ever seen him happier to see me in my life.

00:35:16.239 --> 00:35:24.880
And um we I started off as one of his employees, and I feel like I was probably one of the most successful salespeople he's ever had.

00:35:24.960 --> 00:35:32.239
I definitely made him uh quite a bit of money in my time there, and then I grew up to end up being a business partner with him.

00:35:32.400 --> 00:35:50.400
Uh so he's always been a uh role model type mentor to me, a business mentor, and uh it was really fitting to have the full circle moment of him welcoming me to church and then him being there sitting next to me on my first time ever walking into church.

00:35:50.639 --> 00:36:00.639
But I say this also to say that you went down and got Paisley and you brought her in, and um there was no distraction, nobody, nobody was flustered, you know what I mean?

00:36:00.800 --> 00:36:06.800
Everybody was welcoming, and because it was a worship service, because it was musical, she loved it.

00:36:07.199 --> 00:36:08.159
She did love it.

00:36:08.400 --> 00:36:11.280
Yeah, brought her right back to us, like right towards the scene.

00:36:11.679 --> 00:36:11.920
Yeah.

00:36:12.320 --> 00:36:21.599
And we sat there as a family taking turns, holding her and watching the service, and um towards the end, she was starting to have a hard time holding on.

00:36:21.840 --> 00:36:26.000
But um, this is like what an hour and a half service altogether, right?

00:36:26.079 --> 00:36:28.320
So she spent 40 minutes 15 minutes, I think.

00:36:28.639 --> 00:36:30.000
They they went long, yeah.

00:36:30.159 --> 00:36:37.840
Um, and she um spent about 40 minutes in that little Bible school scenario, so then she had another 40 minutes or so with us, you know.

00:36:38.639 --> 00:37:17.440
And um, like just taking on her own little concert, you know, and um I don't remember um which song or which um verses or or or what we were into, but um there was a time when I was just holding her so close and I could just see her intently taking everything in, and I just rested my head on her and um and was just praying with her and taking and receiving the entire message and realizing that this is the importance of life, and this is this makes it all worth it, you know.

00:37:17.760 --> 00:37:26.079
And when we were there, it was I was having a hard time staying focused because there was so much going on, and we talked about it.

00:37:26.159 --> 00:37:43.599
It was like yeah, you're walking into a concert, a 1400-seat concert for the first time, and there's people moving around and dancing, and there's all these things going on, and then you're trying to, you know, take on an actual church service, and then you're worried about your little kid, your you know, your one-year-old, and in in the school room.

00:37:43.679 --> 00:37:55.599
So there's so much going on that um it was hard to be focused at all times, but in that moment there was pure clarity, and and um that in itself made it all worth it.

00:37:55.760 --> 00:38:01.440
And I think we were there for five minutes when I looked over and saw your face.

00:38:03.199 --> 00:38:13.920
And I mean, you were already bawling and you were we were there for five minutes, and that was like the first song, and I was already crying because it was just like so cleansing.

00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:21.039
Like I was like, this is what I needed, like it was I I don't even I I don't honestly don't even remember the song.

00:38:21.199 --> 00:38:26.079
I just remember the message that just hit home.

00:38:26.400 --> 00:38:28.559
Like I was like, this is what I needed.

00:38:28.800 --> 00:38:34.719
Um this is the closure of one chapter and starting a new one.

00:38:35.039 --> 00:38:49.440
And at that moment I just I said to myself, like this is your season and your season of healing and growing and being the best mom you can be, because that's that's what we're here for.

00:38:49.599 --> 00:39:21.679
That's the whole uh reason we're here at church today is to let go and let God and the service um couldn't have been planned out any better when it comes to the message that they were coming across and you know they were talking about like making sure that you uh empty your cup because you're never gonna fill one cup with coffee, vinegar, and wine all at the same time.

00:39:21.840 --> 00:39:28.239
So if you don't empty your cup, you're mixing all these different things, it becomes a chemical fire.

00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:40.960
Yeah, the the main message of it was if you're here and you're here to receive God, then you need to open yourself up, you need to empty the cup and receive God.

00:39:41.679 --> 00:39:58.960
And it's hard to receive God and when you're filling your cup with so many other things, like the wine of indulgence, you know, and or the you know, the and they had all these examples but like the coffee of like your your habits, you know what I mean?

00:39:59.119 --> 00:40:03.840
Like the um the salt water of your sins, all these different things.

00:40:03.920 --> 00:40:11.199
But you just think about imagine putting all these things in a cup, and the analogy is we use cups for everything, and you have a cup addiction.

00:40:11.360 --> 00:40:12.400
You have so many cups around here.

00:40:12.559 --> 00:40:13.679
I do have a problem.

00:40:14.000 --> 00:40:18.880
But you have this great, amazing coffee cup, but maybe you were drinking water out of it.

00:40:19.039 --> 00:40:23.840
Maybe you were you had water and then you added uh Mio flavoring to it.

00:40:24.000 --> 00:40:25.280
Maybe you had some soda in it.

00:40:25.360 --> 00:40:28.320
You're not gonna just pour your coffee on top of that cup and drink it.

00:40:28.400 --> 00:40:32.719
You need to empty it out, you need to wash out that cup before you put coffee in it.

00:40:32.960 --> 00:40:37.599
And he's really made the example that that's us, that's us as human beings on the day-to-day.

00:40:37.679 --> 00:40:45.920
We fill our our cups, we fill ourselves with these distractions, with these sins, with these problems, with these concerns.

00:40:46.239 --> 00:40:53.440
When ultimately, if we want to receive God and live a more fulfilled life, then we just have to empty our cups and empty ourselves.

00:40:53.679 --> 00:41:05.840
And I thought for me that it was it was hitting home because I feel I felt hypocritical and I felt that like I've always filled my cup with distractions.

00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:07.599
I allow myself to be distracted.

00:41:07.840 --> 00:41:13.199
I fill my cup with concerns, with worries, with frustrations, with doubt, with fear.

00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:24.719
I fill my cup with all these things, being a small business owner and a first-time dad, and having these financial responsibilities that I've never had before, and the financial difficulties and restraints that I've never had before.

00:41:24.800 --> 00:41:28.880
And I fill all these things up and you ask yourself, how can I receive anything positive?

00:41:28.960 --> 00:41:31.840
How can I make any positive changes if I don't empty this cup?

00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:32.239
Right.

00:41:32.480 --> 00:41:47.519
And for you, I think it was how do you move forward and receive God if you don't, you know, have that closure that you had, if you don't, you know, say goodbye to some of these things and some of these people that are clouding your judgment that are filling your cup.

00:41:47.679 --> 00:41:48.000
Yeah.

00:41:48.159 --> 00:41:55.519
Um if you don't let go of the things that are no longer serving you, how can you accept the things that can serve you?

00:41:55.760 --> 00:41:56.400
Yeah.

00:41:57.039 --> 00:41:58.239
It was a great message.

00:41:58.320 --> 00:42:16.800
I know they were also covering the book of John, and um, but just the whole point of it was a real message about being willing to receive God and to the steps to take and and the effort that needs to be made.

00:42:16.880 --> 00:42:37.039
And uh it was like they were speaking right directly to us, um both on the same path but with different roads, you know, like we're both looking for the same thing, um, but coming from different stories and different reasons, and uh it definitely landed in the right spot, you know.

00:42:37.360 --> 00:42:40.239
Yeah, God's timing is impeccable.

00:42:40.559 --> 00:43:05.119
Sometimes we're anticipating something to happen a little bit sooner than um He's ready for you to say that there was a few weeks ago um you were actually at Freiburg and it was I think it was Freiburg, it was the other Freiburg or winter.

00:43:05.440 --> 00:43:08.320
I was like, woke up and I was like, I wanna go to church.

00:43:08.800 --> 00:43:09.519
You weren't even here.

00:43:09.599 --> 00:43:10.559
And I was like, I'm just gonna go.

00:43:10.639 --> 00:43:11.519
I'm gonna go by myself.

00:43:11.840 --> 00:43:13.679
And a tune in, I'm just gonna go by myself.

00:43:13.760 --> 00:43:14.639
Like it's gonna be fine.

00:43:14.719 --> 00:43:16.159
Me and the baby, we're gonna do this.

00:43:17.440 --> 00:43:19.760
And I got up and I was like, I'm not going.

00:43:20.559 --> 00:43:21.360
I'm not going.

00:43:21.760 --> 00:43:24.960
Like it was that night it sounded like a great plan.

00:43:25.920 --> 00:43:30.239
But for whatever reason, the plan was not it was not my plan.

00:43:30.719 --> 00:43:32.000
And there was a reason for that.

00:43:32.400 --> 00:43:33.840
Because I wasn't meant to go alone.

00:43:34.159 --> 00:43:36.559
I wasn't meant to do this by myself without you.

00:43:36.880 --> 00:43:45.920
And so, um, you know, and it was the same exact mindset for me.

00:43:46.960 --> 00:43:53.280
Then as it was on Saturday when I came home from the service and I said, We're go I'm going to church.

00:43:53.440 --> 00:43:53.679
Right.

00:43:54.000 --> 00:43:55.440
The look on your face was priceless.

00:43:55.599 --> 00:43:57.360
You're like, Wait Wait, what?

00:43:57.519 --> 00:43:57.679
Okay.

00:43:58.159 --> 00:44:02.239
People that don't understand, like, you've never shown an interest in any of this, right?

00:44:02.960 --> 00:44:10.000
Like, you're the one that uh like I'm reading up, like I haven't done this in a while, and I'm gonna confess here.

00:44:10.159 --> 00:44:17.440
But when I made the quest, like I'm reading my Bible and I got my Bible for Christmas, I would read a chapter at night or as many pages as I could.

00:44:17.519 --> 00:44:28.480
You're scrolling TikToks, you're watching trashy TV, you're not creating a level playing field and platform for how you're learning, okay?

00:44:28.719 --> 00:44:30.079
Let's just say that.

00:44:30.400 --> 00:44:44.880
Um I think it's because before this all happened, I constantly had the mindset of church from when I was a kid.

00:44:45.199 --> 00:44:45.440
Right.

00:44:45.679 --> 00:44:50.159
And that was very no disrespect, but very stuffy.

00:44:50.719 --> 00:45:01.280
Like you go in, you sit in the pews, they read the Bible at you, they don't break it down, you eat your bread, drink your wine, go out to breakfast.

00:45:01.760 --> 00:45:02.559
Okay, yeah.

00:45:02.800 --> 00:45:08.079
And and and our interpretation of those things too, being a little kid is also different too, right?

00:45:08.320 --> 00:45:12.159
You know, but it also creates that image in your mind of like, oh, this is what it's always like.

00:45:12.239 --> 00:45:23.519
And then even when you go to like a funeral service or a drawn-out church service for a wedding, which isn't common anymore, but you can get lost in the luster and not really know what's going on.

00:45:23.599 --> 00:45:24.480
So exactly.

00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:45.599
And and I always it's crazy to say this, but you also create this feeling of like um, I don't even know how to how to really put this out there and not sounding too cheesy, but like you're walking as a walking in as an outsider into the cool girls club.

00:45:45.840 --> 00:45:46.559
You know what I'm saying?

00:45:47.039 --> 00:45:52.880
Like when you go into church, and like I always felt like what what when am I supposed to one knee, two knees, up, down?

00:45:53.199 --> 00:45:54.239
That's what you asked me.

00:45:54.480 --> 00:45:54.960
You know what I mean?

00:45:55.039 --> 00:45:56.000
Like, when when do I do this?

00:45:56.079 --> 00:45:56.880
When do I do that?

00:45:57.039 --> 00:46:03.760
And um, some of that was intimidating for me because like I remember as a kid, like this is now you do this, now you do that, now you do this.

00:46:03.920 --> 00:46:06.239
I don't know that prayer, but you're expecting me to say it.

00:46:06.400 --> 00:46:17.599
Like, and it's so much more modernized, is the way we're going to church, where there's it's it's on the wall, you can say the prayer with them, like you can, you know, and it's it's a whole different thing.

00:46:17.679 --> 00:46:47.760
And and one of the great things about um finding a church, and one of the great things about the Bible for me that I always went to is it also really connects with one of my favorite things in life, which is coaching and leadership, and and I love great speeches and I love motivation, and I love great leaders, and like the greatest leader is Jesus Christ, right?

00:46:48.159 --> 00:46:57.199
So, like this it learning all of those things, it's just it really um plays on the things that I enjoy in life.

00:46:57.440 --> 00:47:00.320
And um, I love a good motivational speech.

00:47:00.400 --> 00:47:11.440
And when you find pastors that are motivated and they're passionate and they know how to convey the message and being a part of that, like it's exciting, it's and it's invigorating, right?

00:47:11.679 --> 00:47:13.679
Like we left there feeling rejuvenated.

00:47:13.920 --> 00:47:17.760
And the night before, like you're like, all right, so we're going to church, but like, where are we going?

00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:18.559
Like, what are we doing?

00:47:18.880 --> 00:47:37.199
And I was like, well, let me show you, because both churches that um I was interested in um did an online service so you could watch last week's, and I showed you one um and then I showed you the other one, and we felt more connected to this one.

00:47:37.360 --> 00:47:45.360
Um, and we watched a few of their um services just to kind of get a vibe on um, you know, what it's like.

00:47:45.679 --> 00:47:53.920
Um and I think we ended up watching all the way to so they had three different pastors, yeah.

00:47:54.000 --> 00:47:58.000
Um, and then we got to one and we both were like locked in.

00:47:58.079 --> 00:48:00.000
We're like, okay, who is this guy?

00:48:00.159 --> 00:48:01.440
Like, what is this guy all about?

00:48:01.599 --> 00:48:02.800
Is he there often?

00:48:03.039 --> 00:48:07.360
And he ended up being like, I think they called him like the leader.

00:48:07.519 --> 00:48:07.920
I'm not sure.

00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:08.719
I didn't really read the title.

00:48:08.960 --> 00:48:10.400
I think is what the title said.

00:48:10.719 --> 00:48:14.719
Um, so he's like head honcho, like he does most of them.

00:48:14.880 --> 00:48:23.679
So it was really awesome that we actually walked in to worship and we didn't see him at first, and then he walked out.

00:48:24.079 --> 00:48:34.960
Um, so we're like, oh, sweet, yes, okay, because we really enjoyed his presence, like just on the the live stream, because you can watch it live stream as well, like you said.

00:48:35.119 --> 00:48:40.000
Um and I remember you're like, Oh, look, there's the guy, that's the guy you like, and I was like, Yes, perfect.

00:48:40.159 --> 00:48:42.320
Like I almost already felt like a connection.

00:48:42.400 --> 00:48:44.639
Like, I was like, perfect, supposed to be here.

00:48:44.880 --> 00:48:45.840
This is it.

00:48:46.639 --> 00:49:13.920
It's like there's certain um like church services that I would watch on YouTube when I was in my office, and um like uh I would put a mass on from these different churches, and it felt to me like it was a combination of a church and a motivational speaker, you know, and uh like a life coach and a pastor all at the same time.

00:49:14.159 --> 00:49:19.760
And I thought, and with some music in there too, because I do like music, but I just don't need it to be all music.

00:49:19.920 --> 00:49:30.800
Yeah, there was a lot of music, and when I saw that, I was like, man, if there was church like this in my my home state, I'd I'd go because I didn't even know that we had this, you know.

00:49:31.119 --> 00:49:36.800
And I think we're gonna figure your research and the things that you've come up with, and it's like, well, this makes sense.

00:49:36.960 --> 00:49:42.400
And there's probably people listening that are gonna say, like, that's not a real church, you know what I mean?

00:49:42.559 --> 00:49:48.639
Like it's gonna be people that say that you know we're happy for you and this and that, but you should be in a traditional church.

00:49:48.719 --> 00:49:51.039
I don't I don't know, I don't know the difference, really.

00:49:51.360 --> 00:50:05.679
You know, I just know that we're finding what's comfortable and where we fit in, and um and it's not just about us feeling comfortable and fit in, like it's very important, like when I'm doing my research, that they had a very good children's program.

00:50:06.079 --> 00:50:09.920
Um, because if we're doing this, we're doing this as a family.

00:50:10.239 --> 00:50:17.119
And so to be honest, Paisley had no problems with us dropping her off.

00:50:17.280 --> 00:50:27.039
Like, it was such a breath of fresh air that I like handed her over and she kind of like looked and like whimpered a little bit, but then was like totally content.

00:50:27.599 --> 00:50:30.559
And we walked away and went to service.

00:50:31.119 --> 00:50:58.000
And then 40 minutes later I got, you know, one of the things that was very important for me to make this journey and to start this journey is we have godparents picked out for Paisley and they are very active in her life, and I want to make sure, God forbid, something happens to us that it is on paper.

00:50:58.800 --> 00:51:03.760
And here in our state, it's not that way unless she's actually baptized.

00:51:04.159 --> 00:51:12.400
So, with that being said, I only felt that it was right for me to get baptized with her.

00:51:12.800 --> 00:51:17.119
You've already been baptized, I've never been baptized, I've been to the church, I've done all the things.

00:51:17.280 --> 00:51:19.840
Never once have I physically been baptized.

00:51:20.079 --> 00:51:27.360
Sure, it was probably thrown uh holy water at me because I was a terrible child, but never was I actually baptized.

00:51:27.920 --> 00:51:33.440
So I said, listen, this is gonna be my opportunity to do what's right.

00:51:34.000 --> 00:51:44.320
And I looked into it to see like if we can make Lance and Jen her godparents without actually getting baptized, and in our state it's not a thing.

00:51:44.800 --> 00:51:49.519
It's you know, being baptized here in the state of Maine is actually like a binding document.

00:51:49.920 --> 00:52:02.000
Um, and so for for her godparents to be here to sign the paper, it's legal and it's you know, if something is to happen they have the rights to her.

00:52:02.239 --> 00:52:11.840
And for me, I feel like that's appropriate to set her up for success in case of an emergency.

00:52:13.199 --> 00:52:26.480
Yeah, I I think just not even the thought process of the emergency scenario, like we're not even thinking about any of that.

00:52:26.800 --> 00:52:27.840
That's just my anxiety.

00:52:28.159 --> 00:52:29.119
I understand.

00:52:29.840 --> 00:52:41.920
But it's the the symbolism, the reality of this is our gift and tribute and honor to her God.

00:52:42.400 --> 00:52:43.119
Absolutely, right?

00:52:43.360 --> 00:52:43.840
Absolutely.

00:52:44.159 --> 00:52:51.039
So you just mentioned that with your mother there was like the like it became final and there was closure that was there.

00:52:51.440 --> 00:53:14.159
Until these these you know these things are done, like the baptism and the embracing of faith, until those things are done, then the meaning of godparents could be irrelevant because in theory, if you don't believe in God, if you're not committed to God, then how does it make sense for you to name somebody godparents, right?

00:53:14.639 --> 00:53:17.920
And um people toss that around all the time, right?

00:53:18.000 --> 00:53:26.400
And I want it to mean more for Lance and Jen because they she means more to them.

00:53:26.639 --> 00:53:31.519
Absolutely, you know, it's more than just a name and it's not just a title.

00:53:31.840 --> 00:53:42.400
So I think the seriousness and the appreciation makes it all worth the accountability of making it real, if that makes sense to me.

00:53:42.559 --> 00:53:42.880
Oh, what I mean.

00:53:43.039 --> 00:53:43.679
You know what I mean?

00:53:44.079 --> 00:53:49.119
Um we didn't ask them this just to throw a name around.

00:53:49.360 --> 00:53:54.719
We asked them because we love and value them and we know that she will too.

00:53:55.039 --> 00:53:55.519
Absolutely.

00:53:56.159 --> 00:53:59.440
So she loves she loves her lands.

00:53:59.679 --> 00:54:00.400
She loves gent.

00:54:00.719 --> 00:54:01.599
She does love gentlemen.

00:54:01.840 --> 00:54:10.159
But my my point is is that it's it's the greatest and largest gift that we could give to two people.

00:54:10.400 --> 00:54:15.920
Absolutely, and I want to make that as legitimized as possible for them, right?

00:54:16.159 --> 00:54:16.639
100%.

00:54:17.280 --> 00:54:33.039
Now, when I get back to the whole church intimidation thing, there's always been something in me where I don't want to go to church and get into a Bible measuring contest.

00:54:33.440 --> 00:54:42.320
And what I mean by that is this there's a lot of people that have lived in their Bible, there's a lot of people that have grown up living in their Bible.

00:54:42.639 --> 00:54:52.320
I don't like getting into a conversation or a discussion where I feel threatened by how little I know of my own Bible.

00:54:52.639 --> 00:54:53.360
Does that make sense?

00:54:53.519 --> 00:54:54.159
Yeah.

00:54:54.719 --> 00:55:02.639
Like, there's certain things in life where you can get into a conversation, be in over your head, and it's not a good conversation, right?

00:55:02.960 --> 00:55:08.079
Like right now we're trying to sell a tractor that me and my dad purchased together.

00:55:08.239 --> 00:55:09.519
I don't know enough about it.

00:55:09.679 --> 00:55:14.239
I don't like getting into conversations about technical stuff on this tractor because I don't know enough about it.

00:55:14.480 --> 00:55:16.320
Makes me feel uncomfortable, right?

00:55:16.480 --> 00:55:20.800
When I sold things for a living, if I didn't know what I was selling, it made me uncomfortable.

00:55:21.519 --> 00:55:31.760
When it comes to spirituality, when it comes to your faith, not knowing enough about it, I would shy away from conversations because I always felt like, ah, the true professional is going to sniff me out.

00:55:31.920 --> 00:55:35.679
The true Bible reader is gonna know that I've only perused pages.

00:55:35.840 --> 00:55:36.719
You know what I mean?

00:55:36.960 --> 00:55:51.280
And I never want to get into a faith argument with somebody, and I've always been threatened by that to the point of like you create this false wall of wow, you're just you're just starting to do this now and you're 40.

00:55:51.360 --> 00:55:52.639
Like, what have you what's wrong with you?

00:55:52.719 --> 00:55:53.519
You know what I mean?

00:55:53.760 --> 00:56:00.480
And um those things have always kind of made me nervous, and it's kind of made me apprehensive about joining the church.

00:56:00.559 --> 00:56:39.920
But there's something that um that I heard either at the service on Sunday or in some of their videos as we were uh preparing to go to our first church service when they I made a comment that went something roughly along the lines of this when someone's asking you about your faith and how much you might know about the Bible or all these things, like wherever they however they said it, the comment that was made is all I want from you is that today you know a little bit more about Jesus than you did yesterday.

00:56:40.320 --> 00:56:48.400
All I want from you is the willingness to want to know a little bit more about Jesus today than yesterday.

00:56:48.639 --> 00:56:54.079
All that matters to me is that you feel closer to him today than you did yesterday.

00:56:54.320 --> 00:56:54.960
That's good.

00:56:55.199 --> 00:57:00.480
Hearing that eased all my apprehension.

00:57:01.119 --> 00:57:13.199
And it gave me something that when I'm in those conversations where I don't feel comfortable and people want to question me about my faith, that I can say, the only important thing to me is that I know him more today than yesterday.

00:57:13.360 --> 00:57:13.519
Yeah.

00:57:13.760 --> 00:57:14.880
And that's the end of it.

00:57:15.039 --> 00:57:23.840
And that in itself gave me like, you gave me the armor to go to church and because you don't know what to expect.

00:57:23.920 --> 00:57:25.280
It's the great wide unknown, right?

00:57:25.360 --> 00:57:33.280
And you don't want to walk in there and have somebody started pounding you with a questionnaire like you get when you bring your daughter to the doctor's for the first time and they're asking you all these questions.

00:57:33.440 --> 00:57:34.880
Like, is there a gun in the house?

00:57:34.960 --> 00:57:35.599
Does she do this?

00:57:35.679 --> 00:57:36.400
Can you afford food?

00:57:36.559 --> 00:57:37.280
Do you have heat?

00:57:37.440 --> 00:57:38.320
All these questions.

00:57:38.480 --> 00:57:46.719
When I go to church, I don't know what I'm gonna be asked for questions, but I knew that if you came at me hard and fast and the thing that I threw at you is I just want to know him more today than yesterday.

00:57:46.960 --> 00:57:48.639
You're gonna say, Let the man in.

00:57:48.880 --> 00:57:49.599
Hallelujah.

00:57:49.760 --> 00:57:50.400
Hallelujah.

00:57:50.559 --> 00:57:52.159
He watched our service, let him in.

00:57:52.320 --> 00:57:53.039
That's right.

00:57:53.280 --> 00:57:54.159
Let him in.

00:57:54.480 --> 00:58:02.239
So I just I felt like I'm gonna use that line and I'm gonna continue to um use that's good also as a motivator.

00:58:02.480 --> 00:58:03.119
That's powerful.

00:58:03.360 --> 00:58:12.320
Because to be at a point in the day and say to yourself, like you're like if you think about it this way, you've made the commitment to uh read a chapter a day.

00:58:12.559 --> 00:58:18.800
If you're at a point in your day when you have not read that chapter and you ask yourself, Am I any closer to God today?

00:58:18.960 --> 00:58:21.119
Do I know any more about Jesus today than I did yesterday?

00:58:21.280 --> 00:58:21.760
No, I'm behind.

00:58:22.000 --> 00:58:24.400
And the answer is no, then you can get back on it.

00:58:24.639 --> 00:58:37.840
And um I think that if you we just can make the the conscious effort to just know a little bit more and to get a little bit closer each day, I think that that in turn will help us live the life we want.

00:58:38.079 --> 00:58:39.440
You want to join me?

00:58:40.159 --> 00:58:42.960
What I'm so far behind.

00:58:45.440 --> 00:58:48.159
Well, yeah, you might even listen every day together.

00:58:48.480 --> 00:58:52.480
I don't I don't know if I'll listen or if I'll just continue to read.

00:58:52.639 --> 00:58:55.920
Um and it's one of the only things that I actually read.

00:58:56.400 --> 00:59:00.079
Well, I listen every day and it tells me like and it does the countdown.

00:59:00.159 --> 00:59:21.199
Like I'm on day, like you can go in and like give your the nice thing about the app is that it allows you to listen to it and then at the end of it it breaks it down in like today's Which is all great, and I and maybe I can try to do that too, but the difference for me is I've been reading it and I'm just been trying to go front to back, and I feel like that's probably the toughest thing to do.

00:59:21.280 --> 00:59:23.760
But um That's what this is doing.

00:59:24.079 --> 00:59:26.480
Yeah, so like I'm old Testament just reading straight through.

00:59:26.960 --> 00:59:28.320
I haven't gotten to the New Testament yet.

00:59:28.400 --> 00:59:32.159
Like I let you pick your Bible and then it starts on page one and then goes.

00:59:32.639 --> 00:59:36.880
Maybe we might even be based off of my reading from a year ago, we're probably at the same spot.

00:59:37.119 --> 00:59:37.679
Maybe.

00:59:37.920 --> 00:59:49.519
But um if we do it together, then we can always talk about the specific Well, I thought that was the whole reason why you made two study Bibles that we haven't opened.

00:59:49.840 --> 00:59:50.320
I do.

00:59:50.480 --> 00:59:53.920
So But I don't I usually listen to mine like when I'm driving.

00:59:54.239 --> 00:59:59.599
But I think if we're going with a study bible, then you can put pen to paper and start making things happen, and I think that might be the difference.

01:00:00.159 --> 01:00:00.320
Mm-hmm.

01:00:00.480 --> 01:00:02.800
That will help with the absorption rate a little bit more than listening.

01:00:02.960 --> 01:00:03.599
Yeah, you're probably right.

01:00:04.079 --> 01:00:06.159
People that are listening to me right now, they ain't absorbing.

01:00:06.400 --> 01:00:07.440
Because they ain't writing notes.

01:00:07.519 --> 01:00:08.159
You know what I'm saying?

01:00:08.480 --> 01:00:09.760
No, they're probably driving to work.

01:00:10.079 --> 01:00:10.880
Probably driving to work.

01:00:11.039 --> 01:00:13.039
And they're like, when's this guy gonna stop talking?

01:00:13.440 --> 01:00:14.960
This guy's gonna be about done.

01:00:15.280 --> 01:00:17.440
But you should be actually because it's almost midnight.

01:00:17.760 --> 01:00:21.760
Kevin's saying, Stop labbing, I need to turn off the treadmill.

01:00:22.079 --> 01:00:23.440
I think Kevin quit the podcast.

01:00:23.519 --> 01:00:24.239
I think I've lost him.

01:00:25.039 --> 01:00:26.079
My heart is broken.

01:00:26.320 --> 01:00:27.199
I think I've lost him.

01:00:27.360 --> 01:00:29.039
But um it's almost midnight.

01:00:29.360 --> 01:00:32.159
This episode needs to drop in a few hours.

01:00:32.480 --> 01:00:36.960
So I think on that note I probably gotta speed this process up here.

01:00:37.920 --> 01:00:38.159
Really?

01:00:38.639 --> 01:00:39.440
It's almost twelve.

01:00:40.239 --> 01:00:42.079
We are twelve of twelve.

01:00:42.400 --> 01:00:43.119
Twelve of twelve.

01:00:43.280 --> 01:00:44.400
Is it tweety bird?

01:00:46.880 --> 01:00:48.400
You're impressed by my math skills.

01:00:49.199 --> 01:00:51.679
No, I thought you were telling me it was twelve twelve, and I was like, that's after.

01:00:53.519 --> 01:00:57.360
And this podcast drops at five in the morning, so gotta get on it.

01:00:59.039 --> 01:01:02.079
I guess that means that's it for me and you.

01:01:02.719 --> 01:01:03.280
Well done.

01:01:03.760 --> 01:01:04.480
Well, y'all.

01:01:05.280 --> 01:01:06.000
That's it.

01:01:06.320 --> 01:01:06.960
That's all.

01:01:07.119 --> 01:01:09.599
That's the end of my road here.

01:01:09.679 --> 01:01:13.119
You'll never hear from me again on this podcast.

01:01:13.519 --> 01:01:19.840
I can't make bodily harm threats to you at the end of this episode when we are trying to turn a new spiritual leaf here.

01:01:20.239 --> 01:01:21.440
In the words of Keith.

01:01:21.679 --> 01:01:23.760
That's it, and that's all, folks.

01:01:25.679 --> 01:01:26.559
That's all, folks.

01:01:26.639 --> 01:01:29.599
You just literally added like a cartoon to the end of that.

01:01:29.760 --> 01:01:32.639
That's not the story goes.

01:01:34.400 --> 01:01:37.440
These are the days of our lives, like sands through the hourglass.

01:01:37.599 --> 01:01:38.719
Nope, that's not it.

01:01:38.960 --> 01:01:41.679
Thank you for supporting our American dream.

01:01:41.840 --> 01:01:44.320
Eat your mashed potatoes and say your prayers.

01:01:47.199 --> 01:01:50.000
That's it, and that's all, Biggie Smalls.

01:02:03.679 --> 01:02:15.920
If you're a Loud Proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook at Loud Proud American or the Face page, as my mama calls it.

01:02:16.000 --> 01:02:23.599
If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker, you want to find me on Instagram or all the kids by Tickety Talkin on the TikTok.

01:02:23.840 --> 01:02:46.000
You can find me on both of those at Loud underscore Proud underscore American Big old thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song to Mr.

01:02:46.400 --> 01:02:47.039
Podcast.

01:02:47.199 --> 01:02:53.199
If you are enjoying what you're hearing, track down the gut truckers on Facebook, Just Sir Gut Truckers.

01:02:53.360 --> 01:02:56.000
Give that motherfucker a like too.

01:03:15.599 --> 01:03:18.800
I truly thank you for supporting my American dream.

01:03:18.960 --> 01:03:21.920
Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.