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Over the past few months, we have talked about removing negativity in all shapes and forms, from people to situations, to even careers.
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Recent experiences have me questioning long-term relationships and critical business partnerships.
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All of this leads me to questioning if I'm being taken advantage of.
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So today, on Share the Struggle podcast, we discuss actionable steps to answer the question are you being taken advantage of?
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And we outline ways to move past it.
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Let me tell you something Everybody struggles.
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The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it.
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The choice is completely yours.
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Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life.
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If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you.
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Do you have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations?
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Relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations?
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Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you.
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When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense.
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Most disagreements, they stem from our own insecurities.
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You are right where you need to be Back on time, reading your back lines the whole day gone, pulling behind Back to the way it used to be, pulling face and putting on Get low, almighty.
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Am I so excited to be back with you.
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Oh, it feels so good, girl.
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You know, it's true.
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I don't know.
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I was singing romantic nothings to my wife in the next room trying to put Paisley to sleep and it just felt like so natural, it just felt so it needed to happen.
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You know what I mean.
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I apologize for that little musical intro, but the truth is, folks, I'm excited to be back with you.
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Episode, I don't know 257, 258, I do n't, I don't even know right now, but it's a consecutive streak that we love to brag about.
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Props to all my day ones out there, the loyal ones that have been listening since day one.
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I appreciate you, I acknowledge you.
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I hope you got your ones up To all the new ones, the soon-to-be loyal listeners.
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I appreciate you.
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Over the past month or so we have seen a nice boost in new listeners and I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you to each and every one of you.
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And before we get rocking and rolling too deep into this week's discussion, I want to start the week off with a little winning wednesday weekly shout out to my man, doug doug, my brother, I gotta you.
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You have inspired me to bring tonight's energy to the podcast.
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Doug stopped into the tent today at Bentley Saloon.
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He actually grew up with my wife, allie, and he's been a loyal supporter of the business and the brand and recently he's gotten onto the podcast.
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He's been digging deep into the old catalog of Share the Struggle podcast and he actually loves the podcast so much he committed to going back to day one and getting himself caught up.
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He spends a lot of time on the tractor at work and he's just been jamming S-T-S Share the Struggle podcast.
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I was talking to him tonight and last week he logged y'all ready for this 58 hours of Share the Struggle.
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Oh, it's true, it's damn true.
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That sounds glorious.
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Right there, I'm telling you, I got the old goose pimples, the old goose bums right now.
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I'm so excited about that, doug.
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Thank you so much, man.
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Thanks for pimples the old goose bums right now.
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I'm so excited about that, doug.
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Thank you so much, man.
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Thanks for the support, the dedication, thanks for coming into the tent, stopping by and sharing the good gospel and letting me know that you have pounded 58 hours of STS last week.
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I appreciate you.
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That earns you a freaking merit badge right there.
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You know what I mean Appreciate you.
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We've had some pretty cool moments this week.
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I'm gonna touch on a couple of those, but I wanted to start off with doug.
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Before we get off track here and, uh, get rocking and rolling and rambling on things, I want to give a little recap to what I've been up to, what's been going on.
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Last week when we recorded the podcast, we were getting ready to hit up Bike Week, laconia Bike Week at Bentley Saloon.
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This little mad rush of events has taken off and I wanted to kind of give you guys a little insight to how things are going.
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So it's been a different year for us when it comes to Laconia Bike Week, because the dates have shifted and it's actually played a major effect in the success of our event so far and not in a good way, to be honest.
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So typically, laconia Bike Week ends Father's Day weekend.
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This year it started Father's Day weekend and yeah, that's really kind of throwing things for a loop, so it's been lightly attended, to say the least.
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So far we really haven't been blessed with great weather either.
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I was listening to some stats that for 12 consecutive weekends in a row, maine has experienced rain on the weekend.
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So pretty ridiculous.
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But another wrench in the plans for us this week was that they were trying something new and they have this stunt show coming in and because of the location of the stunt show we needed to move our location, move our tents over.
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So we are in a whole new spot in the saloon.
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We started the weekend off that way and a full frontal confessional right out of the gate.
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Why wait?
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Put it all on the table and let y'all know.
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I had the worst first two days of bike week in the history of Loud Proud American.
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The Friday and Saturday to open bike week was the worst sales that we have ever experienced for bike week and we knew a lot of things went into that factor.
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You know, like we said, the weather, the change in dates obviously played a big impact in that.
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But unfortunately our flip-flopping location really hurt us and I was trying to be optimistic about the change.
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But I really felt that this could be the outcome from us moving over there and it was.
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There really was no reason for anybody to come to the side of the lot that we are on and I'm going to be honest here folks, people are lazy.
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That's the truth.
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People are lazy.
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I'm sorry, it is what it is.
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You're not going to go out of your comfort zone.
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You're not going to go into a certain area if you don't feel like you have to.
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And the appearance of the location that I had was that of like service providers people that are over there installing radios and windshields and aftermarket lighting and all these things.
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So if you're looking from the normal vendor section and you look over, you say, oh, those guys are doing installs on motorcycles, I don't need to get an install, I'm not going over there to look.
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So I'm cutting down the casual lookers almost in half and I really felt it On Sunday.
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We had great weather, there was a bike show and it turned out to be a major difference.
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So our Sunday was significantly better and that made a nice positive impact.
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But on Monday morning I'm so hell bent for success and committed to the cause that at five in the morning me and my mother drove back to the saloon and packed up our display and moved it across the parking lot back to our old location, the entire thing.
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I took all the clothes down the night before, put them on rolling racks.
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In the morning me and my mom went there, cut all the grid wall down, put it on the back of the truck.
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We rigged up some wheels and put our tents on wheels and rolled them across the lot, replaced them and just put everything back in place just the way it was, but basically in our familiar location where we're going to get more activity.
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That Monday we were actually up, we had a better Monday than we had last year and ironically, our Monday was even stronger than the Friday that we had.
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So you can't tell me that the change in location didn't make a difference.
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At the time I'm recording this it's Tuesday evening and Tuesday we had a pretty decent day.
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But they normally have a ride that leaves from Laconia that ends up at the saloon and typically it has about 200 motorcycles on that ride and unfortunately today's ride only had about 30 because it was raining pretty hard in Laconia.
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So we had two days that were down, two days that were up.
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Today's, another day that's down, and tomorrow we're going to do our best at making it all up.
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But there's one thing I've learned about Laconia week is at the tail end, the second half, the end of bike week, is always your busiest, always your best, and that's going to lead into the events that I have to host this week, which makes it a bit of a challenge because you're trying to run your booth, you have to ask for help, you have to recruit some volunteers that are looking to come over and support and make things happen.
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So there's only a few trusted advisors and family members that we have asked to do those things in the past.
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Hopefully they're willing to do that again and we can kind of maximize on things and make things happen, because I really don't want to be closed because that's going to have a real major impact on things.
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But because of the downtime that we've had this week, it's really left me analyzing our schedule, looking over our calendar and really asking a whole series of questions about current schedule, current decisions, relationships, whether they're servicing me anymore or if I am merely servicing somebody else and their own specific interests.
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And that's really where we're going to be headed today.
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It's a difficult and unfortunate conversation, but we're going to go down that road today about whether we feel like we are being used, whether you feel like you have a relationship where you were being used or you were being taken advantage of.
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How do we identify some of those things and how do we move past them.
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That's really the bulk, the heavy lifting that we want to accomplish today.
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But before we get into some of the depressing stuff, the difficult stuff and as we end our conversation of this week's Laconia Bike Week and how things really aren't stacking up, I want to share some highlights.
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I want to share a few highlights and a couple of awesome things happened to me this week.
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One of those things is a young man named Owen who actually works at Bentley Saloon.
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He came in all happy and excited and proud, as a peacock to tour the display and buy something new.
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He always buys something from us when he sees us at the saloon and he said to me oh, I wanted to show you something.
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And he pulls up his shirt and right there across his whole forearm is one of our designs.
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He tattooed our faith, family, freedom design that we've put on our long sleeve t-shirts that I designed by myself.
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I designed, learned the ropes and went through and made things happen One of my very furthest designs, actually using railroad ties to kind of spell out the Fs, to kind of mimic a cross, so to speak.
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So the Faith, family, freedom design he literally has tattooed on his forearm.
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And he said my next tattoo over the winter is going to be the back of that shirt and with the whole cross and the whole mission, which is incredible to me.
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I mean, that tattoo literally says Loud, proud, american in it.
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You know you're going to tattoo our brand, our mission and our reason right on you.
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To me, unbelievable.
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In five years, this is the third person to have one of our designs either inspire or be the actual tattoo on their body.
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That's a lifetime commitment being made because they love our design, they love our artwork, they love our mission.
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That right there, for a dude that had no clue how to design a stick figure five years ago, is absolutely amazing to me.
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I can't even believe it.
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I, um, man, it's.
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It's a wild feeling to see and and to think man, I, I'm not an artist, I'm not a tattoo artist, I don't do this for a living.
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So it's just crazy to see that and to know that there's more behind just the image.
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It's the message, it's the meaning and that's what gets me.
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So it just really proves to me that we're in this for the right reason and, if we just continue to stay the course, that everything's going to be okay and, as we've been saying over the past few weeks, just put it in God's hands and let it happen.
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So that's what we're going to do.
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The next thing that I want to share with you happened to me today.
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Actually, I had a fella come into the tent today and he went right to the back looking for something and ironically, it's a Faith, family Freedom Design, not the one that I just referenced, but one of the ones that I've actually made for a lady's shirt, and it's for a lady's raglan sweatshirt.
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And he man, I just saw one of these in the bar and I went up to the lady and I said that is a badass shirt.
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I love that shirt.
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Where did you get it?
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And she said you can get them right in the parking lot.
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And he said I couldn't believe it.
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I came out here, I ran into your tent to check things out and like where did you get that?
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Did you make that?
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And I I said you know I did.
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And he's like this is your company.
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And I told him and he immediately came over and shook my hand and said you know, my name is Mike.
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I wanted to meet you like this, this is amazing.
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And he asked me about our mission, our story.
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He wanted to know more about the brand and he said I got to support you.
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And he grabbed the t-shirt off the rack that he loved and he was cashing out with it.
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And then he grabbed a koozie.
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So he grabbed the t-shirt and the koozie and I was ringing him up and I said to him, like you know, $31 for tax.
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And he stopped, picked his head up, he looked at me and he said what did you say?
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And I was like, oh man, I just gotta think I'm too expensive here.
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And he said what did you say to me?
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And I said $31 and whatever tax Maine has tax.
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He's like that's it, that's all it is.
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And I said yeah, and he's like, oh my God, that's too cheap, I got to get something else.
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And he goes over and he grabs a hat off the rack and says I want to support you.
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I got to buy something else and the stuff's American made.
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I can't believe that.
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I got a hat, a koozie and a t-shirt for, you know, 60 bucks or whatever it is now with tax.
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You couldn't believe it.
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And I said man, that's a, that's a tariff free price guaranteed right there, when everybody's raising prices, I mean we, we had our prices higher before, but we don't pay tariffs.
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That's the beauty of buying American made and I wanted to extend the savings to you.
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You just couldn't believe it and we spent some time just kind of swapping stories and then he went on his merry way.
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And it's those back to back experiences, you know, when you think about Owen getting a tattoo, this customer Mike that I never met before, coming in and supporting the mission and being excited about the designs and blown away by the pricing to Doug cramming 58 straight hours of Shaila's Fargo podcast, there is no negativity out there that can tell me we're not doing the right thing.
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There's no negativity out there that can derail me from the road that we are on.
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Yes, there are bumps, there are peaks can derail me from the road that we are on.
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Yes, there are bumps, there are peaks, there are valleys, but the truth is there is beauty on the other side of struggle and I do know that we will have fine triumph and victory, and soon it shall be.
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I just know it to be true.
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Gotcha Alright, alright, episode 258.
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And y'all know I'm feeling great.
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I have to be feeling great after the little positive tidbits that I got to share with y'all and I'm thankful about those little positive stories to drop on today's show because, I'm going to be honest with y'all, I've been battling some self-doubt, some indecision, I've been questioning certain decisions, I've been thinking about relationships and all these different things, and it's been a tough week.
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Y'all, it has been a tough week and, as always, my wife has been by my side, supporting me and asking poignant questions of me to really get me to ponder, to get me to think, to get me to question my true feelings and to make moves.
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And I really think that's all you can hope for in a partner is someone that not only supports you but doesn't just yes you to death.
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They're going to offer their opinion and they're going to provoke you into some thought and also, based off of our conversations and how we do things around here, after nearly five years of a podcast, she has the ability to use some of my own weapons against me and you know saying to me that when it comes a time when a relationship is no longer servicing you, then maybe it shouldn't be there for you anymore.
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And over the past few weeks we've talked about cutting negativity and all that it can do for you and the positive impact that it has on you, but the truth is.
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There's things that we do, there's decisions that we make, there's relationships that we've made that we don't always deem as negative.
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But there comes a time when certain things happen and certain things start to reveal themselves to you.
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And then, all of a sudden, you start to see a trend or you start to identify a pattern.
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And if you start to trace that pattern backwards, you can start to really find some history there and realize, wow, this person or this situation or this relationship or this decision over the past few years has really changed and I'm no longer being treated the way I once was.
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I'm no longer, you know, being appreciated the way that I once was.
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And then, as you start to trace these little seeds of doubt and you start to seek out the truth, you realize, man, this has actually been causing me a great deal of stress and frustration.
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And as you start to peel back the onion a little bit more, you start to ask yourself is the stress and frustration worth it if what I'm getting in return pairs in comparison to what the significant other is getting, whether that's someone in your relationship, if it's a co-worker, if it's a boss, if it's a business relationship, a friendship, whatever it is?
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When you start to think, man, what they're getting from this versus what I'm getting for this?
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And I'm not saying that we have to enter all relationships and all decisions based off of trying to get something for yourself, but when you start to have a track record of benefiting somebody else, year after year after year, to then see the things that they once did for you be taken away from you, to then see the things they used to appreciate you for now being things that they just really expect of you.
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And that's a tough thing, right.
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So there's these relationships, there's these decisions, there's these situations that we have in our lives, that we don't necessarily deem them as negative, but there comes a time when they show their face to you and you say, wow, I didn't realize how much stress this was bringing on me.
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I didn't realize how much this was weighing on me.
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Over the past week, things have been slower than I wanted them to be, but I've made commitments to being where I am.
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I've made commitments to doing what I need to do.
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I'm fulfilling my obligations.
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And as I sit around and I just scour over numbers and I'm looking at finances and I'm thinking about things, and then you start to observe all things going on around you and you just feel unappreciated and you just begin to realize, wow, that was taken for me, this was taken for me.
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This no longer exists for me and you start thinking I do this for you.
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I still do that for you.
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It's a hard pill to swallow and when it comes down to somebody in your life no longer communicating directly with you unless they need something from you, when it comes down to somebody in your life who's always been a phone call, a text message, a handshake and a hug away, now hides behind a chain of emails and a chain of command that you have to follow.
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It's not the same relationship, right?
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And I've experienced that and it's been a hard thing for me to accept, it's been a hard thing for me to process, and I've brought it to my wife and we've gone over this and I've prayed over this and I'm about to make some decisions that I don't want to do, but I have to, because a relationship that I once entered into, that started as a great friendship, that turned into an amazing business relationship and partnership, no longer is the same thing and there was a time in my life when I was able to provide a much greater benefit to this relationship.
00:22:36.509 --> 00:22:47.871
And I'm being vague over these things, people, because I'm not trying to alienate anybody, I'm not trying to single out a new one, I'm not trying to stir the pot and cause a shit show or fire up a gossip mill.
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That's not what I'm here to do.
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But I'm saying this because I want this to be a learning lesson for all of us.
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We are called Share the Struggle because we share our struggles and we learn from them, we grow from them.
00:23:00.336 --> 00:23:17.614
And my wife was just expressing to each and one of you guys the benefit of cutting negativity, and we've gone over that and how that, you know, allowed her to open herself up to new, bigger, beautiful things, like a new career opportunity and all these great things that are happening for her.
00:23:17.614 --> 00:23:39.451
And I'm here pushing and preaching and pulling her along, all by her side, and encouraging all those things, when ultimately, there's a very close relationship to me that has become negative, that has become a source of anxiety, and I was immune to it.
00:23:39.451 --> 00:23:47.325
I didn't realize it, I didn't acknowledge it and I've done my best to distance myself from some of it, but I can't cut the cord.
00:23:47.325 --> 00:23:55.327
I just can't because I feel obligated, I feel that I'm turning my back on a great friendship.
00:23:55.327 --> 00:24:21.095
But is it a great friendship when they show themselves to be taking a great advantage of you and no longer appreciating you because there now you don't have the ability to do as much, so they're not willing to do as much in return?
00:24:21.095 --> 00:24:26.758
That doesn't sound to me like a wholesome, healthy relationship.
00:24:26.758 --> 00:24:31.977
That sounds like a give-give, like I'm going to give this if you give that.
00:24:31.977 --> 00:24:34.311
That's a barter situation.
00:24:34.311 --> 00:24:36.106
That's not a relationship.
00:24:36.106 --> 00:24:44.425
And my business is in a situation or in a position where there's certain things that I depend on.
00:24:44.425 --> 00:25:06.431
And this is a relationship that I depend on because I've always thought that it was a mutual relationship where it's beneficial for each other, like we help each other and this relationship helps keep me in business and it has done tremendous things for me.
00:25:06.431 --> 00:25:11.429
But there comes a time when you realize is that being held over your head?
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Is that being used to keep you on a line to do what somebody needs you to do to benefit them?
00:25:19.530 --> 00:25:35.828
I know I'm being vague here, but I think there's things for everybody to relate to Whether it's a business relationship that no longer is benefiting somebody as much as it once did, so they're not willing to show you the same benefits they once did.
00:25:35.828 --> 00:25:53.008
Whether it's a boss that you know you used to do extra work for that now they're getting credit for you know whether it's a significant other that you know you're doing all the things around the house and you're doing all these things and they're not appreciating you, they're not helping you.
00:25:53.008 --> 00:25:56.217
You know whether it's a situation where you house and you're doing all these things and they're not appreciating you, they're not helping you.
00:25:56.217 --> 00:26:03.212
Whether it's a situation where you're providing all the financial security to the family but you're not getting X for it.
00:26:03.212 --> 00:26:05.877
You're not getting anything else right.
00:26:05.877 --> 00:26:11.963
You're providing all the finances and you're expected to do all the cleaning and everything else.
00:26:11.963 --> 00:26:12.307
I don't know.
00:26:12.307 --> 00:26:14.385
I'm trying to create different things here.
00:26:14.385 --> 00:26:18.676
There's relationships in your life that maybe at one point they weren't negative.
00:26:18.676 --> 00:26:24.429
Maybe at one point they're extremely beneficial for each other, but over the course of time, throughout the years, they become negative.
00:26:24.429 --> 00:26:26.855
They become a one-way street.
00:26:26.855 --> 00:26:53.537
You need to take some of these relationships in your life and start to ask yourself a series of questions to determine whether they are taking advantage of you, because when you begin to feel like you're being taken advantage of, it's important to acknowledge and address your feelings and this week I've been acknowledging, I've been addressing and I've been praying over my feelings Because it can lead to negative consequences in various aspects of your life.
00:26:53.537 --> 00:26:59.017
Recognize the signs that you're being used and begin to communicate your boundaries.
00:26:59.017 --> 00:27:04.136
Potentially, you can seek support from trusted individuals and professionals.
00:27:04.136 --> 00:27:21.700
I have confided in my wife and my mother and had these conversations and then recently, over the past couple of days, I've had conversations with other close, trusted people that are in the same circle, that deal with the same situations, kind of bouncing things off as a sounding board.
00:27:21.700 --> 00:27:33.538
So I'm going to outline some actionable items for any of you that's beginning to feel like you're being taken advantage of, and we're going to have some things that we can ask ourselves and some things we can do to help move ourselves from the situation.
00:27:33.538 --> 00:27:36.263
First off, from the situation.
00:27:36.263 --> 00:27:40.647
First off, recognize the signs.
00:27:40.647 --> 00:27:42.251
I know I was being vague here, but I was outlining some of the.
00:27:42.251 --> 00:27:53.818
You know the symptoms, some of the quick signs here when you are beginning to feel undervalued or underappreciated, when you start to see a lack of respect or recognition or gratitude for your efforts.
00:27:53.818 --> 00:27:58.695
For me, I'm only appreciated when I'm needed.
00:27:58.695 --> 00:28:02.931
I'm a side cast, I'm an outcast, I'm put to the back of the room.
00:28:02.931 --> 00:28:14.750
Unless you need me to save the day, unless you need me to bring a crowd, unless you need me to make you money, then I'm appreciated, then I'm the greatest.
00:28:14.750 --> 00:28:21.037
You understand what I'm saying Feeling undervalued or underappreciated.
00:28:21.037 --> 00:28:29.374
When you're asking yourself about the relationships, the moment you start to feel that way, you need to ask yourself is it a lack of respect, recognition or gratitude?
00:28:29.374 --> 00:28:47.266
The next one, on one-sided relationships Like we're talking about just now when things begin to feel on one-sided relationships like we're talking about just now, when things begin to feel more one-sided, when you constantly give more than you receive or someone constantly asks for your favor without reciprocation, it can be a sign of being taken advantage of.
00:28:47.266 --> 00:28:56.299
For me, with business relationships, I find myself in a situation sometimes where I'm the type of business that we're seasonal.
00:28:56.299 --> 00:29:11.278
So in the summertime we're out there, we're making money, we're meeting people, we're putting our product in the hands of new people, we're connecting with valued customers and friendships and we're making money.
00:29:11.278 --> 00:29:15.134
We're out there, we're face-to-face relationship, sales Over the run of time.
00:29:15.134 --> 00:29:21.393
I don't have as much of that, so we rely on custom orders and business products and for me.
00:29:21.393 --> 00:29:45.512
I feel like there's some businesses that they know I rely on that winter finance to stay in business and I'm realizing that in certain ways I'm being taken advantage of because people say to themselves if I give him this amount of work in the wintertime, I know I can call on him for this, this and this when I need him.
00:29:45.512 --> 00:29:48.165
And that really shouldn't be how this works.
00:29:48.165 --> 00:30:02.976
You should be doing business with me in the wintertime because it fits my schedule, that's when I'm allowed to do it and you value my product, my mission and me as a friend, not because you know that you're going to ask me to do this, this and this.
00:30:02.976 --> 00:30:04.190
That's not how this should work.
00:30:04.190 --> 00:30:11.876
Emotional manipulation this can include being guilt-tripped, blamed or having your feelings disregarded.
00:30:11.876 --> 00:30:25.249
For me, a lot of it is just being dismissed right, and this one is massive for me when you take the time to sit with me and ask me what do you want?