Nov. 12, 2025

Brick, Mortar, And Feelings: Retail Therapy And Actual Therapy

Brick, Mortar, And Feelings: Retail Therapy And Actual Therapy
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The holiday rush came roaring back and, for a weekend, the mall felt alive again. We landed a two-week pop-up at the Bangor Mall, solved a tough layout challenge, and ended up with a space that felt like our own shop—clean sightlines, a long counter for checkout, and room for people to browse without bumping shoulders. Pair that with neighbors selling handcrafted American flags and our tees hanging in the windows all week, and we saw what seasonal storefronts can do: bring community into the brand and remind us why relationship retail matters.

We share the small wins that add up to real momentum: doubling last year’s numbers at the same event, reconnecting with loyal families who show up every time, and feeling the old-school buzz of busy hallways and shared smiles. That energy sparked bigger thinking. A full-time shop may not fit our model, but strategic pop-ups during the right seasons could blend the best of brick-and-mortar and e-commerce—deep relationships in person and lasting connections online. We talk candidly about planning for lean months, restocking smart, and choosing events that match our audience instead of chasing every fair on the map.

Then we turn to something heavier and more important. The headlines about a young pro athlete’s death by suicide shook us, and a recent night of worry for someone close brought the topic home. We unpack a simple “onion” approach to mental health: start with the people at your center and work outward, checking in with real questions and real time. Tell folks you love them. Tell them you want them to stay. Make space for “I’m not okay” without judgment. It’s not about fixing everything—it’s about being there long enough for hope to return.

If this resonated, share it with someone who needs the reminder, leave a review to help more listeners find the show, and hit follow so you don’t miss what’s next. And if you need someone to listen, reach out. It’s okay to not be okay—and you don’t have to carry it alone.

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00:00 - Welcome Back & Purpose Of The Show

05:20 - Holiday Energy And Gratitude

09:30 - Bangor Mall Pop-Up Setup Challenges

15:10 - Storefront Feeling And Retail Nostalgia

21:30 - Community Connections And Sales Momentum

27:00 - Planning Ahead And Seasonal Realities

32:20 - Invitation To Visit The Mall

35:00 - Pivot To Mental Health Conversation

41:30 - The Onion Metaphor For Check-Ins

48:00 - Marshawn Neiland’s Story And Impact

55:10 - It’s Okay To Not Be Okay

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On this week's episode of Share the Struggle Podcast, we over here at Loud Proud American catch that holiday buzz.

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We get a little taste of what it would be like to have our own storefront.

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And we wrap up the show with an unfortunate but necessary conversation on mental health.

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Let me tell you something.

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Everybody struggles.

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The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it.

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The choice is completely yours.

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Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life.

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What it how did it do?

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Am I so excited to be back with you?

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Oh, it is true.

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It is damn true.

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Episode 279, and I hope y'all be feeling oh so fine.

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Because you know I am.

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I'm feeling oh so fine because it is you and me together again.

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Oh, it's true, baby.

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279 consecutive weeks this weekly podcast brought to you by the fine folks over to Loud Proud American, where we do all things American, bringing back American manufacturing, focusing on American jobs, and emphasizing that American spirit.

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This here podcast is properly, precisely, beautifully, perfectly named Share the Struggle.

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Because the truth is, boys and girls, chipmunks and squirrels, everybody struggles.

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We know it to be true.

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But we also know the truth is when you will share your story, when you have the strength to share your story, then there is strength that comes from that story.

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And together we can all grow from that story.

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We gather here week to week to share whatever it is that we are going through, growing through the highs, the lows, the difficulties, every which way we go.

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Mm-mm.

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279 weeks, man.

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I I uh every time I push record on the podcast and I just mention that little fun fact, and I think about the fact that we've been doing this week after week, and as the numbers keep going up and we cross two years, three years, four years, five years, it's uh it's heartwarming, it's impressive, it's uh I don't even know how to summarize it, y'all.

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I just want to say thank you.

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I want to say thank you to each and every one of you.

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If you're a day one, a loyal one, you've been here since the beginning, get your ones up.

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I appreciate you.

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I acknowledge you.

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You know that I love you.

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If you are a day one, as in this one, just happens to be your first one, then welcome.

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We here at uh Share the Truggle Podcast are building this positive tribe, this positive vibe, and we welcome you to join us.

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It's crazy to think through all the years, and I think maybe I'm starting to feel a little nostalgic as we get into the holiday season and we start thinking about um, you know, being grateful and counting our blessings, and I'm certainly going to count each and every one of you as blessings as we gather around the Liberty Thanksgiving table this year.

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So maybe that's why, you know, as you start to um get in that that mode of really just appreciating things, which I encourage you to do that at all times of the year.

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Don't wait for Hallmark prescribed opportunity.

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But I just came from a Christmas fair, so maybe that's what it is.

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I'm starting to get the spirit in the air, but I just wanted to take the time to say thank you.

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If this is your first time, if you've been here um all the time, I appreciate you, and it means a lot to me that you continue to be here.

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And uh it's funny you run into some people that were listening to the show solid for like a year or so, then we lose them, and then they come back, and it's um, you know, we all go through seasons of life, so a lot of listeners come and go, and um, I'm here with open arms whenever you decide to uh show.

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So I appreciate you.

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Just wanted y'all to know that.

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In the little preview of today's show, I mentioned that us here at Loud Proud America, and we have caught the holiday bug.

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The old Christmas spirit is in the air around here, and um, I think maybe that it goes with a lot of things.

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Number one, the the temperature in the air is dropping, right?

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So when that starts to happen, y'all know what's coming.

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It's getting cold out there.

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We've seen, I shall say, a few snowflakes the other day.

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So just putting that out into the atmosphere as well.

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So we're hunkering down, we're gearing up for that, and we just had another road show, another event.

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We went to Bangor, to the Bangor Mall, and this is a unique event for us.

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We did this last year, but we only did one weekend last year, and this year we're signed up for both weekends.

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So it's a Saturday, Sunday show, two weeks in a row, and we were able to get ourselves into an actual storefront, which to kind of paint the picture, somebody understands what this is like.

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There's a company over there, a furniture store.

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This lady Kathy owns a furniture store, and she does an amazing job uh putting everything together.

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So she books hundreds of vendors, and vendors take over all the walkways all through the mall.

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They take over all the abandoned storefronts.

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Some of the small stores, maybe one vendor, will have this whole store.

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Some of the larger stores, you could have 30 different vendors in there, and um, it's just a really cool thing to see.

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It gives an opportunity for crafters and small business owners, entrepreneurs all to come together and uh showcase their products, but it gives you the feeling of uh being in the mall, of actually having a storefront, having a brick and mortar for those of us that don't have one.

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Last year, this was a really cool feeling.

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We had a um shitty, let's just get the confession out the way.

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I had a shitty location last year.

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It was dark, it was dingy, we didn't get a warm reception.

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The um some of the other occupants of the room, let's say, didn't really welcome us with open arms, and there's some tenants in there that just caused issues and were smashing into our tent and just raising a ruckus.

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So I refuse to go back to that room.

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And the walkways, the the aisles in the mall are tremendous for foot traffic, but I almost feel like people aren't allowed to shop because it's so damn busy, you can't slow down to shop.

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And with the being in the hallway or the walkway of the mall, you have to pack up and leave at the end of the weekend.

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If you can get a storefront, you can book it for two weeks in a row.

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So for us, we're able to show up on a Friday, set up our display, and then be open Saturday, Sunday, close the doors, go home.

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They lock the doors to the storefront, and I can return on Saturday and open back up and be open Saturday, Sunday, then pack up and come home.

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So that in itself has added another layer of believability when you start to think about having your own store.

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So I hope I've done an okay job of kind of creating the uh the image of what's going on here, and I wish I could include some some video to show you how this actually looks, but um, it's a really amazing feeling.

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And the best way I can describe this to you guys is when you're there and the hustle and bustle picks up and things just take off.

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It reminds me of the mall at Christmas time when I was a kid.

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Like it reminds me of going out on Black Friday and just defending yourself and the crowd.

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You know what I mean?

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Going out there bargain shopping and uh just making things happen.

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That's what it reminds me of.

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It's been so busy there that it's hard for me to actually get video to show everybody like what it looks like, what's going on out there.

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Um and but I I went out there and I ended up having a conversation.

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I was stopped by some of my regulars and favorite customers and great family, uh the Tracy's.

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They had stopped me.

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Uh they came in to see me, they come in to see me every time.

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Actually, they'll come in both weekends, and uh they spend a tremendous amount of money and and really just support us and love us, and that's part of the reasons why, or some of the most important reasons why we continue to go back to some of these northern locations.

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But I was talking to them in the walkway and just people everywhere, and I said, Man, this is what I remember being a kid.

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This is what I remember about the stores when I was a kid.

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Over the past few years, especially since COVID, brick and mortar relationship retail has really suffered.

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It's gone by the wayside.

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People can't afford to pay employees.

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There's people that just don't want to work anymore.

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Everybody appreciates the convenience of ordering shit from their couch, and you lose the social aspect of shopping, you lose the customer experience, you lose the buying experience, you lose that relationship retail that we love about our product and we love about what we do.

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We meet people, we foster connections and relationships.

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That's what we like about being on the road and selling our product.

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We want to know the people that are wearing our stuff.

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It's more exciting for us to hear from somebody hey man, I love this stuff.

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Seeing the look on their face when they find us for the first time or they come back for the hundredth time, that just makes it all worthwhile.

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That makes the sacrifice, that makes the journey, that makes the ups and downs seem worthwhile.

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It's also tremendous to have a bunch of sales come in on your website.

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I'm gonna be honest.

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But getting out there and meeting people, it just special, right?

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And we have really built the foundation and the philosophy that if we go out and really pound the pavement for so many years, we can build the relationships that hopefully continue with us online so we don't have to be on the road as much, and I can be more present for my family and um attend all the little important things that Paisley has to go to, right?

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So that's part of the big plan at hand.

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But those things, those experiences suffered, they've suffered since COVID.

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People don't uh go out and shop anymore.

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You go out, you become accustomed to getting shitty service, waiting in long lines with piss poor customer service, and um it's just sad, right?

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It's just sad, and you've gone accustomed to going to your local mall and seeing that you know 60-70% of the mall is vacant.

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It's um closed stores with bars in the windows, and um they're just the the building itself is not up kept like it used to be.

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I remember one of the coolest things and one of the greatest accomplishments when you were in as a young child, that rite of passage when you were allowed to be left at the mall alone with your friends.

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That was incredible.

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Then as you graduated to the point of you and your friends driving to the mall together, whether you're spending time in the arcades, the food court, you're buying things, you're raising all kinds of heck everywhere you go.

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That was a rite of passage, that was an achievement, that was an accomplishment.

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We spent all damn weekend at the mall, right?

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That was a big deal.

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And I don't think kids give two hoots about the mall anymore.

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So standing in the walkways on uh Sunday and being run over by people, I just felt nostalgic.

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I felt like this is the way it's supposed to be, this is what um businesses need, this is what small business needs, this is what um social uh skills need, like this is what people need.

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You understand what I'm saying?

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We need to get off our damn couches, we need to be out of our houses, we need to have social interaction, we need to have fellow companions and reactions, we need to have that experience.

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And I just felt like we were having that over the weekend, and and I really just wanted to highlight that.

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And it was so busy, and you just felt like this just seems so 20 years ago, it just felt right.

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And I know if um I was in a in a mall every weekend, I wouldn't get the same feeling that I just had over this past week, and I understand that, but it was tremendous, and I really appreciated it.

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So I hope that kind of set the scene, and now I can kind of pave the road and and and give you the story that needs to be told.

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So last week I mentioned I borrowed a vehicle, I borrowed a box truck from my cousin, and uh we hit the road.

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The first leg of the journey is complete.

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We made it there safe and sound, and uh um that in itself was an accomplishment.

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I'm just gonna put that out there.

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And all things were possible because number one, my cousin allowed me to use his box truck.

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Number two, another cousin of mine, Hannah's allowing us to stay at her house.

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That's saving us money as well.

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So, all good things in these difficult times that we find ourselves in.

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I booked our location to be there for two weeks to not have to move, and when I got there, I noticed it wasn't gonna work.

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The way that they had me set up, I was blocking a door for a loading dock.

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I was um blocking other displays, I was in a room where I wasn't really going to be seen, and I needed to kind of stand my ground on this one.

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And we talked to the promoter, and uh, they weren't really understanding it.

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So I just opened my tent up and have them had them come back and say, This is the problem we have.

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And they said, You're right, this isn't gonna work.

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Let me find you a new room, and uh and they did, it was right next door, and at first I was nervous um because I'm kind of out in the middle because there's a big 18-foot like um checkout area right behind my tent that sits off the wall by a few feet with a bunch of cabinets, so it pushed me out of line for everybody else, and they had to reconfigure basically the entire room I was in to accommodate us to make it work.

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But I will say everybody basically got an upgrade out of it, so I think that was a good thing.

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So um I get this spot, and initially I was kind of nervous about it.

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As you're going down the hall, it seems to be like it could be kind of difficult to see me, but we get excited and we um just start to find a positive spin and we just start building everything.

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And as we do, we realize wow, this checkout counter behind us is pretty incredible for a few things.

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Number one, I put my tent right up to it, and then I I left an opening in the grid wall where we could actually use their counter space as our cash out checkout window, and then um behind that there's all these cabinets, and there's our like 18-foot checkout area.

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We put totes at each end, and little Paisley could run back and forth and entertain herself.

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It was like she had her own pack and play, um, play pen play area with cabinets and toys and all these things, and it really gave us even more room in our storefront to showcase our products to allow customers to shop, and it gave us the feeling of owning our own store.

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And we had all this countertops, and we're folding stuff and and and organizing things, restocking things, selling things, bagging things, sending things, enjoying all things, and everything about that felt tremendous.

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There was this overwhelming sense of accomplishment, this overwhelming sense of wow, we could do this.

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I think it's so important in life and in business to always be looking ahead, to always have goals, to always have hopes, dreams, and aspirations for whatever you want, whether it's like I said, your home life, your personal life, your work life, or your business life, your entrepreneurial life.

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What's next?

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What can I do?

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What can I shoot for?

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What can I strive for?

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I never really envisioned us having a storefront, but the experience I had over the weekend really made me long for that ability.

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And I can't say that having a storefront, you know, 24-7, 365 would be the right answer for us.

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But holiday seasons, uh, certain times of the year where we could actually have an open storefront for people, I think would be pretty tremendous.

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And you need to be in an area that's an attraction that's bringing people.

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But this has all really got my uh my gears turning.

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It's got my creative juices flowing, it's got me thinking, it's got me optimistic, it's got me trying to find other avenues and consider new platforms.

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And that's all you can hope for when you own your own business and you're trying to make it and you're trying to make ends meet, and you find yourself in the rut, you find yourself in the mud, in the struggle.

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You need those things to pull you through to motivate you.

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And this weekend did that for us on so many levels.

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Just the feeling of having our own storefront was tremendous.

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And then everything started to check out.

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We had literally, when we went into the room to start setting up, there was a lady in there already set up and wearing a Loo Proud American Desert Rose sweatshirt, like she's already supporting our brand right there, selling her merchandise, wearing our apparel.

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The fella next to us does these custom frames.

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He was such a great neighbor.

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He actually gave um Paisley a Christmas present on his way out the door.

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And in the main entrance is these big um like pillars and all glass windows, and it's a great curb appeal.

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And we were like, when we first got there, we're like, man, that'd be great to have.

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But the counter spot actually works great for us.

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And I said to Allie, I really hope whoever goes over there doesn't have some big, you know, uh tent or something that blocks the view so you can still see us.

00:18:17.039 --> 00:18:30.720
Well, the next morning when I arrived, to my surprise, the people that were in there, they were selling wooden American flags, and they were selling red, white, and blue crosses and all patriotic product and wood goods.

00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:32.400
They were a perfect fit.

00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:37.200
They didn't block our view, they brightened our view, they welcomed you.

00:18:37.359 --> 00:18:40.000
Uh, Barnes Woodworking, great people.

00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:43.440
They're from northern Maine, and uh they have some awesome products.

00:18:43.519 --> 00:18:46.160
And they immediately came over and introduced themselves.

00:18:46.240 --> 00:18:47.920
I said, We're so excited to have you in here.

00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:51.440
And we just started talking about our connections and partnerships.

00:18:51.680 --> 00:18:56.319
They had us hang some of our t-shirts on pillars uh in the windows.

00:18:56.480 --> 00:18:58.079
So we're closed all week.

00:18:58.160 --> 00:18:59.920
I'm here right now recording this podcast.

00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:05.920
And if you're shopping at the Bangor Mall, you can see our goods hanging in a storefront at the Bangor Mall.

00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:11.279
All that just builds credibility and it builds faith and confidence in me.

00:19:11.359 --> 00:19:13.519
So I'm so thankful for this experience.

00:19:13.839 --> 00:19:16.640
Thankful for our neighbors, them embracing us.

00:19:16.960 --> 00:19:20.000
And I just want to say that we had a tremendous weekend.

00:19:20.079 --> 00:19:29.200
We're not setting uh world beater records, it's not like we're going there and we're beating uh, you know, like fair numbers, but it was a great weekend for us.

00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:40.240
Last year, when we did this event, and our two days, our Saturday and Sunday, we did better than that on either one of our individual days this weekend.

00:19:40.400 --> 00:19:48.079
Um, we have uh more than doubled our event there last year with a new location and a new approach.

00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:51.200
So completely blessed by that.

00:19:51.519 --> 00:20:04.400
And it was just a tremendous experience to um have that feeling and and the babies running around and like it just that holiday, the Christmas hustle and bustle, the energy.

00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:05.920
I'm playing Christmas music.

00:20:06.079 --> 00:20:23.039
People are coming in and having conversation and buying from us, and things are going great, and we're we're beating and achieving and overachieving our goals and numbers, and it just starts to feel like that boost of confidence and energy and motivation that we needed, and I'm truly blessed and grateful and thankful for it.

00:20:23.359 --> 00:20:39.839
When I was rolling in uh to set up, there was some kids in our room that were setting up, and they ended up moving locations, but there was um these uh high school and college kids, and they saw my tent go up, and I seen them looking at my tent, and they were shaking their head and saying something.

00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:50.559
And um I just knew that I could had the reaction that they were saying, Hey, um I know this is a this guy's gonna be a Charlie Kirk guy.

00:20:50.880 --> 00:20:58.799
And um I said to Allie, I was like, I don't know if this is negative or positive, but I could tell by the interaction that they're making that assumption.

00:20:59.039 --> 00:21:07.519
And as luck would have it, the first uh clothes rack that I rolled in, there's a big rolling rack full of clothes on the front of it was our Freedom t-shirt.

00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:13.279
And as soon as I walked in there in the middle of their setup, in the middle of a conversation, they all just started shaking their head, yes.

00:21:13.599 --> 00:21:20.640
And um, I was like, this could be good or bad, but they that my assumption and their and their assumptions were correct.

00:21:20.880 --> 00:21:25.599
And while we were setting up, this young lady walked over to my wife and said, I love your stuff.

00:21:25.759 --> 00:21:37.359
And she left and came back, and then we had conversations with these young kids over the weekend, and they started a turning point USA chapter here in Maine.

00:21:37.599 --> 00:21:42.880
These kids started TP USA Penobscot, and I gave them a follow on social media.

00:21:43.119 --> 00:21:43.920
They're great kids.

00:21:44.000 --> 00:22:03.039
They came in and bought some stuff and just shared great conversations, and um it was so inspiring to meet young, young people, young folks that are they're the answer to the chaos, they're the answer to um this world, this society.

00:22:03.200 --> 00:22:19.279
They're the cure for the USA, they're the cure for us because this is the reason why Charlie Kirk focused on college campuses and and um wanted to really change the tide in this country and and provide leadership and direction for kids because they're the ones that are going to change this country.

00:22:19.599 --> 00:22:25.440
And um, it was so heartwarming and refreshing to have those conversations and to meet these folks.

00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:54.160
I actually met two people that run turning point chapters in my state, and I was able to give some follows and have some great conversations, and it gave me some hope, much like when I was at the Scott Hegan Fair and um and I met Isaiah, and I mentioned to you guys how I really feel like that gave me hope for the next generation, that there are there are youth out there that still live with passion and compassion and do things the right way, the way we were brought up.

00:22:54.400 --> 00:23:03.920
So meeting Isaiah and then being there and meeting these kids from um turning point chapters in my own state, it was heartwarming.

00:23:04.000 --> 00:23:08.799
And uh, I just felt welcomed and I felt appreciated, and I wanted them to feel the same.

00:23:08.960 --> 00:23:12.160
But this entire weekend was a great experience for us.

00:23:12.319 --> 00:23:16.880
It was um truly uplifting and fulfilling.

00:23:17.119 --> 00:23:20.480
And we had a great weekend, it was a great success.

00:23:20.640 --> 00:23:38.000
Um, we achieved some some great sales for ourselves, and um, we feel like this could be the turning point, shall I say, the tipping point to start to put us on that right path to get us out of um, you know, the uh the chaos we've created.

00:23:38.079 --> 00:23:40.720
And we've talked about that over the past few weeks.

00:23:40.799 --> 00:23:45.920
That I feel like there is a light and we will find a way, and I'm committed to finding that way.

00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:57.200
And this weekend was a shot of uh hope and uh placed us in in a new direction, so much so that I've been eagerly looking for other events to try to get into.

00:23:57.359 --> 00:24:05.759
Again, it's gonna be more of a challenge, so I don't really have the vehicles for it moving forward, but um I'm seeking different avenues and opportunities.

00:24:06.079 --> 00:24:20.799
One thing that that like people need to understand is for me, one of the worst months you can have in this business is January and February because people will gear up and start to spend money for Christmas and um you know the holidays and such.

00:24:20.880 --> 00:24:23.920
But once Christmas is over, people start to think about things.

00:24:24.079 --> 00:24:27.519
Number one, I gotta start paying off the credit cards that I use over the holidays.

00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:34.000
Number two, I might need oil, I might need propane, I need fuel, um, I need to take care of my family and all those things.

00:24:34.079 --> 00:24:36.640
Maybe I also got new clothes for Christmas and such.

00:24:36.880 --> 00:24:41.119
So buying apparel from people like me goes on the back burner.

00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:49.440
And with the uh the debt and the overhead that I've created um for the business and for myself, I need to prepare myself for those dark months.

00:24:49.599 --> 00:24:54.000
Usually I come out of fair season with enough cash flow to handle those months.

00:24:54.160 --> 00:24:57.680
This year I don't have that, so I'm pushing hard towards that.

00:24:57.920 --> 00:25:00.720
But it was an encouraging weekend for that.

00:25:00.880 --> 00:25:04.480
I had some ideas, it's philosophies, and I started reaching out to other places to go.

00:25:04.559 --> 00:25:06.720
And unfortunately, those haven't come through yet.

00:25:06.799 --> 00:25:18.160
A lot of those places are already booked up, and we have to be um selective too, because a traditional just um run-of-the-mill Christmas craft fair, we probably ain't gonna sell much there.

00:25:18.319 --> 00:25:21.599
There needs to be the right attraction, the right um demographic.

00:25:21.759 --> 00:25:24.240
So we're looking for those who are trying to figure those things out.

00:25:24.319 --> 00:25:30.559
In the meantime, um, I had to come home and buy more product, restock more product to get ready for next weekend.

00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:32.240
Our Freedom t-shirts.

00:25:32.400 --> 00:25:44.079
I brought a bunch of Freedom t-shirts, and um, by the time I left on Sunday, I have one small, and then it jumps to a to a 2x and then a 4x and a 5x.

00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:45.119
That's all that's left.

00:25:45.279 --> 00:26:00.240
So I've got a busy week ahead of me getting um product stocked up and ready to rock and roll, but tremendously encouraging weekend, and um I need to be creative and I need to uh stay on it and to get things done.

00:26:00.400 --> 00:26:03.200
So look forward more exciting things from us in the future.

00:26:03.279 --> 00:26:14.319
But hopefully, if you're in the area, uh you want to come out and see the way things used to be, if you want to experience the holidays, the Christmas shopping craziness that used to happen.

00:26:14.480 --> 00:26:29.200
If you want to go back to standing in a mall and seeing people just running around endlessly, happy, having a good time, spending money, then find us, meet us, greet us, come see us at the Bangor Mall this weekend.

00:26:29.440 --> 00:26:31.680
I appreciate you, and I hope to see you.

00:26:32.160 --> 00:26:50.960
Gotcha! LauProud American is a lifestyle brand dedicated and determined to represent the American spirit with an unrelenting commitment to provide made in the USA products.

00:26:51.200 --> 00:27:02.640
If you would like to join the 2% of Americans that buy American and support American, head on over to www.looproudamerican.shop.

00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:07.599
Together, we can bring back American manufacturing.

00:27:08.079 --> 00:27:09.839
Alright, alright, alright.

00:27:10.160 --> 00:27:23.680
Appreciate y'all giving me the opportunity to uh celebrate and appreciate and uh share the success of our last weekend, and hopefully it inspired y'all to get into the Christmas season.

00:27:23.839 --> 00:27:24.799
You know what I'm saying?

00:27:25.359 --> 00:27:27.920
I hope that um that was an encouraging story.

00:27:28.079 --> 00:27:33.039
Literally, I don't want to keep pounding on it, but it it just felt different.

00:27:33.119 --> 00:27:34.960
It felt familiar and different.

00:27:35.119 --> 00:27:41.920
It felt different from the shit that we've been going through, but familiar from the things and stuff that we went through that we grew up with.

00:27:42.480 --> 00:27:53.599
And for just a moment in time, it felt like people weren't stressed about the economy, people weren't stressed about social distancing, people weren't stressed about um our differences.

00:27:53.759 --> 00:28:00.319
It was just sharing conversation, having a good time, and uh getting out in the community and supporting each other and small businesses.

00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:01.519
So it was encouraging.

00:28:02.160 --> 00:28:06.559
But this whole episode can't be um all warm and fuzzy.

00:28:06.640 --> 00:28:18.640
This whole episode can't be just um, you know, just ribbons and ice cream and fart and unicorns and glitters and romantic uh Christmas scenes.

00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:25.920
That was a ridiculous way of saying I'm gonna start talking about something a little difficult, something a little bit depressing.

00:28:26.480 --> 00:28:35.839
And um I mentioned it in the beginning of the show saying that I wanted to have an um uncomfortable but necessary conversation about mental health.

00:28:36.000 --> 00:28:53.200
And um we often go through life and we just put the mental health aspect of life behind us, and we don't think about the people in our lives and um what they're going through, what they're struggling with until something happens, right?

00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:58.160
And we've had many of episodes on here where you know something happens.

00:28:58.319 --> 00:29:14.799
Like I've had conversations over the past five years over um, you know, an acquaintance, beautiful young girl with her whole life ahead of her committing suicide, of an athletic director and school teacher committing suicide, and these things that come out of nowhere that you wouldn't expect.

00:29:15.039 --> 00:29:21.599
And over the past few months, my wife has been brave enough and bold enough to share the story of her mother committing suicide.

00:29:21.680 --> 00:29:28.960
So we have these conversations about mental health, but we don't always have them until a tragedy kicks in.

00:29:29.200 --> 00:29:59.039
And um, over the past few weeks, my family has um dealt with uh some struggles and and had difficult conversations and those things, those things are life, but it also brought to the forefront the importance of listening and the importance of having conversations because even when you communicate with people on a regular basis, maybe even a daily basis, maybe even a constant basis, you might not realize that they're struggling.

00:30:00.160 --> 00:30:07.839
Might not know that they're having a hard time because they might appear to be the rock, they might appear to be the foundation.

00:30:08.000 --> 00:30:09.039
You understand what I'm saying?

00:30:09.200 --> 00:30:12.720
They are the rock solid ones that you just don't worry about.

00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:18.000
But maybe you didn't ask, and maybe you weren't listening uh closely enough.

00:30:18.240 --> 00:30:29.759
So if there's people in your life that maybe you see and talk to on the daily or constantly, and you still don't really know what they're feeling and how they're handling life, what about the folks that you don't talk to so often?

00:30:30.079 --> 00:30:34.079
Start to work yourself back from the center to the outside.

00:30:34.240 --> 00:30:39.599
Let's go from the core of the onion and we're gonna work our way all the way back to the peel and ask yourself the same question.

00:30:39.839 --> 00:30:46.799
If you live with somebody and and and you you love somebody and you share conversations, you don't always know what they're thinking.

00:30:47.039 --> 00:30:49.759
Think about how difficult it is to have a relationship, right?

00:30:49.920 --> 00:30:53.839
As men, we always say, Man, women, I don't know what they're thinking.

00:30:54.000 --> 00:30:58.160
And as women, you might say, Men, I doubt they're even thinking, right?

00:30:58.480 --> 00:30:59.920
Think about that for a minute.

00:31:00.160 --> 00:31:06.640
So when you have that scenario, ask yourself, how confident are you that you know your spouse is okay?

00:31:06.880 --> 00:31:08.960
Now, remove yourself from the center.

00:31:09.119 --> 00:31:10.960
Go back a few layers on the onion.

00:31:11.119 --> 00:31:20.000
Maybe there's a parent or a sibling that you um don't talk to every day, but you talk to, you know, once a week or once every other week or something.

00:31:20.319 --> 00:31:23.039
How confident are you in knowing how they feel?

00:31:23.200 --> 00:31:27.519
How confident are you in knowing that they are okay, that they don't need something from you?

00:31:27.759 --> 00:31:31.200
Now, at that point, let's work our way out of the onion some more.

00:31:31.359 --> 00:31:36.559
Let's go back a few layers of the onion and ask yourself maybe there's somebody you only see once a month.

00:31:36.799 --> 00:31:38.720
Are you confident in how they're feeling?

00:31:38.799 --> 00:31:41.599
Are you confident when they go home they're okay?

00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:46.960
Now think about the friends and family that you only see on the holidays.

00:31:47.119 --> 00:31:53.759
Think about the friends and family, those close best friends that you grew up with that you haven't talked to in years.

00:31:54.240 --> 00:31:56.240
Do you know how they're feeling?

00:31:56.480 --> 00:31:58.000
Do you know they're okay?

00:31:58.240 --> 00:32:00.559
Do you know they're not struggling?

00:32:00.880 --> 00:32:06.160
Or is there any remote sense of doubt or question that maybe they're going through something?

00:32:06.319 --> 00:32:09.039
Maybe they're having a difficult time dealing with something.

00:32:09.359 --> 00:32:12.480
All these questions we don't have answers for.

00:32:12.640 --> 00:32:24.079
And I'm confident if you're like me, the further you get away from the center of the onion, the more vague it becomes, the less convicted you are in your questions.

00:32:24.559 --> 00:32:35.119
And I say these things because oftentimes, just like the stories I've shared about people that have passed that have taken their life, you assume they're good.

00:32:35.440 --> 00:32:42.079
You assume they're okay, but we don't know they're okay until we hear from another close friend.

00:32:42.240 --> 00:32:44.720
Hey, did you hear so-and-so took their life?

00:32:45.039 --> 00:32:55.759
Now, I'm saying all these things, and I'm gonna make some connections, and I'm gonna lead into things, and this all becomes a melting pot here, but I'm gonna use some recency bias here and some things that have provoked this conversation.

00:32:56.000 --> 00:33:03.200
Y'all already know, if you've been listening, I'm a major sports fan, and uh, I'm a diehard Cowboys fan and Yankees fan.

00:33:03.519 --> 00:33:18.640
And this past week for me was a difficult time as a fan because I woke up one morning and I was on my phone checking um, you know, like all my my sports connections and such, and they were all saying, I'm praying this isn't true.

00:33:18.799 --> 00:33:27.119
All these beat reporters for the Cowboys and certain players and people that I follow, they were saying, I hope this is made up, and if this is made up, this is disgusting.

00:33:27.279 --> 00:33:28.400
I pray this isn't true.

00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:37.759
And I knew something was obviously bad, and I started fishing around, and I found out that there's a young Dallas Cowboys defensive player, Marshawn Nealan.

00:33:37.839 --> 00:33:45.279
He's 24 years old, and uh Marshawn was drafted, I believe, out of Western Michigan um last year.

00:33:45.440 --> 00:33:47.759
Not this past draft, but the year before.

00:33:47.839 --> 00:33:50.559
So this is his sophomore year as a cowboy.

00:33:50.720 --> 00:33:55.200
He was drafted um two seasons ago, and in his first season, he came on strong.

00:33:55.279 --> 00:34:02.480
He was looking great, he had an injury, it cost him his whole season, and he rehabbed like an animal, and he came back this year, and he's looked good.

00:34:02.559 --> 00:34:15.840
He's had ups and downs, but at the start of the year, he started off with his first ever career sack, and um two weekends ago, the last game the Cowboys played because last weekend they had a bye.

00:34:16.079 --> 00:34:21.599
He actually recovered a fumble for a touchdown, his first ever fumble recovery and first ever touchdown.

00:34:21.840 --> 00:34:27.679
24-year-old young man with his entire life ahead of him, a locker room favorite.

00:34:28.000 --> 00:34:43.199
By everything that I've read, he's an extremely hard worker, and uh, he's a quiet kid with an impressive, bold, beautiful smile, and um just chiseled like a Greek god, right?

00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:50.960
He's a good-looking kid, he's he's just shredded in great shape with a dynamic smile and just a super hardworking kid.

00:34:51.119 --> 00:34:54.960
He doesn't believe in going out and partying, he doesn't believe in any of the nonsense.

00:34:55.039 --> 00:34:56.719
He's a hardworking kid.

00:34:57.039 --> 00:35:00.880
And um his his teammates his teammates loved him.

00:35:01.440 --> 00:35:04.880
Now, I can only see an individual play on Sunday, right?

00:35:04.960 --> 00:35:09.440
And you can and I I'm a junkie, so I'll watch interviews and all these things.

00:35:09.519 --> 00:35:14.800
I don't know enough about the man, but everything that I know of him says that he's a great individual, great hard-working young man.

00:35:15.039 --> 00:35:18.639
And me as a fan, I'm excited to see where his future goes.

00:35:18.960 --> 00:35:23.920
I did not know that he has um been dealing with some mental demons.

00:35:24.239 --> 00:35:27.119
And his mother died a little while ago.

00:35:27.199 --> 00:35:31.360
I'm not sure of the time frame, but I found out that he's been struggling with that.

00:35:31.599 --> 00:35:45.760
Anybody that's lost a parent, much like myself or my wife has recently, you struggle with losing a parent and being 24 on the cusp of you know his whole life being ahead of him, right?

00:35:45.840 --> 00:35:50.800
And when I say on the cusp of, I should say on the cusp of uh his NFL career really taking off.

00:35:51.039 --> 00:35:58.800
He just scored his first touchdown, and he's got his first deal, like he's making it, he's achieving his dream that so many people don't get to achieve.

00:35:58.880 --> 00:36:09.119
Like, think of the likelihood of someone wanting to play in the NFL and actually getting to do that, being drafted in the second round, having your whole career and life ahead of you, losing his mother at a young age.

00:36:09.280 --> 00:36:16.320
And um, I listened to some Cowboys reporters say we had interviews with him and we asked him about his mother, and he broke down and started crying.

00:36:16.639 --> 00:36:22.000
And um, you realize that someone's really struggling, but you don't know any of this, right?

00:36:22.320 --> 00:36:26.880
And I'm saying all this to kind of you know create an image to paint a picture for y'all.

00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:48.880
If you're not sports fans, free to understand this young man with a whole life ahead of him, and apparently he's been battling these mental demons, and it came to a head one night last week, and he actually was in an argument um with his family, and he told his girlfriend that um I'm just gonna end all of it.

00:36:49.039 --> 00:37:06.159
And he left in a fit of rage, and she had to call the police and do a wellness check and say, This is him, this is what he's driving, uh, he's carrying a weapon, like he's a threat to himself, you know, and I need you to um try to stop him to intervene.

00:37:06.480 --> 00:37:34.159
And uh think about having to make that phone call first off, and then number two, um the difficult thing here is as she's making this phone call and she's talking to I believe it was Dallas Fort Worth Police Department, they were already in pursuit with his vehicle because they caught him speeding through town, so they ended up in a pursuit of his vehicle, and um he ends up outrunning the cops for for you know a certain period of time.

00:37:34.320 --> 00:37:38.800
They come out around this corner and they find his vehicle off in the woods.

00:37:39.039 --> 00:37:41.840
And I believe they had to bring in air support to try to find him.

00:37:42.000 --> 00:37:44.400
They get out looking for him, he's not in the vehicle.

00:37:44.639 --> 00:37:51.119
They later find him in the woods, deceased from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

00:37:51.840 --> 00:37:57.920
Twenty-four years old, his entire life ahead of him, living and fulfilling his dreams.

00:38:00.719 --> 00:38:12.880
He shoots himself, he kills himself, he removes himself from this world, he removes himself from his dreams, he removes himself from this tremendous life that he's built for himself.

00:38:14.800 --> 00:38:16.159
Can you imagine that?

00:38:17.199 --> 00:38:20.800
We think about the difficulty that we go through, that we grow through in life.

00:38:20.960 --> 00:38:31.360
We have this podcast, Share the Struggle, where we come on here and share our struggles, and I talk to you about financial struggles, I talk to you about losing family members, I talk to you about being pushed out, thrown out, and kicked out.

00:38:32.880 --> 00:38:39.599
By all accounts, here's this young man living the life of his dreams, and he ends it all.

00:38:42.000 --> 00:38:49.360
I would have to say, the people in his circle, the people in the center of that onion, not all of them knew his struggles.

00:38:50.079 --> 00:39:10.719
The Dallas Cowboys as a team, and I can selfishly proclaim this, they're one of the best organizations when it comes to mental health because Dak Prescott, say what you want about the person as a player, but as a man, as one of the greatest leaders in sports, and his brother committed suicide.

00:39:11.039 --> 00:39:17.199
Dak does so much for mental health, he actually won the man of the year award for his work in mental health.

00:39:17.599 --> 00:39:20.719
Solomon Thomas, another teammate, is the same way.

00:39:21.280 --> 00:39:29.039
And these two have done so much for mental health, they have programs set up for the team right there at the facilities.

00:39:29.360 --> 00:39:52.400
So for them to miss this, for them to not know this, and then for them to um literally find out that their brother was struggling this way with all the lifelines that are there, with all that is there uh to support them, to help them, and still have this happen, it's unbelievable, right?

00:39:52.559 --> 00:39:53.519
It's heartbreaking.

00:39:55.280 --> 00:40:00.639
Solomon and Dak have lived through family members committing suicide.

00:40:00.960 --> 00:40:12.000
So I'm sure as having a brother in the locker room having this happen, it has to really tear them apart and and and bring back so much hurt, and then start it all over again.

00:40:12.320 --> 00:40:24.559
And I want to share this quote, this message that Solomon Thomas put out, because I think that this is um eye-opening and really drives home the message I'm trying to I'm trying to make here today.

00:40:24.800 --> 00:40:26.960
Brother Marshawn, I love you.

00:40:27.199 --> 00:40:29.679
I wish you knew it was going to be okay.

00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:33.920
I wish you knew the pain wouldn't last and how loved you are.

00:40:34.159 --> 00:40:36.880
I wish you knew how bad we wanted you to stay.

00:40:37.119 --> 00:40:39.360
My heart breaks for you and your loved ones.

00:40:39.519 --> 00:40:42.719
We will lift your spirit up every day.

00:40:43.679 --> 00:40:45.360
I wish you knew it was gonna be okay.

00:40:45.519 --> 00:40:47.519
I wish you knew this pain wouldn't last.

00:40:47.679 --> 00:40:49.280
I wish you knew how much we loved you.

00:40:49.360 --> 00:40:51.679
I wish you knew that we wanted you to stay.

00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:56.400
Go back to your onion, go back to your center.

00:40:56.639 --> 00:41:03.679
When you get down to the center and we start to work our way out, do the people that are close to you, do they know that you love them?

00:41:03.920 --> 00:41:06.320
Do they know that you want them to stay?

00:41:06.559 --> 00:41:12.400
Do they know if they're hurting, if there's pain, that you will help them make sure that it all goes away?

00:41:12.559 --> 00:41:22.960
As you start to remove yourself from the center and you start to go back in those layers of the onion, people you start to see, you know, once a week or talk to once a week or once every other week, do they know it's gonna be okay?

00:41:23.199 --> 00:41:24.480
Do they know that you love them?

00:41:24.639 --> 00:41:26.639
Do they know that you want them to stay?

00:41:26.880 --> 00:41:37.840
When you get to the outer shell of that onion, when you get to the outer peel, the flaky, crappy stuff, you gotta take off the onion before you start to cry and cut and and and have tears running down your face.

00:41:38.000 --> 00:41:40.880
That outside, useless layer of the onion.

00:41:41.119 --> 00:41:46.480
Do those people living on the fringe of the onion know that you love them, that you want them to stay?

00:41:46.639 --> 00:41:48.639
Do they know the pain will go away?

00:41:48.800 --> 00:41:51.679
Do they know that you want them here?

00:41:53.199 --> 00:42:07.840
I think it's impossible for all of us to listen and to talk and to say, everybody that revolves around my onion that revolves around me knows I love them and I want them here to stay.

00:42:09.280 --> 00:42:11.440
That's a tough thing about mental health, folks.

00:42:11.679 --> 00:42:13.119
We never really know.

00:42:13.920 --> 00:42:15.440
So, what do we do?

00:42:15.599 --> 00:42:16.559
What can we do?

00:42:16.960 --> 00:42:22.320
If I think about the Cowboys team, they have all these meetings, all these conversations about hey man, I'm here for you.

00:42:22.639 --> 00:42:29.440
All these support groups and options and hotlines, and yet this still happened.

00:42:29.599 --> 00:42:34.719
Yet these conversations maybe never took place, or maybe they did take place and they just weren't effective.

00:42:34.800 --> 00:42:35.440
We don't know.

00:42:36.880 --> 00:42:54.320
I do know there's a thing that comes down to um just surefire, I guess, masculinity when it comes to men, when it comes to um men in sports, primarily, I guess you would say where it's hard to say I'm not okay.

00:42:55.840 --> 00:43:10.079
And I'm sure that you women were raised the same way, many of you, but I can just say that the way I am and the man that I am and and growing up, it was not always okay to say I'm not okay.

00:43:10.400 --> 00:43:13.920
You looked weak to say, I'm not okay.

00:43:14.320 --> 00:43:21.840
I'm the person that played sports and would you know break fingers and ankles and this and that and tape them up and say, I'm gonna be okay.

00:43:22.079 --> 00:43:26.639
My dad's adage was always, I'm okay, I'm always gonna be okay.

00:43:26.800 --> 00:43:28.639
Everything is gonna be okay.

00:43:29.199 --> 00:43:41.920
So you are breaking history, you are breaking the oak, you are changing the hands of time to put your hand up and say, I'm not okay.

00:43:42.239 --> 00:43:52.960
We're raised in the way of saying everything is gonna be okay, refusing to acknowledge that we are not okay, we get looked down upon when we say we're not okay.

00:43:53.119 --> 00:43:56.400
People get criticized for having those mental breakdowns.

00:43:56.480 --> 00:44:02.639
People get called out, made fun of, um, over sharing that they're not okay.

00:44:02.960 --> 00:44:05.280
So, how do we resolve this?

00:44:05.360 --> 00:44:06.159
How do we answer this?

00:44:06.320 --> 00:44:14.239
I wish I had all the answers for this because if I did, then maybe we wouldn't have the problems that we're having, but that's it's not the case, right?

00:44:14.400 --> 00:44:16.400
There's no perfect answer.

00:44:17.039 --> 00:44:34.320
I think that we just we can't fix all of society, we can't change the world that's around us, but we can make a difference on the people that are around us by letting them know that you're always willing to have a conversation.

00:44:34.639 --> 00:44:42.800
I guess it comes down to us creating an environment that says, Hey man, I'm always okay to talk to.

00:44:43.440 --> 00:44:48.880
Hey man, I'm never gonna judge you when you're having a difficult time.

00:44:49.039 --> 00:44:52.400
I'm never gonna turn my shoulder on you, I'm never gonna look different towards you.

00:44:52.559 --> 00:44:54.239
It's okay to not be okay.

00:44:54.480 --> 00:45:09.760
I would much rather have the breakdown and you not be okay than to have the other side of that and then you be gone and not be around, and then I too am not okay, that us together are not okay because we will never be together again.

00:45:09.920 --> 00:45:13.280
Those decisions are final, my friend.

00:45:13.519 --> 00:45:22.719
I'm having this conversation because I want anybody listening today to know I love you, and I want you to be here.

00:45:22.960 --> 00:45:27.440
Whatever it is that you're going through that you're growing through, this too shall pass.

00:45:27.760 --> 00:45:30.480
You will get through it, we will get through it.

00:45:30.719 --> 00:45:34.000
We have built a positive vibe and a positive tribe.

00:45:34.159 --> 00:45:44.239
And even if you wanted to turn a microphone on and talk to everybody listening and say, hey man, I'm going through something and I need some help, and you wanted to be anonymous or whatever you wanted to do, I would give that to you.

00:45:44.480 --> 00:45:48.880
If you needed to talk to me at any time, at any hour, I would give that to you.

00:45:49.280 --> 00:45:51.440
Because I care about you.

00:45:51.840 --> 00:46:04.079
And I think it's important for us to have that open, transparent line of communication that says, Hey, people, I care about you, and I'm always willing to listen to you, and I'm always willing to be here for you.

00:46:04.480 --> 00:46:08.400
We always have those, you know, hey, how you doing?

00:46:08.639 --> 00:46:09.360
How you been?

00:46:09.440 --> 00:46:10.480
How's your mom and them?

00:46:10.639 --> 00:46:12.239
Greetings when we meet people.

00:46:13.679 --> 00:46:20.960
And generally you want to know that people are that that people are okay, but is anybody ever really going to be like, you know what, dude?

00:46:21.119 --> 00:46:22.480
Life sucks and I'm struggling.

00:46:22.559 --> 00:46:26.639
And if they say that, are you gonna slow down and you're like, whoa, man, let's you okay?

00:46:26.800 --> 00:46:31.199
Or are you gonna be like, dude, I was just asking, like, figure your speech if you're y'all good?

00:46:31.280 --> 00:46:31.760
You know what I mean?

00:46:31.840 --> 00:46:32.719
Like, how you doing?

00:46:33.039 --> 00:46:35.760
Because I don't think that interaction that, hey, how you doing?

00:46:35.840 --> 00:46:36.320
How you been?

00:46:36.480 --> 00:46:37.039
Everything okay?

00:46:37.199 --> 00:46:38.159
Things are okay?

00:46:38.400 --> 00:46:42.880
I don't think that really gets the response that we need when someone is struggling.

00:46:43.199 --> 00:46:49.519
And I'm a habitual offender of asking people that I care about, you okay?

00:46:49.679 --> 00:46:50.800
Is everything good?

00:46:51.119 --> 00:47:00.079
And sometimes I think that maybe I do that so much that it just annoys them and they start to say, dude, would you expect me to not be okay?

00:47:00.239 --> 00:47:03.360
But I care about you and I worry about you, so I want you to be okay.

00:47:03.440 --> 00:47:07.599
So I hope that I'm not a you know an over-asker, I guess you should say, right?

00:47:07.679 --> 00:47:15.039
I hope not the habitual offender of uh wanting you to know that I'm here for you, but but it's the truth, man.

00:47:15.280 --> 00:47:17.440
I think that life is too short.

00:47:17.599 --> 00:47:24.480
There's no guarantee on you and me, and I would hate to make my exit without the people that I love most knowing that I love them.

00:47:24.719 --> 00:47:31.199
And I would hate to know that the people I love most took an early exit because they didn't think I was here for them.

00:47:31.760 --> 00:47:39.519
So we're having this awkward conversation, this um difficult conversation, because I hope something comes of this conversation.

00:47:39.679 --> 00:47:51.119
I hope this provokes you to um open yourself up to the people you care about, start working from the layers of your onion and checking in on some folks and letting them know, man, I love you.

00:47:51.199 --> 00:47:51.840
I got you.

00:47:52.000 --> 00:47:53.119
It's been a long time, man.

00:47:53.199 --> 00:47:54.079
I know life ain't easy.

00:47:54.159 --> 00:47:55.039
I hope you all are okay.

00:47:55.119 --> 00:47:56.559
If you need me, I'm here, man.

00:47:56.719 --> 00:47:58.159
Those conversations need to happen.

00:47:58.239 --> 00:48:03.519
We need to have those conversations, and I implore you, I empower you, and I hope for you to have those conversations.

00:48:04.719 --> 00:48:22.000
Last week, outside of this Marshawn Nealan story, there was a situation in my life where I was extremely worried about somebody, and um, I was driving around at night in the pouring rain, heartbroken and concerned for somebody.

00:48:22.239 --> 00:48:30.800
And um that's not a good feeling, and um that's extremely difficult.

00:48:31.039 --> 00:48:51.119
And uh I'm not gonna say anything about the person or the situation because I don't want to um violate any trust, and I don't want to make this about anybody or anything other than trying to give you something to relate to, to hopefully provoke you to check in on your people, to listen to your people.

00:48:51.360 --> 00:49:07.760
Because during those moments of fear, driving around endlessly looking where I would assume this person might be, where this friend could be, thinking, was I not a good enough friend?

00:49:08.800 --> 00:49:16.960
Thinking that I not do enough, thinking that this person that I cared about so much not know how much I care about them?

00:49:18.400 --> 00:49:26.159
The conversation we had, the things that were shared, did they not understand my level of commitment in love?

00:49:28.800 --> 00:49:49.199
Thinking that if this could mean either the end of a friendship, or even worse, someone actually doing something to themselves, and then whether I could even live with myself.

00:49:50.960 --> 00:49:54.239
That feeling, that fear is paralyzing.

00:49:55.840 --> 00:50:05.840
When you start to roleplay your conversations, when you start to play them back in your mind, you start to walk yourself back and you think, Did I not listen?

00:50:06.960 --> 00:50:13.519
Did you think, were there signs that I did not interject my feelings?

00:50:13.760 --> 00:50:17.039
You start thinking, Did I provoke these feelings?

00:50:17.280 --> 00:50:25.039
You start thinking, did my actions, did my way of talking, did my way of communicating, was that misinterpreted?

00:50:25.119 --> 00:50:28.800
Did I do things to them that made them feel inadequate?

00:50:29.039 --> 00:50:32.639
Did I do things and say things to them that made them not feel loved?

00:50:32.719 --> 00:50:37.119
Did I do things and say things to them where they didn't think I was ever going to be there for them?

00:50:37.440 --> 00:50:38.719
You start to think about that.

00:50:38.800 --> 00:50:44.239
And you start to ask yourself, what could I have done and what did I do?

00:50:44.480 --> 00:50:53.119
And you start to think about the fact that you don't know all the things that your friends and family and loved ones are going through.

00:50:53.280 --> 00:50:58.239
Even if they shared all these things with you, you don't really truly know everything.

00:50:58.559 --> 00:51:02.159
And the further you get from the center of your onion, the less you know.

00:51:03.440 --> 00:51:25.920
So I share this with you to hope that you can do better to be better, to do a better job to be a better friend, a better brother, sister, mother, son, father, daughter, cousin, husband, wife, co-worker.

00:51:27.039 --> 00:51:28.800
Do better to be better.

00:51:29.760 --> 00:51:31.280
That can be for all of us.

00:51:32.639 --> 00:51:42.079
I will say that thankfully, my quest in the night driving around to find somebody to make sure they were okay, that all ended okay.

00:51:42.239 --> 00:51:44.079
That all ended well.

00:51:45.360 --> 00:51:54.480
It was scary for me to wake up a few days later and hear the story of Marshawn Nealand and realize, wow.

00:51:55.119 --> 00:51:57.760
I didn't know what that person was truly going through.

00:51:58.000 --> 00:51:59.599
This could have been the outcome.

00:51:59.920 --> 00:52:11.199
And then I've spent the past week thinking about all the people in my life that have taken themselves from my life and I didn't know what they were feeling and what they were thinking.

00:52:11.840 --> 00:52:29.920
So I was gonna take this opportunity to say to any of you listening that I don't know what you're thinking and how you're feeling, but if you need somebody to know what you're thinking and how you're feeling, if you need somebody to bounce ideas off, to find strength in, to confide in, then I'm here for you.

00:52:30.559 --> 00:52:38.480
And I have this conversation to implore everybody to do better, to be better, do a better job of being the better version of you.

00:52:38.639 --> 00:52:44.800
I think this all starts with listening and looking for clues and then asking yourself, am I communicating correctly?

00:52:45.039 --> 00:52:52.639
And do these people that I care about truly know that I am here for them and I never want to lose them.

00:52:54.239 --> 00:52:59.280
I pray to God this conversation made some kind of difference.

00:52:59.519 --> 00:53:08.159
I know having these conversations over the past week has made a difference in my life, and I hope I don't lose sight of that difference.

00:53:09.039 --> 00:53:13.440
I truly appreciate and thank and love each and every one of you.

00:53:13.679 --> 00:53:16.960
Please know it's okay to not be okay.

00:53:17.519 --> 00:53:21.360
It's not okay to not tell somebody that you're not okay.

00:53:21.840 --> 00:53:23.519
Do better and be better.

00:53:23.760 --> 00:53:25.280
I love each and every one of you.

00:53:25.440 --> 00:53:28.000
Thank you for supporting my American dream.

00:53:28.400 --> 00:53:29.519
Now go wash.

00:53:29.760 --> 00:53:30.880
You filthy hits.

00:53:31.199 --> 00:53:32.159
You feel the animal.

00:53:32.239 --> 00:53:34.079
I gotta change it to my Christmas movie.

00:53:34.239 --> 00:53:35.679
That was uh Home Alone.

00:53:35.840 --> 00:53:36.400
Yeah.

00:53:36.719 --> 00:53:37.440
Christmas time.

00:53:37.599 --> 00:53:38.480
You know what I mean?

00:53:38.800 --> 00:53:39.920
They get all the hits.

00:53:40.159 --> 00:53:40.800
Love ya.

00:53:41.360 --> 00:53:44.079
That's it, and that's all, Biggie Smalls.

00:53:57.840 --> 00:54:17.519
If you're allowed Proud American, and you find yourself or find me on YouTube, Facebook, allowed Proud American Facebook, I'm just if you're famous, if you want to find me on Instagram, tickety talk on the tickety talk.

00:54:18.000 --> 00:54:37.840
You can find me on all of those underscore underscore things, the voice of the structure of the background.

00:54:41.360 --> 00:54:43.039
You are enjoying what you're hearing.

00:55:13.119 --> 00:55:16.000
Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.